MONTE STANCO
(P.O.Box 10786 Newcastle 2940)
News Letter 279 – January 2016
N.B. Next Meeting – WED 3RD FEBRUARY @ 19h30 - See You There!
1.NEWS DEPARTMENT
1.1.SUNSET CALLS. Happily, none this month.
1.2.HOSPITAL. No reports.
1.3.1.Birthdays in January:- 2nd Bossie Boshoff(Toti)(47); 3rd Wayne Meikle-Braes)56);
19th Boet Buys (55);
1.3.2. Ladies’ Birthdays:- 2nd Santie De La Rosa; 8th Sandra Buys; 10th Annolien Scholtz;
25th Renette Oberholzer; 26th Maria Van Staden.
1.3.3. Anniversaries:- 21st John & Marion Griffiths(UK);
1.4. LAST MEETING. The January Meeting saw a much improved attendance of 13.
Deputy Bill Moth Derick Putter opened the Meeting in the traditional manner and welcomed
all present. Draw Winners:-“500”Club– James Van Den Bergh; Swindle”– Maria Coates;
“Mystery” Prize – Stan Coates; “54” Draw – 1st Ian Naude & 2nd Bim Philpott.The Adj. read
out correspondence of interest which included a Xmas Card & thanks from Mabel Fox and
greetings from John & Marion Griffiths(UK). The following items came under general
matters:- Christmas Hampers for the Aged. Due to other priorities, these were not delivered.
We hope to supply same for Easter. Deputy OB asked all to help find sponsors, big or small,
for the Moth National Bowls that we are staging in October 2016. Adj. will draw up sponsor
letters. PB asked for numbers attending Rorke’s Drift on 24th, so that she can negotiate
organizing a Kombi.Grass-cutting for the premises discussed. Current contractor to be
engaged. Members were asked for help in watering our trees at least twice a week. Very hot
& dry. Moth Leon Mong thanked all for their good wishes & support during his wife’s
illness. SGT. MAJOR’S PARADE. SM Stan Coates offered his New Year’s Absolution –
no charges!
1.5.DISTRICT/PROVINCE MEETINGS
Next District Meeting- SUN.24TH JAN.@ RORKE’S DRIFT. PARADE @ 10h00.
Next Province Meeting:- Also Sun.24th at Victory SH,Durban.
1.6.PARADE(S).
NEXT PARADE.
(1)RORKE’S DRIFT – SUN. 24TH JANUARY @ 10h00.
1.7. ITEMS OF INTEREST
(a)BOWLS:
(1) Corrie Lundin Bowls – Next to be advised.
(2) 2016 National Bowls to be staged by Monte Stanco in Newcastle!
Dates 2nd October – 7th October. WE NEED HELP WITH SPONSORS.
(b) OTHER.
(1) Old Bill’s Evening. The next one is on Friday 22nd Jan. Spot dops – hamburgers.
We expect to be raided by Mills Bomb SH(‘Toti) & have braai on Saturday also.
(2) XMAS LUNCH– WED.16TH DEC- Lovely day & excellent food enjoyed by some 30
who attended.
2. DROLL DEPARTMENT:
“Hell’s Angels…..?”
She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had
locked her keys inside.The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She
looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God
to send her some HELP.Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a
bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his bike and asked if
he
could help. She said: “Yes, my daughter is sick. I’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get
home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?" He said, "Sure." He walked over
to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open. She hugged the man and through
tears said, "Thank You, God, for sending me such a very nice man." The man heard her
little prayer and replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; I
was in for car theft.” The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God!
You even sent me a Professional!"
“Only in South Africa……”
A farmer named Van was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in
Limpopo
when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver,
a young black man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans
out the window and asks the farmer, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you
have in your herd, will you give me a calf?' Van looks at the man, obviously a yuppie,
then
looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers; 'Sure, Why not?' The yuppie
parks
his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell
phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get
an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.The young man then opens the digital photo in
Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany .
Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been
processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC
connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes,
receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, 'You have
exactly 1,586 cows and calves.' 'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,'
says Van. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as
the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Van says to the young man, 'Hey, if
I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?' The young
man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?' 'You're a Member of
Parliament for the ANC Party', says Van. 'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how
did you guess that?' 'No guessing required,' answered the farmer. 'You showed up here
even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a
question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are, and
you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep...so now give me back my
dog!'
“Water shortage…..”
Koos was walking through his veld one day when he spots someone drinking water from
a
pool. He shouts, "Moenie die water drink nie, dis vol skaap kak". The other guy says,
"I'm a Pommie, mate, speak English!" Koos replies, "Use both hands, you get more that
Way!".
Bim Philpott (Adj.)