Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Weekly Quiz:
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. She doesn’t take compliments well.
B. She doesn’t take complements well.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. She doesn’t take compliments well.
B. She doesn’t take complements well.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. He’s not rational at that time of the day.
B. He’s not rationale at that time of the day.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. He’s not rational at that time of the day.
B. He’s not rationale at that time of the day.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Her rationale was that the drugs would help
alleviate the pain.
B. Her rational was that the drugs would help
alleviate the pain.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Her rationale was that the drugs would
help alleviate the pain.
B. Her rational was that the drugs would help
alleviate the pain.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. We worked on localizing proteins in the cell
from their phylogenetic profiles.
B. We worked on locating proteins in the cell
from their phylogenetic profiles.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. We worked on localizing proteins in the cell
from their phylogenetic profiles.
B. We worked on locating proteins in the cell
from their phylogenetic profiles.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. That action violated her principles.
B. That action violated her principals.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. That action violated her principles.
B. That action violated her principals.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Cream and chocolate comprise chocolate
sauce.
B. Cream and chocolate compose chocolate
sauce.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Cream and chocolate comprise chocolate
sauce.
B. Cream and chocolate compose chocolate
sauce.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. The dessert was comprised of cream and
chocolate.
B. The dessert was composed of cream and
chocolate.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. The dessert was comprised of cream and
chocolate.
B. The dessert was composed of cream and
chocolate.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Chocolate sauce composes cream and
chocolate.
B. Chocolate sauce comprises cream and
chocolate.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Chocolate sauce composes cream and
chocolate.
B. Chocolate sauce comprises cream and
chocolate.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Cream and chocolate are comprised in
chocolate sauce.
B. Cream and chocolate are composed of
chocolate sauce.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Cream and chocolate are comprised in
chocolate sauce.
B. Cream and chocolate are composed of
chocolate sauce.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. She accepted the compliment without a word.
B. She accepted the complement without a word.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. She accepted the compliment without a
word.
B. She accepted the complement without a word.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. The sequencing of the human genome has
been compared to a schoolyard brawl.
B. The sequencing of the human genome has
been compared with a schoolyard brawl.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. The sequencing of the human genome has
been compared to a schoolyard brawl.
B. The sequencing of the human genome has
been compared with a schoolyard brawl.
.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. You should take some ice cream; it’s
complimentary.
B. You should take some ice cream; it’s
complementary.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. You should take some ice cream; it’s
complimentary.
B. You should take some ice cream; it’s
complementary.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. The 20-pound weight loss helped his selfconfidence.
B. The 20 pound weight loss helped his selfconfidence.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. The 20-pound weight loss helped his selfconfidence.
B. The 20 pound weight loss helped his selfconfidence.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. He was very complimentary of your work.
B. He was very complementary of your work.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. He was very complimentary of your work.
B. He was very complementary of your work.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Red and green are complementary colors.
B. Red and green are complimentary colors.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Red and green are complementary colors.
B. Red and green are complimentary colors.
--Complementary colors are located
directly across from each other
on the color wheel.
--Complementary pairs contrast
because they share no common
colors.
(For example, red and green are
complements, because green is
made of blue and yellow.)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Each person is responsible for their grade.
B. Each person is responsible for his grade.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A. Each person is responsible for their grade.
B. Each person is responsible for his grade.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Meanings may differ based on S-V agreement re:
number:
ORIGINAL:
Public trust in the peer review process and the credibility of
published articles depend in part on how well conflict
of interest is handled during writing, peer review, and
editorial decision making.
OR?:
Public trust in the peer review process and the credibility of
published articles depends in part on how well conflict
of interest is handled during writing, peer review, and
editorial decision making.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
ORIGINAL: A + B  verb plural
(Public trust in the peer review process) and (the credibility
of published articles) depend in part on how well
conflict of interest is handled during writing, peer
review, and editorial decision making.
OR?: Subject (clause item A + B)  verb singular
Public trust in (the peer review process and the credibility
of published articles) depends in part on how well
conflict of interest is handled during writing, peer
review, and editorial decision making.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A serious problem in large-scale trials that
[require/requires] the investment of
tremendous resources, financial and
otherwise, and [take/takes] years to complete
[are/is] that their interpretation is often clouded
by a problem in design or methodology that
may not have been appreciated at an early
stage of the study.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A serious problem* in large-scale trials [that
require the investment of tremendous
resources, financial and otherwise, and take
years to complete] is* that their interpretation
is often clouded by a problem in design or
methodology that may not have been
appreciated at an early stage of the study.


PROBLEM is
TRIALS require, take
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
1. The recent identification of high concentrations of
aged urban pollutant haze in the Arctic Basin
suggests the possibility of climate modification
through the interaction of the haze with solar
radiation. The presence of the absorbing aerosol layer
over a high-albedo surface will lead to an
enhancement in the absorption of solar radiation by
the atmosphere and surface surface system. This
additional heating will manifest itself as an increase
in the temperature of the atmosphere and an increase
in the rate of ice melt in the spring.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
1. Investigators recently identified high
concentrations of air pollution in the Arctic
Basin. This layer of haze may trap solar energy
in the Earth’s atmosphere, cause a rise in the
Earth’s temperature, and accelerate the rate at
which Arctic ice melts in the spring.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
2. There are a number of known causes of
epilepsy. However, epilepsy with a definite
antecedent neurologic insult that is presumed
to be causal applies to only about one-third of
all cases of epilepsy. The remaining twothirds are idiopathic/cryptogenic.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
Possible rewrite…
 Epilepsy is caused by a known neurologic
insult in about one-third of cases; the
remainder are idiopathic/cryptogenic.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
3. There are difficulties in applying the syndrome
classification to population-based studies. First, the
necessary information may not be available.
Second, syndromes are, in part, classified by
prognosis, and therefore not applicable to incidence
cases. Third, a large proportion of population-based
cases may not fit. A system incorporating the
syndrome classification as reasonably as possible
into population-based studies is needed.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
Possible rewrite…
3. The current syndrome classification system is
inadequate in several respects: the necessary
information is not always available;
syndromes are, in part, classified by
prognosis, and therefore not applicable to
incident cases; and a large proportion of
population-based cases don’t fit.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
4. The two results are found to be in agreement.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
Possible rewrite…
4. The two results agree.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
5. There is enormous variety of clinical
presentation, as symptoms vary depending on
the tumors’ location, size, and malignant
versus benign behavior.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
Possible rewrite…
5. Clinical presentation varies widely depending on a
tumor’s location and size, and whether it is
malignant or benign.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
6. Biostatistics can be a lot of fun because of the
multidisciplinary team approach. In one
project we have a nutritionist, a psychologist,
statisticians, a computer specialist, and
dietitians: a whole range of specialties. When
we all get together, everyone has a
perspective to bring to the problem.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
Possible rewrite…
6. Our enjoyable multidisciplinary approach to
biostatistics brings together nutritionists,
psychologists, statisticians, computer
engineers, and dietitians—each of whom adds
a different perspective to the problem.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
7. The high-dissonance participants were paid a
small sum of money while being given a free
choice of whether to participate, whereas the
participants we randomly assigned to the
large-incentive treatment (the low-dissonance
condition) were not offered the opportunity to
refuse.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
Possible rewrite…
7. High-dissonance participants were paid a
small sum of money and were not required to
participate; low-dissonance participants were
paid a large sum of money and were required
to participate.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS

8. The reasons for this exception are as follows: 1)
although the assessment of birth cohort data often
shares with other descriptive approaches a reliance on
information that is usually available, it requires the
application of an analytical approach with a level of
complexity usually not found in descriptive
epidemiology; and 2) this type of analysis is often
key for the understanding of the observed association
between age (often strongly associated with the
occurrence of many diseases as well as their
determinants) and disease in cross-sectional
analysis."
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
Possible rewrite…
 8. Birth cohort analysis will be treated
separately from other descriptive approaches
because: 1) analyzing birth cohort data
requires more complex statistical methods and
2) confounding by birth cohort is a common
problem in cross-sectional studies.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
WARM UP
Anti-inflammatory agents may be protective for
the occurrence of Alzheimer’s Disease and may
reduce the progression of the disease.
Identify the problems…
-- “to be” is a weak verb (may be protective)
--you don’t protect for, you protect against (word
choice)
--occurrence is a vague, weak noun
--can you “reduce” progression? (word choice)
--progression of disease disease progression
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
WARM UP
Anti-inflammatory agents may be
protective for the occurrence of
Alzheimer’s Disease and may reduce the
progression of the disease.

Anti-inflammatory agents may protect
against Alzheimer’s Disease and retard
disease progression.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
WARM UP
Important studies to examine the descriptive
epidemiology of autism, including the
prevalence and changes in the characteristics of
the population over time, have begun.
Identify the problems…
--where’s the verb?
--watch fluff words like “important”
--can changes occur without being “over time”?
-- “changes in the characteristics of the population”
is vague and wordy
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
WARM UP
Important studies to examine the descriptive
epidemiology of autism, including the prevalence
and changes in the characteristics of the
population over time, have begun.

Studies have begun to describe the epidemiology
of autism, including recent changes in the
disorder’s prevalence and characteristics.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

Lecture Five: Writing Basics III
Putting it all together and a few last points…
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

REVIEW: paragraphs and organization
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that
virtually everyone experiences at one time or another. As a
pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of
these causes were categorized by the International Headache
Society (IHS) in 1988. The IHS distinguishes two broad groups
of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and
secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache disorders
are a consequence of an underlying condition, such as a brain
tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury. In primary
headache disorders, the headache disorder is the fundamental
problem; it is not symptomatic of another cause. The two most
common types of primary headache disorders are episodic
tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Although IHS is
the most broadly used/recognized classification system used, a
brief comment on others would be appropriate – especially if
there are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.
Scientific Writing,
HRP
214
to be: 8; to have: 2; passive verbs: 1;
Others experiences, distinguishes
verb-tally
Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that
virtually everyone experiences at one time or another. As a
pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of
these causes were categorized by the International Headache
Society (IHS) in 1988. The IHS distinguishes two broad groups
of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and
secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache disorders
are a consequence of an underlying condition, such as a brain
tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury. In primary
headache disorders, the headache disorder is the fundamental
problem; it is not symptomatic of another cause. The two most
common types of primary headache disorders are episodic
tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Although IHS is
the most broadly used/recognized classification system used, a
brief comment on others would be appropriate – especially if
there are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
wordiness tally
Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that
virtually everyone experiences at one time or another. As a
pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of
these causes were categorized by the International Headache
Society (IHS) in 1988. The IHS distinguishes two broad groups
of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and
secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache disorders
are a consequence of an underlying condition, such as a brain
tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury. In primary
headache disorders, the headache disorder is the fundamental
problem; it is not symptomatic of another cause. The two most
common types of primary headache disorders are episodic
tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Although IHS is
the most broadly used/recognized classification system used, a
brief comment on others would be appropriate – especially if
there are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
avoid meta-comment
Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that
virtually everyone experiences at one time or another. As a
pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of
these causes were categorized by the International Headache
Society (IHS) in 1988. The IHS distinguishes two broad groups
of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and
secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache disorders
are a consequence of an underlying condition, such as a brain
tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury. In primary
headache disorders, the headache disorder is the fundamental
problem; it is not symptomatic of another cause. The two most
common types of primary headache disorders are episodic
tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Although IHS is
the most broadly used/recognized classification system used, a
brief comment on others would be appropriate – especially if
there are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
outline ideas
Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that
virtually everyone experiences at one time or another. As a
pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of
these causes were categorized by the International Headache
Society (IHS) in 1988. The IHS distinguishes two broad groups
of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and
secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache disorders
are a consequence of an underlying condition, such as a brain
tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury. In primary
headache disorders, the headache disorder is the fundamental
problem; it is not symptomatic of another cause. The two most
common types of primary headache disorders are episodic
tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Although IHS is
the most broadly used/recognized classification system used, a
brief comment on others would be appropriate – especially if
there are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Idea flow chart (outline)…
I. The IHS classifies
headaches by cause,
which may be primary
or secondary.
Main idea of the
paragraph
A. Primary headache
disorders are…
i. Most common examples include:
episodic tension-type headache (ETTH)
and migraine
B. Secondary headache
disorders are…
i. Example include: brain tumor,
a systemic infection or a head
injury
Supporting ideas
define primary and
secondary
Sub-supporting
ideas illustrative
examples of primary
and secondary
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that
virtually everyone experiences at one time or another. As a
pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of
these causes were categorized by the International Headache
Society (IHS) in 1988. The IHS distinguishes two broad groups
of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and
secondary headache disorders.
Repetition can sometimes help
transitions, but here it’s just
repetitive!
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

Headache is a pain symptom that almost everyone
experiences. The International Headache Society
(IHS) groups headaches into two types based on
cause: primary headache disorders and secondary
headache disorders.
I. The IHS classifies
headaches by cause,
which may be primary
or secondary.
Main idea of the
paragraph
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Secondary headache disorders are a consequence of an
underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic
infection or a head injury. In primary headache disorders, the
headache disorder is the fundamental problem; it is not
symptomatic of another cause. The two most common types of
primary headache disorders are episodic tension-type
headache (ETTH) and migraine.
Unnecessary
repetition
Effectcause / illogical order!
Avoid, if possible…
Empty
words
Also, consider ordering: first
(primary), then second (secondary)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

In primary headache disorders, the headache itself is the main
complaint. The two most common types of primary headache
disorder are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and
migraine. Secondary headache disorders result from an
underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic
infection, or a head injury.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

In primary headache disorders, the headache itself is the main
complaint. The two most common types of primary headache
disorder are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and
migraine. Secondary headache disorders result from an
underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic
infection, or a head injury.
A. Primary headache
disorders are…
B. Secondary headache
disorders are…
Supporting ideas
define primary and
secondary
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

In primary headache disorders, the headache itself is the main
complaint. The two most common types of primary headache
disorder are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and
migraine. Secondary headache disorders result from an
underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic
infection, or a head injury.
i. Most common examples include:
episodic tension-type headache (ETTH)
and migraine
i. Example include: brain tumor,
a systemic infection or a head
injury
Sub-supporting
ideas illustrative
examples of primary
and secondary
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
together…
Headache is a pain symptom that almost everyone
experiences. The International Headache Society
(IHS) groups headaches into two types based on
cause: primary headache disorders and secondary
headache disorders. In primary headache disorders,
the headache itself is the main complaint. The two
most common types of primary headache disorder
are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and
migraine. Secondary headache disorders result from
an underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a
systemic infection, or a head injury.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Compare to outline…
I. The IHS classifies
headaches by cause,
which may be primary
or secondary.
Main idea of the
paragraph
A. Primary headache
disorders are…
i. Most common examples include:
episodic tension-type headache (ETTH)
and migraine
B. Secondary headache
disorders are…
i. Example include: brain tumor,
a systemic infection or a head
injury
Supporting ideas
define primary and
secondary
Sub-supporting
ideas illustrative
examples of primary
and secondary
Scientific Writing, HRP 214

A note: paraphrasing and plagiarism…
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
a few notes on paraphrasing…

Use your own words

Work from memory

Draw your own conclusions

Do not simply re-arrange the original author’s words

Do not mimic the original author’s sentence structure
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
paraphrasing
Original:
“If the existence of a signing ape was unsettling for linguists,
it was also startling news for animal behaviorists.”
Unacceptable:
An ape who knew sign language unsettled linguists and startled
animal behaviorists.
Unacceptable:
If the presence of a sign-language-using chimp was disturbing for
scientists studying language, it was also surprising to scientists
studying animal behavior.
Fine:
When they learned of an ape's ability to use sign language, both
linguists and animal behaviorists were taken by surprise.
Plagiarism example
Original passage (Klibanski et al. 1995):
“One possibility is that the dose of estrogen effective in
treating postmenopausal women is inadequate in a younger
population. Second, whether continued improvement in bone
mass can be seen in patients treated for a duration of time
longer than the current study is unknown. A third possibility is
that patients were not compliant with hormone therapy….A
fourth and likely explanation is that estrogen therapy alone
cannot correct the multiple factors contributing to bone loss in
women with anorexia nervosa. In addition to profound
estrogen deficiency, nutritional and other hormonal variables
have been implicated in the pathogenesis of bone loss.
These factors, including IGF-1 deficiency cortisol excess and
decreased androgen production are unaffected by estrogen
administration and may have a continuing deleterious effect
on bone mass.”
Plagiarism example
Plagiarized passage (Munoz et al. 2002):
“One possibility is that the dose of estrogen estrogen dose
which is effective in treating postmenopausal women is
inadequate in a younger population. Second, whether
continued improvement in bone mass can may be seen in
patients treated for a duration of time longer longer period of
time than the current study is unknown. A third possibility is
that patients were not compliant with hormone therapy….A
fourth third and more likely explanation is that estrogen
therapy alone cannot correct the multiple factors contributing
to bone loss in women with anorexia nervosa AN. In addition
to profound estrogen deficiency hypoestrogenism, nutritional
and other hormonal variables have been implicated in the
pathogenesis of bone loss. These factors, including IGF-1
deficiency cortisol excess and decreased androgen
production are unaffected by estrogen administration and
may have a continuing deleterious effect on bone mass.”
Plagiarism example, same paper
Original passage (Klibanski et al. 1995):
“Our data demonstrate that, despite its usefulness in
perimenopausal women, estrogen and progestin
administration does not reverse the profound osteopenia
seen in all young women with anorexia nervosa. Trabecular
bone loss is severe and may progress despite estrogen
therapy.”
Plagiarized passage (Munoz et al. 2002):
“In conclusion, our data demonstrate that, despite its
usefulness in perimenopausal women, estrogen and
gestagen administration does not reverse the profound
osteopenia seen in all young women with AN. Trabecular
bone loss is severe and may progress despite estrogen
therapy.”
Plagiarism example, same paper
Original passage (Klibanski et al. 1995):
“There are no prospective studies of trabecular BD in adult
women with anorexia nervosa, and it is unknown whether there
is a progressive and permanent decline in bone mass. Although
the role of estrogen replacement therapy in preventing bone
loss in premenopausal women is clearly established, no studies
have addressed whether is is beneficial in young women with
premenopausal osteopenia.”
Plagiarized passage (Munoz et al. 2002):
“There are some published data on trabecular bone mineral
density (BMD) in adult women with AN. but it is still unknown
whether there is a progressive or permanent decline in bone
mass. Although the role of estrogen replacement therapy in
preventing bone loss in menopausal women has been clearly
established, no studies have been carried out to determine
whether it is beneficial in young women with premenopausal
osteopenia”
Plagiarism
From page 7 of McCafferty’s first novel: “Bridget is my age and
lives across the street. For the first twelve years of my life,
these qualifications were all I needed in a best friend. But that
was before Bridget’s braces came off and her boyfriend Burke
got on, before Hope and I met in our seventh-grade honors
classes.
From page 14 of Viswanathan’s novel: “Priscilla was my age
and lived two blocks away. For the first fifteen years of my life,
those were the only qualifications I needed in a best friend. We
had first bonded over our mutual fascination with the abacus in
a playgroup for gifted kids. But that was before freshman year,
when Priscilla’s glasses came off, and the first in a long string
of boyfriends got on.”
Plagiarism
From page 213 of McCafferty’s first novel: “Marcus then leaned
across me to open the passenger-side door. He was invading
my personal space, as I had learned in Psych class, and I
instinctively sank back into the seat. That just made him move
in closer. I was practically one with the leather at this point, and
unless I hopped into the backseat, there was nowhere else for
me to go.”
From page 175 of Viswanathan’s novel: “Sean stood up and
stepped toward me, ostensibly to show me the book. He was
definitely invading my personal space, as I had learned in a
Human Evolution class last summer, and I instinctively backed
up till my legs hit the chair I had been sitting in. That just made
him move in closer, until the grommets in the leather embossed
the backs of my knees, and he finally tilted the book toward
me.”
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
REVISING
The revision process…
Another example:



Original paper (2004): Although earlier registrybased analyses of second neoplasms after
breast cancer (BC) did not detect an increased
risk of cutaneous melanoma (CM),[1][2] several
more recent registry-based[3][4] and hospitalbased[5] studies have documented a statistically
significant increased risk of CM after BC with
standardized incidence ratios (SIRs) ranging
from 1.4 to 2.7.
Second paper (2009): Recent registry-based
[1,2] and hospital-based [3,4] studies have
documented a statistically significant increased
risk of CM after BC with standardized incidence
ratios (SIRs) ranging from 1.4 to 2.7.
(references are the same)
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
REVISING
Don’t
be afraid to cut.
Experiment
with re-arranging your words and
paragraphs (try alternative permutations). (zoom in)
Give
your work an “organizational review.” (zoom out)
Read
your work out loud.***
Work
with a good editor.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Organizational check-list:

Are the “what,” “so what,” and “why” explained
in your opening paragraphs?

Are the introductory and historical materials
arranged to support the new developments?

Are details arranged in descending order of
importance?
e.g. summarize the main point prior to listing the
specific examples—especially important when
many background studies exist
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
When revising, think of the inverted pyramid:
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Checklist for a polished story:
Do
any scientific terms need defining or clarification?
Is the language as straightforward and energetic as you can
make it?
Are there dead weight words or phrases?
Have you used the passive voice unnecessarily?
Is sentence structure needlessly complex?
Is tense consistent throughout?
Does every paragraph have a purpose?
Is the overall organization as logical as you can make it?
Are there any inconsistencies?
Does it read like a story? Or are you bored to tears reading it?
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Developing your voice as a writer…
Recall the things you can do to become a better writer…
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Read, pay attention, and imitate.
Let go of “academic” writing habits (deprogramming step!)
Talk about your research before trying to write about it.
Develop a thesaurus habit. Search for the right word rather than settling
for any old word.
Respect your audience—try not to bore them!
Stop waiting for “inspiration.”
Accept that writing is hard for everyone.
Revise. Nobody gets it perfect on the first try.
Learn how to cut ruthlessly. Never become too attached to your words.
Find a good editor!
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Developing your voice as a writer…

take risks

read your work out loud

read your work to a friend

work with a good editor

write in a journal

use the thesaurus

read a variety of sources and voices

write as if you are telling a story to a friend
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
A final note on writing:
Save often and back up your files!
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
And finally…
This week’s Top 5 countdown:
Grammar rules to follow…
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
1.
Use a comma before every (even the
last) and or or in a series of three or
more items.
RIGHT: the cats, the dogs, and the fish
WRONG: the cats, the dogs and the fish
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
2.
In a list, use commas to separate three or
more items that do not have internal commas;
use semicolons to separate three or more
elements that do have internal commas.
He said this about your cat: she’s loud, like a
dog; she’s fast, like a cheetah; and she’s aloof,
like a woman.
He said this about your cat: she’s loud, fast,
and aloof.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
3.
Use a hyphen in all “self” compounds or in
compounds in which the base word is
capitalized, a number, or an abbreviation
self-employed
self-starter
pro-Clinton
pre-1990
pre-AIDS
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
4.
Do not use hyphens in compounds using an
adverb ending in “ly” or in compounds using a
comparative or superlative adjective
widely believed fallacy
previously reported study
better informed man
best dressed man
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
More examples, hyphenation:

The man is well known.
But…He is a well-known man.
But again… He is an exceptionally well known man.

The man stood 10 feet tall.
But…He is a 10-foot tall man.

The project seemed ill fated.
But…It was an ill-fated project.

The scientists proceeded step by step.
But…They followed step-by-step instructions.
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Grammar rules to follow
5.
Write out integers from 1 to 9 (inclusive)
unless they represent precise measurements
or are being compared with numbers greater
than 10. Write out numbers 10 if they begin a
sentence.

She ate five ducks for dinner.
The duck weighed 5.2 pounds.
The duck’s beak measured 3 inches.
The duck weighed 5 pounds but the dog
weighed 50.
Fifty-five ducks were in the pond.

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
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Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Homework:
Read:
 Read chapters 13-16 of Sin and Syntax (pp.
197-finish)
 Read Chapter 5 of Successful Scientific Writing
 Letter to the Editor assignment:
Draft a Letter to the Editor regarding an article in
your discipline. Follow journal guidelines for the
Letter.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Preview to next time…
•
Now we begin with scientific writing…
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Style guidelines
Write with a specific journal in mind and
follow their on-line style guidelines…
Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Verb tense for scientific papers



Use the active voice.
Possible exceptions: within Methods
and when the subject is unknown.
Use the past tense for an action or a condition
that occurred at a specific, definite time in the
past
e.g., “Smith et al. showed the same results.”
Use the present tense when discussing
opinions or positions by authors cited in your
literature review (e.g., Smith asserts).
except if the source has been dead for
a long time (e.g., Mendel believed…).