My Feedback Says ‘Your English is weak, so it was
difficult to follow your argument’
Workshop Workbook
Louise Livesey
These sessions teach academic reading and writing skills clustered around typical
comments by markers found on assignment feedback. These workshops are inspired by
Neville (2009).
This workshop will:
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Look at how to be concise and how to edit your own work
-
Highlight common spelling and grammar mistakes
-
Suggest development activities that you can engage with during the life of
your degrees in order to improve ready for graduate employment
Teaching points:
Use of colons and semi-colons to reduce word count
How editing benefits your word count
Correcting common mistakes with commas and apostrophes
Strategies to get you ready for employment
www.bradford.ac.uk/academic-skills
How to be concise and to edit your own work
Brevity is about saying what you want to say but not in a long rambling way – short and
to the point. Substituting words for phrases and using punctuation will reduce a word
count.
Colons and semi-colons can not only help to manage long sentences but can substitute for
words and phrases.
The colon :
May substitute for expressions such as –
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
‘namely…’
In other words.’
‘For instance…’
‘On the other hand…’
‘In particular…’
It can also introduce lists, start off quotations, and separate the main from subtitles in
texts.
Example sentences for colon usage
As he grew older Joseph found he became more paranoid in two main ways: his
dislike of spending his own money, and his dislike of others spending his money.
The way ahead for the organisation was quite clear: to reorganise, regroup, and
rethink their strategy.
There was no substitute: it had to be Brand X.
Other factors included rising costs of fuel and feed, labour costs, and the
demographic changes in the region.
Harris became famous for his slogan: ‘never say never, ever.’
The backlog in orders continued to build. One person familiar with the system
likened it to a sponge: ‘It could take so much water and then no more’
www.bradford.ac.uk/academic-skills
The semicolon
;
Used to link related sentences, and to differentiate and separate items on a list.
Example sentences for semi-colon usage
Creativity has often been suppressed within adults by the conventions and routines
of everyday life; but it is still there and can be reawakened.
The communication of this strategy to the satellite companies involved a great
number of slogans; ‘continuous improvement’; ‘benchmarking’; ‘learning
organization’; ‘common approach’ and ‘we’re in it for the long haul’.
At first the purpose seemed to be clear; however, this soon changed.
Activity Answers at the end
Insert colons and/or semi-colons in the sentences.
1.
The report focuses on three issues how reliable public transport systems are what
measures would be most effective in reducing traffic congestion and whether parking
facilities are adequate.
2.
Most reports on the inner city focus on problems in fact there have been many
improvements too.
3.
This leads us to another very important development in town planning the arrival of
out-of-town shopping centres.
4.
Tomlinson was correct when he made the statement, ‘Urban planners should
always aim to avoid demolishing historic buildings.’
5.
Among town planners today, there is one buzzword sustainability.
Activity Answers at the end
One of these sentences is correct. Find all punctuation mistakes in the other four
sentences and correct them.
1.
This brings me to my final point; the repercussions of local government initiatives
have not always been carefully considered.
2.
The problem was not confined to one area; it was widespread throughout the
country.
3.
The drive to create a sustainable environment raises a serious question, to what
extent should function take precedence over form?
4.
People who argue that: cities are becoming overcrowded should ask themselves
why.
5.
In some societies, homes need to be built to accommodate a range of family
structures that include extended families; nuclear families; and single-parent households
www.bradford.ac.uk/academic-skills
Activity
Put everything together and see if you can reduce the number of words in the passage
below from 82 to 61
Before embarking on an approach to analyse the business model there is a need to
explore the meaning of the business model. Paul Timmers (2000) has defined the
business model as ‘an architecture for product, service and information flows,
including a description of the various business actors and their roles’ (p.32).
Although there are different kinds of business model they have got one thing in
common and that is they are designed to make money for their owners in the long
run.
No answer at the end
Editing and proofing
Closely related activities – aim is to identify problems and allow you to improve overall
quality.
Draft
Drafting = writing a first version to be
edited later.
Editing = revising and adapting an
earlier version against quality markers
& the brief/the question.
Edit
(Revise)
Redraft
Edit
(Revise)
Redraft
Redrafting = it’s unlikely that your best
work will ‘flow out’ onto the page the
first time - once the original has been
edited it is written up again.
Proofing = once content and
composition are as good as they can
be, it is about making sure that the
work is ‘technically’ accurate.
Proof
www.bradford.ac.uk/academic-skills
What do I look for when I am editing the text? What do I need to check in the text?

is targeted towards the reader

flows logically

is coherent and consistent

forms a meaningful whole

is clearly expressed

is accurate in the information it provides has an appropriate tone

is concise

makes its purpose clear
What is tautology?
Tautology is repeating the same word or sentence in an unnecessary wary. It is very common in
assessed written work and wastes words which are needed for other discussion points. Look at the
handout for common examples of tautology and how to edit accordingly. So less is more!
Activity
Reduce the following….
Example 1: by half
The dollar has been declining in value against the euro over the last six years, hurting travellers to
Europe and American consumers purchasing European goods. The strengthening euro has not had
the expected beneficial impact in Europe, as trade with North America has shown a downward
trajectory as a result.
Example 2: by over two thirds
The public’s knowledge of health is poor and more government funding for health education is
needed. Increase sums of money should be spent on courses to make people aware of personal
health issues. People don’t always know what then can do to take care of their health, so further
investment is needed in training on health issues.
www.bradford.ac.uk/academic-skills
Punctuation mistakes
The comma
This is the hardest working punctuation in the English language as it does many different
jobs.
To warm you up, where does the comma go in this sentence?
Eats shoots and leaves.
What happens if you move the comma?
List of jobs a comma does:
Rule
1 To separate the clauses in a sentence
2 To separate the introductory element of a
sentence from the main part (or subject) of
it
3 To separate an additional and final part of
a sentence from the opening and main part
(or subject) of it
4 To separate out nonessential words from
the remainder of the sentence. The word
‘however’ is used as a signal to suggest a
change of direction or to stress an exception
to the rule
5 To separate out essential/useful
information from the main part (subject) of
the sentence
6 To separate commands or interjections
from the remainder of the sentence
7 To separate out a) adjectives, or b) list of
items in a sentence
8 To separate a quotation from its
introductory phrase
Example
Society depends on its traditions, and the
authority of the written text is one of those.
After the death of his wife, Hardy went in to a
deep depression.
The sea is calm tonight, yet it raged fiercely
all day.
There is, however, one mistake that many
students make.
Charles Handy, in his book The Empty
Raincoat, has argued that federalism is a way
of making sense of large organizations.
Stop, or I’ll shoot
a) It was a fine, dry, and sunny day in
my home town.
b) Raspberries, strawberries, blackberries
and gooseberries are all traditional
English summer fruits.
The statement began, ‘After many hours of
talk, we have been unable to reach
agreement.’
Activity 1
In pairs, look at the paragraph below and insert any necessary commas
On July 20th 1969 having stepped onto the Moon’s surface Neil Armstrong uttered the
famous words ‘One small step for man one giant leap for mankind.’ Although it had been
hoped that the moon landing would lead to significant advances in space travel some of
which may soon become a reality the scientific progress has generally been slow. However
space research has done much to unite nations. The establishment of the International
Space Station the Space Shuttle and the Hubble Telescope illustrates how much easier
and more profitable it is for nations to work as a team rather than in isolation.
www.bradford.ac.uk/academic-skills
The apostrophe
These do two jobs:
1)Think of an apostrophe as a basketball
substitute who comes off the team bench
and replaces a letter or letters. What
does the apostrophe stand for? What is it
substituting for? It is usually a vowel but
not always
2)An apostrophe can be used for
possession – girl’s, cats’ – but again, can
you expand it? Is it ‘girl is’ or does
something belong to the girl? My, your,
his, hers, its, our, your, their, are
exceptions to the possession rule as they
do not have apostrophes. So, if there is
no apostrophe for ‘yours’, there will not
be an apostrophe for ‘its’ if something
belongs to something else, such as…
The girl’s bag is blue.
The cats’ bowls are empty.
www.bradford.ac.uk/academic-skills
‘Whose’ is a possession word whilst ‘who’s’ (or who is) describes someone doing
something. ‘Asda, whose retail market share is steadily increasing,….’ and ‘My dad,
who is currently in the garden, will be with you shortly’. See the above note about
apostrophe’s
Activity
Find and correct the ten mistakes in this paragraph.
One of the problems that arises when your paying for something over the internet is
that you never see whose receiving your details at the other end. We like to think
that their trustworthy but its impossible to know wether that is the case. As anyone
whose been the victim of credit card fraud will know, it can very difficult to regain
you’re faith in online shopping once your identity has been stolen. Shops and
restaurants may seem safer but just as much fraud goes on their as it does on the
web. These days, customers need reassurance that their transactions are safe and
banks need to raise there game with regard to financial security. For all it’s
advantages, the online world can certainly have its downside.
Swap with your neighbour and see how well you did.
There is a handout with words that are commonly confused; some due to spelling,
some due to a misunderstanding of meaning.
Get ready for graduate employment
Throughout your degree you will come across technical terms or formulas or
equations that are widely used in an employment setting. You will discuss them,
write about them and read about them at university and when you are working. Now
is the time to get familiar with them and ask any questions about them.
Strategies for getting comfortable with these terms, etc. include:




Discussion with other students in groups or on a 1-2-1 basis
Conversations with tutors and subject-librarians
Contact with industry experts (email, letter or telephone)
Reading journal articles that aren’t connected to an assignment but are linked
to your subject area
References
Neville, C. (2009) How To Improve Your Assignment Results. Maidenhead: OUP
8
www.brad.ac.uk/academic-skills
Answers
Inserting colons and/or semi-colons
1. The report focuses on three issues: how reliable public transport systems are; what
measures would be most effective in reducing traffic congestion; and whether
parking facilities are adequate.
2. Most reports on the inner city focus on problems; in fact there have been many
improvements too.
3. This leads us to another very important development in town planning: the arrival of
out-of-town shopping centres.
4. Tomlinson was correct when he made the statement: ‘Urban planners should always
aim to avoid demolishing historic buildings.’
5. Among town planners today, there is one buzzword: sustainability.
The punctuation mistakes in the other four incorrect sentences.
1. This brings me to my final point: the repercussions of local government initiatives
have not always been carefully considered.
2. The problem was not confined to one area; it was widespread throughout the
country. THIS IS CORRECT
3. The drive to create a sustainable environment raises a serious question: to what
extent should function take precedence over form?
4. People who argue that cities are becoming overcrowded should ask themselves why.
5. In some societies, homes need to be built to accommodate a range of family
structures that include extended families, nuclear families, and single-parent
households.
Comma exercise
On July 20th, 1969, having stepped onto the surface of the Moon’s surface, Neil Armstrong
uttered the famous words, ‘One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.’ Although it
had been hoped that the moon landing would lead to significant advances in space travel,
some of which may soon become a reality, the scientific progress has generally been slow.
However, space research has done much to unite nations. The establishment of the
International Space Station, the Space Shuttle, and the Hubble Telescope, illustrates how
much easier and more profitable it is for nations to work as a team, rather than in isolation.
Apostrophe exercise
One of the problems that arises when you are paying for something over the internet is that
you never see who is receiving your details at the other end. We like to think that they are
trustworthy but it is impossible to know whether that is the case. As anyone who has been
the victim of credit card fraud will know, it can very difficult to regain your faith in online
shopping once your identity has been stolen. Shops and restaurants may seem safer but just
as much fraud goes on there as it does on the web. These days, customers need
reassurance that their transactions are safe and banks need to raise their game with regard
to financial security. For all its advantages, the online world can certainly have its downside.
Tautology exercise: Just use the first sentence.
9
www.brad.ac.uk/academic-skills