Presentation 74
Presentation 74
Introduction
Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is, 'a time to be born and a time to die, a
time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.'
In contrast modern society seems anxious to deny the inevitability of death.
Death is the forbidden subject of the C21st! Many today look at death
through a distorted lens. We in the church need to be aware of these
distortions and recover a biblical attitude towards death
and bereavement.
The passage before us, which speaks of
the mourning of Joseph over the death
of his father, helps to do that and
to shape our response to death
and mourning.
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Death Accepting
Societies can be categorised by their attitude towards death. First, there is
the death accepting attitude found in ancient Greece. They believed in the
immortality of the soul, which they thought was essentially good and
therefore permanent . The body, which was material, was essentially bad
and therefore perishable. The Greeks believed that death freed the soul
from the prison of its body - a liberating and enriching experience.
Any classical tour of Greece will reveal a number of ancient tombstones on
which death was depicted as a fair maiden
coming to lead the dead soul into this more
fulfilling existence. Socrates one of
the chief exponents of this view
was happy to drink a fatal draught
of hemlock because he saw death
as his friend.
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Death Accepting
There is a threefold difficulty with this view.
First, it rests on an untested philosophical hope. The ability to be able to face
death with serenity does not of itself argue for the truth of the philosophy.
People can be serenely and sincerely wrong.
Secondly, this attitude to death does not help the survivors.
Plato, one Socrates star pupils, had nothing to comfort
him in his loss. All he could do was attempt to accept
Socrates death with a tight lipped stoicism.
Thirdly, the view is unable to provide any kind
of assurance that the dead individual has
been able to adequately deal with the
sins committed in this life and their
eternal consequences.
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Death Denying
Secondly, there is the death denying attitude so prevalent in the post
Christian society in the West. Richard Doss in his book on death describes
what he calls;
‘a massive cultural conspiracy [which] is at work creating a new image for
death. We attempt to reshape our understanding of death by the language
we use, particularly the imaginative euphemisms we have invented to soften
the reality of death.’
He goes on to describe the way in which the various
professions speak of death. In hospital the patient ‘expires.’
The mortician speaks of 'the passing of a loved one'.
The minister speaks of the dead person as 'our friend who
has passed on'. And the local newspaper reports the death
as someone who has 'passed away'.
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Death Denying
Doss continues,
“This is the accepted social practice of speaking of death, if you are so coarse
as to mention in a matter of fact way, 'Did you here that John Jones died last
week? people think you to be in poor taste or indiscreet. Use of softened
language indicates a strong need to dent the harshness of death.”
Why has society become a death denying one? One reason may be our over
exposure to it. The average western child, sees more death on TV before he
starts school than the average person of a previous age saw in their lifetime.
Secondly, old age is feared hence the
appeal of gyms and spas, facelifts,
health foods and the latest face creams
‘keep yourself from ageing at all costs!’
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Death Denying
Surely the main cause of society's death denying attitude is a religious one.
First, we've absorbed the philosophy of materialism, which believes only this
world is worth living for. The logic of that view is that death terminates all that
we are, therefore death has to be pushed to the boundaries of consciousness.
Secondly, if [as Christians and others claim] God exists, then death
will usher us into his presence to account for the way we have lived.
That is something many cannot bear to think about. In denying God
they have separated death from the One who alone can transform
it into a door of hope. One writer says, 'with no meaningful
framework for understanding death, our culture has adopted a
style of denial and avoidance.’ This attitude of avoidance is
summed up by Woody Allen:
‘lt is not that I am afraid to die. I just don't want to
be there when it happens.’
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Death Defying
We can be death-accepting, death-denying or a death-defying people.
This final position is the one adopted by Christianity. Listen to the defiance
of the apostle:
‘Where O death is your victory? Where O death is your sting?’ 1 Cor. 15.55
The Christian view acknowledges death's reality and its horror on the one
hand, while recognising a life beyond death and certain triumph
over it on the other.
Jacob shared this view as he prepared for his own death.
Remember he had previously described himself as a
pilgrim in this life thus anticipating residence in
that city whose ‘builder and maker is God’.
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Death Defying
Perhaps the most striking thing about Jacob's final words are his directions
concerning his burial in Macphelah. A modern story teller would have had
Jacob buried beside Rachel on the road to Ephrath thinking it a more
romantic burial site. Jacob could have lain side by side with the woman he
loved. Why did he not ask to buried beside her? He chose instead to be
buried in the cave of his fathers in order to say:
'I share the pilgrim faith of Abraham and Isaac, I am
looking forward to sharing with them in the
blessings of God in eternity.'
Having given those final directions Jacob drew his feet
up into his bed, breathed his last and was gathered
to his people.
Death was for him the beginning of newness of life!
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Death Defying
Joseph grieves his father's death in a striking fashion v1. In western culture,
where the reality of death is resisted so strenuously, grief is often shunned
and to grieve for a long period of time is discouraged. A young grieving
widow, a month after her husband's death, was told by friends to ‘snap out
of it, to pull herself together and remember that she had the rest of her life
to live’. They found her grief uncomfortable. It reminded them of the brevity
of their own lives - the one thing they wanted to forget.
Undertakers are reporting an growing trend in
funeral arrangements : families want to get it
all over as quickly as possible. Often an
impersonal third party makes the
arrangements because family do
not want to be disturbed by
the reality of death.
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Death Defying
Joseph unashamedly mourned for 70 days before he and his brothers took
Jacob's body home for burial. Many today would call Joseph ‘morbid’ but
while he was one of the most self possessed individuals in scripture he
grieved loudly and long. It is not unnatural to spend time grieving over
someone, who has been a part of our lives for many years. Some grieving
spouses take years to come to terms with their loss.
All of Joseph's preparations were designed to honour the memory and
wishes of his father. Jacob’s body was embalmed, not in order to conform
to Egyptian funeral rites but with the prospect
of the long journey to Canaan in mind. It is
beneficial for us to have funeral services where
we honour the memory of one who has died.
Such services help us to affirm our defiance
of death and work through the grief process.
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Working Through Bereavement
Joseph did not grieve forever. After some four months of bereavement he
returned to Egypt v14. It would have been hard for Joseph to leave Canaan
a land which he hadn't seen since a boy of 17. This land was the focus of
God's promises and the future hope of Israel. But Joseph returned to Egypt
to resume life and take up the responsibilities which were his. Those who
have lost someone close to them must do something similar. Perhaps not
today or next week or next month. Dealing with grief takes time. But life
must resume in full some day in the future. And the knowledge of that as
well as our consciousness of moving towards it is part of the grief process.
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Working Through Bereavement
We need to be aware of the process of grief, not only that we might be
equipped to deal with the loss of a loved one but in order to help others who
are engaged in the process of bereavement. Bereavement is a process made
up of a number of stages. Each stage is not always obviously apparent and
some people wrestle with one stage more than the others.
The first stage has been identified as shock.
In the long illness of a loved one this shock
begins from the time we learn of its terminal
nature.
There is a turmoil of conflicting emotions.
A grieving widow described it like having
an ‘eggbeater thrust into the mixing bowl
of one’s emotions’.
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Working Through Bereavement
The next stage is denial. The bereaved person refuses to believe the news
that their loved one has in fact died. This stage can help a person to begin
to deal with the shock and begin to collect the necessary defences to deal
with it.
Each of these stages have unhealthy extremes which are generally
produced from a failure to progress through the various stages of
bereavement. e.g. the person who stops at
the process at denial can be found keeping
the dead corpse in the house for days as
they continue to talk to the corpse and
even attempt to feed it.
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Working Through Bereavement
The third stage is anger and the bereaved asks the question, 'Why did they
have to die? Why someone so good, so young, so close to me?’ This anger can
be directed towards doctors, nurses, other family members, friends and of
course to God. But sometimes the anger is directed towards the person the
person who has died, 'They had no right to leave me all alone like this. They
surely knew I needed their support'.
When people do not work through this stage a
bitterness of spirit can result. And their anger
constantly fuels their own emotional destruction.
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Working Through Bereavement
The fourth stage is guilt. The bereaved person begins to blame themselves:
'I could have done more. I should have seen it coming. I should have picked up
the symptoms earlier. I should have shown more love, more understanding,
more tenderness. '
Paul Tournier says,
‘There is no grave beside which a flood of guilt feelings
do not assail the mind’.
These guilt feelings are often without foundation.
And again when they are not worked through they
can lead people into unhealthy depressive states.
False guilt appears as real and so they convince
themselves that they are responsible for the death
of their loved one.
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Working Through Bereavement
A fifth stage is disorientation and withdrawal. The bereaved person asks
'Where am l? What has happened to my life? What should I do now?' They
no longer feel comfortable in society. Sometimes they cut themselves off
from normal social intercourse. They cannot cope with the demands of
other people’s company. C. S. Lewis describes his reaction after the loss of
his wife, he wrote;
‘There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me.
I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to
want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others
to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is
empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me’.
Again if this stage is not worked through, people end up
as recluses, who have permanently cut themselves off
from social contact.
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Working Through Bereavement
The final stage is renewed activity and acceptance. This is the place Joseph
arrives at in the end of our passage. This is not to be confused with a return
to life as it was before. The bereavement process does not bring the dead
person back to life! Rather it is like a wound that has healed over leaving a
scar. And the scar of the wound will be carried around by the bereaved for
the rest of their lives. However, they now have a new perspective on life
and a recognition of the worthwhileness of pressing on into the future.
How in practical terms is this achieved?
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Working Through Bereavement
Elizabeth Elliot, who has suffered the loss of two husbands suggests a
number of steps that have helped her.
First, stillness in God's presence. She points to Ps 46 where the Psalmist
describes the destabilising of the created order. Everything which has been
dependable is falling away. That is not a bad description of how the
bereaved feel. Now in the midst of turmoil and change it is of immense
comfort to know that there is One who does not change,
'Be still and know that I am God’ v10
Secondly, she suggests attempt to give thanks to God.
Oh it's hard to give thanks for grief, loss and loneliness.
But we can thank God for his presence with us in
our trial. We may be severed from our loved
one but not from God's love.
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Working Through Bereavement
Thirdly, she urges the bereaved to refuse to be swamped by self pity which is
a paralysing and self-destructive emotion. It is like wading into quicksand. In
bereavement we are tempted to believe that we're experiencing a greater
burden than anyone else has borne - but death is the common lot of man.
Fourthly, she stresses the value in accepting ones loneliness. This is hard to
do because God has created us as social beings. Loneliness has its uses, if it
draws us nearer to God and causes us to drink more deeply from the well of
his grace.
Now if loneliness is the state that has
been given to us by God then it is only
reasonable to offer it back to him that he
might transform it and use it in his service.
Allow God to work through your
emptiness to the benefit of others.
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Working Through Bereavement
Finally, she suggests do something for somebody else:
'There is nothing like definite, overt action to overcome the inertia of grief.'
Most of us have someone who needs us and so instead of turning in upon
ourselves and asking for strength to cope, we can ask for strength to engage
in self-forgetful service.
There is a wonderful spiritual principle unfolded in Is. 58.10-12…
We tend to argue that when we get our lives
together we will be equipped to help others
but the opposite is closer to the truth,
when we begin to give ourselves to
others we begin to get our lives together.
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Conclusion
When a loved one dies there is a sense in which the lover also dies or at
least a part of them dies inside. Part of Joseph was buried in Machpelah's
cave. Part of us dies, when we bury a loved one. The resurrection of
believers on the last day is a great comfort to grieving Christians. However,
there is another kind of resurrection which the grieving believer can
experience now!
When we attend the burial service of a loved one we think a part of us is
being buried to. But we also to affirm;
‘We shall live again. Grief will be
overcome. Sorrow will be conquered’.
How? Because God will continue to
unfold the riches of his blessings in
our lives now! That is a resurrection
We can anticipate in this life!
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