In other words, read the rubric!
 When
turning in your final essay on 10/25,
you will need to turn in:



All drafts
Rubric that you scored
Clean rubric
 We



will:
Look at what it takes to make an across-theboard 5 in every category.
Evaluate our own essays, scoring them as we go.
Take a short amount of time to revise/help
others revise/give feedback to each other.
Exemplary (5)
 The essay offers a clear overall
interpretation of the essay topic.
 Title of work is appropriately punctuated and
referenced, and author of work is
appropriately referenced.
 Insightful and focused thesis/claim
statement or main idea that connects to the
prompt.
 The essay offers complexity and originality in
analyzing the prompt.
 The
essay offers a clear overall
interpretation of the essay topic.
 In other words, do you fully address the
actual claim in a clear and concise way?
 Title
of work is appropriately punctuated and
referenced, and the author of the work is
appropriately referenced.



Is the author’s name and the title of the literary
work in the intro?
Is the title of the work accurately punctuated
(italics for long works, quotation marks for short
works)?
Is the author’s name appropriately referenced
every time? In other words, is he/she ever
referred to by first name? STOP
 What
score would you have received? Fix it!

Insightful and focused thesis/claim statement or
main idea that connects to the prompt.
Does the paper have a clear claim that fully addresses
the prompt? In other words, would the reader be
able to determine the focus of your entire essay, and
would that focus answer the prompt?
 Is it insightful?
 Is the claim the LAST sentence in the introduction?

STOP
Look at your claim. Does it meet the above criteria?
What score would you have received? Revise.
Even Better Thesis Statements
 The
essay offers complexity and originality in
analyzing the prompt.


In other words, does it offer ORIGINAL thought
overall, or just what we talked about in class?
Is the analysis complex overall, or does it
represent juvenile or basic thought process?
Exemplary (5)
 Engaging opening, introduces the essay’s general
topic, and inspires thinking about the topic;
logically proceeds to thesis/claim, thesis/claim
is easily identifiable
 Insightful and focused topic sentences that
control body paragraphs and support
theses/claim
 Effectively arranges and transitions all
information in and among paragraphs
 All information in paragraphs-relevant with a
constant focus on prompt claim/thesis
 Exemplary conclusion. Answers the “so what”
question, has final thought

Engaging opening that introduces the essay’s general
topic and inspires thinking about the topic; logically
proceeds to thesis/claim; thesis/claim is easily
identifiable
 Is there a hook that includes author/work
background?
 Is the hook followed by a transition that leads to the
claim? Usually, a 1-2 sentence summary is needed
(NOT a 3-4 sentence summary).
 Is the claim the LAST sentence in the introduction?
STOP
Look at your claim. Does it meet the above criteria?
What score would you have received? Revise.
Even Better Hooks - look at Section 5
 Insightful
and focused topic sentences that
control body paragraphs and support
theses/claim

Does each body paragraph have a clear topic
statement that relates to the thesis? Are your
topic statements the first sentences in your body
paragraphs?
STOP
Read yours. Do they meet the above criteria?
What score would you have received? Revise.
 Effectively
arranges and transitions all
information in and among paragraphs


Are there transitions between paragraphs?
Are there transitions between ideas within the
paragraphs?
STOP
Mark any place in your paper where there is a shift
to a new idea. Is there a transition there? What
score would you have received? Revise.
 All
information in paragraphs-relevant with a
constant focus on prompt claim/thesis


Is all evidence relevant? Does it actually prove
your topic statement?
Do all of your ideas within a paragraph support
the topic statement?
STOP
 Exemplary
conclusion. Answers the “so
what” question, has a final thought

Does the conclusion offer more than just a
restatement of the main points?
STOP
Read and evaluate your conclusion. What score
would you receive? Revise.




Exceptional selection of evidence-specific quotes and
paraphrased information from the sources-that
clearly relate to the claim/thesis
Exceptional integration of evidence. Writer skillfully
integrates chosen evidence into his/her own writing.
Writer correctly utilizes MLA or other accepted
citation method and cites ALL specific quotes and
paraphrased information correctly within his/her
paper (in-text citation)
Exceptional (in depth) analysis of how evidence
proves and support(s) prompt, claim, and related
ideas.


Incorporates exceptional discussion of appropriate
literary devices or other pieces of evidence
Explanations and commentary address the how/why
questions beyond the literal meaning of the text.

Exceptional selection of evidence-specific quotes
and paraphrased information from the sourcesthat clearly relates to the claim/thesis
Is your evidence the BEST evidence to prove your
point? Don’t use obscure evidence. It should be
significant to the overall work.
 Are there at least 2 direct quotes to support your
main ideas?

STOP
Read and evaluate your evidence. What score would
you receive? Revise.
 Exceptional
integration of evidence. Writer
skillfully integrates chosen evidence into
his/her own writing.

INCORRECT:


“I used to fantasize about having a pilgrim friend”
(Schwegler 372).
CORRECT:

Carina Chocana writes, “I used to fantasize about
having a pilgrim friend” (Schwegler 372).
Look at all quotes. STOP
Are they integrated?
What score would you receive? Revise.
 Writer
correctly cites ALL specific quotes and
paraphrased information (in-text citation) in
MLA format

INCORRECT:


“I used to fantasize about having a pilgrim friend.”
(Schwegler pg. 372).
CORRECT:

Carina Chocana writes, “I used to fantasize about
having a pilgrim friend” (Schwegler 372).
STOP
Are all quotes cited correctly? What score would
you have received? Fix!
 Exceptional
(in-depth) analysis of how
evidence proves and support(s) prompt,
claim, and related ideas.


Incorporates exceptional discussion of
appropriate literary devices or other pieces of
evidence
Explanations and commentary address the
how/why questions beyond the literal meaning of
the text.
 Does
your analysis take up most of the
paragraph?
 Does your analysis answer how/why, or is it
just a restatement or literal explanation of
the evidence?
 Does your analysis explain your topic
statement and support the claim?
STOP
Read your analysis. Does it meet the criteria
above? What score would you receive?
Revise.
Exemplary (5)
 Exceptional use of language, including effective
word choice and no vague words
 Purposeful passive voice when necessary
 Consistent voice appropriate for addressing the
prompt, genre, audience, and purpose.
 Consistent tense appropriate for addressing the
prompt, genre, audience, and purpose.
 Exceptional fluency through varied sentence
structure.
 Exceptional Syntax-sentence structure does not
disrupt the flow of the essay. No confusing or
awkwardly worded sentences
Exceptional use of language, including
effective word choice and no vague words


Upper-level and accurate vocabulary
Vague words

any infinitive (to walk), about, all, almost, always,
anxiously, believe, eagerly, every, feel, finally,
frequently, got, just, merely, nearly, need, never, not,
often, only, so, stuff, that, things, this, “the public,”
then, went, very, “to be” verbs
STOP
Mark these words on your paper. Do you have any upper-level vocab?
Misused words? Does your essay use precise vocabulary that is not
redundant or confusing? Look for vague words or phrases. What score
would you have received on the rubric? Now fix them.
Purposeful passive voice when necessary
Passive voice:
The road was crossed by the chicken.
Active Voice:
The chicken crossed the road.
In active voice, the actor is the SUBJECT of the
sentence.
It is argued that…
INSTEAD
Anderson argues…
Tom and Huck are portrayed as…
INSTEAD
Twain portrays Tom and Huck as…
STOP
Is the essay written in mostly active voice? Underline every “to
be” verb in the essay. Are they purposeful? What score would
you have received on the rubric? Change them to active.
 Consistent
voice appropriate for addressing
the prompt, genre, audience, and purpose



No contractions
No slang
No informal language
STOP
Underline contractions, slang, or other informal
language. What score would you have received?
Fix them.
 Consistent
tense appropriate for addressing
the prompt, genre, audience, and purpose.

Write about literature in present tense.
STOP
Have you written about literature in present tense?
Look at every verb. What score would you have
received? Fix it!
 Exceptional
fluency through varied sentence
structure.


Use a mix of simple, compound, complex, and
compound-complex sentences.
Use varied sentence openings.


Example: The Winslow family visited Canada and
Alaska last summer to find some native American art.
In Anchorage stores they found some excellent
examples of soapstone carvings. But they couldn't
find a dealer selling any of the woven wall hangings
they wanted. They were very disappointed when they
left Anchorage empty-handed.
Revision: The Winslow family visited Canada and
Alaska last summer to find some native American art,
such as soapstone carvings and wall hangings.
Anchorage stores had many soapstone items
available. Still, they were disappointed to learn that
wall hangings, which they had especially wanted,
were difficult to find. Sadly, they left empty-handed.



If too many sentences start with the same word, especially
"The," "It," "This," or "I," prose can grow tedious for
readers, so changing opening words and phrases can be
refreshing.
Example: The biggest coincidence that day happened
when David and I ended up sitting next to each other at
the Super Bowl.
Some Possible Revisions:





Coincidentally, David and I ended up sitting right next to each
other at the Super Bowl.
In an amazing coincidence, David and I ended up sitting next to
each other at the Super Bowl.
When I sat down at the Super Bowl, I realized that, by sheer
coincidence, I was directly next to David.
By sheer coincidence, I ended up sitting directly next to David
at the Super Bowl.
With over 50,000 fans at the Super Bowl, it took an incredible
coincidence for me to end up sitting right next to David.
STOP
Is there a variety of sentence types used? There
should only be a few simple sentences(one
subject and verb). Mark simple sentences.
Do you repeat sentence openings? Mark them.
What score would you have received?
If you have a string of simple sentences, combine
them. Rewrite any repeated openings.
 Exceptional
Syntax-sentence structure does
not disrupt the flow of the essay. No
confusing or awkwardly worded sentences.
STOP
Read each sentence individually (stopping after each one).
Are there any confusing or awkwardly worded sentences?
Mark them. What score would you have received? Fix
them.

Exemplary (5)

Grammar: If you have 4 or more of the bolded and
underlined errors, you receive an editing failure of
0.







Comma Splices
Fused Sentences/Run-On Sentences
Fragments
Apostrophe Errors
Subject/Verb Agreement Errors
Pronoun/ Antecedent Agreement Errors
Other Errors: Pronoun usage errors, homonym errors, spelling
errors, misplaced or dangling modifiers, etc.
The following sentences are comma splices or runons. How do we fix them?
 I didn’t like the movie, it was way too long.
 She and Jerry are getting married in the fall,
they didn’t want a summer wedding.
 J.D. Salinger was a recluse and his protagonist
Holden Caulfield reflected this lifestyle.
STOP
Look for and mark comma splices/run-ons. Many of
you are integrating your quotes as run-on
sentences.
A
complete sentence must have a main
subject, a main verb, and form a complete
thought. A dependent clause cannot stand
alone as a sentence.
Fragment: The current city policy on housing is
incomplete as it stands. Which is why we
believe the proposed amendments should be
passed.
Possible Revision: Because the current city
policy on housing is incomplete as it stands, we
believe the proposed amendments should be
passed.
STOP
Look for and mark fragments/incomplete
sentences.

 Use
apostrophes to show possession, NOT
plurality.
 Singular subject with singular verb. Plural
subject with plural verb.
 Enough said.
Pronouns must agree with their antecedents.
 Examples:

Someone must follow the rules of grammar if they
hope to get an A on their essay.
 Why is this wrong?
 Everybody risks their health when they smoke.
 Why is this wrong?

STOP
Look for and mark pronoun/antecedent errors. Fix
them.

Other Errors: Pronoun usage errors, homonym
errors, spelling errors, misplaced or dangling
modifiers, etc.
 What
score would you have received in
grammar after taking into account all
possible errors?
 What
score would you have received overall?
 GO HOME! REVISE AGAIN! EDIT AGAIN! GET
AN A!
 Next
time…