A HAPPY MARRIAGE
Matthew 19:1-15
Key Verses: 19:6a
"So they are no longer two, but one."
On the way to Jerusalem to die on the cross, Jesus taught his disciples many
important lessons. Last week Jesus taught them, “Forgive your brother from your
heart.” Through this lesson, we saw a glimpse of Jesus’ beautiful heart. Today
Jesus teaches them the true meaning of marriage. Bible scholars entitled today's
passage "Divorce." What a sad title! But Jesus turned the topic around and taught
us the meaning of ‘a happy marriage’ in God. So let us think about Jesus' view of a
happy marriage.
Part I: God hates divorce (1-3)
Look at verses 1-3. "When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left
Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large
crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to him to
test him. They asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every
reason?'" Jesus' final journey to Jerusalem was progressing. He was bracing
himself at the thought of his upcoming suffering and death on the cross. As he left
Galilee and entered into the region of Judea, large crowds followed him. Many sick
people came to Jesus and begged him to heal them. Out of his compassion, Jesus
welcomed and healed them one by one. But there were a group of unhappy people,
the Pharisees. It seemed that the number of people following Jesus was getting
bigger and bigger. They felt a danger that soon the whole world would go after
Jesus. Out of their jealousy, they were desperately looking for reasons to accuse
Jesus.
They tested Jesus with this question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his
wife for any and every reason?" This was a trick question. Generally the Jews
thought that it was legal for a man to divorce his wife. But they disagreed on the
reasons of divorce. The liberal Jews thought that it was lawful for a man to
divorce his wife for any and every reason--if a wife burns his breakfast, or if a wife
is lazy and does not clean the house, or if a wife becomes old and is no longer
attractive. But the conservative Jews believed that it was only lawful for a man to
divorce his wife if his wife commits the sin of marital unfaithfulness. This question
was a difficult question for Jesus to answer. If Jesus said, "You can divorce,” then
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his answer would contradict his own teaching, especially about love and
forgiveness. If Jesus said, "Do not divorce," Jesus would seem to be opposing the
Law of Moses. Therefore, no matter how Jesus answered their question, the
Pharisees could have criticized Jesus, or even charged him as a lawbreaker.
Even though the Pharisees asked this explosive question to Jesus in order to
trap Jesus, their question only exposed their inner thoughts. The Pharisees were
religious leaders. As religious leaders, they should be a good example to others by
having happy families in God. Instead, they were thinking about divorce, believing
that divorce is optional. They were terrible sinners before God because they were
willing to break their covenant with God and with the wives of their youth. In
Malachi 2:13-15, God did not accept the offerings of the priests. They asked,
"Why?" Then God answered, "It is because you have broken faith with the wife of
your youth, the wife of your marriage covenant." God warned them not to break
faith with the wife of their youth, saying, "I hate divorce." We must know that God
hates divorce.
Part II: Marriage is divine and inseparable (4-6)
Look at verses 4-6 "'Haven't you read,' he replied, 'that at the beginning the
Creator "made them male and female," and said, "For this reason a man will leave
his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one
flesh"? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined
together, let man not separate.'" In his divine wisdom, Jesus answered their
question by asking a question. He questioned, "Haven't you studied Genesis?"
Jesus takes them to the very beginning on how God established a beautiful family
in paradise. Jesus said, "At the beginning the Creator 'made them male and
female.'" What a beautiful and heavenly expression. When God made the world, he
made the first man Adam. Adam was the first steward of God's world. He ate a lot
and worked hard but he was not happy. In the morning, God asked him, "How are
you this morning?" He would answer with a blank face, "I'm O.K." Then God
said, "It is not good for a man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him."
So God made him fall into a deep sleep and took one of his ribs, made a woman
and gave her to him (Gen 2:20-24). From that time on, Adam began to speak and
smile. Suddenly he became a poet and wrote the first love poem, "This is now bone
of my bones and flesh of my flesh." Adam thanked God from his heart for giving
him a suitable helper.
Jesus also said, "...and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer
two, but one." When we study Genesis, we learn that Eve came from one of
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Adam's ribs. Therefore, they were, in actuality, one. We can ask the question,
"Why didn't God make a woman separately out of the dust of the ground?" But
God did this so that they could be one. Here being one flesh means physical,
emotional, and spiritual union in God. Becoming one flesh means a lifelong
commitment to each other. But in reality, two becoming one seems to be absolutely
impossible. It is because each person's character is different. Most couples find that
they are completely different, not just 10% but 100%. Then they think that they
married the wrong person. But that is not true. Last Thursday Shepherd Min Ku
Ahn from SNU III UBF and I went to the Chicago Field Museum. We realized that
God made vegetables according to their kinds. God made the birds of the air
according to their kinds. God made animals according to their kinds. Each animal
is different from one another. Likewise, God made men and women according to
their kinds. Some men insist that women should think and act more like men.
Some women expect men to think and act more like women. But men are men;
women are women. They are supposed to be different.
When we observe a couple, the husband and wife are very different and
opposite in their characters and views of the world. When we prayerfully think
about why they are so different, we find that it is God's wisdom and perfect
providence. If two persons are just the same kind, then there is no harmony or
universal beauty in their relationship. Moreover, if a husband and a wife are not
different, the world is boring. But because they are different, they have many
stories to tell and there is ample reason to love and forgive each other. Most
women expect their husbands to be perfect. In their idealism, they expect their
husbands to be fatherly, wise, gentle, powerful in words and actions, rich and
honorable. Most women grow mature quickly. Most men grow slowly and steadily.
In fact, men begin to grow from the age of 40. Until then, they remain immature in
their words and actions. Therefore, women should not be disappointed with their
husbands, but help and support them prayerfully and patiently in the hope of God
that someday they will grow to be mature, wise and wonderful men of God. In the
meantime, husbands should humbly apologize to their wives for not being perfect-not wise, rich and honorable--and for not being able to meet their wives' high
expectations, saying, "I am sorry; You are right; Pray for me," at lease three times
a day.
Paul told us the secret of becoming one in Ephesians 5:21, which says,
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." A wife and husband can
become one when they submit to one another in Jesus. How can we submit to one
another? Usually a husband demands his wife to submit to his authority
unconditionally. But the problem is: his wife also wants her husband to submit to
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her demands unconditionally. But a Christian husband and wife must submit
themselves to each other, acknowledging Christ as the Lord of their family. It is
good to establish mutual agreement with each other. Once a husband and wife
could not agree with each other. Then the husband suggested his wife to pretend to
agree with him in public, but freely express her own opinion in private. At first she
had a hard time not to disagree with her husband in public. But since her husband
was willing to listen to her at home, she decided to be quiet in public. In this way,
she established her husband as a leader of the community and he established her as
a leader of the family. For two to become one takes a little time. But when two
different persons become one, they can have ten thousand horsepower and nothing
is impossible for them. When two different persons become one in God, they can
love their children and all peoples of all nations. A family is a basic unit of the
society. Therefore, when families are happy, our church and our nation can be
happy. When we learn how to build up and maintain happy families in God, we
can grow to be responsible for our fellowships and nation. Thus St. Paul said
marriage is a profound mystery. (Eph 5:32) And Martin Luther said, "Home is a
school for learning." I want to say, “Happy marriage produces happy children.”
Before marriage, a young man asked his shepherd, "Sometimes I wonder
whether God exists or not." But when a lovely shepherdess agreed to marry him,
suddenly he exclaimed, "Now I know that God exists." But the real struggle began
after marriage. Whatever he suggested to his wife, his wife disagreed with him. So
he did not know what to do and what to say to his wife. For example, he asked his
wife, "Honey, make a cup of coffee for me, please!" Then his wife answered, "I am
not your maid. You make it for yourself." He denied his pride and made a cup of
coffee for himself. He overcame himself and asked whether she wanted to drink a
cup of coffee. But she answered, "No." But when he made a cup of coffee for
himself, his wife smelled the aroma and asked whether he was willing to share his
coffee with her. He really wanted to drink the whole cup. But once again he denied
himself and said, "Please have some." Then his wife tested him again, saying, "Are
you sure?" He made a plastic smile and said, "Of course, take as much as you
want." When he served his wife humbly at home and worked hard to support his
family and the work of God, his wife began to respect him and have compassion
on him. Now she makes coffee for him with a willing heart. She also supports
him in every way as his suitable helper. They became a powerful duo in doing the
work of God. Seeing their beautiful and happy family, many people hope to
establish beautiful and happy families in God for them in God's right time.
Dr. Joe Schafer at Penn state University is a shepherd for his family. He
cares for his wife Sharon so dearly. She is artistic, intellectual and sensitive. Dr.
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Schafer never hurts her. He always understands, cares for and loves her so dearly
that she has blossomed in every way. I thank God for the beautiful family of Dr.
John Jun. As the director of UBF he was an outgoing and friendly person but his
wife was very quiet and ingoing. Despite their differences, they worked together,
forming a mysterious harmony in Jesus. Through their good influence, their two
daughters and one son established happy families. Through their good influence,
families in UBF are happy and we have vision to raise up 10,000 beautiful house
churches which can be the foundation of raising up this nation as a kingdom of
priests and a holy nation. So far God blessed COD UBF with four families in God.
May God help us to build up and maintain happy families in God for the glory of
God, for the sake of our children’s happiness, and for the future of this nation.
Look at verse 9. "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not
separate." This is God's imperative. In this verse we learn that divorce is not an
option. God instituted marriage. God ordained marriage. God blessed marriage.
Marriage is the focal point of God's creation, established by God's absolute and
perfect providence. In the words of Peter Marshall, the late Senate Chaplain,
"Marriage is divine and inseparable." Marriage is God’s design and holy.
Part III: What is the motive of divorce? (7-15).
Jesus told the Pharisees the meaning of a happy marriage in God based on
Genesis. So they should have agreed with Jesus and thanked him for restoring the
hope of establishing and maintaining a happy marriage in God. Instead, they
hardened their hearts and tried one more time to test Jesus. Look at verses 7, 8.
"'Why then,' they asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate
of divorce and send her away?' Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your
wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I
tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and
marries another woman commits adultery.'" The Pharisees asked Jesus, "Why
then did Moses command?" Moses indeed had not commanded, his words were
twisted. So Jesus replied, "Moses permitted." Moses did not command his people
to divorce. Moses permitted this kind of legal procedure in order to protect women.
Moses gave them the law of divorce not to promote divorce but to restrict random
and uncontested divorce. When one wanted to divorce his wife, he had to go to
court and produce evidence that she deserved divorce. It was not easy for anyone
to receive a certificate of divorce. Shepherd Moses made the law of divorce in
order to prevent random divorce, to protect women and give them a proper place in
their families and society.
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People explain their cause of divorce in many ways. But at the bottom of
their hearts they divorce in order to commit adultery. Divorce happens because
there is a possibility that if he divorces he can marry another woman. Suppose his
wife was the only woman in the world and there were no other women at all. He
would not divorce her. Even though there are many women in the world, a husband
should regard his wife as the only woman in the whole world. Even though there
are many men in the world, a woman should regard her husband as the only man in
the whole world. Jesus taught us clearly that the motive of divorce is to commit
adultery.
Then the disciples asked Jesus a serious question. Look at verse 10. "The
disciples said to him, 'If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is
better not to marry.'" Jesus taught them about the meaning of a happy marriage in
God. But the disciples clung to the idea that marriage was the binding and
enslavement of a husband and wife. In their fatalistic view of marriage, they
wanted to remain single. Jesus understood the disciples (11, 12). Some cannot
marry because of physical defect. Some do not want to marry due to their fatalistic
view of marriage like the disciples. Some do not want to marry in order to not take
responsibility over their wives and children. But some do not marry in order to
serve the work of God. Paul did not marry in order to serve the work of God. God
used his wholehearted devotion as a precious factor in his world mission. Many
men want to be as great as Paul but want to get married. Jesus said, "The one who
can accept this should accept it." According to Jesus, not everyone is meant to
remain single.
When Jesus and his disciples were talking about the happiness of marriage,
children suddenly surrounded them and made a lot of noise. Probably Andrew and
Philip rebuked them, "You children! Go away! We are discussing the very serious
matter of marriage!" Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not
hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these" (14). He placed
his hands on them, praying for them and blessing them. The Pharisees came to test
Jesus and argue with him. But the children came to Jesus in order to accept his
teachings and blessings. Jesus was happy to welcome these pure children. The
kingdom of God belongs to those who accept Jesus as gladly as little children.
In conclusion: Today we learned the happiness of marriage and its principle,
and at the same time, the motive of unhappy divorce. May God bless this country
with happy marriages in God. May God bless COD UBF to establish many happy
house churches.
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