Interpersonal Attraction
Chapter 10
Why are relationships important?
 Much of the day-to-day meaning in life comes from
them.
 People feel lonely and alienated without them
Factors in Interpersonal Attraction
 Proximity/propinquity
 Mere exposure
 Similarity
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Attitudes and values
Physical appearance
Interests
demographics
Factors in Interpersonal Attraction
 Physical Appearance/attractiveness
 Reciprocal Liking
 Familiarity
 Related to propinquity, similarity, and reciprocal liking
What is Beautiful is Good
 Stereotype: attractive people are more extraverted,
sociable and popular
 They are more assertive, sexual, and happier
 May be a self-fulfilling prophecy
What is love?
 Sternberg’s Triangular Theory
 1) passion
 2) intimacy
 3) commitment
Types of Love
 Companionate Love
 Intimacy and affection without passion
Types of Love
 Passionate Love
 Intense longing with physiological arousal
Types of Love
 Consummate Love
 Involves passion, intimacy, and commitment
Love is Universal
 Cultural differences in Expectations and experience
 Americans value passionate love
 Asian collectivist societies value companionate love
 Romantic love is almost universal
What Is Attachment?
 Attachment – an emotional bond between two people
Attachment
 Styles usually based on experience with
mother/caregiver as a baby
 Style can be modified in adulthood
When, how & why does Attachment develop?
 By 6 months, infants show obvious signs of attachment to
their mothers (primary caregivers)
 Freud suggested that this is the foundation for all later
relationships.
 Psychoanalysts & behaviorists thought that feeding was the
basis for attachment.
 Harry Harlowe later demonstrated that “contact comfort”
was the important variable.
Social Development
 Harlow’s Surrogate Mother
Experiments
 Monkeys preferred contact
with the comfortable cloth
mother, even while feeding
from the nourishing wire
mother
Attachment & Later Development
 Attachment provides inner feelings of affection &
security.
 Securely attached preschoolers were high in selfesteem, socially competent, cooperative and popular.
 Avoidantly attached agemates were isolated and
disconnected.
 Resistantly attached agemates were disruptive and
difficult.
Attachment Styles
 Mary Ainsworth (1979) identified three attachment styles
between infants and caregiver:
 Secure attachment style (70%) - caregiver is responsive
to infant’s needs; infant trusts caregiver
 Avoidant attachment style (20%) - caregiver is distant or
rejecting; infant suppresses desire to be close to
caregiver
 Ambivalent attachment style (10%) - caregiver is
inconsistently available and overbearing with affection;
infant clings anxiously to caregiver and then fights
against closeness by pushing away
Links Between Attachment in Childhood and
Close Relationships in Adulthood
 Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver (1987) examined continuity
between childhood attachment and romantic relationships
 Securely attached infants are more likely to have a secure
attachment to adult romantic partner
 Individuals with avoidant attachment style in childhood
find it difficult to develop intimate relationship in
adulthood
 Individuals can revise attachment styles in adulthood
Types of Attachment in Adolescence
 Secure autonomous
 Dismissing avoidant
 Rejected by caregiver; deny importance of attachment; related to
violent behavior
 Preoccupied ambivalent
 Attachment seeking; parent inconsistently available; high conflict
 Unresolved disorganized
 Had traumatic experience; disoriented, fearful
Adult Attachment Styles
 Secure – good relationships: trust; not concerned about being
abandoned, sees self-as worthy, well-liked
 Insecure avoidant – difficulty establishing relationships; quickly
end relationships; suppresses attachment needs due to having
been rebuffed
 Ambivalent – less trusting, more jealous, tend to anger and
emotional intensity, anxiety over concern that need for
intimacy will not be reciprocated
Social Exchange Theory
 Economic model of rewards and costs
 Relationship satisfaction based on:
 Rewards and costs
 Relationship deserved
 Chances of a better relationship
Social Exchange Theory
 Terms –
 Comparison level – expectations, relationship satisfaction
depends on this
 Comparison level for alternatives – What are your chances
of a better relationship? Also affects relationship
satisfaction
Investment Model
 The theory that relationship commitment depends on not
only the comparison level and comparison level for
alternatives, but on how much they have invested in the
relationship and stand to lose if they leave.
Equity Theory
 The best relationships are those where both parties are
making roughly equal contributions (and rewards =
costs).
 These relationships are the most stable and the happiest.
One Person Over-benefitted
 Low cost, high reward
 Does not devote enough time and effort to the
relationship
One-person Underbenefitted
 High-cost, low reward
 Devotes much time and energy
 Inequity more important to this person
Ending Relationships
 In America, the divorce rate is nearly 50% of the
current marriage rate (Probably more realistically 30%
overall).
Behavior in Troubled Relationships
 Actively harming the relationship:
 Partner abuse
 Threatening to leave
 Leaving
 Passively permitting deterioration:
 Ignoring partner
 refusing to deal with problems
Behavior in Troubled Relationships
 Constructive Behaviors
Passive loyalty
waiting and being optimistic
not fighting, being supportive
Active Attempts to Improve
discussing problems
going to counseling
trying to change
The Process of Breaking Up
 Breakers feel less distress than breakers.
 Try to make it mutual.