Elements of the Essay
1.Style
1.Evidence
1. Style
• Passive voice
• Sentences that need help
Passive Voice
• Verb forms that contain the verb “to be” + the
past participle of a verb
– The most common forms of “to be” that appear in
cases of the passive voice include:
» is, are, were, been
– Other forms of “to be” include:
» am, was, being
To be ≠ passive voice
To be=passive voice
• Not all sentences with the
verb “to be” are passive.
Descriptions of a state of
being, for example, (I am
tired) requires the verb “to
be”, but is not passive.
• You can identify the passive
voice when you are writing by
looking for a past participle
paired with it—most past
participles are verbs with an -ed
ending, but there are exceptions.
• Other examples of “to be” that
are not passive:
It is clear that…
We were certain that…
It was evident that…
We are confident that…
It has been difficult…
To be fair is to be good.
• “To be” + past participles:
Compared
Portrayed
Argued
Written
Shown
Seen
Said
Common cases of the passive voice
“To be” + past participles
Name the past participle and the form of “to be”
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
It can be seen that…
The novel can be compared to…
It has been shown that…
When this novel is seen from another perspective…
It was known that…
He was being used by…
Mistakes were made…
Examples of the passive voice
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Frankenstein was not written…
The monster… has been abandoned
… the creature was previously exposed
Victor is exposed…
…situations in which judgments are made
… the monster is portrayed
The demon… is continually denied
the monster… is further exemplified
sympathy… is illustrated by
Similar ideas are brought forth…
… the identity of William was previously unknown
the creature is described as…
He is eloquent… which is shown by…
Victor is clearly portrayed as…
Frankenstein… is more known for its monster
... These connections would never be seen without…
Victor’s second quest… is easily compared to…
Frankenstein’s creature is deemed a wretch…
This is frankly portrayed in Mary’s statement…
The theme… can be found in other characters
Fixing the passive voice
In groups of 2, try to the rewrite the passive voice case assigned to you
1.
As soon as Victor is exposed to the creature, he describes it as a
“miserable monster” (35) and a “wretch” (35).
2.
Victor’s creation of a living being and the madness that follows is
narrated by a critical, scientific mind.
3.
Furthermore, the sympathy felt by readers towards the monster is
illustrated by the creature’s horrible encounters with human
beings.
4.
So while these murders detract from his image of being decent
and human-like, these acts were produced both directly and
indirectly by the selfishness of humanity, particularly Victor
Frankenstein.
Sentences that need work
• Passive voice
• Short, choppy sentences
• Run-on, overly long, or bulky sentences
• Awkward syntax
• Vague, awkward, or imprecise diction
• Weak verbs
In groups of 2, try to the rewrite each of the following sentences
1. Short, choppy sentences
Combine shorter sentences using semicolon or comma + coordinating conjunction:
FOR, AND, NOR, BUT, OR, YET, SO
Frankenstein’s monster was forced into the outside
world without any knowledge of modern life. His
reactions to the world were original to him. He had
no prejudicial thoughts. The book clearly shows
that after living in both states, the monster was
better off as a savage than an educated man.
2. Run-on, overly long, or bulky sentences
Split the sentence up with period or semicolon, simplify
Victor realizes that what if the monster does
not like its female counterpart and they end up
hating each other and go their own ways to
seek revenge, or worse still what if the two
monsters create their own world which all
would lead to harm for humans. This is where
sympathy for the monster ends.
3. Awkward syntax (word order)
Simplify and reorder words; try speaking the sentence aloud
When the well-being of the humans comes into
danger, the idea of creating a female monster
does not seem too practical to Victor.
4. Vague, awkward, or imprecise diction
Spend time choosing the right words (often simpler, more descriptive words)
Shelley does not try to completely remove all
sympathy toward the monster, although she is
putting a limit on how much sympathy people
should feel for him.
5. Weak verbs
Try to use stronger, more descriptive verbs
Although the creature is more like a monster
when he is murderous, it is important to realize
that Frankenstein’s creation is not originally
made to be a criminal.
Possible solutions (1)
•
CHOPPY: Frankenstein’s monster
was forced into the outside world
without any knowledge of modern
life. His reactions to the world were
original to him. He had no
prejudicial thoughts. The book
clearly shows that after living in
both states, the monster was better
off as a savage than an educated
man.
•
When Victor casts/thrusts/forces his
monster into the world, he had no
knowledge or understanding of
modern life; he had no prejudicial
thoughts, and each of his reactions to
the world were original to him. The
book clearly shows, in scenes such as
these, that the monster was happier as
a savage than as an educated man.
•
RUN-ON: Victor realizes that what
if the monster does not like its
female counterpart and they end up
hating each other and go their own
ways to seek revenge, or worse still
what if the two monsters create
their own world which all would
lead to harm for humans. This is
where sympathy for the monster
ends.
•
Victor realizes that what if the
monster does not like its female
counterpart, they may become
enemies or seek revenge on
humankind; worse still, the two
monsters might create their own
world by reproducing, which could be
disastrous for humans. This is where
sympathy for the monster ends.
Possible solutions (2)
•
SYNTAX: When the well-being of
the humans comes into danger, the
idea of creating a female monster
does not seem too practical to
Victor.
•
Once Victor realizes that a female
monster might conspire with his
original creature to endanger human
beings, the idea no longer seems
practical.
•
DICTION: Shelley does not try to
completely remove all sympathy
toward the monster, although she is
putting a limit on how much
sympathy people should feel for
him.
•
Shelley does not completely
dissolve/dispel sympathy for the
creature, but she encourages her
readers to limit/restrict/curtail their
sympathies him.
•
WEAK VERBS: Although the
creature is more like a monster
when he is murderous, it is
important to realize that
Frankenstein’s creation is not
originally made to be a criminal.
•
Although the creature becomes a
monster when he murders William, it
is important to realize that he did not
originally commit any crimes.
2. Evidence
• Introducing quotations
• Close reading, revisited
Introducing a quotation
It is difficult to understand a quotation if the essay
does not explain the context in which it originally appeared.
Needs a little work:
Even though Victor puts so much life and
failures in the idea of fate or destiny, he
appears to Walton to have remorse, “The
tortures of the accused did not equal mine;
she was sustained from innocence, but the
fangs of remorse tore my bosom and
would not forego their hold” (54).
Works well:
The word “discovery” appears quite early
in the novel, in Walton’s first letter to his
sister, Margaret Saville, which he writes
aboard a ship sailing for the North Pole. In
the letter, Walton compares his feelings on
the polar expedition to a child’s joy (8).
He reminds her of his uncle’s large library
of “discovery” literature (tales of sea
voyages and adventures), all of which he
devoured as a child. He writes of the
disappointment he felt when his father
forbade him, on his deathbed, to “embark
in a seafaring life” (9). Walton later tells
Frankenstein that his crew is on a “voyage
of discovery”…
Close reading, revisited
• … I am now convinced that [my father] was justified in
conceiving that I should not be altogether free from blame. A
human being in perfection ought always to preserve a calm
and peaceful mind, and never to allow passion or a transitory
desire to disturb his tranquillity. I do not think the pursuit of
knowledge is an exception to this rule. If the study to which
you apply yourself has a tendency to weaken your affections,
and to destroy your taste for those simple pleasures in which
no alloy can possibly mix, then that study is certainly
unlawful, that is to say, not befitting the human mind. If this
rule were always observed; if no man allowed any pursuit
whatsoever to interfere with the tranquillity of his domestic
affections, Greece had not been enslaved; Caesar would have
spared his country; America would have been discovered more
gradually; and the empires of Mexico and Peru had not been
destroyed. But I forget that I am moralizing in the most
interesting part of my tale; and your looks remind me to
proceed. (Shelley 33)
NEXT WEEK…
• Writing a good summary, using tags to make it
clear when an idea you describe in your essay
belongs to a particular person
• Structure & paragraphing: Please read Alexandra
Barnett’s essay, “Going Behind the Blinds”, in
Write Now and think about paragraphs and
transitions between them
• Colloquialisms & Clichés
Close reading a film
What details are important or worth examining?
• Early in the film, Branagh inserts a very striking and
completely fabricated scene into the plot of the story:
the horrific scene of Victor’s mother’s death… at
almost the exact moment in which she dies, Victor
watches as a bolt of lightning hits a tree in his yard
and engulfs it in flames. In the novel, Shelley
describes the singular moment in his life as the initial
spark that generates his interest in science… in
Branagh’s film, this sudden burst of inspiration,
coupled with the terrible and unexpected death of his
mother, imbues Victor with the idea of harnessing life
in order to conquer death.
Close reading a film (2)
What details are important or worth examining?
• In his film, Branagh portrays the creation of
the monster as a birth, but this birth is a cold
and mechanical one. Victor collects amniotic
fluid to use in his experiment, but he collects it
in a womb constructed of metal… After
struggling to pull the monster from the
amniotic fluid that insulated the moments of
the monster’s life, Victor allows the monster to
get caught up and hung in a tangle of chains…