8. Concision (Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams, & Stan Fields)
Principles of concision:
A.
Delete words and phrases that mean little or nothing.
B.
Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words.
C.
Delete words implied by other words.
D.
Replace a phrase with a word.
E.
Change negatives to affirmatives.
Examples:
Ai. Delete words that mean little or nothing:
Kind of
actually
Virtually
individual
particular
basically
really
generally
certain
given
various
practically
Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve
psychology more than any particular technology.
8. Concision (Michael Alley, Joseph M. Williams, & Stan Fields)
Principles of concision:
A.
Delete words and phrases that mean little or nothing.
B.
Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words.
C.
Delete words implied by other words.
D.
Replace a phrase with a word.
E.
Change negatives to affirmatives.
Examples:
Ai. Delete words that mean little or nothing:
Kind of
actually
Virtually
individual
particular
basically
really
generally
certain
given
various
practically
Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve
psychology more than any particular technology.
Change to:
Productivity depends on psychology more than on technology.
Aii. Delete phrases that mean little or nothing:
As a matter of fact
The course of
It is significant that
it should be pointed out
it is noteworthy that
the presence of
I might add that
the fact that
It is known that
It is interesting to note that over 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have
produced over 36,000 kilograms of space debris.
Aii. Delete phrases that mean little or nothing:
As a matter of fact
The course of
It is significant that
it should be pointed out
it is noteworthy that
the presence of
I might add that
the fact that
It is known that
It is interesting to note that over 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have
produced over 36,000 kilograms of space debris.
Change to:
More than 90 incidents of satellite fragmentations have produced over 36,000
kilograms of space debris.
From a single journal issue:
Studies have revealed that
Elegant experimental work provides striking evidence that
The results gathered so far indicate that
Studies have shown that
We should also remember that
It is therefore of great interest
several recent reports suggest that
Current genetic findings suggest that
B. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words:
Full and complete
True and accurate
first and foremost
each and every
any and all
basic and fundamental
C. Delete words implied by other words:
basic fundamentals future plans
each individual
final outcome
various different
large in size round in shape
unusual in nature
in an accurate manner Of a strange type of a bright color at an early time
During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in
appearance.
B. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words:
Full and complete first and foremost
True and accurate
each and every
any and all
basic and fundamental
C. Delete words implied by other words:
basic fundamentals future plans
each individual
final outcome
various different
large in size round in shape
unusual in nature
in an accurate manner Of a strange type of a bright color at an early time
During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in
appearance.
Change to:
During that period, the membrane became pink and shiny.
Imagine someone trying to learn the rules for playing the game of chess.
Learning implies someone trying; chess is a kind of game.
Change to:
Imagine learning the rules of chess.
D. Replace a phrase with a word:
At this point in time
At that point in time
Has the ability to
In light of the fact that
Concerning the matter of
In the event that
In the vicinity of
In a situation in which
It is possible that
Owing to the fact that
The question as to whether
There is no doubt but that












now
then
can
because
about
if
near
when
may
because
whether
no doubt
Despite the fact that the data were checked, errors occurred.
D. Replace a phrase with a word:
At this point in time
At that point in time
Has the ability to
In light of the fact that
Concerning the matter of
In the event that
In the vicinity of
In a situation in which
It is possible that
Owing to the fact that
The question as to whether
There is no doubt but that












now
then
can
because
about
if
near
when
may
because
whether
no doubt
Despite the fact that the data were checked, errors occurred.
Change to:
Although the data were checked, errors occurred.
This is the most difficult type of redundancy to fix because it requires a large
vocabulary:
As you carefully read what you have written to improve wording and catch
errors of spelling and punctuation, the thing to do before anything else is to
see whether you could use sequences of subjects and verbs instead of the
same ideas expressed in nouns.
carefully read what you have written…
the thing to do before anything else
use X instead of Y
nouns instead of verbs
sequences of subjects and verbs





Change to:
As you edit, first replace nominalizations with clauses
edit
first
replace
nominalizations
clauses
E. Change negatives to affirmatives:
Expressing ideas in the negative form is less efficient and direct than the
affirmative.
Except when applicants have failed to submit applications without complete
documentation, benefits will not be denied.
E. Change negatives to affirmatives:
Expressing ideas in the negative form is less efficient and direct than the
affirmative.
Except when applicants have failed to submit applications without complete
documentation, benefits will not be denied.
Change to:
You will receive benefits only if you submit all of your documents.
Not different  similar
Not the same  different
Not allow  prevent
Not notice  overlook
not many  few
not often  rarely
not stop  continue
not include  omit
9. Excessive Hedging and Intensifying (Joseph M. Williams & Stan Fields)
Some common hedges:
usually
often
sometimes
almost
virtually
possibly
perhaps
apparently in some ways somewhat
to a certain extent In
some respects most
many
some
a certain number of
may
might
can could
seem
appear
suggest
indicate
There seems to be some evidence that may suggest that certain differences
between Japanese and Western rhetoric could derive from historical influences
possibly traceable to Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long
history of cross-cultural contacts.
Could be changed to:
This evidence proves that Japanese and Western rhetorics differ because of
Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of crosscultural contacts.
But might better be changed to:
This evidence suggests that aspects of Japanese and Western rhetoric differ
because of Japan’s long cultural isolation and Europe’s equally long history of
cross-cultural contacts.
Intensifying:
Avoid phrases that characterize the truth status of a statement:
Clearly, doubtless, undoubtedly, obviously
as is well-known
it should not be necessary to mention
as you are by now well aware
as should be apparent by now
as you have seen from the above
Avoid words that color the qualities of an observation and are not
supported by further explanation or definition:
magnificent, fascinating, incredible, awesome, terrible, unbelievable, unparallel,
exciting, fantastic, bizarre
Avoid efforts to convince the reader by language:
The results clearly show that
It is obvious from Figure 1 that
The data argue convincingly that
The only possible interpretation of these results is
If the results are clear, obvious, convincing, etc. the reader does not need to be
told these things. Moreover, the use of these terms undermines the significance
of results that do not include these terms.
10. Abbreviations, Numbers & Noun Strings (Michael Alley, Joseph M.
Williams & Stan Fields)
Abbreviations
People recognize words from their letters and from their shapes; when words
are presented in capital letters this slows the reading. The over use of
abbreviations also becomes irritating because one must repeatedly refer back
to the original definitions.
Rules of thumb:
Use a small number of abbreviations in any one paper or grant application;
abbreviations should substantially shorten what they stand for; abbreviations
should be used multiple times in the writing; avoid long separations between
the definition of an abbreviation and its use; abbreviations should not be
combined together in a single sentence to produce gibberish.
To detect densely connected subgraphs potentially representing biological
modules, we applied the MCODE graph clustering algorithm to the CCSB-HI1
and to the combined CCSB-HI1-LCI and CCSB-HI1-LC networks.
Numbers
The use of numbers in writing also slows the reading. If numbers can be
expressed in one or two words, write them out:
1  one
2,000  two thousand
13  thirteen
76  seventy six
However, there are a number of exceptions to this rule:
Page numbers: Page 21
Figure numbers: Figure 2
Negative numbers: -1
Decimals: 0.3
Specific measurements: 12 meters/second
Percentages: 15 percent
Large numerals: 46 million
Noun Strings
Noun strings are frequently encountered in technical writing:
Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis often results from…
Numbers
The use of numbers in writing also slows the reading. If numbers can be
expressed in one or two words, write them out:
1  one
2,000  two thousand
13  thirteen
76  seventy six
However, there are a number of exceptions to this rule:
Page numbers: Page 21
Figure numbers: Figure 2
Negative numbers: -1
Decimals: 0.3
Specific measurements: 12 meters/second
Percentages: 15 percent
Large numerals: 46 million
Noun Strings
Noun strings are frequently encountered in technical writing:
Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis often results from…
Reversing the order of the words makes compound noun phrases easier to
read:
Physicians misdiagnose disordered thought in young children because…
11. Common Usage Problems (Michael Alley, Robert A. Day, Bryan A.
Garner & Stan Fields).
That/Which: Use “that” for restrictive or defining clauses that are essential to
the rest of the sentence (a restrictive clause limits the possible meaning of the
preceding subject). NO COMMA
Use “which” for nondefining or nonrestrictive clauses that are not essential to
the rest of the sentence (non restrictive clauses tell you about, but do not limit
the meaning of a preceding subject). Can be omitted without changing the
meaning. COMMA
We will select the option that has the highest thermal efficiency.
We will select Option A, which has the highest thermal efficiency.
CetB mutants, which are tolerant to colicin E2, also have an altered…
(all CetB mutants are tolerant)
CetB mutants that are tolerant to colicin E2 also have an altered…
(only some CetB mutants are tolerant)
Genome sequences ________ have been determined include those of
the monkey and the chimpanzee.
The sequence _______ has had the most impact is the human genome.
The NIH ,_______ has funded most of these studies has, been pleased
with the outcome.
The universities ______ did most of the work included MIT/Whitehead.
The Whitehead Center _______
was led by Eric Lander contributed
about
,
,
1/3.
DNA sequencers _______
were purchased at huge cost were
,
, essential
to the effort.
Affect/Effect: Affect is almost always a verb; it means “to influence; to have an
effect on.” Effect is primarily a noun meaning “result” or “consequence.” To
affect something is to have an effect on it. But as a verb, effect means “to bring
about; produce” (used in phrases like: “to effect change”).
Continuous/Continual: “Continual” means repeatedly and “continuous”
means without interruption.
For two weeks, the whales continually dived to great depths in search of food.
The spectrum of light is continuous.
Datum (singular)/Data (plural): Datum is rarely used any more and data is now
acceptable as either singular or plural. However, there are conservatives that
don’t agree with this. If you need a singular form and don’t wish to use datum,
write: “a data point.”
Complementary/Complimentary: Complementary is used for items that
complete something (e.g., complementary strands of DNA). Complimentary is
used for expressing civility, regard or praise, or given free (e.g., complimentary
remarks, complimentary tickets, etc.)
Quantify/Quantitate: Both are used as verbs, but quantify appears to be the
preferred choice:
-“quantitate is a needless variant of quantify, newly popular with social
scientists, whose word choice should never be treated as a strong
recommendation” (Bryan A. Garner in The Oxford Dictionary of American
Style and Usage)
-Quantify is recognized by 5 online libraries, but quantitate by only two.
-Quantify is recognized by Microsoft products, but quantitate is not.
Use QUANTIFY in your writing.
Comprise/Compose: The parts compose the whole; the whole comprises the
parts. Comprise means “to contain” and compose means “to make up” (e.g.,
52 cards compose a full pack; a full pack comprises 52 cards)
Only: The precise placement of “only” in a sentence is important
Only I hit him in the eye yesterday.
I only hit him in the eye yesterday.
I hit only him in the eye yesterday.
I hit him only in the eye yesterday.
I hit him in the only eye yesterday.
I hit him in the eye only yesterday.
I hit him in the eye yesterday only.
Key Principles:
 Readers prefer that the main characters (flesh and blood or abstract)
are subjects and most of the verbs name the actions of the characters.
 Sentences are cohesive with one another when we see at the
beginning of a second sentence information that appeared toward the
end of the preceding sentence.
 Passages are coherent when we see that the topics of each sentence
in the passage constitute a relatively small set of related ideas.
 Be concise:
-Delete words and phrases that: mean little or nothing; that repeat
the meaning of other words; that are implied by other words.
-Replace a phrase with a word.
-Change negatives to affirmatives.
 Avoid hedging & intensifying; limit abbreviations
NEXT WEEKS ASSIGNMENT:
METHODS OF PROCEDURE (i.e., RESEARCH DESIGN AND METHODS)
This section of the proposal should tell the reviewers:
1. What you propose to do.
2. How you propose to do it.
3. What results you expect and what they will mean in terms of the
overall project.
4. What might go wrong.
5. What alternative approaches will be used to cope with potential
problems.
Technical/Editorial Considerations:
-The Research Design and Methods section should be divided into
subsections, with each subsection corresponding to one of the specific aims
of the proposal.
-Each subsection (aim) of the Research Design and Methods section should
be further subdivided as follows:
Title: restate the specific aim, verbatim.
Introduction: a short paragraph that states the objective of the aim,
the hypothesis to be tested, the overall strategy and the expected outcomes.
Experimental Design: describe the experiments that will be
performed. Avoid emphasis on routine methods and trivial details (pH, buffer
composition, etc.) unless the technology would be unfamiliar to the reviewers.
This is not intended to be a methods manual.
Anticipated Results and Potential Problems: summarize your
most important results (but do not overstate expectations). If potential
problems exist, state them, offer alternative strategies, but DO NOT
overemphasize them.
-Each subsection (aim) should be roughly equally weighted (each should
consist of a similar number of pages in the Research Design and Methods
section).