ISACA
Chicago Chapter
December 8, 2011
Emotional Intelligence:
Just What Is It and Do I Have It?
Presented by:
Julie M. Kowalski
Of
Spizzerinctum Group LLC
Spizzerinctum@wi.rr.com
262-993-4883
Emotional Intelligence

Ever since the publication of Daniel Goleman’s first
book on the topic in 1995, emotional intelligence has
become one of the hottest buzzwords in corporate
America

When psychologists began to write and think about
intelligence, they focused on cognitive aspects, such as
memory and problem-solving

However, there were researchers who recognized
early on that the non-cognitive aspects were also
important
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2
Just What Is Emotional
Intelligence?
A new yardstick!
How well we handle ourselves and each
other!
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3
Just What Is Emotional
Intelligence?
The Business Case for Emotional Intelligence:
 Competency research in over 200 companies and organizations worldwide suggests that
about one-third of performance difference (Top versus bottom performer) is due to technical
skill and cognitive ability while two-thirds is due to emotional competence.
(Hunter,
Schmidt, & Judiesch, 1990
 Research by the Center for Creative Leadership has found that the primary causes of
derailment in executives involve deficits in emotional competence. The three primary ones are
difficulty in handling change, not being able to work well in a team, and poor interpersonal
relations.
 At L’Oreal, sales agents selected on the basis of certain emotional competencies significantly
outsold salespeople selected using the company’s old selection procedure. On an annual basis,
salespeople selected on the basis of emotional competence sold $91,370 more than other
salespeople did, for a net revenue increase of $2,558,360.
(Spencer& Spencer, 1993; Spencer, McClelland, & Kelner, 1997).
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Emotional Intelligence
So exactly what is EI?
Emotional Intelligence is:
“A self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the
emotions of one’s self, of others and of groups” Wikipedia
“The aggregate or global capacity of the individual to act
purposefully, to think rationally, and to deal effectively with
his / her environment” David Wechsler
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Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence is: - Continued




“Non-intellective” as well as “intellective” elements; affective,
personal, and social factors
Ability to persist in the face of difficulty
Ability to get along well with colleagues and subordinates
Causal attribution people make when confronted with failure or
setbacks

Optimists tend to make specific, temporary, external causal attributions while
pessimists make global, permanent, internal attributions
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Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence is: - Continued

The ability to manage feelings and handle stress



Emotional intelligence has as much to do with knowing when and how to
express emotion as it does with controlling it.
Emotional intelligence is NOT fixed at birth, it can be nurtured and
strengthened throughout adulthood
The ability to be sincerely empathetic




Listen
Really understand what others want
Really understand others concerns
The ability to recognize accurately what another person is feeling
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Emotional Intelligence
What Emotional Intelligence is NOT:

“Letting it all hang out”

Being nice
Telling everyone when you’re angry with them or blaming
them for making you angry
Being “emotional”
Group hugs
Making everyone happy




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Emotional Intelligence
Miss-conceptions about emotional intelligence!




Women have a naturally higher level of emotional
intelligence than men
Our level of emotional intelligence is fixed genetically
A person who is more “emotional” has a higher level of
emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence develops early in childhood
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Emotional Intelligence
How can a high level of EI help me?







Build strong relationships with boss, co-workers, vendors,
stakeholders
Anticipate and avoid emotional breakdowns
Deal with difficult team members and manage conflict
effectively
Leverage emotional information to make better decisions
Communicate more effectively
Create a positive work environment and high team morale
Inspire & motivate
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Emotional Intelligence
EI Competencies
Leadership (5)
Communications
Conflict management
Inspirational Leadership
Social Awareness (3)
Relationship management( 4)
Empathy
Organizational awareness
Seeing others clearly
Emotional boundaries
Stake holder relationship
Developing others
Telling the truth
Self Awareness (1)
Self Management (2)
Emotional self awareness
Accurate self assessment
Self confidence
Self control
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Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence Quick Assessment – Institute for Health and Human Potential
Strongly
Disagree
Disagree
Neither
agree
nor
disagree
Agree
Strongly
Agree
I stay relaxed and composed under pressure.
I can identify negative feelings without becoming
distressed.
I stay focused (not lost in unimportant details or
procrastination) in getting a job done.
I freely admit to making mistakes.
I am sensitive to other people's emotions and
moods.
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Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence Quick Assessment – Institute for Health and Human Potential
Strongly
Disagree
Disagree
Neither
agree
nor
disagree
Agree
Strongly
Agree
I can receive feedback or criticism without
becoming defensive.
I calm myself quickly when I get angry or upset.
I communicate my needs and feelings honestly.
I can pull myself together quickly after a setback.
I am aware of how my behavior impacts others.
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Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence Quick Assessment – Institute for Health and Human Potential
Strongly
Disagree
Disagree
Neither
agree
nor
disagree
Agree
Strongly
Agree
I pay attention & listen without jumping to
conclusions.
I take regular time out (once a month/quarter) to
reflect on my core purpose and vision for how I
want to live my life.
I find about 10% of my job more difficult than the
rest of everything I do.
I avoid about 10% of my job because I find it
difficult.
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Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence Quick Assessment – Institute for Health and Human Potential
Strongly
Disagree
Disagree
Neither
agree
nor
disagree
Agree
Strongly
Agree
If I didn’t have to do about 10% of my job, I
would really enjoy my job
While I might not enjoy doing the more difficult
parts of my job (approximately 10%), when I
finish I feel proud and more confident
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Self Awareness
The first building block of EI




Focus is on what you are feeling NOW
Consider your heart rate, feeling of hot or cold, muscle tightness, eyes, breathing, stature,
jaw
Identify emotional red flags: inappropriate humor, use of sarcasm, passive aggressive
behavior, procrastination, stubbornness, playing the victim, hostility
Complete an Accurate Self-Assessment






Aware of strengths and weaknesses, reflective, learning from experience
Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning and self development
Able to show a sense of humor and perspective about themselves
Presents self with self assurance
Can voice views that are unpopular and go out on a limb for what is right
Is decisive, able to make sound decisions despite uncertainties and pressures
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Self Awareness
The first building block of EI Continued
Ways to improve your Self-Awareness
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Track your emotions with a tally sheet
Figure out your comfort level with conflict – healthy or
unhealthy?
Track other’s emotions with a tally sheet
Check your face in the mirror as well as other non verbal's
Backtrack in time
Use quiet time
Read / learn more about EI
Focus on EI
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Self-Management

Self control is the ability to remain composed in spite of our emotional state

Ability to exercise control over both negative and positive emotions

Avoid emotional breakdowns
 Angry tirades
 Door slamming
 Email letter bomb
 Withdrawal
 Holding grudges / getting even
 Criticizing
 Sarcasm / inappropriate humor
 Playing the victim
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Self-Management
Ways to improve your Self-Management
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable / take on the moods and attitudes of others
Don’t predict negative outcomes or events in the future
Don’t dwell or become fixated on one particular thought, remark, event, injury or outcome
Don’t try NOT to think about it
Identify and deal appropriately with your hot buttons / hot words
Identify when you are taking things personally
Identify when you are “Perceiving” negative outcomes, criticism, or blame
Identify if there are “things” in your environment that are making your vulnerable
Stop participating in “stinking thinking” (should statements, negativity, always, never,
jumping to conclusions, blame)
Participate in DO-OVERS!
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Social-Awareness
Empathy (the ability to understand and relate to the emotions of others) is one of the most
important competencies of social awareness
- The ability of read the spoken and unspoken thoughts and feelings of others
- The ability to appreciate the thoughts and feelings of others and why they have them
- Capacity to respect and value people who have different thoughts / ideas / backgrounds / cultures
As Humans we are naturally selfish and self-oriented. It is unnatural to think of others first.
Thus we have to PRACTICE listening without judgment and thinking that others may
know more than us or have a better idea than us!
- Let others speak
- Maintain eye contact
- Give the speaker your full attention (no multi-tasking)
- Playback and summarize
- Orient yourself to how you would feel if you experienced what they are experiencing
- Suspend Judgment!
- Remove filters / biases
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Social-Awareness -Continued
Emotional Boundaries
Emotional Boundaries are where one person’s emotions leave
off and another’s begin.
We need to be responsible for our own emotions and let
others be responsible for theirs!
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Social-Awareness -Continued
Warning signs of Individuals with emotional boundary issues
1.
Taking on the moods and feelings of others (trying to “fix”
others)
2.
Sacrificing self to please others
3.
Not being able to say no and then feeling victimized
4.
Unable to express their own wants and needs
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Social-Awareness -Continued
Best way to improve social awareness and keep clear
boundaries is to communicate with feeling words!
“When you ……” (some behavior or action)
“I feel …..” (an emotion, such as sad or angry)
“Because …..” (the reason)
“I want…..” (state what you want in the future)
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23
Social Awareness
Ways to improve your Social-Awareness
•
•
•
•
•
•
Improve your empathetic listening skills by letting others speak
without helping them, maintaining eye contact, orienting your
responses to emotions, suspending your agenda while listening
Track emotions during meetings
Identify emotional red flags in others
Track your own emotions
Explore and learn about people. Be open to the possibility of being
influenced!
Assess yourself and ask for feedback from others
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24
Relationship Management
Using our emotional understanding of others to build relationships with them!
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Relationship Management Competencies
Inspiration
Influence
Being trustworthy
Developing others
Change catalyst
Conflict management
Teamwork and collaboration
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25
Team Leadership
A big part of your day will be spent proactively
communicating!
Essential steps to intentional communications

Determine your objective

Understand your own emotions

Think of what the other person may be doing / feeling when they
receive the message from you and determine if that would be the
best time for them to receive it!

Choose the right time, place and media

Share your own emotions when appropriate
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Team Leadership
Conflict Management








Expect conflict
Be open to and take on conflict directly (talk about it)
Refrain from shooting the messenger
Add a block of time for “open rant” and resolution
Roll out standards of conduct
Include the common belief that cooperation is better than
competition in your standards of conduct
Provide lots of feedback
Let people decide how to resolve – your role is to provide
options!
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27
Emotional Intelligence
EI Competencies
Team Leadership (5)
Communications
Conflict Management
Inspirational Leadership
Social Awareness (3)
Relationship management( 4)
Empathy
Organizational awareness
Seeing others clearly
Emotional boundaries
Stake holder relationship
Developing others
Telling the truth
Self Awareness (1)
Self Management (2)
Emotional self awareness
Accurate self assessment
Self Confidence
Self Control
Spizzerinctum Group 262-993-4883
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28
Emotional Intelligence
Improving Your Emotional Intelligence

Observe how you react to people
Do you rush to judge?
Do you stereotype?
Do you like to listen or do you like to do more talking?
Do you always have the answers?
•
•
•
•
Look at your work environment

Do you seek attention and accolades for your accomplishments?
Are you surrounded by negative comics etc.
Do people want to spend time with you?
•
•
•

Are you self aware?




Do you know your strengths and limits?
Do you admit your weaknesses or try to hide them?
How do you react to “bad news”?
Do you take responsibility for your actions, if you hurt someone’s feelings do you apologize?
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Emotional Intelligence
Improving Your Emotional Intelligence
Remember no matter what the situation is, you’re always free to choose how you react to it!
STOP
EVALUATE





Ask why you feel the way you do
Think of ONE positive thing about the situation
Remember the last time you felt the same way, what did you do, what was the outcome?
Remove yourself from the situation
Spend 3 minutes coming up with 3 potential solutions
ACT
Do what is right, not necessarily what you want to do!
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The Four Primary Communication Styles
Style 1 – The Action/Driver/Director style
– What needs to be done?
Results / Objectives
Achieving / Doing
Style 2 – The Process/Analytical/Reflective style
– How do we do it?
Strategies
Organization / Facts
Style 3 – The People/Amiable/Relater style
– Who will do it?
Communication
Relationships / Teamwork
Style 4 – The Idea/Expressive/Socializer style
– Why will we do it?
Concepts / Theories
Innovation
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Communication Styles: Self-Assessment
Instructions: Please select from each pair of attributes the one which is most typical of your personality.
No pair is an either-or proposal. Make your choice spontaneously. There are no wrong answer. If you absolutely can
not decide score each one .5.
1. I like action.
2. I deal with problems in a systematic way.
3. I believe that teams are more effective than individuals.
4. I enjoy innovation very much.
5. I am more interested in the future than in the past.
6. I enjoy working with people.
7. I like to attend well-organized group meetings.
8. Deadlines are important for me.
9. I cannot stand procrastination.
10. I believe new ways have to be tested before being
used.
11. I enjoy the stimulation of interaction with others.
12. I am always looking for new possibilities.
13. I want to set up my own objectives.
14. When I start something, I go through until the end.
15. I basically try to understand other people’s emotions.
16. I do challenge people around me.
17. I look forward to receiving feedback on my
performance.
18. I find the step-by-step approach very effective.
19. I think I am good at reading people.
20. I like creative problem solving.
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Communication Styles: Self-Assessment
Continued
21. I extrapolate and project all the time.
22. I am sensitive to others’ needs.
23. Planning is the key to success.
24. I become impatient with long deliberations.
25. I am cool under pressure.
26. I value experience very much.
27. I listen to people.
28. People say that I am a fast thinker.
29. Cooperation is a key word for me.
30. I use logical methods to test alternatives.
31. I like to handle several projects at the same time.
32. I always question myself.
33. I learn by doing.
34. I believe that my head rules my heart.
35. I can predict how others may react to a certain action.
36. I do not like details.
37. Analysis should always precede action.
38. I am able to assess the climate of a group.
39. I have a tendency to start things and not finish them.
40. I perceive myself as decisive.
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Communication Styles: Self-Assessment Continued
41. I search for challenging tasks.
42. I rely on observation and data.
43. I can express my feelings openly.
44. I like to design new projects.
45. I enjoy reading very much.
46. I perceive myself as a facilitator.
47. I like to focus on one issue at a time.
48. I like to achieve.
49. I enjoy learning about others.
50. I like variety.
51. Facts speak for themselves.
52. I use my imagination as much as possible.
53. I am impatient with long, slow assignments.
54. My mind never stops working.
55. Key decisions have to be made in a cautious way.
56. I strongly believe that people need each other to
get work done.
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57. I usually make decisions without thinking too much.
58. Emotions create problems.
34
Communication Styles: Self-Assessment Continued
61. I try out my new ideas on people.
62. I believe in the scientific approach.
63. I like to get things done.
64. Good relationships are essential.
65. I am impulsive.
66. I accept differences in people.
67. Communicating with people is an end in itself.
68. I like to be intellectually stimulated.
69. I like to organize.
70. I usually jump from one task to another.
71. Talking and working with people is a creative art.
72. Self-actualization is a key word for me.
73. I enjoy playing with ideas.
74. I dislike wasting my time.
75. I enjoy doing what I am good at.
76. I learn by interacting with others.
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77. I find abstractions interesting and enjoyable.
78. I am patient with details.
35
Communication
Styles Assessment Scoring
Circle the items you have selected and add up the totals for each style (one point per answer). The
maximum is 20 per style and your total for the four styles should be 40.
Style
Circle your answer
Total Score
Style 1
1 - 8 - 9 - 13 - 17 - 24 - 26 - 31 - 33 - 40 - 41 48 - 50 - 53 - 57 - 63 - 65 - 70 - 74 - 79
________
Style 2
2 - 7 - 10 - 14 - 18 - 23 - 25 - 30 - 34 - 37 - 42 47 - 51 - 55 - 58 - 62 - 66 - 69 - 75 - 78
________
Style 3
3 - 6 - 11 - 15 - 19 - 22 - 27 - 29 - 35 - 38 - 43 46 - 49 - 56 - 59 - 64 - 67 - 71 - 76 - 80
________
Style 4
4 - 5 - 12 - 16 - 20 - 21 - 28 - 32 - 36 - 39 - 44 45 - 52 - 54 - 60 - 61 - 68 - 72 - 73 – 77
________
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36
Communication style Descriptors
Action, Driver,
Director
Process,
Analytical,
Reflective
People, Amiable,
Relator
Idea, Expressive,
Socializer
Appearance
Business like, formal
Formal conservative
Fashionable, stylish
Casual, conforming
Visual Clues
Firm handshake,
steady eye contact
Few facial expressions
/ gestures
Animated facial and
hand body movements
Intermittent eye
contact, gentle
handshake
Verbal clues
Tells more than asks
Focused, task and fact
oriented
Tells stories, shares
personal feelings
Asks more than tells
How to Recognize
They like their own
way; decisive & strong
viewpoints.
They seek a lot of data,
ask lots of questions,
are methodically &
systematic.
They like positive
attention, to be helpful
& to be regarded
warmly.
They get excited.
Tends to Be
Direct (to the point),
Pragmatic (Down to
earth)
Impatient
Energetic (challenges
others)
Spontaneous
Empathetic
Warm
Subjective
Emotional
Perceptive
Sensitive
Imaginative
Charismatic
Difficult to follow
Ego-centered
Unrealistic
Creative
Full of ideas
Provocative
Systematic (step-bystep)
Logical (Cause &
Effect)
Cautious
Patient
Unemotional
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37
Communication style Descriptors
Action, Driver,
Director
Process, Analytical,
Reflective
People, Amiable,
Relator
Idea, Expressive,
Socializer
Irritations
Inefficiency,
indecision
Disorganized,
unpredictable
Routine, perfectionism
Insensitivity, impatience
Dislikes
Someone wasting
their time or trying
to decide for them
Making an error, being
unprepared, spontaneity
Rejection, treated
impersonally, uncaring &
unfeeling attitudes.
Explanations wasting time
with too many facts
Reacts to Pressure
and Tension By
Taking charge
taking more control.
Seeking more data &
information.
Becoming silent,
withdraws, introspective.
"Selling" their ideas or
argumentative.
Strengths
Leadership,
juggling
Planning, organizing
Persuading, motivating
Listening, teamwork
Weaknesses
Impatient,
insensitive to
others, poor
listener
Perfectionist, critical,
unresponsive
Inattentive to detail,
short attention span,
poor follow through
Oversensitive, slow to
begin action, poor at goal
setting
Best way to Deal
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Let them be in
Provide lots of data &
38
Be supportive; show you
Get excited with them.
THANK YOU
Thank YOU for allowing me the privilege of spending this time with you!
It has certainly been my pleasure!
Please do not hesitate to call me if I can be of assistance to you, your
company, or other professional associations to which you belong.
I would be honored to talk to you. I am always willing to brainstorm,
learn and share with others!
Spizzerinctum Group LLC
Energy Enthusiasm Success
Julie Kowalski
262-993-4883
Spizzerinctum@wi.rr.com
Spizzerinctum Group 262-993-4883
spizzerinctum@wi.rr.com
39