Advice from Eats, Shoots & Leaves
By Lynne Truss
What is a Stickler??
• One who insists on something unyieldingly
• Something puzzling or difficult
What does “unyieldingly” mean??
• Not bending; inflexible
• Not giving way to pressure or persuasion
• Obdurate
What does “obdurate” mean??
• Hardened against feeling; hardhearted
• Not giving in to persuasion
You know you have an Inner Stickler if…
• You carry around a permanent black marker
to correct any mistakes you see on posters,
advertisements, etc.
• You experience the stages of grief at the sight
of bad grammar: shock, disbelief, pain, anger.
• You have a Seventh Sense: instead of seeing
dead people, you see dead punctuation.
• You are a member of any kind of grammatical
society such as the Apostrophe Protection
Society in England.
• You believe that proper punctuation is the
world’s most endangered species.
• You know the historical background of
punctuation.
Why is good grammar so important?
A panda walks into a café. He orders a
sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and
fires two shots into the air.
“Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the
panda makes towards the exit. The panda
produces a badly punctuated wildlife
manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
“I’m a panda,” he says at the door. “Look it
up.”
The waiter turns to the relevant entry and,
sure enough, finds an explanation…
“Panda. Large black-and-white bearlike mammal, native to China. Eats,
shoots & leaves.”
What is the definition of Grammar?
• “the traffic signals of language; they tell us
when to slow down, take a detour, and
stop.”
• “the invisible servants in fairy tales—the
ones who bring glasses of water and
pillows, not storms of weather or love.”
• “a courtesy designed to help readers
understand a story without stumbling.”
The Consequences of
Mispunctuation:
• A woman, without her man, is nothing.
• A woman: without her, man is nothing.
The Consequences of
Mispunctuation:
Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You
are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not
like you admit to being useless and inferior. You
have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have
no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be
forever happy---will you let me be yours?
Jill
The Consequences of
Mispunctuation:
Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you
are generous, kind, thoughtful people who are not
like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You
have ruined me. For other men I yearn. For you I have
no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be
forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Jill
The Abused Apostrophe
• The Apostrophe takes more abuse than any other
type of punctuation.
• It first appeared in the 16th century in Greece.
• In Greek, the word means ‘turning away’ or ‘omission.’
It was used to mark dropped letters in classical texts
(ta’en=taken)
• It was first used to show possession in the 17th
century (the teacher’s desk)
• In England, in the days of yore, a humble farmer
pointed out a misplaced apostrophe in a royal decree.
The Queen created the job of Apostropher Royal, to
control the quality and distribution of apostrophes to
all grocers in England. This job still exists.
• There have been reports of grocers deliberately
misusing the apostrophe in their advertisement in
order to bring customers in and get them to buy
something.
The Abused Apostrophe
• Current approved uses of the apostrophe include:
-possessive in singular noun (student’s book)
-possessive in plural noun (women’s movement or boys’
hats)
-Indicates time or quantity (four yards’ worth or two
weeks’ notice)
-Indicates the omission of figures in dates (’04)
-Indicates the omission of letters (We can’t go to
Jo’burg.)
-Features in Irish names (O’Neill)
-Indicates plurals of letters (how many f’s are there?)
-Indicates plurals of words (Are there too many but’s
and and’s at the beginnings of sentences these days?)
The Abused Apostrophe
• New rule for the apostrophe:
-Modern names and Biblical names ending in ‘s’ and
which are possessive, now require the ‘s’ after the
apostrophe (James’s store).
-The only exceptions are: names from the ancient world,
names that end with the ‘iz’ sound, and Jesus.
• The abuse of It’s:
-The word it’s (with apostrophe) stands for ‘it is’ or ‘it
has.’ If the word does not stand for ‘it is’ or ‘it has’, then
what you require is ‘its.’
• The Law of Conservation of Apostrophes:
-For every apostrophe omitted from an it’s, there is an
extra one put into an its. Thus the number of
apostrophes in circulation remains constant.
The Abused Apostrophe
• Take up arms in the Apostrophe War!
• Weapons needed (stop when you feel uncomfortable…):
-correction fluid (white out)
-big pens
-stickers cut in a variety of sizes, both plain (for sticking
over unwanted apostrophes) and colored (for inserting
where apostrophes are needed)
-can of paint with big brush
-guerilla style clothing
-strong medication for personality disorder
-bullhorn
-weapons
The Abused Apostrophe
• If the apostrophe did become extinct,
imagine the scene the next day when
the triumphant abolitionist writes:
“Goodbye to the Apostrophe; we’re
not missing you a bit!”