Module 6
Teen Dating Abuse
This curriculum is intended to be a tool to assist domestic violence service providers offering victim services (such
as those outlined in California Penal Code §13823.15-13823.16) for the purpose of ensuring advocates working with
survivors meet the requirements of a “Domestic Violence Counselor” pursuant to Evidence Code §1037.1(a)(1).
Objectives
• To gain an understanding of working with
teen survivors of relationship abuse.
• To respond and provide appropriate
interventions and referrals.
• To gain the knowledge and ability to
educate the general public about teen
dating abuse.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 2
Teen Dating Abuse
You should be grateful I even put up with you”
“I can’t live without you”
“You belong to me….if I can’t have you…”
“If you leave, I don’t know
what I might do…….”
“If you leave me I’m going to kill myself!”
“Why didn’t you answer your phone? You must have been
out with someone else!”
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 3
Statistics:
Teen Dating Abuse
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 4
Statistics: Teen Dating Abuse
• More than 1 in 3 teens report that their partners
wanted to know where they were and who they
were with all the time.
(Liz Claiborne Inc. and National Teen Dating abuse Helpline study on tween & teen dating abuse conducted by
Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2008. )
• Nearly 1 in 3 teens who have been in relationships
have experienced the most serious forms of dating
abuse and violence including sexual violence
physical violence, or threats of physical harm to a
partner or self.
(Liz Claiborne Inc. and Family abuse Prevention Fund study on teen dating abuse & abuse linked to the troubled
economy conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, June 2009.)
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 5
Statistics: Teen Dating Abuse
• Boys are more likely to inflict injuries as a result of
perpetrating dating abuse than girls. This trend – where
girls slap and push and boys hit and punch – continues
into adulthood.
(Swahn, Monica; Simon, Thomas; Hertz, Marci; Arias, Illeana, et all. 2008. Liniking Dating abuse , Peer abuse, and
Suicidal Behaviors Among High Risk Youth. American Journal of Preventative Medicine, 2008; 34(1), 30-38.)
• In a 2009 survey of parents, three in four parents say
they have had a conversation with their teen about
what it means to be in a healthy relationship – but 74
percent of sons and 66 percent of daughters said they
have not had a conversation about dating abuse with a
parent in the past year.
(Impact of the Economy and Parent/Teen Dialogue on Dating Relationships and abuse. 2009. Conducted by
Teenage Research Unlimited for the Family abuse Prevention Fund and Liz Claiborne.)
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 6
Attitudes and
Expectations: Common
Teen Opinions on Dating
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 7
Attitudes and Expectations
Teen offenders may believe:
– they have the right to "control" their partners in any
way necessary.
– aggressiveness is “masculine” and submission is
“feminine.”
– they "possess" their partner
– they have the right to demand intimacy
– they may lose respect from peers if they are
attentive and supportive of their partner
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 8
Attitudes and Expectations
Teen survivors may believe:
– they are responsible for solving problems in their
relationships, not their partner
– their partners jealousy, possessiveness and even physical
abuse, is “romantic”
– abusive treatment should be tolerated/accepted if their
partner pays for things
– Their partner’s jealous behavior means he/she loves them
– abuse is “normal” because their friends are also being abused
– there is no one to ask for help
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 9
Truths and
Societal Attitudes:
Teen Dating Abuse
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 10
Truth
Abuse and unhealthy behavior is extremely
common in teenage relationships.
In fact, one in three adolescent girls in the United
States is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal
abuse from a dating partner.
(Davis, Antoinette, MPH. 2008. Interpersonal and Physical Dating abuse among Teens. The National Council on Crime and
Delinquency Focus. Available at http://www.nccdcrc.org/nccd/pubs/Dating%20abuse%20Among%20Teens.pdf.)
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 11
Common Societal Attitude
Domestic violence doesn’t happen to
teenagers.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 12
Truth
Dating abuse is NEVER the survivor’s fault.
Survivors do not provoke dating abuse by making their
partner jealous, acting mean, or teasing their partner
into believing they want to have sex. Perpetrators of
dating abuse are always responsible for their actions,
regardless of the victim’s behavior.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 13
Common Societal Attitude
Victims of dating violence “ask for it.”
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 14
Truth
Jealous and possessive behaviors are a sign that
your partner sees you as a possession, not
that they love you.
These are the most common early warning signs of abuse.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 15
Common Societal Attitude
Jealousy and possessiveness are signs of
true love.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 16
Truth
Teens in same-sex relationships experience
rates of abuse and violence similar to rates
experienced by teens in heterosexual
relationships.
Nearly one in four teens and young adults (ages 12-21
years) in same-sex romantic or sexual relationships
reported some type of partner abuse victimization in
the past year-and-a half. One in ten reported
experiencing physical abuse by a dating partner.
(Halpern CT, Young ML, Waller MW, Martin SL & Kupper LL. 2004. Prevalence of Partner abuse in Same-sex. Romantic and
Sexual Relationships in a National Sample of Adolescents. Journal of Adolescent Health. 35(2): 124-131.)
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 17
Common Societal Attitude
Teen same-sex relationships
aren’t abusive.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 18
Truth
Dating abuse is very common among young
teens, or “tweens.”
One in five tweens – age 11 to 14 – say their friends are
survivors of dating abuse and nearly half who are in
relationships know friends who are verbally abused.
Two in five of the youngest tweens, ages 11 and 12,
report that their friends are survivors of verbal abuse in
relationships.
(Tween and Teen Dating abuse and abuse Study, Teenage Research Unlimited for Liz Claiborne Inc. and the National Teen Dating abuse
Helpline. February 2008. Available athttp://www.loveisnotabuse.com/pdf/Tween%20Dating%20abuse%20Full%20Report.pdf.)
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 19
Societal Attitude
Middle school youth are too young to
learn about dating abuse because they
aren’t dating yet.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 20
Truth
Dating abuse does not happen because
offenders can’t control their tempers.
Offenders are able to control their tempers around
teachers, supervisors, and authority figures. They
choose to be abusive with their dating partners.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 21
Societal Attitude
Offenders are simply unable to control
their tempers.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 22
Truth
Teen dating abuse can be very dangerous and
sometimes lethal.
Nationwide, nearly one in ten high-school students (9.8
percent) has been hit, slapped or physically hurt on
purpose by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
(Eaton DK, Kann L, Kinchen S, et al. 2010. Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance --- United States, 2009. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report.
59(SS5);1-148. Available at http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/pdf/ss/ss5905.pdf.)
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 23
Common Societal Attitude
Teen dating abuse isn’t dangerous.
It’s mostly just arguing and
kids goofing around.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 24
Truth
Abuse happens in many ways other than
physical abuse.
Abuse can be verbal, spiritual, and even financial.
Put-downs, insults, and controlling behavior are just as
abusive as hitting.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 25
Common Societal Attitude
If the offender isn’t hitting their partner
then it isn’t really abuse.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 26
Warning Signs and Effects
of Teen Dating Abuse
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 27
Warning Signs of an Abusive Person
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Was or is abused by a parent
Grew up in a home with domestic violence
Gets very serious in relationships very quickly
Is extremely charming, and an overly smooth talker
Is extremely jealous
Isolates partner from support systems
Attempts to control partner’s behaviors
Is abusive or violent towards other people or animals
Blames other people for misbehavior or failure
Abuses drugs or alcohol
Has unrealistic expectations, such as wanting partner to meet all
of their needs and be perfect
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 28
Warning Signs of an Abusive Person
• Is overly sensitive- acts “hurt” when not getting one’s way, taking
offense easily, gets upset about small inconveniences
• Has ever been cruel to animals
• Has ever abused children
• Has ever hit a boyfriend/girlfriend in the past
• Has ever threatened abuse
• Calls partner names, uses put-downs, or curses at them
• Is extremely moody
• Believes in rigid sex and gender roles
• Uses intimidating body language
• Holds partner against their will to prevent them from walking away
or leaving
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 29
Effects of Teen Dating Abuse
Dating abuse is associated with:
– Significantly higher rates of eating disorder
behaviors
– Lower self-esteem
– Higher rates of suicide attempts
– Lower levels of emotional well-being
(American Bar Association, 2004)
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 30
Evaluating My Relationship
Choose a relationship to evaluate.
This may be a current or former dating relationship, or
relationship with a friend or family member.
Evaluate the relationship using the following
worksheets:
• Evaluating My Relationship
• How Healthy Is My Relationship?
• How My Relationship Affects My Life
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 31
Dynamics of
Teen Dating Abuse
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 32
Definition: Teen Dating Abuse
Teen dating abuse, which may also be referred to as teen
dating violence, means physical, sexual, verbal,
emotional, or technological conduct by a person to
harm, threaten, intimidate, or control a dating partner,
regardless of whether that relationship is continuing or
has concluded or the number of interactions between
the individuals involved.
Abuse may include insults, coercion, social sabotage,
sexual harassment, threats and/or acts of physical or
sexual violence.
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 33
Types of Abuse
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Physical Violence
Sexual Violence
Verbal/ Emotional Abuse
Psychological Abuse
Economic Abuse
Spiritual Abuse
Stalking/ Cyber Stalking
Harassment
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 34
Teen Equality Wheel
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 35
Teen Power and Control Wheel
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 36
Activity
Considering the information you have
learned about the dynamics of teen
dating abuse, complete the following
worksheets:
Understanding Equality
Understanding Power and Control Tactics
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 37
Dynamics
Teens may use physical, sexual, verbal, emotional,
or technological conduct to harm, threaten,
intimidate, or control a dating partner.
Some common tactics used are:
• Isolation
• Extreme Jealousy
• Intimidating/Put Downs
• Fear and Threats
• Stalking
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 38
Relationships in the Media
Make a list of popular couples from the media.
These can be relationships seen in television, movies, reality shows,
books, etc. Try to include numerous characters/personalities that
are popular among children and teens.
Examples:
 Bella and Edward: Twilight
 Chris Brown and Rihanna
 Jay-Z and Beyonce
Discussion:
Would you classify these relationships as healthy or unhealthy?
How might relationships seen in the media influence the way that
teenagers think about and engage in relationships?
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 39
Video: Buffy versus Edward
Is it romance or stalking?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 40
Barriers for Teens in
Abusive Relationships
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 41
Fear of Reporting
Teens in abusive relationships are often afraid to
report the abuse for various reasons:
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Fear of retaliation
Fear that adults won’t believe them
Afraid of CPS reports
Fear of being outed
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 42
Other Barriers
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Fewer resources available for teens
Cultural issues
Unaware of rights/laws/resources
Not educated regarding dynamics of relationship abuse
Less independence
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 43
Intervention:
Working with Teens
in Abusive Relationships
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 44
Developmental Issues
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Identity Formation
Strive for Independence
Peers Become All-Important
Peer Relationships Very Intense
Risk Taking Increases
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 45
Youth Culture
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Music
Media
Language
Technology
– Cell phones, Texting, E-mail, Instant
Messaging, Social Media (Facebook, Twitter),
Skype
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 46
Legal Issues
• Domestic abuse law covers dating abuse against adults
and minors
• If the relationship involves an adult abusing a minor it
is considered child abuse
• Teens can access restraining orders at age 13 without
parent consent
• Help by identifying local resources teens can access
without parent consent
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 47
Safety Planning for Teens
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 48
Teen Safety Planning
Use the buddy system
Identify trustworthy friends
Identify possible ride home in an emergency
Keep items on them in case of emergency (spare
change, cell phone, phone number of someone who
may help, restraining order, etc.)
• Identify safe places
• Reduce the abuser’s access to personal information
(change lock on locker, change passwords on all
accounts, password protect cell phone, etc.)
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Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 49
Healthy Relationships
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 50
Characteristics of Healthy
Relationships
• Talk about feelings
• Respect partner’s friends and activities
• Consider the other person’s opinions and feelings
• Respect differences
• Have equal say in the relationship
• Find solutions to disagreements that work for both
partners
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 51
Resiliency for Teens
41 Developmental Assets
“The Power to Bounce Back”
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 52
Developmental Assets for Teens
– Support
– Empowerment
– Boundaries & Expectations
– Constructive Use of Time
– Commitment to Learning
– Positive Values
– Social Competencies
– Positive Identity
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 53
Brainstorm
What can we do with this
information?
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 54
Resources for Teens
• Love is Respect
www.loveisrespect.org
Offer 24-hour support regarding teen dating abuse.
Teens can call 1-866-331-9474, or go to the website for live chat.
• Love is not Abuse
www.loveisnotabuse.com
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California Youth Crisis Line
www.youthcrisisline.org
Offer 24-hour support to youth in crisis.
Teens can call 1-800-843-5200, or go to the website for live chat.
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California Partnership to End Domestic Violence
Prevention Program
www.cpedv.org/prevention and http://preventionatthepartnership.blogspot.com
Module 6 • Teen Dating Abuse • Published 2012 • Slide 55
This project was supported by Grant Number G-1101CAFVPS from the Administration on Children,
Youth and Families, Family and Youth Services Bureau, U.S. Department of Health and Human
Services (HHS) through the California Emergency Management Agency (Cal EMA).
The opinions, findings, and conclusions in this publication are those of the author and not
necessarily those of HHS nor Cal EMA.
Cal EMA reserves a royalty-free, nonexclusive, and irrevocable license to reproduce, publish, and
use these materials and to authorize others to do so.