ATTACHMENT PARENTING
ERICA JORDAN, PH.D.
THE UNIVERSITY OF WEST FLORIDA
DEFINING ATTACHMENT
• Strong, enduring, emotional bond
• Parents often begin to form attachments before the
child’s birth
• Immediately following birth is a prime time for beginning
to form the infant’s attachment
• Bond transcends time, space, and even death
• Occur on a continuum and secure attachments
promote development
WHAT ATTACHMENT IS NOT
• Not a new style of parenting
• Not attachment therapy
• Not helicopter parenting or “martyr mothering”
• Not indulgent or permissive parenting
• Not exclusively child-centered
• Not only for mothers and not necessarily a badge of
being a “good parent”
PRIMED FOR ATTACHMENT
• Work by researchers such as John Bowlby, Mary
Ainsworth, Harry Harlowe, and Rene Spitz confirmed
that infants seemed to be “primed for attachment”
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Bid for attention by crying, survival mechanism
Reflexes
Prefer parents’ voices immediately
Quickly learn the smell of their mother’s milk
Seek to be close to the parent, survival mechanism
Drawn to visual objects of “high-contrast”
• Parents also had attachment promoting behaviors
Baby cries, parent feels compelled to attend to it
Mothers lactate when seeing or hearing a baby
Baby “smell” and touch is attractive to caregivers
Parents typically enter a “falling in love” stage with their
infants
• Parents hold infants close
• Parents speak in high-pitched, parentese
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• The first 3 years of an infants life have been found to be a
sensitive period for developing parent-child attachment
INTERNAL WORKING MODEL
• Attachment relationships set the stage for
socioemotional development
• Becomes the framework for other relationships and
for regulating negative emotional states
BENEFITS TO CHILDREN
• Have fewer health problems
• Have better emotion regulation and cortisol balance
• Are better prepared to explore the world around them
• Better peer relations in early childhood and adolescence
• Related to exploration in toddlerhood and IQ in children
• More positive romantic relationships and more likely to have
secure attachment relationships with their own children
BENEFITS TO PARENTS AND
CAREGIVERS
• Find it easier to meet their child’s needs
• Makes discipline easier
• Promotes a positive, lasting relationship with the
child
CHALLENGES TO DEVELOPING SECURE
CHILD-CAREGIVER ATTACHMENTS
• The child’s temperament and individual differences
• The parent or caregiver’s temperament
• Lack of education
• Influences from outside of the family
• John B. Watson
• “Father of behaviorism”
• Conducted famous “Little Albert” studies
• Used mass media to influence parents heavily during the
1930s – 1950s
• Enthusiasm for science existed among parents at that time
who sought out a “better” way of parenting
• Emphasized that infants were “blank slates” and that
environment was the sole influence on development
• To accomplish this Watson emphasized:
Withholding affection to avoid spoiling children
Strict schedules for feeding
The “cry it out” idea
This became the prevailing belief about childrearing in the
United States, influence is still see today
• Popular because of its parent-centered outcomes
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PUTTING ATTACHMENT
THEORY TO WORK
PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS FOR PARENTS,
CAREGIVERS, AND CLINICIANS
STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING
POSITIVE ATTACHMENTS IN INFANCY
• The Seven “Baby Bs” (William Sears, M.D., & Martha
Sears, R.N.)
• Attachment Parenting International’s Attachment
Parenting Guidelines (www.attachmentparenting.org)
• Child development and family development research
• Strategies should be chosen like tools (Sears & Sears) and
may be unique to specific families.
DEVELOPMENTALLY-APPROPRIATE
EXPECTATIONS
• One of the best strategies!
• Having appropriate expectations about parenting.
• Having appropriate expectations about typical
ages and stages and also individual variations.
• Beware of baby trainers.
• Be flexible.
PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY,
BIRTH AND PARENTING
• Become educated about parenting philosophies and
birthing options. Beware of information that is
unfounded.
• Find a good physician who is patient-focused.
• Recommit the relationship between the expectant
parents.
• Recommit to maintaining supportive relationships with
those who are good sources of encouragement.
• Make peace with your own lingering childhood issues.
BIRTH BONDING
• Be alert and active during birth.
• Hold your baby immediately after birth. Delay routine
procedures.
• Notice baby’s state of quiet alertness.
• Gaze, touch, talk.
• Ask for privacy.
• Room-in.
• Don’t worry if you don’t feel an immediate connection. Engage
in appropriate attachment promoting behaviors anyway.
BREASTFEEDING
• Become educated about the many benefits of breastfeeding.
• Breastfeed within the first hour.
• Room-in.
• Consult a lactation specialist.
• Nurse frequently and do not make feeding a control issue.
• Wean gently.
• Join a support group (ex: “Breastfeeding in Combat Boots”
Facebook Group).
• Beware of baby trainers and strict schedules.
• Force feeding an infant (unless under medical
recommendation) and restricting an infants feeding is
unhealthy and dangerous.
• If necessary, bottle feed in ways that promote
attachment.
• If possible, use the pump.
• Feed according to baby’s cues and don’t worry about spoiling
a baby by feeding it.
• Avoid bottle propping.
• Don’t feel bad about bottle feeding.
BECOMING AN EXPERT ON
YOUR CHILD
• A major attachment parenting principle. One of the
best strategies!
• Breastfeeding and bottle feeding with attachment in
mind helps you to become an expert.
• Be both sensitive and responsive.
• Learn the child’s natural rhythm.
• In cases of infant illness, adoption, foster care, and
special needs, be prepared to take extra time.
USE NURTURING TOUCH
• Be sure to provide lots of skin-to-skin contact.
• Use infant massage.
• Don’t overuse technology to babysit.
BABY-WEARING
• Baby-wearing
• Eases stress and keeps baby calm.
• Teaches contentment.
• Helps babies to learn about their environments and
promotes the development of speech.
• Helps slow-to-gain babies.
• Makes breastfeeding easier. Makes life of parent/caregiver
easier and promotes becoming an expert.
ENSURE SAFE SLEEP
PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY
• There are benefits to “sharing sleep” and safe cosleeping.
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Babies and parents sleep better.
Mother and baby have more similar stages of arousal.
Breastfeeding is easier.
Babies grow better.
It helps to make up for daytime separations and promotes
the attachment bond.
• Do not make sleeping a control issue.
• It may also work to share sleep for part of the night.
• Co-sleeping is extremely dangerous if safety
guidelines are not followed.
SAFE CO-SLEEPING GUIDELINES
• Do not…
• Allow babysitters and older siblings to co-sleep.
• Co-sleep on chairs, water beds, couches, beanbag chairs, or
with soft bedding or cushions. No pillows near the baby.
• Wear dangling jewelry or lingerie with strings or ties.
• Wear strong perfumes, deodorants, hair sprays, etc.
• Overdress the baby or put heavy blankets or sleepers on the
baby.
• Smoke.
• Leave babies alone in adult beds (even for naps).
• Do not co-sleep if…
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You are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
You are extremely obese.
The baby is premature, low birth weight or has a high fever.
There is an animal in the bed.
• When co-sleeping DO…
• Place the baby on his or her back.
• Breastfeed your baby if possible.
• Dress the baby lightly. Keep the room cool (60 – 64
degrees) and well-ventilated.
• Use a king-sized bed with a firm mattress with no heavy
bedding. No cushions or pillows.
• Place the baby between the mother and a mesh bedrail
(not between the mother and the father).
• Have only one child in the bed.
• Wean gently.
SAFE CRIB SLEEPING GUIDELINES
ADDITIONAL NIGHTTIME TIPS
• Be sure you are committed to co-sleeping before you
choose it.
• Be sure both parents are in agreement about sleeping
arrangements to avoid resentment.
• “Fill up” the baby during the day and before bedtime.
• Sometimes you do have to just say no to nighttime
nursing as the baby grows older.
• Make a change if the family is getting less sleep. Cosleeping is not for every family.
BELIEF IN BABY’S CRIES
• Crying is the baby’s way to communicate that they
have a need. It is their primary signal.
• Over time, distinct types of cries become evident
and you can respond more appropriately.
• Remember that dealing with young children takes
patience—with the child and with yourself.
• Take the “Caribbean approach.” “No problem,
Baby.”
• Early response means less crying.
• Intentionally allowing babies to “cry it out” is
stressful, unhealthy and can be dangerous for
infants.
• Resist the urge to believe that your baby is trying to
control you or that you are not competent.
BEWARE OF BABY TRAINERS
• Focus on routines—not
rigid schedules.
• Babies thrive when they
are nurtured.
• Involve others who are
willing to help.
BALANCE AND BOUNDARIES
• Sears’ 11 Commandments for Balanced Attachment
Parenting
I.
Take care of yourself.
II. Delegate to a father or other parent.
III. Avoid the prophets of bad baby advice.
IV. Seek out helpful and supportive friends.
V. Have help at home.
VI. Get to know your baby.
VII. Give children what they need, not what they want.
VIII. Sleep when baby sleeps.
IX. Groom and adorn yourself.
X. Heal your past.
XI. Realize that you are not perfect (and don’t need to be).
SPECIAL STRATEGIES FOR FATHERS
• Make time to spend with the child. Take time to
learn the tricks of parenting.
• Be present at the birth.
• Feed the baby and wear the baby.
• Play, play, play!
• Practice the other attachment parenting strategies.
• Remember that good fathers make a huge positive
impact on a child’s life.
STRATEGIES FOR
CHILD CARE SETTINGS
• Infants can form a few close attachments.
• Child care settings can promote attachment by…
• Having low staff turnover and experienced staff who are
well-trained.
• Allowing parents to drop in.
• Placing photos of the parent in the baby’s napping area.
• Playing recordings of mother or father talking or singing.
• Placing t-shirt with mother’s scent in the napping area.
• Feeding with love and respect. Allowing mothers to come
in to nurse if they want.
• Becoming an expert on each child and responding with
sensitivity.
• Recognizing that separation anxiety is normal and natural.
STRATEGIES FOR MAINTAINING
POSITIVE ATTACHMENTS
• Continue to respond with sensitivity.
• Encourage children to handle what they can
handle.
• Show interest in the child’s interests and activities.
• Continue to use nurturing touch.
• Practice positive discipline strategies.
STRATEGIES FOR CLINICIANS
• Inform parents and warn them of problematic parenting
strategies.
• Educate parents about attachment and the benefits of
developing secure attachments.
• Connect to the family’s own values and help parents to
develop their own unique plan.
• Become an advocate for attachment parenting and
attachment-friendly policies.
• Become educated about dealing with special circumstances
such as adoption, illness, etc.
• Have developmentally-appropriate expectations!
• Encourage parents to educate themselves about
older ages and stages.
• Can challenge child by promoting some behaviors
that might be slightly above the child’s
developmental level, but must be done with
patience and with the realization that this will not
always be possible. Also, avoid exasperating the
child to minimize the feeling that they are helpless
to succeed.
MAJOR SOURCES
• Handbook of Attachment: Theory, Research, and
Clinical Applications (by Jude Cassidy and Phillip R.
Shaver)
• Attachment Parenting: A Commonsense Guide to
Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby (by Dr.
William and Martha Sears)
• Attachment Parenting International organization
(www.attachmentparenting.com)