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Conciseness
Army Standard of
Communication
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What does it mean to be concise?
to
to
use the most effective words
use the strongest words, not
necessarily the fewest words
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How do I write more concisely?
Replace
vague words with specific words
Combine
sentences
Eliminate
words
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Use Specific Words
 Avoid
using several small and ambiguous words to
express a concept
 More
specific words lead to more concise writing
 Example:
Our website has made available many of the things you can use
for making a decision on the best dentist.
- OR Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist.
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Combine Sentences

Some information does not require a full sentence and can
easily be inserted into another sentence without losing any
of its value.

As you combine sentences consider varying the sentence
style and structure to make your writing more engaging.

Example:
The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico, aroused
interest in extraterrestrial life. This crash is rumored to have
occurred in 1947.
-- OR –
The supposed 1947 crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico,
aroused interest in extraterrestrial life.
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Eliminate Words
 that

If passages explain or describe details that would already be obvious
to readers, delete or reword them.
 that

are unnecessary determiners and modifiers
Avoid using extra words or phrases that seem to determine narrowly
or to modify the meaning of a noun but don't actually add to the
meaning of the sentence.
 that

explain the obvious or provide excessive detail
are repetitive
Watch for phrases or longer passages that repeat words with
similar meanings.
 that are redundant
 Many pairs of words imply each other. Specific words imply their general
categories, so we usually don't have to state both.
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
Example:
Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the
intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are for
how to play the game of chess.
-- OR –
Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess.
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Example:
Because a great many of the words in this sentence are
basically unnecessary, it would really be a very good idea to
edit somewhat for conciseness.
-- OR –
Because many of the words in this sentence are unnecessary,
we should edit it.
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 Example:
During that time period, many car buyers preferred cars that
were pink in color and shiny in appearance.
-- OR –
During that period, many car buyers preferred pink, shiny
cars.
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 Example:
I would appreciate it if you would bring to the attention of your
drafting officers the administrator's dislike of long sentences and
paragraphs in messages to the field and in other items drafted for
her signature or approval, as well as in all correspondence,
reports, and studies. Please encourage your section to keep their
sentences short.
-- OR –
Please encourage your drafting officers to keep sentences and
paragraphs in letters, reports, and studies short. Dr. Lomas, the
administrator, has mentioned that reports and memos drafted for
her approval recently have been wordy and thus time-consuming.
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Practice Revising These Sentences
(Look for places to eliminate wordiness)
 Although
Bradley Hall is regularly populated
by students, close study of the building as a
structure is seldom undertaken by them.
 He
dropped out of school on account of the fact
that it was necessary for him to help support
his family.

It is expected that the new schedule will be
announced by the bus company within the next
few days.
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Practice Revising These Sentences
(Look for places to combine sentences)
 The
cliff dropped to reefs seventy-five feet below. The
reefs below the steep cliff were barely visible through
the fog.

Taylor brought some candy back from Europe. It wasn't
shaped like American candy. The candy tasted kind of
strange to him.
 Government
leaders like to mention the creation of
new jobs. They claim that these new jobs indicate a
strong economy. They don't mention that low-wage jobs
without benefits and security have replaced many
good jobs.
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Practice Revising This Passage
(Look for places to eliminate repetitiveness)

A large number of people enjoy reading murder
mysteries regularly. As a rule, these people are not
themselves murderers, nor would these people really
ever enjoy seeing someone commit an actual murder,
nor would most of them actually enjoy trying to solve an
actual murder. They probably enjoy reading murder
mysteries because of this reason: they have found a way
to escape from the monotonous, boring routine of dull
everyday existence.
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For More Information & Exercises

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/01/

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/6/9/24

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/6/9/56

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/exercises/6/9/57