Conflict Resolution
Active Listening
Active Listening
Follow these instructions without questions
 Fold your sheet of paper 3 Times.
 Tear off three corners.
 Unfold paper
Active Listening
 As we learned previously, empathy is about
rapport and openness between people.
 When it is absent, people are less likely to
consider your needs and feelings.
 The best way to build empathy is to help the
other person feel that they are understood.
That means being an active listener.
Active Listening
 Some factors that affect a persons ability or
willingness to listen effectively are:
 Relationship with speaker
 Lack of time
 Preoccupation with other matters
 Difficulty in dealing with emotions…both yours and
theirs
 Strong disagreement
 Environment
 Physical discomfort
Active Listening
 Some ways that a person can tell they are
being listened to are:
 Eye contact
 Verbal Responses
 Asking relevant questions
 Posture
 Gestures and/or nods
Active Listening
 There are specific styles of listening
activities relevant to different situations.
These can be considered:
 Information
 Affirmation
 Inflammation.
Active Listening
Listening To Gain Information
Active Listening
Informational Listening
 One of the main reasons we listen is to gain
information.
 Sometimes conflict can develop because
vital information is missing or possibly
miscommunicated.
Active Listening
Informational Listening
 Studies have shown that immediately after
people have listened to someone talk, they
only remember about half of what they’ve
heard.
Active Listening
Informational Listening
 Then, within 8 hours, they tend to forget ½
to 1/3 more of what they heard. (Studies
conducted by the University of Minnesota in
1957)
Active Listening
Informational Listening
 Too often we rely on others to give us the
information we need; or we have too much
faith that we are using words in the same
way.
 We may, in fact, be attaching different
meanings or very different pictures to words.
Active Listening
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Informational Listening
Sometimes conflicts arise because of our differing
perceptions of what words mean. For Example:
If you were asked to clean up a particular area,
does that mean make it tidy, put things in neat
piles, or put things away?
Does it include dusting and vacuuming?
Does it mean moving the furniture or just cleaning
what you can see?
Active Listening
Informational Listening
 All parties in the communication process
have a role in making things clear.
 By asking questions, it helps you to become
more specific.
 The more specific you become, the more
likely all parties will be happy with the
outcome.
Active Listening
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Informational Listening
It is important to remember these points
when asking questions:
How?
Where?
What?
Why?
When?
Active Listening
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Informational Listening
The way in which a question is constructed
determines its usefulness.
Closed questions elicit specific information and are
valuable when this is what is required.
For example a closed question might be “Would
you like things to be different?”
This might only produce a Yes or No answer.
Active Listening
Informational Listening
 Open questions encourage broader exploration of
the issue and associated feelings
 For example an open question might be “How
would you like things to be different?”
 This shows an interest in their ideas, and gives us
much more of a window into their thinking, which
is the foundation for empathy.
Active Listening
Informational Listening
 Finally be very careful when using the word “why”
when using this style of listening.
 A question out of context, and blunt such as “Why
were you late this morning?" can cause the person
to become defensive and shut down.
 It is wiser to find a way to turn this into a statement
of need such as “It is important that we all report to
work on a timely basis. What can we do in the
future to ensure that this happens?”
Active Listening
Listening to give Affirmation
Active Listening
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Listening to give Affirmation
What do we mean by giving affirmation to
another person?
Acknowledging another person
Making another feel valued
Showing empathy
Active Listening
Listening to give Affirmation
 In a conflict situation, often the most
important need for another person is to sort
out ideas using us as a sounding board.
 As well, we may be needing to hear the
details of that persons feelings and thoughts
to really understand a different perspective.
 This helps us to show empathy.
Active Listening
Listening to give Affirmation
 There a several skills that show we are
listening to others with empathy.
 Non-verbal skills such as, eye contact, body
posture and using encouraging gestures.
 Following skills such as occasional
questions and attentive silences; also
minimal encouragers such as “mm” and “ah”
Active Listening
Listening to give Affirmation
 Reflecting skills such as paraphrasing and
summarizing; using a tone of voice that that
shows warmth or interest. Reflecting back
feelings and content.
Active Listening
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Listening to give Affirmation
Reflecting back feelings and content, in our
own words, is the most crucial skill in
listening to affirm for the following reasons:
We want to make sure we heard exactly
what the other person intended.
To show empathy
To help the other person hear themselves.
Active Listening
Listening to give Affirmation
 Important Point 1
 Asking too many questions can distract the
speaker, and lead in a direction that may be
of more interest to the listener. It can be
appropriate to ask question, providing they
are very closely linked to what the speaker
is saying and supportive to the crucial skill of
reflecting back.
Active Listening
Listening to give Affirmation
 Important Point 2
 Good listening empowers speakers. It helps
people to verbalize what may have not been
clear them before. People can usually find
their own answers. They are more likely to
put their own plans into action than
someone else’s well intentioned advice
Active Listening
Listening to give Affirmation
 Important Point 3
 When people feel listened to, they will talk
more freely about themselves. Even well
intentioned advising or diagnosing may
block this communication.
Active Listening
Listening to give Affirmation
 Important Point 4
 Active listening may entice people to reveal
more of themselves than they are really
comfortable doing. They may later be highly
embarrassed and distance themselves from
the listener. It is important to respect
peoples comfort zones in personal
communication.
Active Listening
Listening to give Affirmation
 Important Point 5
 There is a time to actively listen and there is
also a time to graciously add in our own
perspectives. Always be on the look out for
cues from the other person to know when
this is appropriate.
Active Listening
Listening to give Affirmation
 Important Point 6
 Really listening is far more than waiting for
our turn to speak. We put so much attention
on the other person that our own mental
commentary should be turned “off” at that
time.
Active Listening
Listening To Deal With Inflammation
Active Listening
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Listening To Deal With Inflammation
When someone is verbally attacking us we tend to
respond in some of the following ways:
We can become defensive
We can become aggressive
We can start arguing in a heated way
We can retreat into ourselves
We can become upset and/or fearful
Active Listening
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Listening To Deal With Inflammation
When we respond in this way some of the
outcomes can be:
It often doesn’t lead to a solution or at best only
leads to a short term solution.
It may have long term detrimental effects on the
relationship.
It may result in feeling drained, upset or
downtrodden.
It may increase the likelihood of this pattern
repeating itself.
Active Listening
Listening To Deal With Inflammation
 Remember, when there is a conflict, it is
common to blame the other person or to
become extremely defensive.
 It is very difficult to be objective when the
emotional level is high.
 Active listening is an effective tool to reduce
the emotion involved in a situation.
Active Listening
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Listening To Deal With Inflammation
Point 1
This active listening technique is very valuable
when we are receiving non-verbal gestures of
anger. Some examples might be:
Turning away
Rolling the eyes
Pointing fingers
Active Listening
Listening To Deal With Inflammation
Point 2
 Always remember that there is great value
in allowing angry people to be really heard
whether or not we feel their attacks are
justified.
Active Listening
Listening To Deal With Inflammation
Point 3
 First we need to bring down the emotional
heat and avoid making statements of attack
or defense that would cause the crisis to
escalate.
Active Listening
Listening To Deal With Inflammation
Point 4
 Once we fully understand the problem, we
can respond more effectively. This may
include pointing out errors of fact or
interpretation. This being different than
defense and counterattack.
Active Listening
Listening To Deal With Inflammation
Point 5
 The aim is to improve communication in the
relationship, with both people hearing and
being heard. Once tempers are calmer,
then real communication can begin.
 Staying calm during a personal attack takes
skill. This is a skill which can be learned
and needs persistent practice.
Active Listening
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Listening To Deal With Inflammation
Point 6
The point of change in a conflict is the
point where communication begins.
At this stage, the discussion can turn to:
What do you need, not need?
What do I need, not need?
Can we fulfill these needs?
Active Listening
Listening To Deal With Inflammation
Point 7
 Your ultimate goal in this type of scenario is:
 To turn down the heat in the situation,
allowing you to move from being opponents,
to working in partnership with the other
person to achieve the desired goal.
Credit
 We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network
for their generous donation of materials used in
the creation of this presentation.
 Conflict Resolution Network
PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057
Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500
Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148
Email: crn@crnhq.org
Website: www.crnhq.org
Credit
 This course was created by AMFA Local 11 to
assist in the education of its Professional
Standards Committee members.
 Permission to use this material is granted to any
AMFA Local.
 This course was created using materials provided
by The Conflict Resolution Network. Permission
has been extended to use this material providing
credit remains intact on all modules.