Proactive
ample of reactive vs. Proactive language: R=I’ll try, P=I will do it.
can’t, P=There has to be a way
timitus – these individuals believe that everyone has it in for them and
e world owes them something.
oactive pays by
- not easily offended
- take responsibility for choices
- thinks before acts
- bounce back after the bad
- find a way to make it happen
- focus on what they can do not what they can’t
e can only control how we respond to what happens to us!
o circles: circle of control inner circle – choices, responses,
rselves, attitudes
ter circle – no control – things like skin colour, weather,
rents, others rudeness etc.
nk of setbacks as an OPPORTUNITY to change, move in a new direction,
Begin With the End In Mind
• Crossroads, examples
• Do you want to go to college after high school? Will you drink, smoke,
or do drugs?
• what kind of relationship will I have with my family?
• The paths you choose today can forever shape your tomorrows!
• Remember: teenagehood is only seven years and if your rope of life is
80 feet long,your teen years are but a mere 7 feet! Friends – choose wisely,
it is sometimes better to have no friends for a time than to have the wrong friends
• School? – where you want to end up in your life gives you a pretty clear picture
of what you need to do to get there. Educational pursuits pay off.
• Who’s leading: create a vision for yourself… “Control your own destiny or
someone else will!” says Jack Welsh. Who? Friends, parents, media
• A personal mission statement is like a personal credo or motto that states what
your life is about. Write your own… make it a song, poem, or quote. A personal
mission statement is like a tree with deep roots – to help you survive all of the
storms of life that could beat you up. Talents – discover what you are good at.
Put First Things First
• learn to prioritize and manage your time.
• learning to overcome your fears and to be strong
• called the will-power and the won’t power
• Packing: Just as a suitcase fills more when packed neatly,
so will your life fit more the better you organize yourself.
As the diagram suggests we can be anyone of four types.
As I go through them, ask yourself, “Which quadrant do
I spend most of my time in?”
First things first
• Procrastinator : All things are both urgent and important.
They put things off until they are a ‘stress case’ They are addicted to urgency
until it becomes a crisis. They often say they thrive under pressure.
Results - stress and anxiety, burnout, mediocre performance
• The Yes-Man: Things are urgent but not important.
Usually trying to please others. Loaded down with activities that are
important to other people but not important to themselves - would like to
say no…but don’t. They often cave into peer pressure because they do
not have enough courage or backbone to turn others down.
Results - reputation as a ‘pleaser’, lack discipline, feel like a doormat
• Slacker: Nothing is important or urgent.
The professional loafer who is often a big couch potato or a walking TV guide.
Wastes a lot of time. Results - lacks responsibility, guilt, flakiness.
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Prioritise: things are important but not urgent. EXCELLENCE!
Takes a little more planning. They have got it together and do their
best work. Avoids stress and burnout. People who matter come first
and life is balanced. Can say no with a smile. Resist peer pressure
and come to be respected for it.
Results - control of life, balance, high performance.
• We all spend time in each quadrant, key is to get into the Prioritise!
Steps in organising yourself
• ROCKS demonstration
Designed to help you free up your time by being organized.
• Plan weekly: take 15 minutes Sunday night to plan your week.
• Step one: Identify your BIG rocks. What are the most important things
you need to do this week? 10-15 at the most.
• Step two: block in time for the big rocks.
• Step three: fit in the pebbles, the little everyday things that suck up
your time - chores, phone calls, computer time, tv
• Step four: start to identify the SAND in your life, those little things
that can negatively take up a lot of time and become really bothersome
if allowed to persist.
• Step five: Remember there is always room for water
(special occasions/emergencies) even if you think your life is full!
• Adapt daily: be flexible, you may need to rearrange one of the few things
that cannot be recycled is wasted time. On her deathbed Queen Elizabeth
the first wished “All my possession for one moment of time.”
Think Win-Win
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Too often we play not to lose, this will fill your heart with negative feelings.
Win-win is the foundation for getting along well with others,
believing we are all equal
Totem: win-lose, competitive, “I don’t care how good I am as long as
I’m a notch higher than you on the totem pole” full of pride, selfish,
rumour spreaders, don’t care about others, jealous, envious
Doormat: Lose-win, dangerous too, Weak, low expectations, compromise
own standards, people wipe their dirty feet on you, hide true feelings
deep inside, this lose-win is only ok if issue is not important to you,
not worth the battle, let others win the little issues, NEVER allow yourself
to be in an abusive relationship, it’s a never ending cycle that never
gets better
Spiral: Lose-Lose, misery enjoys company, “if I am going down, then, sucker, you are
coming with me.” Revenge, want to win at all costs!
Buffet: Win-Win, belief that everyone can win, you care about others and
want them to succeed, care about yourself too, abundant, plenty of success,
true joy, win-win always creates more
Seek First to Understand , Then
to Be Understood
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We don’t listen enough!
“Listen or thy tongue will make thee deaf”
Everyone wants to be respected and valued for who they are, they
won’t express their soft middles until they feel genuine love and
understanding. “People don’t care how much you know until they
know how much you care”
Poor Listening:
1) space out, when someone is talking but we ignore because our
mind wanders
2) pretend, by making insightful comments at key times, “cool” sounds
good
3) selective listening, pay attention only to the part that interests us
4)word, we pay attention to only the words and not body language or
tone, which often holds the true meaning
5)self centred, hear from our own point of view, game of one
upmanship, three ways, judging - criticizing them, advice - tell them
what to do, probe - interrogate them
Synergize
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Alone we can do so little: together we can do so much. Helen Keller
flock of birds, V formation? Can fly 71% farther, tired goes to back, honk to encourage,
wounded = two join to help.
Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create a
better solution than either could alone. It’s not your way or my way but a better way,
a higher way. Learning to synergize is like learning V formations.
Synergy: celebrates differences, teamwork, open mindedness, new better ways
Everywhere in nature, good teams are made of, a good band has it
Differences: a process, learn to celebrate, thank goodness for diversity, more than
racial and gender diffs, also physical features, dress, language, wealth, family, religious,
lifestyle, education, interests, skills, age, style
world is a melting pot of cultures, races, religions, ideas… three approaches you can take:
1)Shunner: afraid, convinced their way of life is best,
2)Tolerator: believe everyone has right to be different but don’t embrace, keep to self,
never get to synergy
3)Celebrator: value differences, see advantages, achieve more than two who think alike,
creates sparks and opportunity, is a STRUGGLE for most of us
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Synergize
Minority of One: Robert Fulghum says “We are as different from one another
on the inside of our heads as we appear to be different from one another on
the outside of our heads”
Learn differently, multiple intelligences,
See differently, the events of ones past form a lens, or paradigm, thru which
you see the world.
Have different styles, traits, and characteristics, grapes, oranges, bananas,
melons test
Own diversity: instead of trying to blend in like everyone else, be proud of and celebrate
you unique differences and qualities
Roadblocks:
1) Ignorance, clueless, you don’t know what others believe, feel, or been thru
2)Cliques, bad if groups become exclusive and reject others not just like them
3)Prejudice, stereotyped, labeled, or pre-judged. Not treated equally, racism, a learned
behavior = UNLEARN
Up Diversity: synergy is more that compromise and cooperation, it’s creative cooperation,
finding the High Way produces more,
Sharpen the Saw
All about keeping your personal self sharp so you can better deal with life
four key dimensions - body, mind, heart, soul
Balance: Greek saying ‘Nothing overmuch’, balance important? What’s done in one dimension of life will affect the other three, balance
and moderation in all things
Time-out: need regular tune-ups, rejuvenate, a little TLC
Body in general: junior high - body goes thru weird changes, handle body with care and don’t abuse, ten ways to keep selves sharp: eat
good food, relax in the tub, bike, lift weights, sleep enough, Yoga, sports, walk, stretch, aerobics, the four main ingredients; good sleep,
relaxation, good nutrition, exercise
Eat: “You are what you eat” First rule of thumb, listen to your body, develop own handful do’s and don’ts. Second rule, be moderate and
avoid extremes, extreme eating either way = unhealthy, follow USDA food pyramid
Use: feel depressed, confused, apathetic? Do what Forrest Gump did; RUN yourself better. Exercise has amazing way of giving you energy,
melting stress, and clearing the mind. No single best way to exercise, 20-30 min/3 times a week
Feel, not Look: don’t get too obsessed with appearance, society is hung up on ‘looks’, important is feeling good physically. Oprah “You have
to change you perception. It’s not about weight - it’s caring for yourself daily”
Life/Art: magazines = images, totally touched up! Don’t treat your body like a prisoner of war just to be accepted by someone else
Quit: destroy body with addictive substances, often playing with ‘gateway’ drugs opens door to harsher drugs, addiction’s worst thing is
you lose control, the addiction is!
Refusal skill, feeling pressured?
1, ask self tough questions to make you think
2, consequences
3, suggest alternative
4, take off - get away fast
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Brain in general: nothing in life comes easy, You have to pay the price! What you do with that mass of grey material between your ears will determine your future! Add to it thru
schooling, extracurricular activities, hobbies, jobs, and other mind enlarging experiences.
Unlock: teens fear? Stress to do well in school, get into college, get good job
an educated mind? Can focus, synthesize, write, speak, create, analyze, explore, imagine, and more
get as much education as you can “If you think education is expensive, try ignorance” says Derek Bok, of Harvard Uni
Sharpen: numerous ways to expand mind, best approach simply to READ
twenty other ways: read paper daily, Nat. Geogr., travel, garden, see wildlife, attend lectures, discov. Channel, library, News, research family, write story poem song, play games
(challenging), debate, chess, museum, comment in class, ballet opera plays, play musical ints., convo interesting topics, crossword
Niche: find what you enjoy, let the world and not just school, be your campus, expect to have some trouble with some classes, even Einstein failed math
School in way: more to education than grades, cramming leads to forgetting a day later, failed to really get education, many sacrifice education for stupid things: jobs, mates, car, etc
athletes too often sacrifice educ. Thinking of pros
discipline self, learn to control your mind, you don’t pay the price you may earn a degree but fail to get an education.
The person who does not read is almost no better off than the person who cannot read!
After High School: evidence of sound mind: 1 - desire, 2 - standardized test scores, 3 - extracurricular, 4 - Letters of recomm., 5 - grade pt avg, 6 - communication skills, evidence that you
will succeed at next level
mental Barriers: screentime - tv, computer, video game, movies, can numb the mind, set guidelines for yourself nerd syndrome - studious isn’t cool, smart girls are intimidating, take
Pride in your mental abilities Pressure - scared to do well and have expectations, stress results, this is better and more tolerable than the stress of regret from not trying your best.
Wanna: in end, key to honing your mind is your desire to learn gotta wanna
jured relationships heals, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people”, develop own ‘humor collection’, and learn to laugh at yourself. Heart in general: ever feel like the
moodiest? Normal for teens, heart very tempermental, look for chances to build up self and others, Mother Theresa “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.
Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”
Sex: more than your body, it’s also about your heart, you’re not ready if, 50 reasons… this is more than just because we are Catholic - this also leads to personal power, not saying “I
can’t” but truly saying “I won’t”
Relationships (self and others) Gonna make it: normal to feel depressed at times, if sustained = serious, get help, treatable, if suicidal, get help, life will get better, don’t give up! Kahlil
Gibran wrote: “That self-same well from which our laughter rises was often times filled with our tears. The deeper that sorrow carries into our being, the more joy it can contain”
Laugh: after all said and done... just laugh!!! Hakuna Matata, no worries Yoda, “You must unlearn what you have learned.” learn to laugh lots again as do young children, Why? loosens
mental gears, helps us cope, reduces stress, relaxes, connects us with others, releases endorphins (natural painkillers), also promotes good health and speedy healing, helps in
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Heart in general: ever feel like the moodiest? Normal for teens, heart very tempermental, look for chances to
build up self and others, Mother Theresa “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be
the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”
Sex: more than your body, it’s also about your heart, you’re not ready if, 50 reasons… this is more than just
because we are Catholic - this also leads to personal power, not saying “I can’t” but truly saying “I won’t”
Relationships (self and others) Gonna make it: normal to feel depressed at times, if sustained = serious, get help,
treatable, if suicidal, get help, life will get better, don’t give up! Kahlil Gibran wrote: “That self-same well from
which our laughter rises was often times filled with our tears. The deeper that sorrow carries into our being, the
more joy it can contain”
Laugh: after all said and done... just laugh!!! Hakuna Matata, no worries Yoda, “You must unlearn what you have
learned.” learn to laugh lots again as do young children, Why? loosens mental gears, helps us cope, reduces
stress, relaxes, connects us with others, releases endorphins (natural painkillers), also promotes good health and
speedy healing, helps i
Keep Hope Alive:
hope that you can find answers to your problems, and reach your highest potential, choose just two or three
things to focus on, write them in a place where you can review them often, let them inspire you each day.
All begins with a single step
If you ever find self sliding or falling short, don’t get discouraged, keep in mind an airplane flight… with wind, rain,
turbulence etc, pilots need to constantly make small course corrections, you too, just keep coming back to your
plan!
You are destined for great things…..
Lesson 16: Paradigms 8 / 5 / 2012
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What is a paradigm?
What is meant by a paradigm shift?
What is the purpose of the book the 7 habits?
What is a principle?
Why are principles important?
Do you think the 7 habits of Covey are principles you can work
from? Why? Explain this by giving the most important point of
each habit.
Answers Lesson 16
• Paradigm – your perception, perspective or point of view.
• It is also referred to as a world view
• Peoples world view are shaped in different ways: Religion,
Culture, Family, community, School, Friends, your history, all
impact on your world view – not always correct.
• World view can be influenced and change depending on you
as person, Understanding, Tolerance and Empathy
• Change in world view is called a paradigm shift
• Can only happen if you can develop above skills.( 7 Habits)
Paradigms and Principles.
• The 7 habits are life long skills you can develop for the rest of
your life. Will make you a person that understands the world
around you better.
• Principles are natural laws – that governs nature eg. Gravity
• Life skills are principles that you develop as a human being
that you can base your world view on.
• Principles such as honesty, sincerity, empathy, understanding
etc. – forms life skills.
• Principles are important to us so that we can make informed
life decisions – on character judgements, good and bad
behaviour, between right and wrong, good and poor personal
habits.