Critical Incident Guidance
for Schools and Other
Settings
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Bradford Educational Psychology Team
CRITICAL INCIDENT GUIDANCE FOR SCHOOLS AND OTHER SETTINGS
General Organisational Issues

Schools and settings should strike a balance between the maintenance of their normal
routines and acknowledgement of incidents. Normality helps to anchor a child allowing
them to deal with difficult events more successfully.

The most important support resource for children and adults lies within schools and
settings themselves, children’s families and the community. Specialist help e.g.
bereavement counselling, should only be required in a very small number of cases where
children or adults do not respond to the facilitated natural support around them.

Incidents should be publicly acknowledged as forcing children or adults to bottle up
concerns does not help in the long run. Consideration should be given to responding to
the event during the normal routine times when groups come together – assemblies, form
groups, staff briefings etc.

Discussion of events and death should not be avoided, but remember that individual
children and adults will vary in their need to talk about events that have distressed them.
Opportunities for children and adults to talk about their concerns should be provided and
made OK to use. A simple question ‘Would you like to talk about ….. ?’ by those who
know a child or colleague will allow the need to be assessed, and where appropriate
opportunities given to talk. There are two key features here – knowing the child or adult,
and strength of the pre-existing relationship. Knowledge of the child or adult informs the
assessment of their need and the strength of the relationship increases the value and
effectiveness of any subsequent support. When utilised these two key features give
inherent strength to a setting, family or community’s support.

Where a loved one has been lost, this can lead to feelings of confusion and loss of
control. Giving children and young people real choices in how they respond to the loss
and what support they use, can create a sense of control that allows them to deal
naturally and more successfully with loss.

Creating specific acts of remembrance should be suggested and facilitated. Asking
children and adults how they would like to do this is important. Examples might include
remembrance books, contributing to relevant charities, attendance at funerals and
physical memorials such as trees and benches.
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Natural Responses to the Loss of Loved Ones

Where loss of a loved one has occurred, children as well as adults will naturally grieve for
those they cared for. Grieving can be expressed in a number of ways:
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Initial shock and numbness.
Disbelief or denial – knowing the person has died but not being able to accept it at
a deeper level.
Searching for the loved person even though they know they are dead. This
searching can take many forms e.g. looking at and talking to photographs, going
into rooms associated with them in life.
Anguish and sadness, sometimes the intensity of this emotion can be frightening
and generate a feeling of anger. There is often a need to talk about the loved one
at this point.
Physical and emotional stress, e.g. loss of appetite, lack of patience, muscular
tension etc.
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In younger children these reactions may be less clear but their counterparts and effects
can be recognised by those who know them. Seeking the support of familiar adults,
reluctance to leave familiar places, excessive quietness and lack of engagement,
tearfulness and angry outbursts are not uncommon or unnatural. Many of these reactions
are fuelled by a fear of ‘what might also happen’.
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Grieving often, but not always, follows a process that is helpfully described by the
Whirlpool of Grief. It is important to realise however that grieving is not a linear process
and previously experienced emotions are often revisited, albeit with lesser intensity.
Thinking about where the child or adult might be, and sometimes with older children sharing
the Whirlpool, can be helpful. The Whirlpool of Grief can be found separately in the
Educational Psychology Team area on Bradford Schools on Line.
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Supporting Children
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The best support comes from those you know and trust. By reflecting on this, settings will
be aware of who is best able to give support to particular children and should facilitate
access wherever possible.

Fear and anger, especially in younger children can be countered by reinforcing attention
and basic nurturing activities, allowing them to re-establish a sense of dependability and
consistency. Children can regress for a time and appear to need less age appropriate
nurturing. This is OK but will need to be reduced over time.

Some children may exaggerate the expression of their power in order to counteract fear
or express their anger towards an event. This can look like ‘naughty’ behaviour but with
reassurance this behaviour should disappear. It is still important to signal that boundaries
have been crossed, but to also convey a sense of understanding and confidence that
their behaviour will get better.

Feelings of guilt can sometimes emerge, especially where information has been dealt
with economically. Reassurance that children are not to blame usually helps, but this
emotion can be more difficult to deal with and settings may need some advice on how to
deal with it if it persists.

Try to foster a sense that it is OK to play and have fun as well as to sometimes feel sad
and upset.
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Children grieve cyclically and for intensely loved ones the process can go on for many
years. As children and young adults acquire new thinking tools they may revisit death in
order to integrate more elaborate thinking into their life story.
Talking to Children

Talking and listening is a very important form of support for children. Try to respond by
reflecting back what the child is saying, or summarising, rather than trying to move the
conversation on as we do in everyday conversation.
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It is not helpful to the child to force a conversation by introducing ‘things you think should
be talked about’, this takes away the child’s control of the agenda and may introduce
things they are not yet ready to talk about. Listen carefully and stay with the child’s
agenda.
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Giving information to the child is important and counters confusion and the sense of loss
of control over their life. Listening carefully to the child will provide the clues to what
information the child needs.
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Information should be given in concrete, honest, culturally relevant terms, avoiding
euphemisms. Be ready for repeat questions from children as this is part of the grief work
that will occur.
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Watch for cues that you have ‘lost’ the child e.g. fidgeting or poor eye contact, and don’t
force interactions if this occurs.
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Acknowledge the child’s emotions and reassure them that the feelings are normal. When
the feelings are a little less intense it is useful to introduce the idea that they will feel
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better in time, though it will be ‘up and down’. The Whirlpool of Grief can help here with
older children.

Memories and emotions associated with grieving can be very mixed up, pain, anger and
sadness can sit with the pleasure and warmth associated with remembering good times
with the deceased. This can be confusing for children and the Three Stones metaphor
can be helpful. A jagged angular stone signifies the painful, sharp memories of loss and
grief, a smooth rounded stone signifies the memories of the lost person’s everyday but
personal behaviours, a shiny precious stone the special memories of happy shared
times. All 3 stones can be held in the hand at the same time signifying the mixed,
complex but normal feelings a child might have.

With young children, the use of emotion labelling words e.g. sad, angry or scared, can be
helpful and used to externalise, acknowledge and support the grieving process.

Acknowledge children’s fears and validate them as difficult to think about and deal with.

Don’t worry about ‘saying the wrong thing’. If you use common sense, any ‘getting it
wrong’ just won’t be helpful to the child rather than actively harmful.
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As children get older their understanding of death grows and particularly in adolescence
this may result in ‘philosophical’ reflection. Questions may arise like – Why has this
happened? What is life and death? Why wasn’t it me? These sort of questions are best
responded to by listening and responding in ways that support the young person’s own
thinking whilst not actively shaping it. Responses like – ‘That’s a really difficult question,
you’ve obviously thought about it, what thoughts have you had so far?’ - should open up
a helpful conversation. The subsequent use of reflective techniques will allow the young
person to begin to explore their thinking in a way that is controlled by them and therefore
‘safe’ for them.
Concern over Progress
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We do not get over the death of an important person in our lives, we learn to live with it,
integrate it into our life narrative, and hopefully rediscover the joy in life. This has been
described as finding a new kind of normal. This process takes time but where children
and adults do not appear to be doing this more specialist help and support may be
required.
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The signs and signals that specialist help may be required include:
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Minimal or total absence of emotional expression in relation to the loss.
Prolonged inability to recognise that the loss has occurred.
Extreme reactions to grief that can persist over time, usually guilt of anger.
Significant changes in health without other explanation.
Prolonged states of depression, tension, agitation, insomnia.
Prolonged feelings of self blame or worthlessness.
Settings concerned about a child’s progress should raise this with the Educational
Psychology Team (EPT) or Education Social Work Service (ESWS). Settings concerned
about an adult should advise them to visit their GP, contact their human resources
adviser or approach a bereavement counselling service.
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Further Advice to Schools and Settings

The Educational Psychology Team and Education Social Work Service are able to advise
schools and settings on their response to specific events. In many cases we get to hear
of an event and approach a setting ourselves. However, please feel free to contact us to
discuss any situation and we will try to help. In some cases this may involve us working
with other services such as Diversity and Cohesion, Social Care or voluntary partners.

When dealing with critical incidents it is better to be ‘wise before the event’ and the EPT
would be pleased to support the development of a settings pre-planning.
Useful Resources
The web site Winston’s Wish is an excellent resource and includes lesson plans dealing with
death and loss for all Key Stages. The site also has an interactive section for children.
http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/
Amazon has a good range of books and their reviewer’s comments can help you to chose
the right books for your circumstances. For younger children try, Badgers Parting Gift by
Susan Varley or Always and Forever by Alan Durant, as starting points and follow the
‘customers who bought this item’ links. Books for older children are less common, but
Charlotte’s Web by E B White may be helpful for 7 -12 year olds and Mama’s Going to Buy
You a Mocking Bird by Jean Little for slightly older children. When Parents Die: Learning to
live with the Loss of a Parent by Rebecca Abrams may be useful for older teenagers. Other
relevant books are available from Winston’s Wish.
Activity books such as the Grief Encounter Workbook by Shelley Gilbert or Muddle, Puddles
and Sunshine by Diana Crossley, can be a useful resource, again try Amazon and Winston’s
Wish.
For further advice on books and reference material please contact the Educational
Psychology Team.
Additional Guidance
The following guidance is also available from the Educational Psychology Team or Education
Social Work Service and is downloadable from the EPT area in Support Services for Pupils
on Bradford Schools Online.
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Critical Incident Guidance Individual Bereavement Planning Guide
Critical Incident Guidance Major Incident Planning
Children’s Understanding of Death
Supporting Bereaved Children Guidance for Carers
The Whirlpool of Grief
Paul C Nicklin
Principal Educational Psychologist
Tel: 01274 385532
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