SENIOR PARENT AND STUDENT NIGHT
GVHS  SEPTEMBER 9TH, 2015
CARL ROSIN & PAUL WRIGHT
RADNOR HIGH SCHOOL/JUMPSTART MAIN LINE
JUMPSTARTMAINLINE@GMAIL.COM

Writing College Essays:
6 points to ponder
Original presentation developed by
Carl Rosin & Beth Cope, December 2011
1
ADDITION to the application

Admissions folks will have your grades, SAT/ACT
scores and extra-curricular activities.


No need to repeat information…but you may want to
Think strategy: What can your Essay add that is not
already elsewhere in your application?
2
Key questions: WHY YOU? and WHY US?

Common category for a college’s questions: Why you?
A) Your transition from childhood to adulthood in your culture or family….
B) A time you learned from failure….
You must be the focal point—not Uncle Joe or confirmation class or the
landscape of Costa Rica. Discuss how that element/story influenced and
continues to influence your life.

Common category for a college’s questions: Why us?
C) Why do you want to attend Malvern Institute of Technology?
Show that you know and care about the school’s curriculum, program, location,
etc.
HONOR THE WRITING PROCESS
3

Writing is a PROCESS—often a long one!
1.
Start in advance. (How about now?)
2.
Be sure to answer the question asked, and not some other question.
3.
Brainstorm, web, map, outline ideas.
4.
Create several drafts before asking others to read your essay.
5.
Select one or two (not ten) skilled readers to give you feedback.
6.
Revise, revise, revise, revise and revise again.
4
ORGANIZATION

Consider AUDIENCE.

Promote your interests and talents: display what makes you, you




Consider taking a RISK
GRAB the reader with an imaginative lead.



This is not an essay for your English teacher!
Reader is a person who doesn’t know you, who is also reading hundreds of other
essays
Start in medias res
Tell a story; don’t design a thesis
CONCLUDE purposefully.

Tie back to the beginning?
Examples: vivid, descriptive
Uninspired, banal, mediocre…


In the essay, I am going to write
about why I want to become a
chemist.
Chemistry is a subject in which I do
well, and in which I can imagine
having a long and productive career.
…Improved


When the make-shift volcano I built
for my science project accidently
blew up in the kitchen, I knew that I
wanted to be a chemist.
I spent two hours wiping baking
soda gloop off the walls and
cabinets, but I couldn't wipe the
smile off my face. The volcano I
had created for my fourth-grade
science project had blown up -accidentally -- in the kitchen. I had
loved every minute of it.
These examples are longer, but they
accomplish more, too….
Examples: taking a risk?
Safe

Teaching is a noble profession. My
own experiences as a student
convinced me that it is the right field
for me to pursue in college and for
my career.
Riskier

The letters moved. I knew they
weren't supposed to, but I
couldn't make them stop. The girl
to my left was reading, calmly, in
the beanbag chair. I sat in terror.
Suddenly, a gentle hand rested
on my shoulder. "Pat," Mrs.
Drubwater said, "Let's work on
this a little together, just the two
of us, okay?"
The “thesis” would come later…
5
STYLE and TECHNIQUE

Compressed language.
 Some
essays (Common App) must not be longer than
650 words. Supplements are often not more than 250
words. Now some are trying to get you to tweet, or
write 25 words!


Be mindful of word choice/vocabulary, sentence
construction, and even punctuation.
Show—don’t tell.
Style “don’ts”
Vague, clichéd language

I'm really excited about going to Valley University. You have
awesome programs and the professors seem fantastic.
Empty words, ineffective intensifiers, unnecessary passive voice



Empty words: awesome, fantastic, fascinating, terrific, and
(especially) interesting
Would-be intensifiers that often don't emphasize effectively:
really, actually, basically
Unnecessary passive voice
6
VOICE
“Let that page come out of you—
Then, it will be true.”
From “Theme for English B”
by Langston Hughes
The best essays are authentic. You do not have to hire a tutor
to find your voice. Take time, commit thought, ask your parents,
use the Writing Center here at GVHS; even some classes here
will work with you on the college essay.