Chapter 5: The Illustration Essay
Copyright © 2011
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_vLbMuPkqGIw/TNg88w6txHI/AAAAAAAAHr0/--7LM5_YXyQ/s400/thagomizer.jpg
The first time many students hear the term, “Illustration Essay,” they think:
“What does that mean? Illustrations are drawings they put in books. What do
illustrations have to do with writing?” Surprisingly, the little known
Illustration Essay is the most important essay for you to learn. That’s because
an Illustration Essay models the organization you use to write all kinds of
essays in college, work, and in life. If you learn to write an effective Illustration
Essay, you’ll have the secret to effective writing.
The organization behind an Illustration Essay is simple: it’s writing that
proves a point (The Thesis) by examples. Examples are just another word for
the Specific Support we studied in the earlier chapters. Because the
Illustration Essay most accurately models using Specific Support to prove
your Thesis, it’s a great way to practice and improve your writing.
The Illustration Essay is often defined as “writing by example,” and that’s
exactly what you’re doing: You’re giving examples – examples with details – to
support your Thesis Statement.
Practice 1. “Writing by example” – Take a look at the following drafts of the
same essay and decide which essay uses Examples to give you a
better idea of what the writer is trying to prove about the Topic.
“Effects of Lack of Sleep”
Essay 1
I’m a student taking a full load of classes, and I work twenty hours a
week so I can pay the tuition for college. With this busy schedule, I’ve
realized there are many bad effects when I do not get enough sleep at
night. The first effect is I tend to fall asleep in class. Falling asleep
means I miss everything. It’s hard to concentrate when you haven’t
had enough sleep. It’s hard to pay attention when you haven’t had
enough sleep. I miss most of what the professor is lecturing on. I find
myself nodding off and soon I’m asleep. I am doing nothing more than
wasting my time in class.
Another effect of not getting enough sleep is that I lack energy. My
body will not have much energy if I don’t get enough sleep because
sleeping allows my body to rest and recharge. I am not lazy, but
without sleep I feel low energy without the drive to complete my work.
That lack of energy is almost all caused by not getting enough sleep. I
know my low energy level could be solved if I just could get more
sleep.
The third effect is the quality of my work won’t be very good. If I am
tired, I don’t focus well and I won’t do well in college, at my job, or
wherever I am. I am not happy with the quality of my work, but
without enough sleep, I don’t seem to be able to do anything about it. I
think the quality of work in college or at my job is dependent on how
much sleep I have had. I am not happy with the quality of my work, but
I know I could solve this problem by getting enough sleep.
These are some of the bad results I have experienced from not getting
enough sleep. Don’t you think that after a while I would figure out that
if I want to do well in life, I should get more sleep?
Essay 2
I’m a student taking a full load of classes, and I work twenty hours a
week so I can pay the tuition for college. With this busy schedule, I’ve
realized there are many bad effects when I do not get enough sleep at
night. The first effect is I tend to fall asleep in class. Falling asleep
means I miss everything. For example, last Sunday night I only got
three hours of sleep because I stayed up late talking with a friend. That
next day in my English class I was listening and the next thing I knew
my professor was shaking me awake! I was definitely embarrassed,
and I remembered none of what was covered including what we were
assigned for homework and what our essay was on and when it was
due.
Another effect of not getting enough sleep is that I lack energy. My
body will not have much energy if I don’t get enough sleep because
sleeping allows my body to rest and recharge. I have to wake up early
to go to class. I have three classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, and
two classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, all in the morning. After class,
I have to go to work at Target. I’m at the cash register from 2:00 until
6:00, five days a week. Then when I finish work, I go back to the
apartment, cook some dinner, and then I need to do homework for at
least two hours a night. I cannot keep up with everything I have to do if
I don’t get a good night’s sleep. I just don’t have the energy. Last week,
for example, I ended up missing my classes on Wednesday, did not
make it to work on Thursday, and failed to do my homework all week!
The third effect is the quality of my work won’t be very good. Without
enough sleep, I make stupid mistakes at work, and I am not able to
concentrate on my homework at night. As for that essay that was due
in English, the best I could do was a “D,” which is not good enough. My
professor told me I can do better, and I had to admit that he was right.
I know that the quality of my work would improve significantly if I
could get enough sleep.
These are some of the bad results I have experienced from not getting
enough sleep. Don’t you think that after a while I would figure out that
if I want to do well in life, I should get more sleep?
Which Essay uses Specific Examples to help the reader understand each
Support Point?
___ Essay 1
___ Essay 2
Not getting enough sleep?
http://media.collegepublisher.com/media/paper949/stills/436b1d3b197be-23-1.jpg
Here’s how the concept of Examples fits into the organizational structure of
the Illustration Essay.
1. Introductory Paragraph –
a. Gets the readers’ interest
b. Sets the context for the paragraph/essay (provides
background)
c. Thesis Statement (Topic + Main Idea) – The last sentence of the
Introductory Paragraph
2. Support Paragraph One – Topic Sentence
a. General Support Sentence 1
b. Specific Support 1 – Example with details
3. Support Paragraph Two – Topic Sentence
a. General Support Sentence 2
b. Specific Support 2 – Example with details
4. Support Paragraph Three – Topic Sentence (The third reason your
reader should believe your Thesis.)
a. General Support Sentence 3
b. Specific Support 3 – Example with details
5. Conclusion –
a. Restates the Main Idea (what you have proved in the essay in
different words)
b. Takes the reader a step further
It’s the Examples or Illustrations in the Support Paragraphs that gives the
Illustration Essay its name.
In the following Illustration Essay, the student writer uses the organizational
structure outlined above. (We’ll use this essay as a model throughout the
chapter.)
We’ve identified the organization of the essay using the following key:
 The Introduction designed to get the readers’ interest and give
background to the essay is in Italics
 The Thesis Statement for the essay is underlined and in bold type;
 The Topic Sentence for each Support Paragraph is underlined;
 The Transitions for the Topic Sentence at the beginning of each Support
Paragraph are in (parentheses).
 The Transitions for the Specific Support Sentences – the examples – are
in [brackets].
 The General Support Sentences are in Blue Type;
 The Specific Support Sentences are in Red Type;
 The Conclusion that restates the Main Idea in different words is green,
underlined type, and the Conclusion that takes the reader a step
further is in Green Type.
1Brooke
Stillman
3/10/09
ENG 090-501
Illustration Essay
2Informal
Outline
Thesis Statement: My three obstacles in
returning to college are time, lack of
focus, and working two full-time jobs.
Support 1: Time
Support 2: Lack of focus
Support 3: Stamina
3Obstacles
to Being in School Again
4I
have been working as a teller in the
banking industry for the past several
years and have recently come to realize
that I want to do more with my life. To be
able to succeed in the area that I want to,
I must get my accounting degree. Now
that I have finally started taking classes,
there are three major obstacles that I’m
encountering along the way. 5Those
three obstacles are time, lack of focus,
and working two full time jobs while
being a good mom to my son.
The 7(first) obstacle that is holding me
back from pursuing my accounting
degree is time. 8There never seems to be
enough time in the day to finish
everything. I wake up every morning at 6
am at the latest to get myself and my son
Josh ready for the day. I get my son
dropped off at daycare and get to work.
When I’m off work at 5 pm, I pick Josh up
and drive home. By the time we’re home
6
1At
the upper left hand corner,
include your Name, Date,
Class, and Type of Essay –
single spaced.
2Every
essay you write in this
class needs to have an
Informal Outline, which
contains the Thesis Statement
and three main Support
Points.
Capitalize the first letter in
each word of your title (except
for a, the, at, of, in and to
unless one of these words
begins the title). Center the
title above the essay.
3
4The
Introduction provides
background to the essay, in this
case the writer’s experiences
that influenced her decision to
return to college.
5The
Thesis Statement has
the Topic (returning to
college) and the Main Idea
(Those three obstacles: lack
of focus, and working two
full time jobs while being a
good mom to my son.)
6Topic
Sentence for Support
Paragraph 1: (“The first
obstacle to returning to college
is time.”)
7Transition
words signaling
the first Support Point: “The
(first) obstacle”
8 General
Support Sentence
and we’ve eaten dinner, it’s time to get
him in the bathtub and then ready for
bed. Once I get him to bed, I need at least
twenty minutes to relax before I can
begin focusing on doing homework. I
find myself at the end of every day
struggling to stay awake to complete all
of my homework on time.
6A 7(second)
obstacle is that I seem to
have a very hard time focusing on my
schoolwork. 8That lack of focus comes
from being a single mom, working full
time, becoming engaged and trying to
plan a wedding, buying a new house, and
going through a custody battle for my
child. I just have so much going on it’s a
challenge to give my complete attention
to my schoolwork. 9[For example,
yesterday], 10after I got my son to bed
and started reading the chapter on the
Civil War for my history class, a half hour
went by before I realized that I was
thinking of the custody battle with my
husband and had not read a single line of
the history chapter. I guess you could say
it was the wrong war!
6(Last), 7having
two jobs and taking care
of my four-year old son seems to drain
all the energy I have. 8My four-year old is
a constant spitfire of energy that never
seems to slow down. Josh can play all
day and not get tired! 9[Last weekend],
10he was going strong all morning and
most of the afternoon. I only knew he
was tired because he started crying
when I told him that the book he wanted
me to read to him had been returned to
that sets context for the
specific example that follows:
(“There never seems to be
enough time in the day to finish
everything.”)
9Specific
Support – example
with details. (I wake up every
morning at 6 am…. struggling
to stay awake to complete all of
my homework on time.)
6Topic
Sentence for Support
Paragraph 2: (“a very hard
time focusing on my
schoolwork.”)
7Transition
words signaling
the second Support Point:
“The (a second) obstacle”
8 General
Support Sentence
that sets context for the
specific example that follows:
(“There never seems to be
enough time in the day to finish
everything.”)
Transition Phrase from
General to Specific Support.
[“For example, yesterday”]
9
10Specific
Support – example
with details. (after I got my son
to bed and started reading….it
was the wrong war!)
Transition words signaling
the third Support Point: “The
(last) obstacle”
6
7Topic
Sentence for Support
Paragraph 3: (“having two jobs
and taking care of my fouryear old son seems to drain me
from all the energy that I
have.”)
the library, and no other book would
substitute, not even the book he had
been so excited about the day before
when we checked it out from the library!
I also work as a teller at a credit union
and find it to be a stressful job as I
constantly have to be in a good mood
and talking to people. I get home at the
end of the day and after putting my son
to bed, the last thing that I want to do is
get on my computer and work on school.
11Although
there are a number of
obstacles that get in my way of
completing my classes, it is worth my
time, focus, and energy. 12I know that
one day I will be proud of myself for
sacrificing these things in order to better
myself and to better provide for my
family. Until then, I will put forth one
hundred percent into these classes so I
can have the job that I desire.
8 General
Support Sentence
that sets context for the
specific example that follows:
(“My four-year old is a constant
spitfire of energy…can play all
day and not get tired!”)
Transition Phrase from
General to Specific Support.
[“Last weekend”]
9
10Specific Support
– example
with details. (he was going
strong all morning and…. the
last thing that I want to do is
get on my computer and work
on school.)
11 Conclusion that restates the
Thesis in different words:
Original Thesis Statement:
(“Those three obstacles [to
returning to college] include
lack of focus, and working
two full time jobs while
being a good mom to my
son.”)
11Restated Thesis
in the
Conclusion: (“Those three
obstacles are time, lack of
focus, and working two full
time jobs while being a good
mom to my son.”)
12Conclusion
takes the reader
a step further: (“I know that
one day I will be proud of
myself….until then, I will put
forth one hundred percent into
these classes so I can have the
job that I desire.”)
Brooke with her College Algebra textbook, and her son Josh holding his long-flying paper airplane!
Using the above essay, let’s review the steps you’ll need to use to organize and
write an effective Illustration Essay.
Steps in Writing an Illustration Essay
Step 1. The Thesis Statement
A. The Topic
The first step in organizing your Illustration Essay is to develop a Thesis
Statement. All Thesis Statements have two important parts:
 The Topic or the Subject you are writing about
 The Main Idea or what you’ll prove about the Topic by using examples.
As we mentioned previously, the Topic is usually given by your professor. In
fact, in most college classes you’ll receive a list of Topics to choose from.
Here’s an important point: Choose a Topic that you know something about, and
as importantly, are interested in. Remember, “When you care about the topic,
you’ll do a better job and have more fun!”
Here’s a typical list of Topics that you could receive in a writing class:
1. Traffic
2. Teen
Pregnancy
3. Inflation
4. Child care
5. Crime
A College Child Care Center
http://www.hallmarkinfrastructure.co.in/images/daycare.jpg
If you have children and are trying to figure out how you can go to college and
take care of your kids at the same time, the Topic of “Daycare service for
student-parents” might be a good choice for you.
Or, here’s a different example: if you drive I-25 to Denver each day for a job,
the Topic of “Traffic in the greater Denver area” might be worth considering.
The same is true of the Topics “Crime” and “Inflation.” In deciding on a Topic,
it’s a good idea to ask the following questions:
 What is your experience with the Topic?
 How much do you care about the Topic?
Your answers are the key to making the best decision about which Topic to
choose for your essay. Remember, if you care about the Topic, the writing will
be much easier, you’ll do a better job, and have more fun!
B. The Main Idea
Once you have the Topic, the next step is to develop a Thesis Statement. The
Thesis Statement not only contains the Topic, but also the Main Idea (what
you will prove about the Topic by using Examples). Remember, you need both
a Topic and a Main Idea for a Thesis Statement. It’s not enough to announce
that “you’ll be writing about crime.” You also have to prove something about
crime. For example:
Topic
+
Main Idea
 The effects of crime go beyond the individuals involved; or
Topic
+
Main Idea
 Crime has not been reduced by mandatory sentencing.
It’s up to you to choose what you will prove about the Topic through
Examples.
Given the list of Topics outlined above, we might come up with the following
Thesis Statements:
Topic
+
Main Idea
1. Day care is critical to non-traditional students staying in college.
Topic
+
Main Idea
2. Traffic in metro Denver is becoming intolerable.
Topic
+
Main Idea
3. The effects of crime go beyond the individuals involved.
Topic
+
Main Idea
4. Inflation affects the ability of working families to pay basic
expenses.
Practice 2. Crafting your own Thesis Statement – Using the following list of
Topics, develop a Thesis Statement by adding a Main Idea.
Topic: Trains
Topic
+
Main Idea
Example Thesis Statement: Trains are a much more relaxed way to travel.
Topic
1. The Internet
+
Main Idea
=
Thesis Statement
2. Gas prices
3. A college degree
4. Stress
5. Teen pregnancy
Introductory photograph and paragraph to a Time magazine article on teen
pregnancy and foster care:
“What's tougher than being a pregnant teenager? Try being a pregnant
teenager in foster care. Miranda Sheffield had pinballed in and out of more
than 10 foster homes in Southern California by the time she became
pregnant with her daughter at the age of 17. "I was close to aging out [of the
system]," she says of the program that in most states finds temporary homes
for children until they are 18. "And when I got pregnant, I found there was no
support for me. It was like, 'We need to get you out of foster care because we
won't be able to handle you and a baby.' "
“Teen Pregnancy: An Epidemic in Foster Care”
Amy Sullivan, Time Magazine, July 28, 2009
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1911854,00.html
Practice 3. Choose one of the Thesis Statements you developed above. If you
like, this Thesis Statement can serve as the Thesis Statement for an
Illustration Essay that you’ll be assigned at the end of the chapter.
Topic
+
Main Idea
=
Thesis Statement
Your
Thesis
Statement:
Step 2. The Informal Outline
After writing down your Thesis Statement, the next step is to outline three
Support Points that will provide evidence for, or prove your Thesis. The
Thesis Statement and three Support Points make up the Informal Outline that
will guide your writing like a roadmap guides you on the road.
As an example, here’s the Informal Outline that served as the basis for the
Illustration Essay on the obstacles to returning to college that we presented
earlier in the chapter (view Illustration Essay).
Informal Outline
Thesis Statement My three obstacles in returning to college are time,
lack of focus, and working two full time jobs.
Support Point 1:
not enough time
Support Point 2:
not enough focus
Support Point 3:
two full-time jobs
Practice 4. Developing an Informal Outline – For each of the Topics listed
below, write a Thesis Statement and three Support Points.
Informal Outline 1. Topic: “Gas prices”
Thesis Statement:
Support Point 1:
Support Point 2:
Support Point 3:
High gas prices, Summer 2008
Lines form at gas stations during the 1973 oil embargo
http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo_StoryLevel/080624/080624-gaslines-hmed-4p.h2.jpg
Informal Outline 2. Topic: “The Internet”
Thesis Statement:
Support Point 1:
Support Point 2:
Support Point 3:
Students take advantage of free Internet at college
Informal Outline 3. Topic: “Teen pregnancy”
Thesis Statement:
Support Point 1:
Support Point 2:
Support Point 3:
Informal Outline 4. Topic: “Exercise”
Thesis Statement:
Support Point 1:
Support Point 2:
Support Point 3:
Taking a run after class
http://blog.mlive.com/chronicle/2008/04/large_01running.jpg
Informal Outline 5. Topic: “A college degree”
Thesis Statement:
Support Point 1:
Support Point 2:
Support Point 3:
College graduate!
http://blog.mlive.com/kzgazette/2008/04/kalamazoo_valley_community_col.html
Step 3. The First Draft
Once you have an Informal Outline with a Thesis Statement and three Support
Points, you’re ready to write the first draft of your essay!
An Illustration Essay usually has five paragraphs, each with a different
purpose. Let’s review:
A. The Introductory Paragraph
1. Introductory Paragraph
a. Gets the readers’ interest
b. Sets the context for the paragraph/essay (provides
background)
c. Thesis Statement (Topic + Main Idea)
There are many ways to write the Introduction. Chapter 9 reviews the
methods you can use to get a readers’ interest and sets the background that
needs to be included in the Introduction to your essay. And, remember, the
Introductory Paragraph ends with the Thesis Statement.
Here’s the Introductory Paragraph from the student writer’s Illustration Essay
that we presented at the beginning of this chapter on “obstacles to returning
to college”:
[Introduction]: I have been working as a teller in the banking industry
for the past several years and have recently come to realize that I want
to do more with my life. To be able to succeed in the area that I want to,
I must get my accounting degree. Now that I have finally started taking
classes, there are three major obstacles that I’m encountering along the
way. [Thesis Statement]: Those three obstacles are time, lack of
focus, and working two full time jobs while being a good mom to
my son.
Notice that the writer gets her readers’ interest and sets the background for
the essay by telling a story of how she worked as a bank teller before realizing
she wanted more from life, and so made the decision to return to college. Her
Introductory Paragraph ends with the Thesis Statement (“three obstacles to
returning to college”).
B. The Support Paragraphs
The Support Paragraphs in the Illustration Essay have three parts:
Support Paragraphs:
1. Topic Sentence
2. General Support
3. Specific Support – Example with details
In an Illustration Essay, each Support Point in the Informal Outline becomes
the basis for the Topic Sentence for each Support Paragraph, and the
Examples you use are the Specific Support Sentences. Let’s use the student
essay about the “obstacles to returning to college” to illustrate the point.
Support Paragraph 1:
[Topic Sentence]: The first obstacle that is holding me back from
pursuing my accounting degree is time. [General Support]: There
never seems to be enough time in the day to finish everything.
[Specific Support – The Example]: I wake up every morning at 6:00
am at the latest to get myself and my son Josh ready for the day. I get
my son dropped off at daycare and get to work. When I’m off work at
1:00 pm, I attend two classes until 4:00 pm. Then I pick Josh up and
drive home. By the time we’re home and we’ve eaten dinner, it’s time
to get him in the bathtub and then ready for bed. Once I get him to
bed, I need at least twenty minutes to relax before I can begin
focusing on doing homework. I find myself at the end of every day
struggling to stay awake to complete all of my homework on time.
The Topic Sentence of the first Support Paragraph is: “The first obstacle that is
holding me back from pursuing my accounting degree is time.” That’s because
“not having enough time” was listed as the first support point in the Informal
Outline.
Notice also that there are two kinds of Support in this paragraph:
1. General Support: (“There never seems to be enough time in the day to
finish everything.”) This sentence focuses the readers’ attention on her
support, but does not give the detail.
2. Specific Support or Examples: (“I wake up every morning at 6:00 am
at the latest to get myself and my son Josh ready….”). It’s the examples
that make for an Illustration Essay!
Support Paragraph 2:
[Topic Sentence]: A second important obstacle is that I seem to
have a very hard time focusing on my schoolwork. That lack of focus
comes from being a single mom, working full time, becoming engaged
and trying to plan a wedding, buying a new house, and going through
a custody battle of my child. [General Support]: I just have so much
going on it’s a challenge to give my complete attention to my
schoolwork. [Specific Support – The Example]: For example,
yesterday, after I got my son to bed and started reading the chapter
on the Civil War for my history class, a half hour went by before I
realized that I was thinking of the custody battle with my husband
and had not read a single line of the history chapter. I guess you could
say it was the wrong war!
In Support Paragraph 2, the Topic Sentence – the second Support Point in the
Informal Outline – is that she has so much going on in returning to school that
her focus gets scattered, and she gives a Specific Example: (“after I got my
daughter to bed and started reading the chapter on the Civil War for my
history class, a half hour went by before I realized that I was thinking of the
custody battle with my husband and had not read a single line of the history
chapter….”)
Support Paragraph 3:
[Topic Sentence]: Last, having two jobs and taking care of my fouryear old son seems to drain me from all the energy that I have. [General
Support]: My four-year old is a constant spitfire of energy that never
seems to slow down. Josh can play all day and not get tired! [Specific
Support – Example 1]: Last weekend, he was going strong for all
morning and most of the afternoon. I only knew he was tired because he
started crying when I told him that the book he wanted me to read to
him had been returned to the library, and no other book would
substitute, not even the book he had been so excited about the day
before when we checked it out from the library! [Specific Support –
Example 2]: I also work as a teller at a credit union and on weekends I
do secretarial work for a real estate company. I do a good job with both,
but I put out a lot of energy to get through each work day. I get home at
the end of the day and after putting my son to bed, the last thing that I
want to do is get on my computer and work on school.
In Support Paragraph 3, the Topic Sentence – the third Support Point in the
Informal Outline – is that she does not have enough energy to do everything,
followed by a Specific Example of how much energy she put into taking care of
her son last weekend. Notice that she also has a second example (how much
energy she puts into working two jobs). The longer the essay, the more
examples the writer gives, and the more detail in each example.
Transition Words and Phrases
Notice how the student writer uses transition words and phrases to help
guide the reader through her essay. Notice also that one kind of transition is
used for the Topic Sentences at the beginning of each Support Paragraph and
a different kind of transition is used to introduce the Specific Examples.
The Transitions for the Topic Sentence are words and phrases like:
 First, second, third,
 Next, finally, last,
 Most important,
The Transitions for Specific Examples are words and phrases like:
 For example, for instance,
 Specifically,
 In fact,
Practice 5.
Focusing your support – The defining characteristic of an
Illustration Essay is the Example that supports the Thesis
Statement. In the essay below, each of the Support Paragraphs
fails in some way to be consistent in its support for the Thesis
Statement. See if you can identify the mistakes the writer makes
in her first draft of an Illustration Essay.
Renae Adams
2.9.2009
ENG 090
Illustration Essay
Informal Outline
Thesis Statement: The recession has affected many aspects of society
including the working environment, tourism, and the ability to provide basic
everyday needs.
1. Many people are losing their jobs.
2. With tourism down it is affecting many businesses.
3. People are struggling to provide basic needs for their family.
The Impact of the Recession
[Introduction]: As most Americans are aware, the United States has been
having problems managing its money. Our free spending, big debt binge has
caused the United States to go into a deep recession. The recession has
affected almost everything including employment, tourism, and the ability to
provide basic everyday needs.
[Support Paragraph 1]: The recession has caused many people in the
country to lose their jobs. With so many businesses closing and so many of
jobs being outsourced to other countries, it is hard for the unemployed to find
jobs. It has impacted our workforce across the board, from blue collar to
corporate.
Support Paragraph 1 is missing a Specific Example. Add your own
Example in the space below. (Remember a Specific Example has detail
including “who, when, and where.”) The example should be about
unemployment that is happening in your own life and experience.
Introduce the specific support with the transition phrase “for example.”
Your Specific Example:
[Support Paragraph 2]: We are seeing the number of tourists going down in
Leadville. With Leadville’s main source of income coming from tourism, the
recession has hit hard. This area thrives off the retail, construction, real
estate, and recreation. With tourism down, layoffs and business closings have
increased. Unable to find local employment, many have been forced to move
out of the area. My aunt is worried about her future now that she has been
diagnosed with cancer.
Support Paragraph 2 brings in a different focus than is mentioned in the
Topic Sentence. Can you find it? Put the sentence that does not support
the Topic Sentence in Blue Type.
[Support Paragraph 3]: The recession is making it difficult for families to
provide for the basic needs. With unemployment on the rise, many are
struggling to provide for the basic needs of their family including housing,
food, transportation, health care, and other living expenses. We have seen
people start carpooling, riding city transportation such as the bus, and
walking/riding their bikes to various locations. We have also seen a decrease
in the number of people dining out at expensive restaurants.
Support Paragraph 3 introduces Support that does not provide evidence
for the Topic Sentence of the paragraph. Can you find it? Put the
sentence that does not support the Topic Sentence in Blue Type.
Unemployment Line, Great Depression, 1933
Unemployment line, Great Recession, 2009
http://sum2llc.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/unemployment-line-nyc-depression.jpg
http://bossip.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/unemployment-line.jpg
C. The Conclusion
The last paragraph in the Illustration Essay is the Conclusion. The Conclusion
has two goals.
Conclusion
a. Restates the Main Idea (what you have proved in the
paragraph) in different words.
b. Takes the reader a step further.
Chapter 10 reviews the methods you can use to develop an effective
Conclusion. Here is the method chosen by our student writer in her essay on
the “The Impact of the Recession”:
[Restate the Thesis in different words]: The recession has had a
major impact on Colorado including high unemployment, less tourism,
and families that are struggling to make ends meet. [Take the reader a
step further]: It may take years for our state return to better times, and
until then life will be hard and difficult choices must be made.
Notice how the student writer changes the wording but repeats the Thesis
using different words in the Conclusion:
Thesis Statement (last sentence
of Introductory Paragraph)
Restate Thesis in Conclusion
using different words
The recession has affected
many aspects of society
including the working
environment, tourism, and the
ability to provide basic
everyday needs.
The recession has had a major
impact on Colorado including high
unemployment, less tourism, and
families that are struggling to make
ends meet.
The last step in the Conclusion is to “take the reader a step further.” In the
example essay, the student writer “takes the reader a step further” by writing
that “It may take years for our state return to better times, and until then life
will be hard and difficult choices must be made.” We know this statement
takes the reader a step further because none of the support in the essay
concerns how she’ll be proud to reach her goal.
Practice 6. In the Illustration Essay below titled “Determined to Open a New
Chapter in My Life,” identify the Organizational Structure using
the following guidelines:
Put the Introduction designed to give background to the essay in Italics.
Underline and put in bold type the Thesis Statement, which includes the
Topic (who or what event your story is about), and the Main Idea (what you
will prove about the Topic through your story—why the story is interesting or
meaningful to you).
Put the Topic Sentence for each Support Paragraph in Blue type.
Put the Supporting Detail (specific examples) for each Support Paragraph in
Red type.
Put (parentheses) around the Transition Words and Phrases that signal the
Topic Sentence of Support Paragraphs.
Put [brackets] around the Transition Words and Phrases that signal specific
support or examples.
Put the Conclusion that restates the Thesis and takes the reader a step further
in Green type.
Jon Paris
Eng 090-501
3/30/2009
Illustration Essay
Informal Outline
Thesis Statement: I have encountered several obstacles that have impeded me
from furthering my education.
Support Point 1: Cost of tuition and course related books
Support Point 2: Not enough time
Support Point 3: Finding out the steps needed for enrollment seemed
daunting.
Determined to Open a New Chapter in My Life
Throughout my youth, I recall my father’s longing to see me further my
education. I remember the long hours he would work to keep a roof over our
heads, food on the table, and clothes on our backs. Although he was
reasonably successful within his career, he often lamented about how he
could have provided for the family better had he completed college. After I
had graduated from high school, I saw the hurt in his eyes when I chose to
follow in his footsteps by choosing military service instead of enrolling in
college. I told both him and myself that it was only a temporary delay
towards higher education, although I was always looking for excuses to put
off the enrollment process. I was always citing long work hours and family
matters as justification for my procrastination. Now as an assistant engineer
working amongst engineers that all have completed their college education, I
feel that if I don’t enroll quickly I will soon add “being too old” to my list of
excuses. I fear that I will share the same fate as my father, telling my children
how I wish I had done things differently. Much to my dismay, I have
encountered several obstacles that have impeded me from furthering my
education.
Being able to budget in the cost of tuition, course related books, and other
costs of college always seems to be an uphill struggle. I have tried to put
money aside for tuition costs, but the needs of my family and unexpected cost
expenditures would deplete these funds in short order. Three years ago, for
example, I had planned to enroll at Front Range Community College. I had
even taken my placement assessment and talked with an advisor about what
classes to take. I was ready to enroll in Calculus 1, ENG 090, Computer
Science, and Accounting. Then two months before the start of the semester,
my wife was diagnosed with a tumor. Fortunately, it was not cancer, but she
still needed an operation, and since my company had dropped our health
insurance, the operation was not covered. My wife and I found ourselves with
a $25,000 bill! I was forced to put college off, as we used every available
dollar to pay off the debt.
Time always seemed to be in short supply, and for years I commented that I
just didn’t have the time to invest in schoolwork. Working a full time job that
often required large amounts of overtime and raising two young children left
little time in a day for study and course work. What I was really missed was
the discipline to adequately manage my time throughout the day. My wife
was the sensible one and helped me map out a plan that would allocate two
hours a night for course study without the loss of family time and a good
night’s sleep. With her help, I was able to enroll part-time and am taking two
classes a semester. Two classes a semester is doable where a full load of five
classes can be overwhelming. It may take longer, but I can achieve my goals.
As I read through the course catalogs, the sheer number of course codes and
degree requirements were bewildering to me and finding out the steps
needed for enrollment seemed to be a daunting challenge. Truly, I could not
have been more mistaken. Advisors were on hand at the campus to help me
through the enrollment process, and I found the experience to be quite
enjoyable in the end. One of the counselors, Nancy West, has been especially
helpful. I met her when I first tried to enroll three years ago. I quickly realized
that she understood the needs of returning students. In fact, she has kept up
with me as I had to put off college for my wife’s operation, and she was the
first person I spoke with when I returned. It was Ms. West who helped me to
realize that I could enroll in two classes a semester instead of four or five so
that I could meet my job and family responsibilities while still achieving my
academic goals.
There have been road blocks to returning to college, but I have never before
felt such a sense of urgency as I do now. I have squandered too much time by
not bettering myself through education. I will not allow myself to become a
man that regrets where my life could have led. The words of Andrew
Carnegie ring true: “People who are unable to motivate themselves must be
content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents.” It
may take longer than other students, but I plan on completing my degree
from Front Range Community College in three years, and three years later I’ll
be walking down the aisle of Colorado State University with a degree in
Engineering with the promise of a substantial raise from my company. I’ll be
a senior engineer; my father would be proud.
Returning to college
http://conted.colorado.edu/career/
Steps in the Writing Process
The advice we gave in the chapter on the Paragraph bears repeating
for the Essay: Writing is a process; it takes work, lots of work. The
best way, and for most people the only way, to write an effective
essay is to carefully follow a series of steps, producing multiple
drafts that slowly builds quality. In Practice 7, you’ll be writing your
own essay. In doing so, take it one step at a time, like following
directions to a distant city or a recipe to make an excellent dinner.
Here are the steps in writing an Illustration Essay:
1. Prewriting Choose a Topic for your essay – what you will be
writing about.
Develop a Topic Sentence – what you will prove about
the Topic).
Put together an Informal Outline containing your
Thesis Statement and three main Support Points
2. Drafting
Following the “Organization of the Essay,” write your
first draft.
3. Revise for
organization
(draft 2)
Review and revise your draft to make sure that the
organization of your essay is sound and follows your
Informal Outline
4. Revising
for style
(draft 3)
Revise your essay for the flow and readability of the
sentences – (see Chapter 11 on Style)
5. Editing
(draft 4)
Review and revise your essay to make sure you get the
grammar and punctuation right (see Grammar,
Spelling, and Punctuation Checklist).
Practice 7. Writing your own Illustration Essay
Graded Essay Assignment: In this assignment, you’ll write a 1-2 page
Illustration/Example essay, using one of the topics given below. If you like,
you can use the topic you developed in the Progressive Writing Assignments
in this Chapter (see pages 123-130).
Remember, your essay must be organized according to the principles of
organization covered in this chapter and outlined below.
1. Topics you can choose from for your Illustration Essay (If you like, you can
use the Thesis Statement and Informal Outline you completed earlier in the
chapter:
Topic
1. The Internet
+
Main Idea
=
Thesis Statement
2. Teen pregnancy
3. A college degree
4. Stress
5. Exercise
6. A Topic of your choice
2. Complete an Informal Outline to plan your essay. The Informal Outline
should have the following parts:
Thesis Statement:
Support Point 1:
Support Point 2:
Support Point 3:
3. Write an Illustration Essay from 1-2 pages long on the topic you chose that
follows your Informal Outline.
A. Organization
(Check when you are certain you have included the following:
Introductory Paragraph
____ Introduction to get readers’ interest and set background
____ Thesis Statement
3 Support Paragraphs
____ Topic sentence for each Support Point in your Informal Outline that
should appear at the beginning of each Support Paragraph
____ General Support Sentences
____ Specific Support Sentences – Examples with details;
Conclusion Paragraph
____ Conclusion that restates the main idea, and
____ Takes the reader one step further.
4. Place the Informal Outline and Organization Checklist directly above your
essay. (You will receive 3 points added to your grade for completing the
Informal Outline and the Organization Checklist and lose 5 points if the
Informal Outline is missing.)
5. Make sure to include the heading with your name, date, course information,
and assignment in the upper left corner of the essay!
Here’s how to format your essays: At the opening of your essay, single space
your name, the course, date and something that identifies which assignment it
is (Illustration Essay for example) in the upper left hand corner. You will need
a title. Capitalize the first letter in each word of your title (except for a, the, at,
of, in, and to unless one of these words begins the title). Center the title in bold
type above the essay. Also, make sure to double-space the text of the essay
(Use ctrl-A, then ctrl-2). Also, make sure your essay is in 12 point type with 1
inch margins.
6. Use the “Steps to Writing an Essay” (Click Here) for producing multiple
drafts each until you reach a quality product.
7. Complete the following Grammar Checklist, by checking carefully for each
type of error in your essay. Correct the errors and place an “X” by each type
of error you checked for. Attach the Grammar Checklist in a separate file
with your essay.
Grammar Checklist
1. ____ Spelling (Use the spell check on your computer)
____ Spelled as one word instead of two!
Anyone
Someone
Anybody
Somebody
Anything
Everybody
Whenever
Cannot
2. Fragments
_____ Make sure you have a subject and a verb in all your sentences; otherwise
the word group is a fragment. Here are some examples:
Fragment: Getting to class on time.
Sentence: Getting to class on time has been a problem for me.
Fragment: When I knew he was there.
Sentence: When I knew he was there, I dropped off the contract.
Fragment: Such as the games that are on-line.
Sentence: There are many video games that I play, such as the games that are
on-line.
Fragment: When she arrived at class after the bus had dropped her off.
Sentence: She arrived at class after the bus had dropped her off.
3. Run-ons
_____ Run-ons are caused by combining two full sentences, each with a subject
and verb and no conjunction, into one sentence using a comma or no
punctuation. You can correct a run-on by:
Run-on: She arrived at class the bus had dropped her off.
Sentence: She arrived at class after the bus had dropped her off.
Run-on: You know the answer, it’s on the board.
Sentence: You know the answer because it’s on the board.
4. Comma Errors
_____ Commas with Coordinate Conjunctions – Notice the need for a
comma in compound sentences with a coordinating conjunction (and,
but, or), where there are two equal ideas (see page … in the text).
Examples:
I walked to class, and I carried my books.
I walked to class and carried my books.
Notice that you do have a comma when there is a second subject but
do not have a comma when the second subject is left out.
_____
Commas with Subordinate Conjunctions – Use commas after
subordinate clauses that introduce sentences. A subordinate clause is
less important than the main sentence and is signaled with a key word.
Examples: When I got to class, the fire alarm rang.
After I got to class, the fire alarm rang.
The fire alarm rang after I got to class.
I like apples because they are sweet.
Notice that you need a comma when the subordinate clause starts the
sentence but do not use a comma when the Subordinate Clause does
not start the sentence.
_____ Commas in Opening Phrases and Introductory Phrases – Use a
comma after opening phrases.
Example: “In fact, I did it my way.”
“In early morning light, I saw the battle.”
“I saw the battle in the early morning light.” (Notice there is
no comma because the prepositional phrase comes at the end
of the sentence.)
_____ Commas in Series – Put a comma after each item in a series including
the last item before the conjunction.
Example: “I like apples, oranges, and bananas.”
“She read the chapter on Monday, visited the Writing
Center on Tuesday, and took the exam on Wednesday.”
_____
Commas with Which but not That – It is almost always true that
“which” takes a comma, and “that” does not.
Example: “I am taking the umbrella, which is in the closet.”
“I am taking the umbrella that is in the closet.”
_____
No Comma after a Subordinate Conjunction – You never have a
Comma after a Subordinate Conjunction.
Never like this: “Although, it was raining, we played the soccer match
to the end.”
Always like this: “Although it was raining, we played the soccer match
to the end.”
5. Correct Wording
_____ Its/It’s This is an exception to the possessive rule. “Its” is the possessive
as in “The cat cleaned its fur.” “It’s” is the contraction meaning “It is,” as
in, “It’s time to go.”
_____ Then/Than These two words are tricky. “Then” is used to show a
change in time. For example: “First, I washed my clothes; then I did my
assignment.” “Then” is also used with cause-effect sentences. For
example: “If you want to leave on time, then you better start packing.”
“Than” is used for comparisons. For example: “I like your choice better
than mine.”
_____ There/Their/They’re These words are pronounced the same but have
different meanings. Here’s what they mean:
1. “There” is a direction like: “over there.”
2. “Their” shows possession like: “their car.”
3. “They’re” is a contraction meaning: “They are.”
_____ To/Too/Two These words are pronounced the same but have different
meanings. Here’s what they mean:
You have “to” as in “to the store”; “too” as in “too many assignments”; and
“two” as in “two pencils.” Make sure to use the right form in your essay!
_____ In formal writing, avoid using “and” or “but” to start a sentence. Usually
you can just take the “and” or “but” out, and it will fix the problem, or
you can combine the word group that begins with “and” or “but” with
the sentence that comes before.
Incorrect: I walked to class. And I took the quiz.
Correct: I walked to class, and I took the quiz.
_____ Slang – In a formal paper, try to avoid using slang words like “Got,” “Lot
of,” “thing,” “stuff,” or “bunch.” See if you can find another word to do
the job.
_____ I believe/I think/in my opinion/Next I’ll talk about – In a formal
paper, avoid writing “I believe,” “I think,” “in my opinion,” and so on.
Readers will assume that you would not write it if you didn’t believe it,
so it’s unnecessary to write, “I believe.”
Extra Wording: I believe 16 year olds should have the right to vote.
Revised: Sixteen year olds should have the right to vote.
_____ The words “very,” “a little,” “a lot,” “kind of,” “sort of,” and “you
know,” “that,” and “In this essay, I’m going to write about, “at the
present time,” due to the fact that,” “in the event that,” “The point I
am trying to make is that,” “What I mean to say is that,” “In the final
analysis”…” are most often unnecessary and don’t add anything to your
writing. Just take them out.
_____ Numbers – In a formal paper, write out your numbers unless they are
triple digits (10 or greater), or a paper where you are presenting data.
Incorrect: There were 8 stores in the city.
Correct: There were eight stores in the city.
_____ Second Person “you” – In a formal paper, try to avoid the second
person “you” unless you’re giving instructions or directions. Stick to the
third person (“it” “he” “she” “they”) and so on. Or in personal essays, use
the first person “I.”
Process Essays are the exception where you are explaining how to do
something (like how to change the car’s oil, or how to write an essay!)