The Call
Characters
Three Dog Walkers
Two Call Centre Operators
Three Callers
(most of the characters can be any gender or race)
Scene 1
Three dog walkers are sitting on a bench in a park, as they sit they start to turn
into three dogs. The dogs run off from the bench and find a unidentifiable body
hanging from a tree by a rope, they resume their human forms, cut down the body
and carry it away.
(see example of how this works here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZvXQQyHwqQ)
The text below is either spoken or projected over the action
Three regular people
Walking dogs at dawn
Didn’t know what they’d find
Beside the bowls lawn
Disgourged biriyanis
Pornographic mags,
All sorts of things
In Tesco's plastic bags
In the pungent woods
Where drunks have rudely peed
And truant public school boys
Hide to smoke their weed
A pair of twisted tights,
A 'G' string and a bra,
And hanging from a tree,
The body of a girl.
Scene 2
The future, a Call Centre in a flat above a shop. A headset and two ropes represent
the telephone line linking the operators to the callers. There is a large clock on the
wall set at 11pm.
533 – Has done this for years, enjoys the company more than the calls.
797 – Has just completed training and is about to take his/her first call.
533:
So all ready? How was the training?
797:
Yeah good thanks but there’s a lot to remember, I don’t want to say the
wrong thing. ……Shall I use this headset? Where do I plug it in?
533 indicates where
797:
And I’ll need a pen…where did I put it?
533:
You won’t have time to write anything down, not if we’re going to meet
this month’s targets. You just need to get to the point as quickly as you
can, offer a solution and then move on to the next call. We don’t want the
time to answer stats to start slipping. There are a few crib sheets in the
drawer…most of the scenarios will fit one of them, then you just follow
the process.
797:
But what if there isn’t a scenario planner, what if something new crops
up?
533:
Oh well then you just wing it… or call a supervisor.
797:
Is that you?
533:
Yes that’s me, I’m the top dog tonight, the head honcho.
797:
Well as long as I’m polite but firm I guess it will be fine
533:
Now before we start shall I make a nice cup of tea? You’ll soon find out
that’s the most important thing, a good supply of fresh tea and a box of
tissues.
797:
I’m ok for now thanks, I’d just like to get started.
Plugs the headset in and fiddles with the volume.
How high do you think I’ll need it, I’ve got quite a quiet voice.
533:
Oh don’t worry about that we’ve got plenty of time before the ‘dark
hours’, that’s when the lines really start buzzing. I didn’t even have time
to pop to the loo last night. So you just get settled in and I’ll go and make
some tea, we’ll have a little chat when I get back.
797:
But what happens if someone calls while you’re out?
533:
Don’t worry, just answer it and I’ll step back in, there’s a speaker in
kitchen …. You’re all trained up now so you’re not likely to say the wrong
thing are you….you do know what to say don’t you?
797:
Yes we say: Hello Desperation 2020 how can I help you?
533:
Good, that’s it then. I won’t be a tick.
533 goes off to the kitchen. 797 gets herself ready. Time passes which she spends
organising notes, reading notices, looking in drawers and watching the clock on the
wall. When the phone eventually rings she is taken by surprise.
Caller Number 1 is visible on stage, picks up the rope and shakes it.
797:
Hello Desperation 2020 how can I…...
The caller changes their mind and puts the rope/phone down but stays on stage
unseen watching the Call Handler.
797 calls to the kitchen.
797:
Someone called…then they put the phone down.
533 reappears with a mug of tea
533:
Yes that’s normal, we get plenty of those every night. It’s annoying but
you get used to it. Just try to slow down your intro and sound ultra
friendly.
797: (practicing to herself) We’re here to help.
The phone rings again, Caller 1 is on the line/rope.
533 indicates that 797 should answer.
797:
But shouldn’t you
533 shakes head.
797:
Hello Desperation 2020 how can I help you….hello can I help you?
Caller Number 1 shakes the line a little then drops it, the phone goes dead
797:
I tried but he didn’t speak?
533:
(drinking tea) Oh it was a he was it?