GRIEF
ROBERTA TEMES
• Stages of Grief:
1. Numbness
• Mechanical functioning and social
insulation
2. Disorganization
• Intensely painful feelings of loss
3. Reorganization
• Re-entry into a more ‘normal’ social life
GEORGE BONANNO
• Suggests avoiding feelings has a protective
function
• Expressing negative emotions can prolong grief
• Research on 9/11:
• Those who did not express their reactions
immediately showed fewer signs of distress 2
years later
• Those who were asked to express their
reactions immediately had a harder time
adjusting 2 years later
• Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology (2008)
GRIEVING
• BUT:
• Asking people about an event immediately
does not give the person a chance to
process the information in their own time.
• It implies that they should be upset.
GRIEVING
• Grief is never over.
• Worst grief within 6 months
• As time passes, we focus more on good
memories than sadness
• If there are unresolved issues that cause emotional
pain, it may help to talk to someone
• Counseling only shows a benefit when
participants displayed difficulty adapting to loss
ELIZABETH KUBLER-ROSS
• Studied 500+ participants with terminal illness or who
experienced catastrophic loss
• Identified 5 stages of grief
• As with all stage theories- are they really concrete?
Do we go through ALL and in the same order?
• Role of age:
• How do we feel if the person is 103?
• How do we feel if the person is 10?
STAGE 1: DENIAL
• Usually only a temporary defense for the
individual
• Feeling is often replaced with heightened
awareness of who will be left behind after
death
• “I’m fine.”
• “This can’t be happening to me.”
UP House flying scene: whole clip (3:00)
STAGE 2: ANGER
• Individual recognizes that denial cannot
continue
• Misplaced feelings of rage, resentment or
blame
• “Why me?!”
• “It’s not fair!”
• “How can this happen to me?”
Romeo and Juliet: whole clip (2:30)
STAGE 3: BARGAINING
• Hope that death can be postponed.
• Often negotiation with a higher power in
exchange for reformed behavior
• “ Just let me live to see my grandchildren
graduate”
• “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”
Beauty and the Beast: 0-2:30 OR 4:30
STAGE 4: DEPRESSION
• Begin to understand the certainty/finality of
death
• May become silent, refuse visitors, spend time
crying
• Not recommended to try to cheer a person up in
this stage- an important part of processing.
• “Why bother with anything?”
• “What’s the point?”
Lion King: 1:30-4:00
STAGE 5: ACCEPTANCE
• Individual begins to come to terms with
mortality
• “It’s going to be okay”
Forest Gump: whole clip (1:50)
Up mementos: whole clip (3:18)
TERMINATOR 2
• Watch John Connor, Sarah Connor, and the
Terminator in this scene. Identify one example
of each stage of grief according to Kubler-Ross:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance