Examining Conflict Styles: How
Do You Manage Conflict?
Renee A. Meyers, Ph.D.
Department of Communication, UWM
Colloquium MCW
February 13, 2008
Typical View of Conflict
 Most people view conflict as difficult
and unpleasant
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Competitive
Emotional
Results in decreased communication
Misperception and bias
Rigid positions
Magnifies differences, minimizes similarities
Escalates issues and problems
Everyday Conflict
 Conflict is everyday occurrence
 Disagreement over
procedures
 Disagreement over ideas
 Disagreement over needs
Alternative View of Conflict
 Assumptions about conflict
 Conflict is comprehensible social process
 Conflict management skills can be
learned; good conflict managers are not
born, but made
 Conflict management skills improve
through learning, training, and practice
 Conflict management is problem solving
that involves both advocacy and
attention to relationships
Everyday Conflict
Goals and Objectives
 Understand own conflict management
style
 Learn when your style works best
 Introduce integrative model for
conflict management
Understanding Conflict Management
Strategies
Label the columns on the questionnaire:
Row I: Items 1, 4, etc – Collaborative Style
Row II: Items 3, 7, etc – Avoidant Style
Row III: Items 8, 10, etc – Competitive Style
Row IV: Items 2, 12, etc – Accommodating
Style
 Row V: Items 5, 9, etc – Compromising Style
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Conflict Management Styles
Concern for other
(cooperativeness)
High
Accommodating
Collaborative
Compromise
Avoidance
Competitive
Low
High
Concern for Own
Position
(Advocacy)
Examining Styles
 Complete handout to determine how
one communicates in each style
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Avoidant
Competitive
Accommodating
Compromising
Collaborative
Styles in Scenario
 What style(s) are Mary and Jim using
in the conflict scenario?
 Are these appropriate? If you were a
conflict management specialist, what
would you suggest to Jim and Mary?
When To Use Each Style
 When might each of the styles be
most useful?
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Avoidant
Competitive
Accommodating
Compromising
Collaborative
Employing Strategies
 Avoiding
 When issue is trivial
 When potential disruption outweighs the
benefits of resolution
 To let people cool down and regain
perspective
Employing Strategies
 Competitive—advocate own position
 On issues vital to company welfare, and
you know you are right
 Against people who will take advantage
of noncompetitive behavior
 When you are on equal status with other
person(s)
Employing Strategies
 Accommodating
 When you find you are wrong—to allow a
better position to be heard, and to show
reasonableness
 To build social credits for later issues
 When harmony and stability are
paramount
 To minimize loss when you are
outmatched and losing
Employing Strategies
 Compromising
 To achieve temporary settlements
 To arrive at expedient solutions under
time pressure
 When opponents of equal power are
committed to mutually exclusive goals
Employing Strategies
 Collaborative
 When both sets of concerns are too
important to be compromised
 To merge insights from people of different
perspectives
 To gain commitment by incorporating
concerns into a consensus
 To work through relational issues that have
interfered with relationship development
Integrative Model for Conflict
Management
1. Recognize the value of the
relationship
2. Narrow to one issue
3. Neutralize defensiveness and set up
integrative framework
4. Echo and explain “stories”
5. Develop a workable solution
6. Implement plan and be accountable
Planning for Integrative Conflict
Management
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What is the primary issue?
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What is your story?
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What is the other person’s story?
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What do you want?
Where is your story weak, vulnerable, unreasonable?
What other options do you have?
What will this person want?
What are their alternatives?
What additional information do you need to understand their position?
What are the connections between the stories?
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What will be the major differences?
Where will you, and the other party, become most defensive?
What are the possible benefits to both parties?
Integrative Model for Conflict
Management
 Start by recognizing the value of the
relationship:
 I wanted to talk to you today
because I would like us to continue
to work together effectively . . .
 I wanted to talk to you about this
because I would appreciate your
help making my clinic successful. . .
 I wanted to talk to you because I
value your friendship . . .
Integrative Model for Conflict
Management
 Narrow to one issue
 I want to talk about the assignment of residents. I
hope that we can figure out something that works for
both of us.
OR
 I want to talk about how we manage our differences
BUT NOT BOTH!!
 Discussing everything “and the kitchen sink” is not
productive. Only leads to greater defensiveness.
Integrative Model for Conflict
Management
 Neutralize defensiveness and set up
integrative framework—working together
toward goal
 I really would like it if we could figure out a way
to provide enough residents for my clinic. I feel
like I can’t get the work done well otherwise.
 Use “we” language as much as possible
 Use “I” language instead of “you” language
Integrative Model for Conflict
Management
 How to say:
 YOU never give me enough residents
 It feels to me like I never have enough
residents to do the job well
 YOU always go behind my back to the chair
 I would prefer if we could work out our
difference between us before we have to get
the chair involved
 YOU’RE so dumb, stupid, dense, incompetent .
..
 I think it would help if we both understood each
other’s positions
Integrative Model for Conflict
Management
 Get Both Stories on the Table
 Ask the other person to explain their story/viewpoint:
 Jim: It feels like I never have enough residents for
my clinic. I think it is an excellent opportunity for
residents, and I would like them to get this
opportunity. I feel like I just can’t do justice to the
clinic if I never have enough residents.
 Echo back this person’s story (as you understand it)
and then explain your story/viewpoint:
 Mary: I can see that you are very committed to your
clinic and to the education of the residents. It is hard
sometimes to know ahead of time how many residents
can be assigned. I have many requests and sometimes
I can’t honor all of them
Integrative Model for Conflict
Management
 Is there a solution, or are there solutions,
that would fit both parties’ needs regarding
the resident assignment problem?
 On rotational basis, clinics get first request
 Revisit resident assignment policy to see if
changes should be made
 Determine minimum and maximum of each
clinic, and seek to provide minimum number
first
Integrative Model for Conflict
Management
 Implement plan and be accountable
 Make sure to check up periodically (or
within a set time frame) to make sure
the solution is working (or still working).
Behavior of Skilled Conflict
Managers
 Appreciative Moves
 Appreciate other person’s situation—
solicit his/her story and views
 Encourage the other person to elaborate
 Respect the other person’s objections—
anticipate them and recognize them
yourself
 Appreciate other person’s feelings
 Pay attention to undercurrents
 Pay attention to nonverbal cues
Behavior of Skilled Conflict
Managers
 Appreciate the other person’s ideas
 Respond to the other person’s ideas—suspend
judgment, and consider ideas
 Link the other person’s ideas with yours
 Appreciate the other person’s face
 Show respect for the other person
 Make it easy for the other person to retreat
 Appreciate the solution that has been
made, and review it with other party at end
of conflict session
Where Have We Been Today?
 Understand own conflict management
style
 Learn when your style works best
 Introduce integrative model for
conflict management