Weathering the Storm
Building Strong Relationships with Parents to Successfully Work
through Difficult Situations in Early Childhood
Elizabeth Bayer, MSW & Kim Polki, BS
Next Door
Molly Murphy Garwood, PhD
Next Door and Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin Community Services
Learning Objectives
• Why does a positive provider-client relationship matter?
• How do you maintain positive relationships in difficult situations?
• Importance of self-reflection & tools to enhance it.
Does the Provider-Client Relationship Matter?
• The ability to establish a good relationship with clients has been
described as one of the most powerful tools a service provider
possesses (Woods & Hollis, 2000).
• Lee and Ayon (2014) found that a positive relationship with the
social worker was associated with:
• improvement in discipline and emotional care for children
• Improvement in children’s physical care & parents’ coping
What makes a relationship good?
• The quality of the relationship was linked to better client
outcomes (Beutler, Crago, & Arizmendi 1986; Lambert, Shapiro,
& Bergin, 1986; Orlinsky & Howard, 1986).
• The ability to openly communicate with a client was a strong
predictor of developing a positive relationship.
Two-way
communication
The flow of communication
and a caring approach
enhanced relationships.
(Halstead et al., 2002).
What makes a provider-client relationship good?
• “Good” relationships may mean something different to the
provider and the client. From a study of home visitors and
teenage mothers (Riley et al., 2008).
• “Friends” with boundaries
• Racial match
• “Walk a mile in my shoes”
When things get difficult…
• Providers identified relationships as difficult when clients
allowed them into the home but (McNaughton, 2000):
•
•
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would not open up
were too demanding
rejected the provider’s advice
did not use referrals
were passive during the home visit
did not keep the home visiting appointment.
Building strong relationships but not
losing yourself
• As with families themselves, it is important that providers are
not overwhelmed by the weight of adversity which they are
expected to address. (McKeown, 2000).
• Be mindful of the risk of Secondary Trauma.
Mindfulness and Self Reflection
• Studies show greater levels of mindfulness among Head Start
staff are associated with indicators of better health:
such as less depression
more nighttime sleep
fewer mentally unhealthy days
***All of which could improve work-related functioning for the staff as well
as program outcomes for children and families. (Whitaker et al., 2014).
Are you experiencing burnout?
• Indicate how strongly you disagree or
agree with the following statements on
a scale of 1 to 5 with:
1 being “I strongly disagree.”
5 being “I strongly agree.”
• Total your score.
Haynes, Mariana. On the Path to Equity: Improving the Effectiveness of Beginning Teachers.
Alliance for Excellent Education, July 2014.
Burnout Scale
1. I often do not feel like going to work.
1
5
2
3
strongly disagree
agree
4
strongly
2. I have stayed at home several days because I felt unable to go to work.
1
5
2
3
strongly disagree
agree
4
strongly
3. I find it difficult to concentrate on and complete job-related tasks.
1
strongly disagree
5
2
3
4
strongly agree
4. My workload is overwhelming.
1
strongly disagree
2
3
4
5
strongly agree
5. I am unable or feel inadequate to complete the tasks I am assigned.
1
strongly disagree
2
3
4
5
strongly agree
6. I feel disconnected from my clients and colleagues.
1
strongly disagree
2
3
4
5
strongly agree
7. I have more than one hostile relationship with co-workers.
1
strongly disagree
2
3
4
5
strongly agree
8. My work often irritates me.
1
strongly disagree
2
3
4
5
strongly agree
9. I have experienced insomnia, digestive disorders, headaches and/or heart palpitations.
1
2
3
4
5
strongly disagree
strongly agree
10. I often feel professionally inadequate.
1
2
3
strongly disagree
**Sum Questions 1 – 10 = _________
4
5
strongly agree
Have the Talk and Maintain the
Relationship
A positive relationship will help you weather the storm.
Relationship-Centered
“Home visiting prioritizes the relationship between the home
visitor and the caregiver as the primary tool to support
engagement and learning, and to motivate the parent to reflect
on and make positive changes in the family environment.”
“Home visitors carry a heavy responsibility for
program goals and outcomes, as well as the
responsibility to improve outcomes for each
individual and family.”
NEAR@Home: Addressing ACEs in Home Visiting by Asking, Listening and Accepting Version 2, January 2016.
Relationship-Based Practices
• Meet the family where they are - consider cultural perspectives
• Maintain a strengths-based attitude
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•
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•
•
•
•
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Families are the first and most important teachers of their children.
Families are our partners with a critical role in their family’s development
Families have expertise about their child and their family.
Families’ contributions are important and valuable.
Use open communication
Reflect on the family’s perspective
Support competence - be a bucket filler
Focus on the family-child relationship
Value a family’s passion
Reflect on your own perspective+
The National Center on Parent, Family and Community Engagement, Building Partnerships: Guide to Developing Relationships with Families
Hang in There!
• Be consistent.
• Stay engaged with the family even when you feel like there
has been no follow through.
• Understand that what might appear to be small steps of change
are really leaps forward.
• Consider the family’s ACEs:
• Perspective shift  “What happened to you?” NOT “What’s wrong with you?”
• Maintain professional boundaries.
• Self reflect on your approach and reframe as necessary.
How the relationship will see you through…
Have the Talk
(Self reflect on your
approach and reframe)
Maintain Boundaries
Open Communication
(Observe & describe the
concern)
Positive Relationship
Difficult conversations do not need to
lead to awkward moments!
Difficult Conversations
• Is there a concern in the home?
• Is there a CPS situation?
• Is there a challenging behavior?
• Is there a mental health concern?
What difficult conversations
have you had?
Open Communication
Observe and Describe the Child’s Behavior to Open Communication with the Family
Description:
The child is the common focus for
families and programs. When staff ask for parents’
observations of a child’s behavior and share their own,
they create opportunities for discussion.
Simple, clear descriptions of a child’s behavior, without
interpretations or judgments, give families and staff the
chance to make meaning of that behavior together. This
creates a starting point for discussion that can help
identify common ground and differences.
This practice invites families to guide the conversation about their
child. Often families react and respond to the program’s ideas or
agenda. This strategy gives families the freedom to volunteer and
share what they see, know, and want for their child.
Actions:
• Share positive, genuine, and specific information about the child with the
family.
• Recognize the child’s strengths and share them with the family.
• Use simple, clear, and objective descriptions of the child’s behavior.
• Ask for the family’s observations and listen to what they think these mean
about their child.
• Begin challenging conversations by asking parents about what they see,
what behaviors concern them, and what they think these behaviors may
mean. It's important to know what kind of meaning parents make of their
child’s behavior. Follow up with a description of what you see, and give
parents a chance to offer their ideas.
• Wait before asking too many questions. Instead, start with a description
of the child’s behavior or a specific situation from the day.
Leave time for the parent to share their ideas rather than be guided by a
specific question based on your own agenda. Instead of sharing your
interpretation, listen to how the parent makes meaning of the behavior.
Open Communication
Observe and Describe the Child’s Behavior to Open Communication with the Family
Examples:
“You and Elizabeth are always ready when the bus arrives. We really appreciate that.”
“I saw that Victoria looked at you and grabbed onto your shirt as I came into the house.”
“I’ve been watching Abdul explore with paint and get used to the different brushes. He also tells stories about his paintings.
You told me you want him to paint more realistic paintings. I wonder if he’ll begin to do that once his painting skills catch up
to his ideas. Abdul is really sticking with it, and he loves it! I think we both want to help him work toward the same goal.”
“I notice that Christina often pats other children when they are crying.”
“I notice that every time you begin a conversation with me, David begins to tug at your arm.”
How can you use open communication to
approach a family with a concern?
The National Center on Parent, Family and Community Engagement, Building Partnerships: Guide to Developing Relationships with Families
Professional Boundaries
Professional boundaries enhance or harm the following domains:
• Relationships with clients
• Relationships with colleagues
• Relationships with supervisors & administrators
• Amount of time devoted to work
• Amount of time and quality of energy spent on off-thejob activities and relationships
• Ability to cope with work-related stressors
National Association of Social Workers (NASW)
Ways to Maintain Professional Boundaries
• Self reflect. Why are you devoting extra time to particular families?
• Be discriminate in your use of social media.
• Develop strong working relationships with your colleagues.
• Take care of your needs during the workday, i.e. take a lunch!
• Participate in extra-curricular activities.
• Be attuned to the ways in which work stress affects you.
• Use supervision and consultation.
National Association of Social Workers (NASW)
The Delicate Balance Between Professional
Duties & Relationships with Families
• Too much value on one and the other suffers
• Too much value on professional duties  rapport suffers
• Too much value on the relationship  progress suffers
Professional Boundaries Self-Assessment Quiz
• Take the quiz.
• Choose the answers that are closest to how
you think you would respond in real life.
• Check the scoring table.
• How tight or loose are your professional
boundaries?
Overview:
When these things are in balance, it becomes
much easier to have the talk.
Have the Talk
(Self reflect on your
approach and reframe)
Maintain Boundaries
Open Communication
(Observe & describe the
concern)
Positive Relationship
Effective Engagement of Parents Requires
ongoing Self Reflection
• one’s own history of being parented
• one’s own history of parenting
• what do I bring to this situation/relationship?
R
E
F
L
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C
T
I
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N
This reflection can include:
• one’s values and beliefs around:
• parenting
• discipline
• general child rearing practices
When preparing to do personal self reflection
with our teams – it can be helpful to prepare
with some mindfulness practices.
• What does this mean?
• a few minutes of quiet
• deep breathing exercises
• guided imagery and relaxation
• Let’s practice! www.calm.com
 http://students.georgiasouthern.edu/counseling/resources/self-help/relaxation-and-stress-management/
 http://counselingcenter.nmsu.edu/guided-meditations/
 https://www.dartmouth.edu/~healthed/relax/downloads.html#mindful
 Take some time to think about your score on the
‘burnout’ scale. Were any of you surprised by
your score? For those of you who scored 30 or
more points, what is one thing you can do to feel
more energetic and connected?
 Understanding how you are doing personally is
another important part of staying healthy
enough to do this challenging work. It also
helps us to integrate better self care skills.
Next Door’s process of small reflective
practice groups for professionals:
• Start with a short meditation
• Evaluate progress
• Explain & educate on the reflective
practice process; including benefits
• Fill out a basic “reflective inventory”
form to get people thinking and talking
Take a few minutes to consider the following
questions:
• What are some of your positive experiences of memories of
being parented? How does this influence your work?
• What are some of your negative or stressful experiences of
being parented? How does this influence your work?
• ***What are three words to describe your beliefs about what
“good” parenting is?
• ***What are some common thoughts you have about the
parents on you caseload? How does this influence your
work?
• How do your beliefs and experiences as a parent influence
your work with parents?
• ***How does your culture impact your beliefs about parenting
and the care of young children?
These types of reflective
questions can be brought back
to your agency to guide
reflection with teams, and even
to guide reflection during case
consultation.
What will you take back?
Questions?
Molly.Garwood@cssw.org
ebayer@nextdoormil.org
kpolki@nextoormil.org