Elephants in the Room
Part 2 of 6
“The Power of Patience”
Ephesians 4:26-27
Sermon #1476
April 18-19, 2015
Central Thought: When we entrust our lives to the leadership of the Holy
Spirit, our lives begin to reflect the Character of Christ!
Introductory Thoughts:
In his letter to the Galatian Christians, the Apostle Paul penned
these words:
Let’s take a few moments to consider each of these nine Christian traits.
As you look at Paul’s list, which of the nine characteristics do you feel
God has developed pretty well in your life? Which of the nine do you believe
He still desires to develop in you more fully? Which one of the nine, if
you could live your life over again, do you wish had been more apparent
in your own personal Christian character?
For you, would it have been more loving, joyful, or peaceful? Maybe
it would have been patience, kindness, or goodness? Or, would you rather
have been more faithful, gentle, or had more personal self-control?
For me, I would have desired to be more patient – to have lived my
life with less frustration – to have engaged in the wonder of life and in
the lives of those I love and encountered with a much more easygoing
attitude.
Patience Defined: The Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible defines
Patience as the “ability to take a great deal of punishment from evil people
or circumstances without losing one’s temper, without becoming irritated
and angry, or without taking vengeance. It includes the capacity to bear
pain or trials without complaint, the ability to forbear under severe
provocation, and the self-control which keeps one from acting rashly even
though suffering opposition or adversity.”1
One of my professors used to teach us , “Patience is anger expressed
only after a long fuse has been ignited; burned; and, extinguished!”
For us to grow in our ability to be patient, we will first need to
grow in our understanding of anger.
Elwell, W. A., & Beitzel, B. J. (1988). In Baker encyclopedia of the Bible (p. 1619). Grand Rapids,
MI: Baker Book House.
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1
The Process that Leads to Anger: In each of our lives we are going
to experience numerous events that will provide us opportunities to become
either angry or patient people.
When any event occurs (a spoken word, an insensitive remark, an
inadvertent act, a child running into the street, or, a callous comment)
each of us has a primary emotional response (if the spoken word is a
complement, we experience appreciation, joy, or the wonder of
acknowledgement; if the insensitive remark touches an area of personal
sensitivity, we experience hurt, disappointment, or insecurity; if our
child or grandchild runs into the street, we experience fear, panic, or
failure to be a proper parent or grandparent; if someone makes a callous
comment, we experience hurt or bewilderment) we then experience a secondary
emotional response – and, in our culture the most prominent secondary
emotional response is “anger”. Following the secondary emotional response
is an action.
So, let’s be sure we fully grasp this process: first there is an
event; then, a primary emotional response occurs; followed by a secondary
emotional response; and, finally, a response occurs on our part!
Let’s take a few moments to be sure we are all on the same page:
1.
The Event: someone inadvertently or purposefully cuts us off
in traffic; Primary Emotion: belittled, lack of appreciation, demeaned;
Secondary Emotion: anger; and, finally Our Response: honk the horn,
think or say a few choice words, our blood pressure rises, I peel Phyllis’
hand away from my forearm, and, hopefully this is where it ends.
One more example just to be sure: 1. The Event: Our child or
grandchild runs into the street and a driver makes a last minute maneuver
to be sure their car misses our child or grandchild; 2. The Primary
Emotion: fear, panic, Phyllis is going to kill me! 3. The Secondary
Emotion: Anger;
4. Our Response: Hug them until we are sure they
are ok and then an extensive timeout or a spanking is given.
Every day … in every life…in every relationship…in every home… this
process is acted out …is it a process that you can recognize? Is it a
process you have ever found yourself participating in?
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The Impact of Anger:
While the Bible tells us we can experience anger without sinning,
anger also has an insidious nature in that it deceives us into feeling like
we are in control, while in fact the emotion of anger has taken over. If
anger is not brought under control, its leadership and impact can be
continually manifested our lives. A manifestation that is harmful and
eventually destructive to all of the lives of those it touches.
If left unchecked, anger moves a person into the realm of vengeance,
accelerates them into the reality of bitterness, and eventually guides them
to the graveyard of broken relationships.
Experts on human relationships have identified four ways human beings
express anger – three of them which lead us into the realm of sin – while,
the fourth allows us to experience the emotion of anger and respond to the
situation as Jesus would.
So, let’s take a few moments to identify these four expressions of
anger and how we can learn how to pursue the one that leads us to the pathway
of patience!
The Four Expressions of Anger:

Explosion: Also known as Aggressive Anger … this expression is
highly verbal and often exhibits physical outbursts …While striving to
remain free from the impact of anger personally, these people often raise
the blood pressure of others and inflict strong discomfort with their
virulent outbursts – and, while pursuing this approach … they find
themselves failing to resolve any element of their interpersonal conflicts.
Moses Explodes in the Desert of Zin: Numbers 20:11–12 (NIV84) “Then
Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed
out, and the community and their livestock drank. 12 But the LORD said to
Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as
holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into
the land I give them.”

Suppression:
Also known as Passive-Aggressive Anger … this type
of secondary response manifests itself in ways that continually cause
problems for others … while swallowing or shelving their anger for short
or longer periods of time, these expressers of anger often seek to inflect
their dissatisfaction toward a person or a situation with criticism, short
bursts of frustration, or any other process that subtly declares their
dissatisfaction with a person or situation.
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Joseph ‘s Brothers Suppressed Anger is Released as They Sell Joseph
into Slavery: Genesis 37:26–28 (NIV84) “Judah said to his brothers,
“What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? 27 Come,
let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all,
he is our brother, our own flesh and blood.” His brothers agreed. 28 So when
the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the
cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who
took him to Egypt.”
o
Repression: Also known as Passive or Indirect Anger … repressors
choose to pretend there are no feelings of anger, but with this approach
of denial, they discover it also prevents them from resolving conflicts
that arise in our lives. Instead of addressing any pertinent issue, this
approach often takes the avenue of expressing Anger in a passive manner.
Rather than directly addressing issues, this approach often leads the
aggrieved individual to talk to others about our bosses, co-workers, family
members or former friends as a means of expressing our dissatisfaction
without pursuing a pathway that resolves the issue that is creating the
emotion of anger.
As the Pharisees were frustrated with Jesus, their inability to work
out their issues would eventually lead them to seek His physical demise:
John 5:10–16 (NIV84) “…and so the Jews said to the man who had been healed,
“It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.” 11 But he replied,
“The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ” 12 So
they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”
13 The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away
into the crowd that was there. 14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and
said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may
happen to you.” 15 The man went away and told the Jews that it was Jesus
who had made him well. 16 So, because Jesus was doing these things on the
Sabbath, the Jews persecuted him.”
John 11:50 (NIV84) “You do not realize that it is better for you that
one man die for the people than that the whole nation perish.”

Confession:
Of the four expressions of anger, Confession refers to the process
that allows us to respond to our hurt in a way that keeps sin from entering
into our relationships or our lives. Each and every one of us will experience
moments in our lives when actions by others will intentionally or
unintentionally violate us emotionally, relationally, or physically. Our
ability to respond to those situations in a confessional manner will allow
us to pursue the pathway that restores our relationships, heals ourselves,
and prevents us from engaging in sinful behavior.
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With our remaining time, we are going to discover the pathway that
leads to patience!
Take Away Items:

There is No Sin in Being Angry …
(Mark 3:5 NIV) "He (Jesus) looked around at them in anger and, deeply
distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, "Stretch out your
hand." He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored."
The Bible is clear – while Jesus was tempted in every way, He lived
a life absent of sin. Here, Mark tells us Jesus was able to be both angry
and without sin.
When we are experiencing the emotion of anger – it is how we choose
to respond that determines whether or not we will enter into the realm of
sin! Anger presents a moment of temptation – how we choose to think about
it and how we choose to respond to it, or any other emotion, determines
whether or not we face it successfully or sinfully.
A truth Paul affirmed to the Ephesian Christians when He said,
Ephesians 4:26a (NIV) “In your anger do not sin” We, like Jesus, can
experience anger without entering into the realm of “sin”.

Anger is not Resolved by Focusing On Anger, but by Addressing the Event
that
Led to the Feelings of Anger …

Lesson Learned from Phyllis – “I Can’t Fix Anger!”
o Clearly Identify the Event
o Clearly Identify the Primary Emotion
o Determine if the Event was Intentional or Unintentional
o Identify a Solution
o Choose to Forgive
o Allow God to Heal

We are to Develop a Sensitivity to such Events and Respond to them
in our Daily Lives …
When Events are Initiated against Us: Matthew 18:15 (NIV84) “If
your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the
two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”
When We Initiate Harmful Events in the Lives of Others:
Matthew 5:23–24 (NIV84) “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at
the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,
24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled
to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
Nothing devastates relationships like unresolved anger – a reality
Jesus clearly understood – a reality Jesus calls each of us to address!
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
If we are going to allow the Holy Spirit to develop the Fruit of
Patience into our Lives, Each of Us are going to have to become Experts
in Handling Anger through Confession!
(1 Cor 10:13 NIV) "No temptation has seized you except what is
common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond
what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way
out so that you can stand up under it."

Almost everyone will identify Explosion as an Inappropriate
expression of Anger …

Most Christians will mistakenly identify Suppression and
Repression as appropriate expressions of Anger … while it appears
people are handling situations well on the outside, on the inside
they are handing anger just as inappropriately as those who
Explode!

Those who desire to become Experts in Confession must realize this
Expertise is not an Inherent Trait but is Acquired … through books,
tapes, seminars, mentoring and counseling … they grow in their
ability to:
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
Identify Challenging Events
Discern First Emotional Reponses
Engage in Meaningful Two Way Conversations
Connect with the Emotional Hurts of Others
Choose to Forgive
Create Resolutions so Future Events are greatly Reduced
Allow God to Heal their Emotional, Relational or Physical
Wounds
In each of our lives, we find “elephants” in our rooms. For those
who have difficulty resolving “anger”, the elephant manifests itself this
way: An Event … A Primary Emotion … A Secondary Emotion… and a Response
of either Explosion, Suppression, or Repression … a Response that leads
to unresolved Anger, Bitterness, and Broken Relationships.
But for those who Choose to Learn how to Respond with Confession,
Unresolved Anger is removed through Healing, Bitterness is replaced with
Forgiveness, Broken Relationships are Healed and Strengthened, and the
Elephant in the Room of a Quick Temper is replaced by God’s Spiritual Fruit
of Patience!
Let Us Pray!
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