Relatively Speaking #4: Thank You
Series Big Idea: Whether it’s parent-child, spouse-spouse, child-parent, friend-friend, employer-employee, we can all agree that
relationships are often tough. I think we can also agree that words, for better or worse, can shape and define the relationship. During
this series we’re going to be digging in to the book of Proverbs, mining its wisdom for words that have the power to revolutionize our
relationships. Over the next four weeks we’re going to learn four phrases that can bring new life to any relationship.
Message Big Idea: THANK YOU revolutionizes our relationships because while many in the world are shouting LOOK AT ME, a
heart full of gratitude says THANK YOU. While the world wants more, a heart filled with gratitude knows it has more than enough.
While the world continually expects more and more from others, taking them for granted, a heart full of gratitude says “Thank You.”
Scripture: A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired. (Proverbs 17:22)
Takeaway: Express gratitude by saying “thank you” to those you often take for granted. We’ll have an opportunity for people to take
action right in the service by writing a Thank You note to someone important in their life.
Recommended Prep: Read Chapter 15 “The Soul Needs Gratitude” from John Ortberg’s Soul Keeping.
Introduction: “Thank You” Notes
How many of you like to stay up and watch late-night TV? How many of you are thinking, “Are you
crazy? I can barely make it to 10PM!” I’m kind of a night owl so I often catch a bit of late-night TV. Currently,
one of my favorites is The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Any Jimmy fans in the house? If you’re a fan
of the show, you know that each week Jimmy takes time during his Friday night show to write out what? That’s
right, “Thank You” notes! It’s his weekly time to sit down and express thanks for the things he’s grateful for.
Here’s a sample if you’ve never seen it: (Video: “Thank You” Notes. See other options in Planning Center for
doing a live version of this bit.) It seemed appropriate on this Thanksgiving weekend that we start with “Thank
You” notes!
Series Recap:
Today we are wrapping up our series “Relatively Speaking” where we’ve been looking at words or
phrases that can breath new life into our most valued relationships.
 In week 1, we talked about saying “No” to things that distract us from investing our time and energy in
the most important relationships in our lives.
 In week 2, we discovered the importance of saying “I Understand” to show we’re really listening to
one another.
 Last week, we were reminded that the people we love need to regularly hear us say, “I Love You.”
 Today as we come to the end of a holiday weekend that is all about expressing gratitude, we’re going to
talk about the words: “Thank You.” This week is all about expressing gratitude to the most important
people in our lives.
Now, this series has been based on the wisdom found in the book of Proverbs, but before we turn to
Proverbs, let’s look at a story from Jesus’ life.
Word: Jesus and the 10 Lepers
Luke was a historian that wrote a carefully researched account of Jesus’ life. Here is a story about
gratitude that we find in the 17th chapter of his book:
Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he
was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in
a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!” (Luke 17:11-13)
Let me pause for a moment and note that there are two significant cultural points in this story that were
unusual for Jesus’ day. First, Jesus was traveling near Samaria. Remember, Jesus was Jewish; and in the racially
segregated culture of the day, Jews and Samaritans did not associate with one another. Jews so hated Samaritans
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that they would travel the long way around, adding miles and hours to their journey, to avoid going near
Samaritan populated areas. It’s hard for us to imagine or understand the depth of this disdain because it goes
way beyond the Bears/Packers, Cubs/Sox, or even the (name two high schools in your area) Yorkville/Plano
rivalries that we are used to. But it’s safe to say that the level of hate between these two parties was
astronomical. So the fact that Jesus was near Samaria and entered a village was culturally unusual.
The second cultural point is that Jesus healed ten men who had leprosy. Now leprosy is a disease that
attacks the nervous system, but it normally shows itself through the skin. Tumor-like growths would appear on
the skin and the skin would crack and open and would often cause a loss of the sense of pain. It was said that
someone who had leprosy could pour boiling water on their skin and feel no pain at all. Severe deformities and
a loss of extremities was a common occurrence. So anybody who had leprosy in Jesus’ day was feared, seen as
an outcast, and removed from normal day-to-day society. In fact, people with leprosy were required to shout out
“Unclean!” if anyone got to close to them in order to warn people to stay away. I’m quite sure that’s why these
men stood at a distance as they called out, “Jesus, have pity on us!” Let’s pick up the story there:
When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were
cleansed. One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw
himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan. Jesus asked, “Were not all ten
cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this
foreigner?” Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.” (Luke 17:11-19)
Jesus sends the men to the local priest because a priest had the power to declare someone “healed” and
could grant permission for that person to enter back into society. And as they set out to find the priest, all ten are
miraculously healed. At some point along the way, one out of the ten realizes, “Wait a minute, leprosy doesn't
just go away! I was healed! I need to go back and say, ‘Thank you!’” And he doesn't just go back for a low-key
fist-bump, as if to say “Thanks, bro.” No, he throws himself at Jesus’ feet and loudly praises God while
thanking Jesus.
And notice Jesus’ response. He asks, “Weren’t there ten men? Where are the other nine? Did only the
foreigner, the Samaritan, come back to thank me?” I wonder if you can you identify with Jesus’ question. Think
about it for a second… Do you ever feel taken for granted…unappreciated…unthanked…especially by those
who aren’t “foreigners”...by those you are closest to? I wonder if some of your closest friends and family feel
taken for granted or unappreciated too?
Today’s phrase “Thank You” is so important because often we forget to express thanks to the most
important people in our lives for who they are and what they have done. Like the other 9 cured lepers we go on
our merry way taking the good that is in our lives for granted. Perhaps we all could use a little gratitude
training.
Gratitude Training
This summer I read a great book by John Ortberg called Soul Keeping; and in it he challenges the
reader to try a “Two Day Experiment.”

On Day #1 – Start each conversation with a complaint. Complain about your health; complain about
your job, complain about money problems and complain about family issues. Or try getting real creative
and just complain right to the person you are talking with! Tell them you don’t like what they are
wearing; tell them you don’t like their personality. Or just greet each person you see with, “Wow, why
are you in such a grumpy mood!” That’s day #1. Fun, huh?

On Day #2 – Start each interaction with a “Thank you.” When you meet a friend say out loud, “I just
want to say thanks for being my friend. I am so glad that God put you in my life!” Or to a loved one in
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your family, tell them, “I bet it’s been a while since I said this, but thanks for being a part of my life.”
Then the rest of the day just think about what you are genuinely thankful for: health, job, church, a
terrific pastor who delivers messages that consistently inspire you! Can I get an amen? 
After the “Two Day Experiment,” ask yourself which day left you feeling more alive, more vibrant and
closer to God? You know the answer without even doing the experiment, right? Ortberg points out this reality:
“The soul thrives on gratitude.”
Word: Proverbs 17:22
Proverbs 17:22 puts it a little differently. Here it is in The Message paraphrase version:
“A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone tired.” (Proverbs
17:22 The Message)
Isn’t this true? In Jesus’ day, they took gratitude so seriously that they would train themselves to be thankful by
praying what is called “The Eighteen Benedictions.” These are eighteen ways of saying “thank you” to God.
Three times a day, morning, afternoon, and evening, the Jewish people would thank God for his understanding,
his forgiveness, his healing, his deliverance. The Eighteen Benedictions helped people focus on the “good” in
their lives. I think they served as a form of gratitude training.
So what if we tried to train ourselves to be grateful? In a world of microwave ovens, 140 character
Tweets and short attention spans, we might not have the patience for Eighteen Benedictions, but maybe we
could train ourselves to practice just three. Let’s call them the “Three Bene’s.” “Bene” is an old Latin word for
“good” as in “benefits,” “benefactor,” and “beneficiary.” Let’s talk about how these “Three Bene’s” can train us
to be grateful everyday.
First, “Benefit.” This is about being very intentional about recognizing ways you have benefitted from
the goodness of others. If we think back to our story about the ten lepers, one leper recognized how he
benefitted from the goodness of Jesus. Training ourselves to see the benefit means we have to stop taking good
things for granted. Again, this guy was a leper, a Samaritan and he was alone, so he had every reason NOT to
come back. But he didn’t take the good that had just been done to him for granted. He recognized he was the
recipient of something wonderful. Isn’t it easy to take for granted the good that we get in our lives? Even the
common, everyday things like a roof over our heads, food, family, transportation, etc. What good have we
taken for granted? What has happened in our life recently that we’ve failed to recognize as a blessing? Every
day we should stop and consider the Benefits we’ve received.
Next, we have to recognize that there is a “Benefactor” This is about seeing that someone is behind that
good that you have received. It’s understanding that good isn’t just luck or circumstance. Good happens
because someone allows it to happen. Let’s look back at our story, it says, “…when he saw he was healed,
came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him.” We don’t
know what happened to the other nine men. Maybe they went to share their miraculous story with friends or
family. But we do know that only one man ran back to Jesus first to say “thanks.” He recognized that Jesus
brought the good into his life! Isn’t it easy to do what the other nine guys did, sometimes? Don't we get
distracted and forget who’s deserving of our thanks? Sometimes they are people who have such a constant
presence in our lives that we stop seeing the good that they bring to us. Every day we should stop and consider
the Benefactor behind the good we’ve received.
Finally, we must see that we are the “Beneficiary.” This is a posture of humility seeing ourselves as
blessed. One man, the Samaritan, saw himself as the beneficiary. One man humbly came back to Jesus
recognizing that he was the honored recipient of Jesus’ goodness. Maybe the others felt that they deserved the
healing that they got. Maybe they just felt this incredible sense of entitlement because of the suffering they’d
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endured. What about us? What about in our relationships? Do we recognize that we are the beneficiaries of the
good of others? Are we grateful or do we, too, see ourselves as entitled? Every day we should stop and consider
that we are a Beneficiary of countless blessings.
It can be easy to forget the “Three Bene’s” in our daily lives. Most of us have played the part of the
other nine lepers and failed or just forgotten to say “thank you” when “thank you” was clearly deserved.
 Maybe we were going through a difficult time and were overwhelmed by our circumstances and just
couldn’t see past them to recognize the good in our lives.
 Maybe we’ve grown comfortable and have begun to take people for granted.
 Maybe we are fighting back anger or bitterness and just haven’t had the ability to say the words.
For one reason or another, we’ve all missed chances to say “thanks” when a “thanks” was deserved. However,
we still can train ourselves to see the good or the “Three Bene’s” in life.
And when we train ourselves to be thankful, we receive the benefits: “A cheerful disposition is good for
your health; gloom and doom leave you bone tired.” But the people God has put around us also benefit.
X-Box Story:
Tim Sanders of Yahoo told a story that I know I will never forget. He was on a radio talk show in
Seattle, and one of the things he said is that you need to tell people face to face what you appreciate about them
because most people most of the time just feel beat up by life. Some time after that talk show, Tim got an email from a manager he referred to as Steve with a subject line that said: X-Box story.
Steve wrote: “I have nine software engineers that work for me and I had never seen any (but one) faceto-face. We all work in the same building but we just do everything by computer. (10 ft away…e-mail each
other…ever do that?) But I decided to take seriously what you said and tell each of my employees two reasons
I think they’re wonderful. So I went around to each cubicle and I walked in and put my arm around each one of
my folks and I told them the two reasons I admired them…cause I do have a good team!”
“A couple of days later one of my engineers, I’ll call him Lenny, comes up to me with this poorly
wrapped but well-intended gift. And it was the best gift a man could ever get in August: X-box and a copy of
Madden NFL. I looked at Lenny, who I hadn’t given a raise to since I don’t remember when, and I’m like,
“Dude where’d you get the money?” And he looked back at me and said the one phrase you never want to hear
as a manager who has ignored his people: “I sold my 9 millimeter.” (pause) Which got my attention totally on
the spot.
And Lenny goes on to say, “You’ve never asked me about my personal life for the entire time I worked
here so why don’t I tell you now. I moved here from Denver because my mom died. She was my only friend
and when she died I was totally alone so I thought I’d move to Seattle and start over again with a new company.
I’ve never made a friend at this company. If I died, payroll would tell you, o.k.”
“I got depressed. I’m online all the time, so I went online and searched ‘dead mom solution’ and guess
what I found? I found 100’s of websites that offered to tutor me on what they call the final solution. I took a
paycheck and I went and bought beautiful chrome plated 9 mm and a box of bullets. And I began to practice
every day for the last six months. I’d go home and I’d put Kurt Cobain on and I’d eat my ramen noodles and
I’d get the cigar box I kept my gun in and I’d get used to putting bullets in the gun and setting it on the top of
my teeth. And the last few weeks the safety was off, dude, and I was this close. And then the other day you
freaked me out. You come into my cubicle and I don’t even know you. You put your arm around me, and you
told me I was funny over e-mail. You told me I turn in every project a day early and help you sleep at night.
And then you told me, you said, ‘Lenny, I’m glad you came into my life.’
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He said, ‘I went home that night, listened to Soundgarden, and ate my ramen noodles. And when I
opened that cigar box the light hit the chrome on that pistol and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I
was scared. And then I said the words out loud that saved my life: “I’m glad you came into my life, Lenny.”
He said, “I got up the next day and went to the pawn shop, I told them that I bought the gun for a
thousand dollars, ‘what’ll you give me for it?’ They said $250. And I said to myself, ‘what am I going do with
the money?’ And then I realized that for months you have been complaining on e-mail that your financial
controller, a.k.a. your wife, would not let you purchase the X-Box gaming system you want because you’ve got
that new baby at home to feed. So Steve, for my life, this gift is for you.”
Let me ask you something: right now…
 Who in your life needs to hear, “I’m thankful that you’re in my life”?
 Who needs to hear “thank you” for what they have done for you?
 Who needs to know how much they mean to you?
“Thank You” Notes
Here is what I want you to do; what I want all of us to do. We started today by talking about “Thank
You” notes. When you came in today, you received a blank “Thank You” note like this (hold it up). We decided
that as a part of this message on this Thanksgiving weekend, we would take action together right away to
express gratitude to someone important people in our lives. Think of someone who really matters to you. Maybe
someone you’ve been taking for granted. Maybe someone who continually brings good into your life, but who
you often forget to thank.
Could I get a little “Thank You” music? (Audio: Play Jimmy Fallon Thank You Music) While this
music is playing, I want you to take the time right now to write a “Thank You” note to the person that came to
mind. Think about the Benefit you’ve received, thank the Benefactor, recognize yourself as the Beneficiary.
Take a minute or two now to write a note of thanks to someone in your life.
Alright, look up at me when you’re done so I know you’ve had enough time. (Wait until the majority of
people are finished.)
Your challenge this week is to give this card to that person. If it is someone you see regularly, hand it to
them and express your gratitude in words. If it is someone far away, drop it into the mail to them this week. And
here’s the thing…you don’t have to stop with just this one “Thank You” note. Who are the other people in your
life who need to hear “Thank You?” Family? Friends? Neighbors? Coworkers? Maybe even your boss?
Conclusion
A simple “thank you” can hold a lot of power. May God grow in us the heart of the grateful. And may
we always remember the one who has done more for us than any other. God has done more for us than we could
ever deserve. When we recognize that we are the ones who have benefited from His love, that He is the
benefactor, that all of the goodness of life comes from Him and that we are the beneficiary, it should cause us to
run back to Him to throw ourselves at His feet to say “Thank you.”
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