Higher Modern Studies: 20
Mark Essays
Learning Intentions
• By the end of this lesson, you should be able to:
– Identify accurately the elements of a successful 20 mark
essay
– Explain the difference between analysis and evaluation,
referring to examples of each
– Evaluate a complex socio-economic or political issue by
drawing conclusions
• To demonstrate this, you will:
– Write a balanced introduction for a model essay
– Write a paragraph which features a detailed point, analysis
mark, exemplification and evaluative comment
– Write a conclusion which includes at least one of the key
evaluative skills
The 20 Mark Essay
• There will be one of these in your exam
• It can appear in any topic area
– 8 marks for Knowledge & Understanding
– 6 marks for Analysis & Evaluation
– 4 marks for Conclusions
– 2 marks for Structure
1 mark
2 marks
3 marks
4 marks
Range of relevant
knowledge
Accurate, relevant,
up-to-date
One relevant aspect of Two relevant aspects
the issue given, with
of the issue given, with
some description
some description
or one relevant aspect
covered, with detailed
and accurate
description
One relevant aspect of
the issue with detailed
and accurate
description and one
relevant aspect with
some description
At least two relevant
aspects with detailed
and accurate
descriptions — these
should include the key
aspects of the issue
Quality of
explanation/
exemplification of
knowledge
Up to a maximum of 8
marks available for
knowledge and
understanding
Some explanation of
one aspect of the
issue or relevant
exemplification
Some explanation of
two relevant aspects
of the issue or
detailed explanation
of one aspect of the
question which may
include relevant
exemplification
Detailed explanation
of one relevant aspect
of the issue with
relevant
exemplification and
some explanation of
one aspect of the
question
At least two aspects of
the question, fully
explained, which
relate closely to the
key aspects of the
question and
extended, relevant,
accurate and up-todate
exemplification
One relevant and
accurate analytical
comment that is
justified or
exemplified or two
different relevant and
accurate analytical
comments
One developed
relevant and accurate
analytical comment
that is justified and
exemplified: this
should relate closely
to a key aspect of the
question
One extended,
accurate and justified
analytical comment of
an insightful nature
which relates closely
to the key aspects of
the question and is
exemplified
Analysis
One relevant and
Comments that
accurate analytical
identify relationships/ comment
implications, explore
different views or
establish
consequences/
implications
Up to 6 marks*
5-6 marks
At least two
developed relevant
and accurate
analytical comments
that are justified and
exemplified. These
should relate closely
to the question and
may be linked for 6
marks
1 mark
Structure
Structure which
develops a consistent
and clear line of
argument
Up to 2 marks
Clear structure that
addresses the issue
identified in the
question
Conclusions
One conclusion that
Evaluative comments addresses a key issue
which make a
in the question
judgement(s) and or
reach a conclusion(s)
which address the key
issues in the question
Up to 4 marks*
2 marks
3 marks
4 marks
Structure that clarifies
the issue, presents
evidence and develops
a clear and consistent
line of argument
One extended and
balanced conclusion
that addresses a key
issue in the question
or two conclusions
that address key issues
in the question
One extended and
balanced conclusion
that is justified and
directly addresses the
key issue(s) in the
question or two
balanced conclusions
that address the key
issues in the question,
one of which is
extended
One extended and
balanced insightful
conclusion that is
justified and directly
addresses the central
aspects of the
question and which
considers a range of
viewpoints
5-6 marks
What Do the Essay Questions
Look Like?
• There are two possible question stems
• What do each of the following question
stems mean? What are they asking you to
do?
• To what extent
• Discuss
• To help us work this out, think about them
in a non-course related context…
To what extent is Heart of Midlothian the
greatest football club in Scotland?
To what extent is Adam C’s handwriting the
most stressful part of Mr Thomson’s job?
Volkswagen Golfs are the best small
car on the market. Discuss.
The mobile phone the most important tool in
Marta’s social life. Discuss.
To what extent is Mr Thomson’s blog the most effective
factor in improving pupil performance in Modern
Studies?
Question Stems
• The stems don’t radically alter how you
will answer the question, but you have to
focus on them and make sure you engage
clearly with what the examiner is looking
for
– To what extent = How much is…
– Discuss = Evaluate the arguments in favour
and in opposition to the statement.
• You have to answer the question that you
are asked, or you will fail the question!
Structure
• To gain your 2 marks for structure, you
must follow a logical and coherent line
of argument
• The best way to set out your essay in
order to achieve this is by following
this structure:
– Introduction
– 4 balanced points/paragraphs
– Conclusion
Introduction
• The intro should perform 3 key jobs:
1. Introduce the topic
2. Show you understand what the
question is asking you and what you
need to do to answer it
3. Give a basic, balanced response to
the question
Model Intro
• Is this a good intro for an imaginary
question, “To what extent is Nando’s
the best place to eat in Silverburn
shopping centre”?
• “In Silverburn, Nando’s is a popular
place to eat. In this essay, I will discuss
whether it is a good place to eat and to
what extent it is the best.”
This is a Weak Intro
• WHY?
• Written in first person
• Doesn’t show any real understanding of
the question
• Doesn’t give a response to the question
• Simplistic introductory comment
• No indication of how the question will be
tackled
Model Intro 2
• “Silverburn shopping centre in the Southside
of Glasgow is home to more than a dozen
outlets offering a dining experience for the
thousands of shoppers who visit each day.
Some argue that Nando’s provides the highest
quality food thanks to its range of piri piri
dressings; however, competitors such as
Wagamama, Pizza Hut and La Tasca are very
popular and also must be considered. Overall,
whether Nando’s is the best place to eat in
Silverburn is highly dependent on the
individual preferences of the customer.”
This is Much Stronger
• It:
– Gives some KU about the topic in the opening
sentence to provide clear context
– Acknowledges a range of factors to be
discussed
– Engages with what the question asks and
shows a clear understanding of how to
answer it
– Answers the question with balanced analysis
Activity
• Create your own introduction for this
essay, using the model to help you (not to
copy from!)
• Peer assess to check you are on the right
track – does your partner’s essay follow
the structure? Does it include the right
level of detail?
• Give them a key target to work on for next
time
• Also give them something they did well
• Write this in their jotter so they don’t
forget
Main Body
• Each paragraph should follow the PEEA-PEEA-L
structure:
•
•
•
•
Point
Expand
Example
Analysis
•
•
•
•
Counter Point
Expand
Example
Analysis
• Link back to the question and evaluate (mini conclusion)
Model PEE
• Nando’s is a high quality dining experience in Silverburn as it
offers customers wide choice and customisation of their
meals.
• Whilst many of Silverburn’s restaurants offer only a set menu,
Nando’s have a range of high quality piri piri dressings which
allow customers to make their own choice as to how spicy
their chicken is. Furthermore, the customer can refill their soft
drink as often as they like, giving them a less restricted choice
of what they drink with their meal. Therefore, the dining
experience is enhanced.
• For example, in July 2013, Mr Thomson visited the Edinburgh
Fountainpark branch of Nando’s, choosing to add extra hot piri
piri sauce to his first half wrap, and lemon and herb sauce to
the second.
• Market research has shown that restaurant customers view
this kind of choice as a particularly important factor in
deciding where to eat; in fact, only quality of food was rated
higher. This is likely to give Nando’s the edge over Wagamama,
which only has a set menu to choose from.
Model PEEL
•
•
•
•
•
However, it could be argued that Nando’s is poor value for money
when compared with its competitors.
A regular complaint from customers is that the price of a meal in
Nando’s is excessive for the quality of food served. This affects
the customer’s enjoyment of their meal as they feel they could
have saved money and eaten a similar standard of meal
elsewhere in Silverburn.
For example, a double chicken pitta with one side costs £10.60 in
Nando’s, whereas a chicken and chorizo paella in La Tasca costs
only £8.85.
This is a huge difference in cost, and may heavily influence many
people’s decision over whether to eat at Nando’s – for those on a
budget, it could be the most important factor.
Clearly, although there is plenty of choice in Nando’s, the
customer pays extra for the privilege and doesn’t gain very good
value for money as a result. Whilst this isn’t a problem for
customers who are willing to pay extra, some diners may prefer a
cheaper option, such as Pizza Hut.
Activity
• Complete a balanced paragraph like
the one on the previous two slides
• Peer assess with a different partner
this time to gain a wider range of
feedback from the class
Conclusion
• Should not just be a summary or a repeat of
everything you have said
• It should be an evaluative comment which
concludes your essay with a balanced
response to the question
• Making recommendations, or predictions
based on the evidence you have presented is
one good way to approach this
• You should always ensure that you
acknowledge the alternative viewpoints
• If you have made mini conclusions throughout
your essay, this will be easier
Conclusion Structure
• Give your answer to the question summarise the key arguments that have
convinced you
• Show balance – acknowledge the
alternative point of view
• Evaluate – put a quantitative value on
your answer e.g. “to a large extent”
• Make an interesting final concluding
comment, such as a recommendation or
prediction
Activity
• Write your own conclusion to this
essay and self assess your work this
time, using the model conclusion on
the next page to help you
• Make any required corrections, as you
will be peer marked once you have
completed this section
Model Conclusion
• Overall, although Nando’s can be considered the
best restaurant to a large extent by customers for
whom table service and budget are not important
factors, others prefer the more formal dining
experience of La Tasca or the value for money of
Wagamama. Whether Nando’s is the best
restaurant in Silverburn is highly dependent on
the tastes and preferences of the individual.
Perhaps the youthful clientele it attracts suggests
it appeals to a particularly young demographic
more than the other choices available; however,
Nando’s will need to do more to appeal to the
older generations in the years to come.
Peer Marking
• Using the marking instructions you have
been given, peer assess your partner’s
model essay
• Make sure you note on where each mark
has been gained – do this in the margin
• Give feedback, both positive and things
to work on, so that you both have a target
for your first Modern Studies themed
essay question
Learning Intentions
• By the end of this lesson, you should be able to:
– Identify accurately the elements of a successful 20 mark
essay
– Explain the difference between analysis and evaluation,
referring to examples of each
– Evaluate a complex socio-economic or political issue by
drawing conclusions
• To demonstrate this, you will:
– Write a balanced introduction for a model essay
– Write a paragraph which features a detailed point, analysis
mark, exemplification and evaluative comment
– Write a conclusion which includes at least one of the key
evaluative skills