Emotional Intelligence and the Brain
Nancy Taylor and Shondi Lee
County of Riverside
Leadership Initiative
*Emotional Intelligence
*
 What is EQ and why is it important?
 How EQ develops
 The Brain the Mind and Relationships
 The first 4 years are key: Attachment Theory and Emotions
 Your EQ report: what it all means
 Retraining your brain
My self awareness and ability to manage my own
emotions while at the same time understanding
what is happening with the other person and
being able to make socially appropriate
responses.
*
*
* Significantly predicts success and overall wellbeing
for individuals
* 85% of an individual’s or organization’s financial
success due to EQ…… (only 15% technical)
* 4 times more predictive of future success than IQ
* EQ =
higher motivation, greater creativity, and
higher achievement
*
Mind
Energy & Information Flow
Start*
Brain
Mechanical
Adapted from The Developing Mind – Second Addition: Daniel J. Siegel
Relationship
Sharing-Attachment
*
Interpersonal Relationships
* Influence how our mind functions throughout our lives
* Shape the growth of the integrative, regulatory circuits
* Have a dominant influence on the brain
* Play an organizing role in the brain
Subjective Experience
* Shapes what energy and information enters the mind and how
the brain processes the information
* At birth there is no differentiation - infants use the upper brain functions of
the care-giver to manage information flow. This directly impacts the
development of the brain.
Connections and pathways in a brain
from birth to adult
*
* The need for attachment is innate with infants/children seeking proximity to
key figures to provide safety and support for exploration.
* Earliest attachments are formed by 7 months.
* Nearly all infants become attached to only a few people.
* Selective attachments are derived from social interaction.
* Attachment relationships are crucial in the development of the brain.
* The caregiving adult’s mind and patterns of communication directly shape the
organization of the developing child’s brain.
* The child learns to regulate through interactions with the caregiver.
*
4 Attachment Strategies: Behaviors under stress
* Securely attached (55-65%)
Seeks parent for regulation, then moves to explore
*Insecurely attached Avoidant (20-30%)
Hides distress – avoids caregiver
*Insecurely attached Ambivalent (5-15%)
Seeks parent and remains distressed with focus on parent
*Inconsistent attachment (20-40%)
No organized strategy
*
SECURE
*
*
*
*
– Caregivers:
Sensitive and responsive to cues of infants and children
Acknowledgement – Modulating - Mirroring
Supported broad experience – managing injury and repair
Open communication
AVOIDANT – Caregivers:
*
*
*
*
*
Often unavailable to infants/children – unresponsive to cues
Communication often broken or disconnected
Acknowledgement and mirroring missing
Denial of the child’s experience – “you’ll be fine, there’s nothing wrong”
Learn independence early
AMBIVILENT and Inconsistent–
*
*
*
*
*
Caregivers:
High anxiety – Activated by needs of infants/children
Erratic availability to infant/child – Sometimes “smothering” or “absent”
Anxiety in family escalates easily
Relationships, important and painful – wounded in relationships
Children try to manage anxiety in family – to make it better
*
Lower Brain (brain stem)-reptilian brain
* Regulates autonomic activity and provides physiological homeostasis
Central Brain – limbic brain
* Emotional seat of the brain
Cortex – rational brain
* Mediates complex information
Neocortex
Limbic
Reptilian
The reptilian brain
• the oldest of the three
• controls the body's vital functions
• includes the main structures found in a
reptile's brain (the brainstem and the
cerebellum)
• is reliable but tends to be somewhat
rigid and compulsive.
The limbic brain = emotional brain
• emerged in the first mammals
• (records memories of behaviors that
produce agreeable and disagreeable
experiences)
• main structures are the hippocampus,
the amygdala, and the hypothalamus*
*produce hormones
• the seat of value judgments we make,
(often unconsciously), that exert a
strong influence on our behavior.
Neocortex
Limbic
Reptilian
The neocortex
• in primates and culminated in the
human brain
• two large cerebral hemispheres
responsible for the development of
human language, abstract thought,
imagination, and consciousness.
• is flexible and has almost infinite
learning abilities.
• has enabled human cultures to
develop.
These three parts of the brain do not
operate independently of one another.
They have established numerous
interconnections through which they
influence one another. The neural
pathways from the limbic system to the
cortex, for example, are especially well
developed.
“Emotions Drive the Bus!!!”
*
*Governs the flow of energy and information
* Regulatory process that creates patterns in the energy flow
* Core aspect of the mind is an embodied and relational process that
regulates the flow of energy and information
*Awareness occurs here – internal knowing
* The minds process is always present
*Our subjective, internal experience shapes
our sense of self and our connections to
others
*
*
*
The mind is relational
Relationships shape how the mind emerges in our experience
Integrative process makes relationships flexible and adaptive
*
*
Yo-r br :n h s s-ff:c:ent b ckgro-nd
:nformat:on from th:ngs yo-‘ve lre dy
le rned to -nconsc:o-sly f:n:sh the words
:n th:s sentence wh:ch re m:ss:ng letters.
Your brain will fill in the “missing”
information that your eyes are picking up
through peripheral vision and process
everything into a complete picture.
Your brain will use the context of the
phrase to assemble the full meaning for
you.
*
Mind
Energy & Information Flow
Integration is
Key
Brain
Mechanical
Adapted from The Developing Mind – Second Addition: Daniel J. Siegel
©Learning In Action Technologies, 2012
Relationship
Sharing-Attachment
Hormone Releases
* Cortisol flood – shuts down exec processes
of the brain (strategy, trust building and
compassion shut down).
* Amygdala (instinctive brain) takes over
and makes a chemical choice how to best
protect itself (from shame and loss of power associated with being wrong).
Results in the inability to regulate emotions or handle the responses.
* Fight – keep arguing (most common and most damaging)
* Flight – revert to and hide behind group consensus
* Freeze – disengage from the argument by closing down
* Appease – making nice by saying yes, meaning no; say what others want to hear
*
4 Basic Human Fears
1.
2.
3.
4.
Failure
Being wrong
Rejection
Being emotionally
uncomfortable
*
* The ratings are not as important
as your willingness and ability to
reflect on what the ratings mean
to you and to provide behavioral
illustrations of when, where, and
how these patterns show up in
your life.
*
4 Dimensions
Access to Range of Feelings
Positive-Negative Orientation
Self-Other Orientation
Balanced Reliance on Thoughts,
Wants, & Feelings
Self-Reflection
2 Dimensions
Empathy
Empathy Accuracy
Empathy Compassion
*
*
Ability to:
* Be aware now, in the
moment
* Notice your thoughts,
wants, and feelings
* Name your experience
* Differentiate Self and Other
*
Ability to:
* Accurately identify another’s experience
* Experience a degree of compassion and sensitivity
* Engage in empathic acknowledgement
*
* 7 categories of feelings
* Anger, Anxiety, Fear, Joy, Love, Sadness, and
Shame
* Feelings are the primary drivers of our
actions and decisions
* Accessing all feelings at a healthy level
expands our experiences and ability to make
informed choices
* Each feeling has a direct correlation to selfreflection and empathy dimensions
* Each feeling has a gift
* The ideal is to access Joy and Love
approximately 50-55% of the time
* Ideally the remaining 5 feelings (anxiety,
fear, anger, shame, and sadness) should be
accessed approximately 10% of the time
*
Number on top of bar
reports the % of the
time the feeling was
reported.
Bars add up to 100%
of all reported
feelings.
Percentile ranking
compares the % of
time a particular
feeling was reported
with the total
population for that
same feeling.
*
•
•
•
•
Ideal (25-75th percentile) is the
ability to feel anger without
getting “caught” or “hijacked”
there.
Can give direction with the energy
needed to make something happen.
Can be helpful in setting
appropriate boundaries.
Shame is usually projected inward
towards self, while anger is
projected outward towards others
Associated words: agitated, annoyed, appalled, disgusted, frustrated, irritated,
outraged, rage, spiteful, upset, vindictive
*
ANGER
High Reliance (>75th percentile)
*
*
*
*
*
*
Common childhood family experience
Be critical of others and/or place blame outside of themselves
Tend to be “other” oriented
Be intense in relationships and have high expectations of others
Move towards being independent and intolerant of others
Often bundle other feelings under Anger (e.g. High Anger, Low Anxiety and Fear)
Low Reliance (<25th percentile)
*
*
*
*
*
Belief that anger is unacceptable and not tolerated
Difficulty seeing risks and holding others accountable
May tend to stay in unhealthy relationships longer than necessary
May have difficulty setting personal boundaries
May make excuses for others rather than accessing healthy anger
*
•
Ideal (25-75th percentile) is
the ability to feel anxiety
without being immobilized.
•
Healthy levels serve to warn
that something is not right.
•
Has the power to activate us
to explore and be inquisitive.
Associated words: confused, distant, dread, helpless, intense, nervous, numb,
overwhelmed, paralyzed, perplexed, queasy, skeptical, stressed, uneasy
*
ANXIETY
High Reliance (>75th percentile)
*
*
*
Planful, careful, cautious, develop a plan “B”
*
Childhood family experience included blaming and shaming with limited support or
understanding from caregivers
See the situation and other people with less clarity when stressed
May have perfectionistic or compulsive tendencies – method used to decrease or
manage anxiety
Low Reliance (<25th percentile)
*
May bundle the anxiety feeling under something different, such as joy, fear, or anger
(if high in these areas). Joy feels better than anxiety.
*
*
*
Rely upon a high degree of confidence in stressful situations
Experienced by others as having a “low anxious presence”
Open to take in information; feel grounded and safe
*
•
Ideal (25-75th percentile)
reflects an ability to feel fear,
remain connected to others,
and to manage it in effective
ways.
•
Provides motivation to
protect one’s self against
some force.
Associated words: alarmed, defensive, doubtful, dread, frightened, reluctant,
startled, suspicious, tense, worried
*
FEAR
High Reliance (>75th percentile)
*
*
*
*
*
Withdraw from others to protect themselves
*
*
Be highly motivated by achievement and action as a way of managing fear
Blame others or self
May become highly anxious and become immobilized
Lose trust easily in self and others
May have spent all or some of their early years in “unsafe” environments where fear was
very appropriate
More negative, towards themselves and others
Low Reliance (<25th percentile)
*
*
*
*
*
Feel safe in relationships
Have high vitality and joy
Have higher tolerance for allowing in information, even if not in agreement
Experienced as more flexible and agile with great resilience
Have grown up in “safe families” where there was limited fear or appropriate protection
and support during frightening times for a child
*
•
•
•
•
Ideal (25-75th percentile)
Measures ones level of
emotional vitality, available
emotional energy, and
confidence for involvement
during a challenging or difficult
situation.
Joy is NOT relational and is not
a measure of happiness.
“The more you are yourself,
the more emotional energy you
have.”
Associated words: alive, bold, brave, capable, comfortable, confident, curious,
delighted, dynamic, eager, elated, energized, excited, glad, gleeful, hopeful, joyful,
optimistic, passionate, peaceful, relaxed, safe, self-assured, surprised
*
JOY
High Reliance (>75th percentile)
*
*
*
*
*
*
Highly confident
Enjoy involvement when challenged
Experience a vitality, eagerness, and energy for easy high energy involvement
Experienced by others as larger than life (when coupled with high love)
Be action oriented, easily taking charge
Be more independent
Low Reliance (<25th percentile)
*
*
*
*
*
Depleted with low emotional energy for relationships or involvement
Depletion may be burn-out, depression, chronic fatigue, or general cautiousness in life
Be more cautious in relationships – may have limited intimate relationships
Watch and wait when being challenged
Go inside of themselves to consider what is happening before getting involved
*
•
Ideal (25-75th percentile)
reflects an ability to retain
some degree of positive
feelings towards others when
being challenged.
•
Love is relational.
Associated words: attention, caring, comforting, compassion, concerned, encouraged,
engaged, gentle, honored, open, respect, secure, tender
*
LOVE
High Reliance (>75th percentile)
*
*
*
*
*
Be people oriented
Feel safe in relationships
Enjoy others
Extend themselves to others
Have warm relationships
Low Reliance (<25th percentile)
*
*
*
*
*
Be more cautious in relationships
Withdraw warm emotional energy from others when challenged
Go inside of themselves as they consider what is happening
Often have limited positive relationships with others
Move towards protecting themselves by pulling inside and potentially disconnecting
from relationships
*
•
Ideal (25-75th percentile) reflects an ability
to feel our sadness without being captured
by it.
•
Sadness brings sensitivity to other’s pain as
well as our own.
•
High sadness does not mean one walks
around sad.
•
Sadness has an element of helplessness in
it.
•
When we see someone we care about
suffer, and we cannot help them, we often
experience sadness.
Associated words: crushed, disappointed, discouraged, distraught, distressed,
empty, grief, lonely, lost, miserable, mournful, remorseful, resigned, sorry, terrible
*
SADNESS
High Reliance (>75th percentile)
*
*
*
*
Experience sadness from difficult situations (death, divorce, loss of a job, etc.)
Blame others or a situation outside of themselves
Have some degree of feeling helpless because the essence of loss
Be touched when reading sad books or watching sad movies
Low Reliance (<25th percentile)
*
*
*
Have not experienced significant loss in their lives where they have experienced grief
Have lower Empathy Compassion because they do not identify with pain or loss
At times have higher anger ratings where distress gets focused
*
•
Ideal (25-75th percentile) reflects a healthy
level of shame for essential well-being,
healthy relationships, integrity, and sense
of humility.
•
Shame is characterized by “not being good
enough” and “not doing enough”
•
Characterized by perfectionism, overly
developed sense of responsibility, strong
values, high expectations of self and giving
oneself very little margin for error.
•
Shame is usually projected inward towards
self, while anger is projected outward
towards others
Associated words: ashamed, burdened, condemned, culpable, despised, disgrace,
dread, embarrassed, guilty, harassed, humiliated, inept, inadequate, regretful
*
SHAME
High Reliance (>75th percentile)
*
Hyper-vigilant in presenting themselves well to others, including looking good,
sounding good, seeming highly competent, and living a respectable, moral life
*
*
*
*
*
*
Easily become defensive
Blame themselves and others
Quickly personalize a situation
Have a strong moral sense and judgment of others
Get wounded easily in relationships – intense in relationships
Be judgmental of others – allowing little grace
Low Reliance (<25th percentile)
*
*
*
*
Have poor boundaries
May miss seeing risks or difficulties because they do not see they have limits
Be more cautious in relationships
Have difficulty seeing how they contributed to a difficult situation
With a partner:
1. What about your feeling scores surprised you? Why?
2. What did your scores validate for you…(you already knew
about yourself)?
3. For any/all emotions where your score exceeded the ideal
range, how would you describe the behaviors you
exhibit when these emotions are felt?
4. For any/all emotions where your score exceeded the ideal
range, how did these scores validate feedback
you have received in the past?
*
Positive-Negative Orientation
measures the degree of optimism
that one maintains even in the
midst of stress or when one is
being directly challenged.
The ideal is 75% positive with
25% negative orientation. This
maintains a positive orientation
while maintaining the capacity to
see real risk, problems, or
potential danger.
*
High Level (>75th percentile)
*
Bring a positive orientation to situations
and see the glass as half-full, even in
the midst of chaos
*
Positive force with others – contributes
to creativity and willingness to go for it
*
Too high (>80th percentile) fail to see
risks, honest problems, and difficulties
that could negatively impact the
individual or the group
Low Level (<25th percentile)
*
*
*
Focus on problem – what is wrong vs. right
*
See others as negative – create negative
stories
*
Avoid risks
More detail oriented
May be the one in the group saying “it can’t
be done”
*
Self-Other Orientation is
the degree we focus on
ourselves and the degree
we focus on others when
challenged.
The ideal is 50/50 (80+
percentile ranking),
moving between internal
and external focus easily.
This allows us to stay
connected though we may
have different values or
views
*
OTHER FOCUSED
*
*
*
*
*
Focus outside of themselves at the situation, problem, or other person
*
Work hard for others – devastated when not rewarded or acknowledged
Be excellent “fixers” – focus on fixing the problem vs. focusing on the relationship
Withdraw/disconnect from relationships during times of high stress
Don’t pay attention to their own feelings or experience; get depleted
Focus on achieving and doing what is demanded without listening to their own voice or
needs
*
SELF-FOCUSED
*
*
*
*
*
*
Excessively responsible
Easily wounded in relationships
Struggle with boundaries – take on more than is theirs
Personalize things that have nothing to do with them
Relationships are important and take on responsibility for them
May have grown up in families where they learned at a young age that they can make a
difference. May have taken on parenting role. Tend to learn that they are more powerful
than they really are and take on the responsibility with that.
*
This dimension measures one’s
ability to access their thoughts,
wants, and feelings while in a
difficult interaction.
The ideal is to rely upon them
equally.
This dimension offers powerful
stability and strengthens a
person’s ability to communicate
effectively with others.
With your partner:
1. Look at your Self/Other Orientation and the characteristics
described.
2. Look at the Political Scripts we started with today. How does your
‘self’ or ‘other’ description mesh with the
political scripts you use most often?
*
BALANCED
(>75TH percentile)
* Tend to be viewed as stable, reliable, consistent, someone to be counted on
* Safe, easy to talk to and be with
* “What you see is what you get”
* Has a great ability to reduce anxiety among a group during stressful times
* Sought out by others during stressful times or a crisis due to their stability
* Note: this does not correlate with a strong positive orientation. One could be
quite negative, but still valued for their stability and consistency
*
Stronger Reliance on WANTS
* Move to action faster than others around them and may not allow time to
analyze the situation
* May “steamroll” over others in the group when they are not ready to move at the
same pace
* May miss their own feelings during stressful situations and increase the risk of a
misstep
* Lose trust and collaboration of others because “you will push through what you
want anyway”
* Use moving to action as a powerful self-soothing strategy – helps reduce tension
or stress
*
Stronger Reliance on
THOUGHTS
* Highly developed analytical ability
* Move into their own heads to solve
problems, especially when stressed
* Focus on problem-solving and detail
* May move to decision-making slower
than some would like
* Want to ensure accuracy so may be
overly cautious and careful
*
Stronger Reliance on FEELINGS
*
*
Awareness of feelings in the moment
*
*
Use feelings as important information to be considered in the moment
May get “hijacked by the amygdale” or stuck in feelings if the dominant feelings are fear or
anger
May be experienced by others as “too feely” or emotional depending on how much is
expressed
Under Reliance on FEELINGS
*
*
*
*
Difficult to name feelings during time of stress
May be able to identify feelings after the crisis
Be expressive with underlying emotion that is apparent to others but not the individual
May “misstep” during times of emotional intensity because they do not have conscious access
to the fundamental driver of everything we do
*
This dimension measures one’s
ability to focus on the other and
accurately identify what they are
experiencing, including thinking,
feeling, wanting, and their
intentions.
It does not imply any feelings
towards the other person.
The ideal level is to rate at or
above the 75th percentile.
*
High Level
*
*
Ability to easily and accurately focus on the other person
Tune in to what is happening with another person, situation, or group
Medium Level
*
Ability to read others well during normal times and lose some of the capacity when under
stress
*
If they are experiencing strong levels of fear, anger, anxiety, or shame, they may stop
attending to the other and/or misread others
*
To stop the negative “story” one may be telling themselves diminishing the quality or value
of the relationship, it’s important to inquire with the other person about their experience
Low Level
*
*
*
*
Lose ability to see others accurately during times of stress – misreading or not noticing
Misinterpret others when challenged or stressed
Create negative “stories” about others
Tend to minimize their impact on others because of the misinterpretation
*
This dimension measures
one’s ability to know what
it’s like to be in someone
else’s shoes or to feel
another person’s experience.
This also measures one’s
capacity to stay emotionally
connected vs. disconnecting
during stressful or difficult
interactions.
The ideal is to rate at the
75th percentile or greater.
*
High Level
*
*
*
*
Value and enjoy relationships – experienced by others as sensitive, caring, and available
Stay connected with others even when challenged or stressed
Maintain positive orientation towards self and others when challenged
As leaders, stating clear intentions may be useful at times which creates a boundary between
being personally compassionate and holding others accountable
Medium Level
*
*
Ability to stay connected to others to some degree when challenged or stressed
May become serious or task-oriented, but most likely will not withdrawal or disconnect from
others
Low Level
*
*
*
*
Withdraw or disconnect from others when challenged or stressed
May be dismissive and lack a sense of caring
Turn inward to protect their emotional energy
Have more difficulty creating and sustaining healthy relationships – challenges with intimacy
With your partner:
1. What are the implications of your empathy accuracy
and empathy compassion scores on your
leadership effectiveness?
2. What do you feel you need to work on?
*
SELF-REGULATION
How I manage myself in relationship under stress.
Two Key points:
1. The relationship strategies measure the behavior we tend
to call upon when challenged.
2. These behaviors are driven by the self-reflection and
empathy dimensions.
*
Individual 4 bars
add up to 100%.
Top of bars report
the % of time the
strategy was
reported.
Percentile ranking
compares
individual ratings
to entire
population and
shows the
significance of the
difference.
*
High Trust of Self & Other
Measures the degree an individual can easily share authority, listen and
be open to others, and works and plays with others collaboratively.
The ideal is to rely on this strategy 50-60% of the time.
The adult attachment strategy is Secure.
*
High Reliance (Ideal - 50-60%)
*
*
*
*
Maintain access to their own experience and a desire to maintain access to the other
Take responsibility for their own contribution in a conflict
Capacity to feel compassion towards the other
Capacity to recognize and welcome different perspectives
Medium Level (45-50%)
*
*
Ability to stay connected with others to a degree when challenged or stressed
May become serious or task-oriented when challenged, but will most likely not disconnect
Low Level (<45%)
*
*
*
*
*
Have difficulty staying connected in healthy ways with others
Tend to withdraw or remain in a dependent position in relationships
Often lack emotional energy (Joy) to rely heavily on this strategy
May have high Disconnected where they lose trust in everyone
Have difficulty creating and sustaining healthy relationships – challenges with intimacy
*
High Trust of Self - Low Trust of Other
I’ll do it
myself
Characterized by a drive to withdraw from
a relationship under stress and become
very independent or to take authority in a
“control and command manner.”
The ideal is to rely on this strategy 15-20%
of the time.
The adult attachment strategy associated
with independent is Avoidant.
*
Ideal Reliance (15-20%)
*
*
*
*
*
*
Find ease and enjoyment working independently
Can focus and take charge in times of crisis
Can be decisive without disconnecting from others
Can take appropriate risks, trusting themselves and their abilities
Can both take and give authority to others
As leaders, provide structure and clarity others need to achieve objectives
Excessive Reliance (>25%)
*
*
*
*
*
Becomes very independent and disconnects from others
Difficulty delegating and giving authority to others
Take authority in a “control and command” manner
Overly rely on structure, policy, and procedures which leave others feeling dismissed/demoralized
Difficulty listening to others, staying connected, and valuing other opinions
Low Reliance (<15%)
*
*
*
Difficulty being decisive
Find difficulty in taking charge or command…doubt themselves
May be experienced by others as a pushover or weak leader
*
Low Trust of Self - High Trust of Other
Characterized by staying connected to
others when challenged.
The ideal is to rely on this strategy 15-20%
of the time, having a similar or equal
balance of reliance on the independent
strategy.
The adult attachment strategy is Anxious
Ambivalent.
*
Ideal Reliance (15-20%)
*
*
*
*
*
*
Stay connected to others when challenged and value/enjoy relationships
Move towards others with high trust during crisis/high stress
Approval and support of others is important
Can be excellent leaders for mature teams and for mentoring
Show appreciation of others, value others input and opinions, good listeners
May be experienced as “overly sensitive” or “needy” by those relying heavily on independent
Excessively High Reliance (>25%)
*
*
*
*
Easily wounded in relationships
Give away own personal and professional power to maintain relationships
Difficulty making hard decisions
Others may experience these leaders as weak
Low Reliance (<15%)
*
*
*
Withdraw from others when challenged
Find difficulty giving others authority and may rely on the Disconnected strategy
Have more difficulty with creating and sustaining healthy relationships.
*
Low Trust of Self and Other
Reflects a lack of emotional safety in relationships. This includes feelings
of hopelessness and a readiness to give up.
The ideal is to rely on this strategy 7-11% of the time.
This strategy is useful because not all relationships are successful,
regardless of the level of commitment or energy one invests.
The adult attachment strategy is Disorganized.
*
Ideal Reliance (7-11%)
*
Can assess the situation and make a conscious choice about staying or leaving a relationship.
This decision is based on all the dimensions in the tool.
*
Can state clear intentions which creates a boundary between being personally compassionate
and holding others accountable
*
Have the internal capacity to weigh the situation, maintain awareness that they have choices,
and rely on internal and external information to make wise decisions
Excessively High Reliance (>14%)
*
May physically and emotionally leave relationships prematurely, personal or professional,
without analyzing their options first
*
Others may stay (physically, not emotionally) in an unhealthy relationship (or job) unable to see
other options
*
Staying in the unhealthy relationship then causes resentment, unhappiness. Individuals feel
taken advantage of and blame others.
Low Reliance (<5%)
*
*
*
*
*
Don’t allow themselves to feel pain or distress
Have high joy and/or confidence in themselves
Rely heavily on Interdependent strategy
Believe that they can make things ok, or fix it, by working long and hard enough
As leaders, these individuals risk not knowing when to quit or stop
*
Sample Profile #13
This individual is the leader of your organization.
*
*
*
*
What strength(s) are represented in their report? Why?
Which area(s) need development or a “work out”? Why?
What implications could both of these have on the culture of the organization?
How would you describe this individual as a leader if their report was representative of
their leadership style?
Sample Profile #18
This individual is the leader of your organization.
*
The path:
eyes
ears
thalamus*
amygdala
before the neocortex (rational brain).
The survival part of the brain has a hair trigger
that can distort things and cause a quick but
sloppy reaction.
Animals and humans can respond to anything in
the environment in one twelve thousandths of a
second.
*thalamus relays motor and sensory signals to the
cerebral cortex. It also regulates sleep, alertness and
wakefulness.
*
1.
Any strong emotion trips the amygdala – impairs the prefrontal
cortex’s working memory.
2.
The power of emotions overwhelms rationality which is why
when we are emotionally upset or stressed we can’t think
straight.
3.
Amygdala - + blood and + oxygen =
in cortex. Our thinking
power is disrupted and there are deficits in our problem solving
because of less blood in the brain!
4.
It is like losing 10 to 15 IQ points temporarily…
“What was I thinking???” …”Oh, wait…I wasn’t!”
The “Invincible Power” cocktail
1 part cortisol
1 part adrenolin
1 part testosterone
1 part dopamine
When the amygdala fires hormones, oxygen and blood goes
away from the brain making thinking and problem solving
almost impossible.
Emotions overpower rationality= immediate loss of 15 IQ
points
*
*Bill Clinton
*Mike Tyson – Evander Holyfield’s ear
*Eliot Spitzer, Gov of NY – involved in
prostitution ring. Grad Princeton
then Harvard Law seduced by
pleasure and irrationality.
*Organizational Hijack - ENRON
* Emotions are contagious- if one person is emotionally
hijacked on your team or organization most likely
others will catch it, like the flu.
* A team can quickly lose IQ points and jeopardize
executive decisions and deteriorate the teamwork and
collaboration.
* The leaders’ ability to manage their emotions is
paramount as they are the “emotional thermostat”
for their team and can influence their team’s mood
and productivity. The Hay Group has found that the
leader has 70%+ influence over the climate of the
team.
*
* Chemical Oxytocin –pituitary hormone
* Activated by human connection and opens up the
networks in our executive brain or prefrontal cortex
– further increasing our ability to trust and open
ourselves to sharing.
* Goal: spur production of oxytocin in yourself and
others while avoiding those spikes of cortisol and
adrenaline.
*
* Women release more O than men.
* As Oxy increases, empathy increases.
* There is a direct link between O and concern for others.
* The greater the O, the less cautious and more curious
and more cooperative.
* The more money humans have / get, the more
testosterone that is produced.
* The greater the testosterone, the greater the
aggression, selfishness, entitlement and punishment.
*
New research* using the functional MRI science has learned that labeling strong
feelings helps reduce their intensity and return some of the activity
back to the cortex. For example, “You must be very sad about your
loss.”
* Labelling normalizes what they are feeling. The feelings are
cognitively reappraised or reframed and thus less aroused. This is
called “affect labeling.”
* Self management is a leader’s ability to be aware of what they are
experiencing as another data set of information and be able to
accept, manage and adjust to their emotions.
*
1. What am I thinking? (Basal ganglia- integrates
feelings,thoughts and movements).
2. What am I feeling? (Basal ganglia- integrates feeling
thoughts and movements) Temporal Lobes – emotional
stability, name it to tame it – labeling affect.)
3. What do I want now? (Cerebellum – executive functions
connects to Prefrontol Cortex (PFC), cognitive integration.
4. How am I getting in my way? Prefrontal Cortex –
learning from mistakes.
5. What do I need to do differently now? (Prefrontal
Cortex –the boss /supervisor of life – executive functioning,
planning, goal setting, insight)
Peer coach: value of
having one.
Pick one!
Journal assignment:
Identify the specific areas to work on.
Look at the exercises in your manual and identify what, specifically
you will do (and in what situations or with which individuals)?
How will you know you are making positive progress in developing
this area?
Reptilian
Most common:
Rescue
Rebel
Look Good
Be Pleasing
Withdraw
Be Aggressive
Be Formal
Be Super Rational
*
How do they see you …
*Dealing with powerful people when you’re under
stress?
*Reacting when you know someone is disappointed
in you?
2. Pick 2 or 3 political scripts:
Identify what triggers each of these
scripts.
Write down how you use these
scripts.
What do you do?
How do you respond?
For Whom?
*
*
Requires:
1.
2.
3.
Facing the harsh realities.
Seeing your contribution to the problem.
Being authentic in the face of possible disapproval: what
do you need to say and
to whom do you need to say it?