"Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into
some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find
out who we already are and become it.”
― Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks
& Win Your Inner Creative Battles
Awake At Work™
A Mindfulness-Based Program for Awakening Creative Genius
and Inspiring a Culture of Engagement and Excellence
Session VI: Uncovering Genius – Vulnerability and Risk-taking
The “Man” in the Arena
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who
points out how the strong man stumbles, or where
the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the
arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and
blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes
short again and again, because there is no effort
without error and shortcoming; but who does
actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great
enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends
himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in
the end the triumph of high achievement, and who
at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring
greatly, so that his place shall never be with those
cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor
defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt, The Man in the Arena
— April 23, 1910
Reflective Writing/Dyads
• What associations with
vulnerability do you have? What
fears keep you from being
vulnerable and transparent?
• What drives your fear of being
vulnerable? How do you protect
yourself from vulnerability?
• What price do you pay when you
shut down, protect and
disengage?
VULNERABILITY IS THE BIRTHPLACE OF
INNOVATION, CREATIVITY AND CHANGE.
― Dr. Brene Brown
Vulnerability is a Strength
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Vulnerability = uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure
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Truly innovative work requires vulnerability
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Be aware of your vulnerability and fully engage with it
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Vulnerability is not weakness, you can’t opt out of it
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You cannot have business without relationship and you cannot have real,
meaningful relationships without vulnerability
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Vulnerability is the required for insight, creativity and risk-taking that leads to
innovation
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Engagement – You’ve got to put your skin in the game!
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Not knowing, asking for help, giving feedback, asking for feedback, taking
responsibility, sharing your thoughts, ideas and insights
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Your genius is on the other side of your comfort zone and it requires
vulnerability
What Keeps Us From Being
Vulnerable?
Masks, Personas, Defenses
Vulnerability Shields
(From Daring Greatly, by Dr.Brene Brown)
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Foreboding Joy — paradoxical dread that clamps down on
momentary joyfulness
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Perfectionism — believing that doing everything perfectly means
you’ll never feel shame
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Practicing gratitude
Claiming the gift of imperfection, giving ourselves a break, being kinder
and gentler with ourselves and others (self-compassion inventory by Dr.
Kristin Neff, www.self-compassion.org)
Numbing — the embrace of whatever deadens the pain of
discomfort and pain (most universal is “crazy busy”)
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Feeling feelings, staying mindful about numbing behaviors and learn to
lean into the discomfort of hard emotions
We can’t selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light!
Numbing vulnerability dulls our experience of love, joy,
belonging, creativity, enthusiasm and empathy.
Daring Greatly
The Innovative Power of Vulnerability
"Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don't exist in the human
experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be — a new
relationship, an important meeting, our creative process or a difficult
conversation — with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather
than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice,
we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen.
This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly."
— Dr. Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
THE SECRET KILLER OF INNOVATION IS SHAME.
— Peter, Shehan, CEO of ChangeLabs, a global consultancy building and delivering
large-scale behavioral change projects for clients such as Apple and IBM.
SHAME IS SCARCITY.
SHAME IS NEVER ENOUGH.
This is a cultural epidemic in American culture.
Shame breeds fear. It crushes our tolerance for
vulnerability thereby killing engagement, innovation,
creativity, productivity and trust!
WE NEED TO RECOGNIZE AND UNDERSTAND THAT DEEPROOTED SHAME IS AT THE HEART OF ANY BROKEN
SYSTEM IF WE ARE EVER TO CHANGE IT.
— Dr. Brene Brown, Author of Daring Greatly
What is Shame?
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Shame is a profound sense of worthlessness
Shame is scarcity, never enough
o I am not enough
o There is not enough
o Bigger, more is better, faster
It is out of this feeling of deep shame that world of hierarchy and
competitiveness are born
Shame is obsessed with hiding – thrives in secrecy, silence and
judgment
Always chasing some ideal future – perfectionism, resisting the good
in the moment, numbing and protecting
Shame is universal, we all have it – primitive human emotion.
Shame is the fear of disconnection – it’s the fear that something we’ve
done or failed to do, an ideal that we’ve not lived up to or a goal that
we’ve not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection.
Shame = I am bad and Guilt = I’ve done something bad.
Shame needs awareness, empathy and loving kindness
Shame Gremlins
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“The term ‘gremlin’ as we are most familiar with it comes from Steven
Spielberg’s 1984 horror comedy Gremlins. Gremlins are those evil little
green tricksters who wreak havoc everywhere they go…
Shame sends the gremlins to fill our heads with completely different
messages of:
Dare not! You’re not good enough!
Don’t you dare get too big for your britches
You’ll never be as successful as x.
Who are you to think you can y?
You’re unworthy of z…
Re-enter self-righteous gremlin, stage right:
You’re about to be 37.
You’re a successful manager.
You have a master’s degree.
Gremlin Ninja Warrior Training
Shame Resilience — What are the Shame Gremlins Saying?
Shame resilience is about moving from shame to empathy(“Me too”)…
Recognize Shame and Understanding Its Triggers
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Can you physically recognize when you’re in the grips of
shame, feel your way through it and identify what messages
and expectations triggered it?
Practicing Critical Awareness
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Can you reality-check the messages and expectations that
are driving your shame? Are they realistic? Are they true?
Reaching Out
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Are you owning and sharing your story? Are you connecting?
Speaking Shame
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Are you talking about how you feel and asking for what you
need when you feel shame?
Where there is blame…shame is riding shotgun!
Our Physical Shame
Recognizing our physical reaction to it
I physically feel shame in/on my:
It feels like:
I know I’m in shame when I feel:
If I could taste shame, it would taste like:
If I could smell shame it would smell like:
If I could touch shame, it would feel like:
“Recognizing our shame allows us to find
the space we need to process the
experience and gain some clarity before we
act out or shut down.”
— Dr. Brene Brown
Shame Categories
Dr. Brene Brown
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Appearance and Body Image
Motherhood or Fatherhood
Family
Parenting
Money/Work/Contribution
Mental and Physical Health
Social Status
Potential
Creativity
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Sex/Sexuality
Addiction
Aging
Religion
Being Stereotyped and
Labeled
Speaking Out
Surviving Trauma
Emotional Expression
Leadership
I want to be perceived as:
I do not want to be perceived as:
If we look at our unwanted identities, three questions that can help us start to
uncover the sources are:
1.
2.
3.
What do these perceptions mean to us?
Why are they so unwanted?
Where did the messages that fuel these identities come from?
Re-humanizing Work
Real revolution requires a different type of courage
and creativity!
To reignite creativity innovation and learning, leaders
must re-humanize work. This means understanding how
scarcity – “not enough” is affecting the way we lead
and work, learning how to engage with vulnerability
and recognizing and combating shame.
Antidote to Shame?
Empathy … “me too!”
“Shame is an epidemic in our culture. To get out from underneath it, to
find out a way back to each other, we have to understand how it
affects us, the way we parent, the way we look at each other.” We
need to learn to understand what’s going on — and we need to hone
our skills with shame’s antidote: empathy. For if the three factors that
foster shame the fastest are secrecy, silence and judgment, it cannot
survive being doused with empathy. “It can’t survive the two most
powerful words to hear when we’re in struggle: ‘me too.’”
Whole Hearted People
Shame based people:
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Are prone to addictions as a way to self-sooth feelings of
inadequacy or other painful emotions.
Tend to be posers and pretend to have it all together. They spend
lots of time pleasing, performing, and proving.
Fear not being loved or accepted. Neglect self-acceptance and
instead spend energy trying to fit-in or catch-up.
Are perfectionists and are hesitant to express themselves, their ideas,
their work, or their opinions – fear making mistakes.
Are often plagued with fears, worries, comparisons, and are
burdened with busyness and nagging voice of “How dare you… You
are way behind… Your puny efforts will not work”
Whole Hearted People
Wholehearted living people:
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Practice daily self-care and find healthy ways to cope with painful
emotions and counter negative self talk
Are vulnerable and authentic and tell their story without trying to fit in
or be accepted. They love themselves in a good way.
Let go of who you think you are supposed to be and embrace who
you are.
Believe mistakes are portals of self-discovery and practice selfcompassion. They honestly share their strengths/struggles.
Live in gratitude, joy, and faith, and tend to slow down and find
comfort in quite reassurances such as, “Life is good… You had a
challenging day, but did your best… You are loveable…”
Practice Pausing Throughout Your Day
Take yourself off of autopilot:
S
T
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P
Stop and pause.
Take several mindful breaths.
Observe your body sensations, feelings and thoughts.
Proceed with intention and attention.
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Mindfulness brings attention to life’s many pauses. It fills your life with
pauses. The pauses are already there but we miss them because we are
in such a hurry.
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A day filled with aware pauses is a day where you go to bed deeply
fulfilled. So pay attention to pauses and enjoy them, rest in them, swim
through them.
This Is It
Awake at Work Institute
www.awakeatworkinstitute.com – complimentary micropractices
www.awakeatworktraining.com – online program (35% discount)
What To Remember Upon Waking
Back UP
THE WORLD WILL NOT BE CHANGED BY WHAT YOU
WANTED TO CREATE, BUT BY WHAT YOU CREATED.
- Qua Veda, Intel IT Market Research and Co-Founder of Awake@Intel
Stop and Rest
Everybody in the world says that you
need to work less in order to live a
fuller, more connected life. But so
few of us address what prevents us
from doing it. The reasons are simple:
(1) exhaustion is a status symbol in
our culture, and (2) self-worth has
become net worth. We live doing so
much and with so little time that
anything unrelated to the to-do list—
taking a nap, say, or reading a
novel—actually creates stress.
Fully Alive
“I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me
as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as
blossom,
goes on as fruit.”
— Dawna Markova
Cycle of Shame
Getting to the Core Wounding
Defenses, Masks,
Constrictions,
Reactive
Behaviors
Limiting Beliefs
About Self, Others,
Life
Un-integrated,
Charged
Emotions:
Fear, Anger, Grief,
Shame
Core
Formative
Experiences —
trauma,
heartbreak,
disappointment
Problems cannot be
solved at the same
level of consciousness
(thinking) that created
them.
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WE NEED TO LET GO OF AN OLD BODY OF
INSTITUTIONALIZED COLLECTIVE BEHAVIOR IN ORDER TO MEET
THE PRESENCE OF OUR HIGHEST FUTURE POSSIBILITY.
— Otto Scharmer, Theory U and the Institute for Authentic Leadership
Creating a Shift
Moving From
Moving To
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Fear
Control
Isolation
Me
Rigidity
Never Enough/Shame
Mechanistic
Perfectionism/Analysis
Differences
Overlay Strategy
Fixed Mindset
Trust
Vulnerability
Connection
We
Creativity
Enough/Risk-Taking
Humanistic
Act In An Instant
Linkages
Emergence
Growth Mindset