Imagine that… suddenly…….
you lose your family,
have no close friends
and no romantic partner…….
1
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Communication in
Personal Relationships
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What is the difference between commitment
and love?
Is it healthy for relationships if partners don’t
always want to be with each other?
What kinds of communication sustain longdistance friendships and romances?
Are most romantic relationships equitable for
women and men?
How can couples communicate effectively
about safer sex?
2
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Understanding
Personal Relationships


Personal relationship: A voluntary
commitment between irreplaceable
individuals who are influenced by rules,
relationship dialectics, and surrounding
contexts.
Features of personal relationships





3
Uniqueness (see next slides)
Commitment
Relationship rules
Embeddedness in contexts
Relationship Dialectics
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Features of
Personal Relationships

Uniqueness



Commitment


4
Social relationship vs. Personal relationship
Connection defined by particular people and
what they create
A decision to remain with relationship,
intention to share with the future
Passion (an intense feeling), Investment
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Features of
Personal Relationships

Relationship Rules
Guiding communication and
interaction; unspoken understanding
 Constitutive rules: Meanings in
various communication
 Regulative rules: When and with
whom specified; “shalt not” in
marriage, religious groups

5
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Features of
Personal Relationships

Embeddednes in contexts (social)
Surroundings influence interactions
 Norms in groups, family, race
 Particular others & generalized others
 Approval and disapproval
 Increasing cultural diversity

6
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Features of
Personal Relationships

Relationship dialectics: Opposing vs.
Continuous tensions

Autonomy / Connection
• Wanting to be separated and connected

Novelty / Predictability
• Wanting routines and novelty

Openness/ Closedness
• Desires to be open and to maintain
privacy
7
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Four Ways to Deal with
Dialectical Tensions

Neutralization


Separation


Assigning spheres
Reframing

8
Favoring one and ignoring the other
Segmentation


Negotiating a balance
Redefining contradictions
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Evolutionary Course of
Friendship (6 stages)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

9
Usually begins with role-limited interaction
Friendly relations
 Common ground and interest
Moving toward friendship
 Stepping beyond social roles
Nascent friendship
 Increased involvement and caring
Stabilized friendship
 Shared assumption of continuity & trust
Waning friendship
 Ceased being committed
see p. 232: Rules of friendship
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Evolutionary Course of
Romantic Relationship (3 phases)

Escalating (see next slides)


Navigating


Ongoing process of communication to
sustain intimacy over time
Deteriorating

10
Typically six stages
Intimacy weakens, dissatisfaction
mounts
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Escalating (6 stages)
Individuals not interacting
 Invitational communication


Proximity & Similarity
Exploratory communication
 Intensifying communication


11
Involves idealized (more than real;
euphoria), personalized
communication (private codes)
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Escalating

Revising communication
Coming down to talk about strengths,
problems, the future
 Negotiation, even conflicts


Commitment

12
Decision to stay with a relationship
permanently
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Navigating
On-going process
 Dynamic (not stable), working through
new problems
 Relationship culture: The nucleus

A private world
 Rules, understandings, patterns…
 Usually unspoken

13
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Deteriorating (5 phases)

Dyadic breakdown



Intrapsychic phase


Brooding about problems, thinking about
alternatives; self-fulfilling prophesy happens
Dyadic phase



14
Degeneration of relationship culture
Gender differences (p. 242)
Not always occur, tends to involve conflict
Avoiding talking about problems
Cyclical pattern in breaking up
(undergraduates in a study)
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Deteriorating

Social phase
How to explain breakup
 Seeking social support


Grave dressing

15
Burying the relationship, accepting its
end
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Styles of Loving (p. 240)
Eros 激情; 強烈 passionate, intense
 Storge 知己; 益友 “best friends” love
 Ludus 遊嬉; 挑戰 playful, manipulative
 Mania 狂熱; 極端 unsettling, emotional
 Agape 無我無私 selfless, devoted
 Pragma 務實; 理性 goal-oriented, practical

16
Comm. in Personal Relationships
Challenges in
Personal Relationship




17
Dealing with distance (see 246 for coping strategies)
 Lack of daily communication
 Unrealistic expectation for time together
Managing dual-career relationship
 Lack of equity
 Women with more psychological responsibilities
Avoiding violence and abuse between intimates
 Violence seldom stops without intervention
 Predictable cycle (p. 248)
Negotiating safer sex
 HIV (AIDS) awareness
 More difficult to talk about sex than to engage in it
 Under influence of alcohol or drugs
Comm. in Personal Relationships
一則新聞

戀愛時的大腦反應….
18
女想感情
Comm. in Personal Relationships
男想性