Hook, Housekeeping
& Homework
Monday
How was your weekend?
Get into your “Ordeal by Cheque” Groups from last week
If you were not in a group, wait until they are formed and join a
smaller group
Homework: Short Story Presentations start Wednesday
Re-write of assigned summer reading short story analysis due
Thursday!
Past, Present, Future
• Meeting with administration
• “Ordeal by Cheque” – practice analysis
• Group Review of “Ordeal by Cheque” Analysis
• Summer Short Story Assignment
•
•
•
•
Summer Short Story Assignment
Re-write
Group Presentations
Quiz
Monday
Introduction to AP Literature
Monday
Standard(s) Reading for All Purposes
1.Literary criticism of complex texts requires the use of analysis, interpretive, and
evaluative strategies
Objective: you will be able to compare and contrast your group analysis (what, how,
why, so what) of “Ordeal by Cheque” to a model
Relevance: the ability to make critical judgments about our own work in comparison to
others allows us to refine and improve our skills, creating self-satisfaction and
confidence, making for a more productive work environment, and allowing for
movement into other areas of study
Essential Question: How do I make meaning when confronted with ambiguous text?
Instruction: Obtain
I DO
Monday
The What and How:
• plot summary, theme (overall meaning, purpose) and example/evidence
1. The unconventional short story “Ordeal by Cheque” by Wuther Crue presents a chronology of checks
written by Lawrence Exeter, Sr. and Lawrence Exeter, Jr. The checks, debited from a bank in Hollywood,
California during a 28-year period from 1903 to 1931, chronicle a series of events, alluding to hospital
visits, school enrollments, car repairs, graduations, gifts, relationships and marriages, travel, and various
legal fees.
2. Crue tells the story of a family through their spending habits, revealing both the extravagant lifestyle in
an era of unprecedented wealth and prosperity as well as the disintegration of the American dream.
OR “Ordeal by Cheque” reveals that living the American dream, a dream of a prosperity and wealth that
can be passed to the next generation, has its positives, but maybe more importantly, it can have corrupt,
selfish negatives that destroy lives.
3. The objectivity of the check format is overridden by the specific details and the connotation of
particular words. For example, the checks dated Aug. 23, 1929 and Aug. 30, 1929 (checks 29 & 30) are
written one week apart to a Tony Spagoni.
Instruction: Obtain
I DO
Monday
The Why and So What:
• Explain & analyze the purpose and effect of the example/evidence
• Link the the example/evidence to the theme (overall meaning)
4. The name Tony Spagoni connotes (suggests) a person of Italian heritage. The 1920s is a well-known period in
American history of mob corruption and violence. The setting detail of these two checks is five years after
legendary Al Capone took over the Italian mob in Chicago, and the same year as the St. Valentine’s Day
Massacre. These subtle details and suggestive names imply a mob connection with the younger Exeter that
reveals a darker, more sordid side of American wealth and prosperity. Whether this Tony Spagoni is a spurned
friend or lover of the woman from the previous checks, whether he is bootlegger, or whether he is a loans
collector is unknown, but there are no checks (no travel, no lingerie purchases, nothing) for an entire year after
these two checks to Spagoni, suggesting that Exeter, Jr. had to forgo his lavish lifestyle for awhile. Tony Spagoni,
however, appears again, two years later, after checks have been written to a lawyer and before a few final
hospital check. Was Exeter, Jr. in financial trouble? Was he shot for an affair or a gambling debt or bill unpaid?
Was he an alcoholic dying from liver disease? The answers are unclear, but what does seem apparent is that the
prosperity of this American Dream ended very quickly, a mere 28 years after it started. The wealth and privilege
that may come with the American Dream do not come without conflict and loss, and when accompanied with
greed and excess it can lead to pain and corruption. and ultimately the downfall of a society’s dream.
Instruction: Obtain
Monday
• Do not use the 2nd person pronoun “YOU”
• Why? You are not referring to directly to me. You are not directing me. Speak of the reader.
• What’s the difference?
• “Ordeal by Cheque” – Ordeal by Cheque
• One’s in quotation marks, one is not
• Quotation marks designate the title as a short story.
• “” for “little things” (poems, short stories, titles of chapters, episodes)
• What’s wrong here?
•
•
•
•
•
•
Showing Lawrence is having a divorce with Daisy.
What is showing?
How the son ventures out on his own with possible mistakes.
What about it?
Expose the corruption of money.
Who or what does?
• Write complete sentences.
Instruction: Obtain
Monday
HOW?
Style
• The way in which something is said, done, expressed, or performed
• distinctive features or combination thereof
Device
• an object that has been made or built for a particular purpose, such as recording or measuring
something
Style in literature is
• the use of any of a variety of techniques (like, allusion, foreshadowing, dialogue etc.) to give an
additional meaning, idea, or feeling to the writing
• the literary element that describes the ways that the author uses words — the author's word
choice, sentence structure, figurative language (literary devices like hyperbole & irony), and
sentence arrangement all work together to establish mood (atmosphere), images (see, hear,
smell, taste, touch), and meaning (theme & purpose) in the text.
• How does the author do what he or she does?
HOW?
Why? So What?
Monday
• Diagonal lines
• conveys a feeling of movement.
• angles of the ship and the rocks on the shore
convey a feeling of movement or speed in this
stormy harbor scene creating tension
• Positive and negative space
• the man and his shadow occupy the positive
space, while the white space surrounding him
is the negative space
• disproportionate amount of negative space
accentuates the figure's vulnerability and
isolation.
• Intensity
• Bright colors – undiluted, often associated
with positive energy and heightened emotions
• Dull colors - diluted by mixing with other
colors, create a sedate or serious mood
• captures both the seriousness and the joy of
the scene with the dull gray stone interior and
the bright red drapery.
Activity: Develop & Apply
You DO
Monday
Purpose: to consider revisions and additions to your analysis
Tasks:
1. Re-read your group’s responses
2. Swap you analysis with another group and read their analysis
3. Compare and contrast your group analysis (what, how, why, so what) to the model
4. How well did you identify the what, how and why/so what of the text?
• Title, author, genre, dramatic situation?
• Theme, meaning, or purpose as a whole?
• Specific example?
• Specific stylistic devise(s)?
• Purpose of devise? Effect of devise?
• Link to theme, meaning, or purpose as a whole?
Reflection: What did you do well? What could you improve upon?
Outcome: Add to responses and/or jot down ideas for improvement on your group’s sheet
Instruction: Obtain
We Do
Monday
Purpose: to apply the most recent instruction to your analysis of the summer reading
short stories
Tasks:
1. Identify group members
2. Read assignment handout. Questions?
3. Draw for story title
Outcome: Work time today/tonight and tomorrow.
• Presentations start Wednesday & continue into Thursday (all groups should be
prepared Wednesday at the beginning of class).
Homework
Monday
1. Prepare for presentation (Wed/Thurs)
• Who is doing what tonight to be productive for tomorrow?
2. Re-write of assigned summer reading short story analysis
due Thursday!
• Re-write your own, based on group information; turn in stapled
on top of original 5.
Hook, Housekeeping
& Homework
Tuesday
Get into your Summer Short Story Groups from yesterday.
Homework: Short Story Presentations start tomorrow!
Re-write of assigned summer reading short story analysis due
Thursday! (Staple it on top of your original 5)
Past, Present, Future
• Group Review of “Ordeal by Cheque” Analysis
• Summer Short Story Assignment
• Summer Short Story Assignment Work Time
• Re-write
• Group Presentations
• Re-write due!
• Quiz
Tuesday
Introduction to AP Literature
Tuesday
Standard(s)
Oral Expression and Listening
2.Effective collaborative groups accomplish goals
Reading for All Purposes
1.Literary criticism of complex texts requires the use of analysis, interpretive, and evaluative
strategies
Objective: you will be able to work collaboratively to determine the prevalent stylistic devises
(literary techniques) and how they contribute to a short story’s meaning as a whole.
Relevance: the ability to make critical judgments about our own work in comparison to others
allows us to refine and improve our skills, creating self-satisfaction and confidence, making for
a more productive work environment, and allowing for movement into other areas of study
Essential Question: How do I make meaning when confronted with ambiguous text?
Activity: Develop & Apply
We Do
Tuesday
Purpose: to apply the most recent instruction to your analysis of the summer reading
short stories
Task:
Use the assignment sheet to create and review your presentation
Lap tops are available (save, save, save)
Outcome: Work time tonight - Presentations start tomorrow & continue into Thursday
(all groups should be prepared Wednesday at the beginning of class).
Homework: You Do Rewrite
250-400 words
focus on 1 devise/technique & 1 theme
Tuesday
The unconventional short story “Ordeal by Cheque” by Wuther Crue Crue tells the story of a family through
their spending habits, revealing both the extravagant lifestyle in an era of unprecedented wealth and prosperity as well
as the disintegration of the American dream. Presented as a chronology of checks written by Lawrence Exeter, Sr. and
Lawrence Exeter, Jr., the specific dates and the connotation of particular words on the “Pay to the order of” lines
overrides this seemingly objective format. For example, the checks dated Aug. 23, 1929 and Aug. 30, 1929 (checks 29 &
30) are written one week apart to a Tony Spagoni. The name Tony Spagoni connotes a person of Italian heritage. The
1920s are a known period in American history of mob corruption and violence. The setting detail of these two checks is
five years after legendary Al Capone took over the Italian mob in Chicago, and the same year as the St. Valentine’s Day
Massacre. These subtle details and suggestive names imply a mob connection with the younger Exeter that reveals a
darker, more sordid side of American wealth and prosperity. Whether this Tony Spagoni is a spurned friend or lover of
the woman from the previous checks, whether he is bootlegger, or whether he is a loans collector is unknown, but there
are no checks written (no travel, no lingerie purchases, nothing) for an entire year after these two checks to Spagoni.
This large gap in the narrative suggests that Exeter, Jr. had to forgo his lavish lifestyle for awhile. Tony Spagoni, however,
appears again, two years later, after checks have been written to a lawyer and before a few final hospital check. Was
Exeter, Jr. in financial trouble? Was he shot for an affair or a gambling debt or bill unpaid? Was he an alcoholic dying
from liver disease? The answers are unclear, but it seems clear is that the prosperity of this American Dream ended very
quickly, a mere 28 years after it started. The wealth and privilege that may come with the American Dream do not come
without conflict and loss, and when accompanied with greed and excess, it can lead to pain and corruption and
ultimately the downfall of a society’s dream.
369 words
Homework
Tuesday
1. Prepare for presentation (Wed/Thurs)
• Who is doing what tonight to be ready for tomorrow?
2. Re-write of assigned summer reading short story analysis
due Thursday!
• Re-write your own, based on group information; turn in stapled
on top of original 5.
Hook, Housekeeping
& Homework
Wednesday
Make sure your presentation rubric is filled out at the top and
your group staples them together
in the order that you will present!
Homework: Re-write of assigned summer reading short story
analysis due Thursday! (Staple it on top of your original 5, staple
½ sheet rubric on top of all of this) - ½ sheet rubrics up front
Final Short Story Presentations tomorrow!
Past, Present, Future
• Summer Short Story Assignment Work Time
• Re-write
• Group Presentations
• Notes
• Group Presentations
• Re-write due!
• Staple ½ sheet rubric and rewrite on top of 5 originals
• No school for students Friday!
• Quiz
Wednesday
Introduction to AP Literature
Wednesday
Standard(s)
Oral Expression and Listening
1.Effective speaking in formal and informal settings requires appropriate use of methods and audience
awareness
2.Effective collaborative groups accomplish goals
Reading for All Purposes
1.Literary criticism of complex texts requires the use of analysis, interpretive, and evaluative strategies
Objectives: you will be able to deliver a formal presentation that incorporates the appropriate use of content,
organization, language, vocals, kinesics, eye contact, appearance, visual aids, and time constraints.
You will be able to show what you know about how stylistic devises (literary techniques) contribute to a short
story’s meaning as a whole. = TAKE NOTES on other presentations, turn in your re-write tomorow
Relevance: the ability to make critical judgments about our own work in comparison to others allows us to
refine and improve our skills, creating self-satisfaction and confidence, making for a more productive work
environment, and allowing for movement into other areas of study
Essential Question: How do I make meaning when confronted with ambiguous text?
Activity: Develop & Apply
We Do Presentations
Wednesday/Thursday
Period 1
Presentations
Period 2 & 6
“The Masque of the Red Death”
(Poe) – 1842
“Hills Like White Elephants”
(Hemingway) – 1927
“A Goodman is Hard to Find”
(O’Connor) – 1955
“A Rose for Emily” (Faulkner) - 1930
“Cathedral” (Carver) - 1983
“Cathedral” (Carver) - 1983
“A Goodman is Hard to Find”
(O’Connor) – 1955
“A Rose for Emily” (Faulkner) - 1930
“Hills Like White Elephants”
(Hemingway) – 1927
“The Masque of the Red Death”
(Poe) – 1842
Activity: Develop & Apply
We Do
Presentations Period 6
“Cathedral” (Carver) - 1983
“A Goodman is Hard to Find” (O’Connor) – 1955
“A Rose for Emily” (Faulkner) - 1930
“Hills Like White Elephants” (Hemingway) – 1927
“The Masque of the Red Death” (Poe) – 1842
Wednesday/Thursday
Homework
Wednesday
1. Re-write of assigned summer reading short story analysis
due Thursday!
• Re-write your own, based on group information; turn in stapled
on top of original 5; staple ½ sheet rubric on top of this
2. If needed, prepare for presentation (Thurs)
• Who is doing what tonight to be ready for tomorrow?
Hook, Housekeeping
& Homework
Thursday
Re-write of assigned summer reading short story analysis due!
Turn it in to basket stapled on top of original 5
Homework: College board/AP Web Quest (due Monday) – see
side table for sheet
Activity: Develop & Apply
We Do
Presentations
“Cathedral” (Carver) - 1983
“A Goodman is Hard to Find” (O’Connor) – 1955
“A Rose for Emily” (Faulkner) - 1930
“Hills Like White Elephants” (Hemingway) – 1927
“The Masque of the Red Death” (Poe) – 1842
Wednesday/Thursday
Activity: You Do
•
•
•
•
Thursday
Self and Peer Assess = Pie Chart
Write your summer “short story title” at the top of the blank paper
Draw a “pie” ( a large circle in the center)
Create “pie slices” on you circle based on the # of people in your group (including
yourself) AND sizes that indicate the % of work distribution and contribution of team
members.
Write in the names and percentages to indicate the contribution of each member
• If everyone on the team did the same amount of work, then simply indicate that. (Equal
work on a 4 person team = 25% each; on a 5 person team = 20% each; on a 3 person team
= 33.3% each).
• Do your math correctly! Make sure the total adds to 100%!
• Now, add 1 + (positive comment) & 1 – (improvement idea) for each member,
including yourself
Homework
Thursday
College board/AP Web Quest (due Monday) – see side table for
sheet
• AP Lit exam date is Wednesday May 4th – it’s early and the
first week of exams!
• Registering for exams will be in Jan-March 2016 –
and at no cost to the students – thanks to D11
If Time Allows…
• “Metaphors” Poem mid-1900s
• Sylvia Plath, confessional poet, committed suicide
• See next slide
What am I?
Metaphors
Sylvia Plath (1932-1963)
I'm a riddle in nine syllables,
An elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils.
O red fruit, ivory, fine timbers!
This loaf's big with its yeasty rising.
Money's new-minted in this fat purse.
I'm a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I've eaten a bag of green apples,
Boarded the train there's no getting off.
I am a pregnant woman!
No, no, no not me as in Ms. Durland! The speaker in the poem!
How do you know?
Trope – a figure of speech that associates two distinct things without using connective
word to link the vehicle and the tenor; a figurative statement asserting that one thing is
something else, which, in a literal sense, it is not. It is a comparison between to unlike
things.
Who are you?
Task: Write a 3-6 line poem that use imaginative figures of speech that create an overall
description who you are (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.)
Need a jump start…
• Brainstorm 3 words that you or others would use to describe you
• Select 1 of the words above and create 3 comparisons to it
OR
• Draw a comparisons for each one
Need a model?
reflective, active, honest
I’m a mirror cracked in a side show carnival,
A pool of midnight blue disturbed by the slightest drop.
This spinning wheel with many markers…
OR
I’m a pool of midnight blue that reflects the radiance of the moon
A hummingbird frantically drinking the nectars of life
O such an open book with print too large…
Coming Soon…
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Coming Soon…
Week 2
Monday
• Review Ordeal by Cheque: annotations and responses – Model & discuss their responses
• Summer Reading Short Story Group Assignments (draw a story) – Theme homework??
• Summer Reading Short Story Group Work (return packets, re-work your entry for your assigned story)
Tuesday
• Summer Reading Short Story Group Work
Wednesday
• Writing Center Information, Mrs. Donovan, Tutors Needed
• Summer Reading Short Story Group Presentations (10-15 minutes each = 2-3 presentations) - Turn in short story responses again
Thursday
• Summer Reading Short Story Group Presentations (10-15 minutes each = 2-3 presentations) – Turn in short story responses again
• If time allows, pie graph grade of group
• Homework: AP/ College Board Web Hunt– Due Monday!
Friday
No School for Students
Week 3
Monday
• College Board/Advanced Placement Research Due
• Quiz over summer reading stories (return summer reading short stories) - Return short story responses again to use on quiz
• Turn Summer Short Story Analysis into Turnitin.com
• Read a model college personal statement essay
•
•
•
•
•
College essay – Peer Edit – Revision
Thesis & theme – writing (see model topic sentences from peer SSS analysis, too)
Tone – Poem “Did I Miss anything?” – AP=Alternate Points of View
• Satire – Dave Barry essays
Address (Unpack) the prompt
“The Story of an Hour” – Tone, theme, lenses (perspectives)
• Questioning
•
•
•
•
Brainstorm
Categorize
Multiple Choice Pre-assessment
Begin TEWWG!
AP =
Ambiguity Possible
Address the Prompt
Analysis, Please
Always Poetry
Also Prose
Applied Practice
“Anything’s” Possible?
Absolute Paradise
Colorado Academic Standards
Oral Expression and Listening
1.Effective speaking in formal and informal settings requires appropriate use of methods and
audience awareness
2.Effective collaborative groups accomplish goals
Reading for All Purposes
1.Literary criticism of complex texts requires the use of analysis, interpretive, and evaluative
strategies
2.Interpreting and evaluating complex informational texts require the understanding of
rhetoric, critical reading, and analysis skills
Writing and Composition
1.Style, detail, expressive language, and genre create a well-crafted statement directed at an
intended audience and purpose
2.Ideas, evidence, structure, and style create persuasive, academic, and technical texts for
particular audiences and specific purposes
3.Standard English conventions effectively communicate to targeted audiences and purposes
Research and Reasoning
1.Independent research designs articulate and defend information, conclusions, and solutions
that address specific contexts and purposes
2.Logical arguments distinguish facts from opinions; and evidence defines reasoned judgment
Academic Standards Objectives
2. Reading for All Purposes
2. Interpreting and evaluating complex informational texts require the understanding of
rhetoric, critical reading, and analysis skills
e. obtain and use information from text and text features to answer questions, perform
specific tasks, and identify/solve problems.
• You will be able to pose questions to obtain additional information about text.
• You will be able to obtain and evaluate responses to questions.
• You will be able to critique evidence based on purpose and audience.
I DO - Tone
What is the tone at the beginning of the story “Ordeal by Cheque”?
Identify: joyful, hopeful
Exemplify/Explain
• A check is written to a toy company, a bicycle company, & a Cadillac company. These
are “luxury items” and show a progression from childhood to adult.
• The first check is written to a baby shoppe. People are usually excited about
pregnancies and go shopping for the baby’s room, clothing, etc. and throw baby
showers.
• The first page of checks are from 1903-23 from Hollywood State Bank. The U.S. was
growing/prospering in the early 1900s & the entertainment industry was blossoming
in Hollywood
Academic Standards
1. Oral Expression & Listening 2. Effective collaborative groups accomplish goals b.
propel conversations by posing and responding to questions that probe reasoning and
evidence.
2. Reading for All Purposes 2. Interpreting and evaluating complex informational texts
require the understanding of rhetoric, critical reading, and analysis skills e. obtain and
use information from text and text features to answer questions, perform specific tasks,
and identify/solve problems.
3. Writing and Composition 1. Style, detail, expressive language, and genre create a
well-crafted statement directed at an intended audience and purpose e. Critique own
writing and the writing of others from the perspective of the intended audience to
guide revisions, improve voice and style (word choice, sentence variety, figurative
language) and achieve intended purpose and effect
Thursday Week 2
Discuss with a shoulder partner:
• What type of post high school education are you planning?
• How far are you in the college/university application process?
• What institutions are you looking into attending?
Monday Week 3
• How was your weekend?
• Place your weekend work (Collegeboard/AP Web Quest) in the In/Out basket
• Tonight’s homework:
• Read a sample essay
Standards & Objectives
• 2. Reading for All Purposes 2. Interpreting and evaluating complex informational texts require
the understanding of rhetoric, critical reading, and analysis skills e. obtain and use
information from text and text features to answer questions, perform specific tasks, and
identify/solve problems.
• You will obtain and use
information from a web-based
source in order to guide
revisions, improving voice and
style and achieving intended
purpose and effect.
• Read through questions on ½ sheet
• Complete questions
Objectives
• You will be able to obtain and evaluate responses to questions after reading a peer’s
responses to college application-type essay questions.
• You will be able to critique evidence and offer suggestions to a peer based on
purpose and audience.
Purpose & Audience
PURPOSE OF COLLEGE APP ESSAY:
• an "anchor" for the whole application, to expound on your achievements
opportunity to demonstrate your ability to write well.
• showcase your personality innermost thoughts, aspirations, dreams, and personal realities,
the intangible characteristics: honesty, integrity, commitment, ethical choices, perseverance,
empathy, and leadership
• Old adage “show, don’t tell” - show them who you are
• Tell: “I was really inspired by my second grade teacher who made sure I learned how to read.”
• Show: “My second grade teacher, Mrs. Hurley, mesmerized me with her home spun stories of
adventure and magic that she read out loud during story time. I’ve been an avid reader of
fiction ever since.”
• on the line between acceptance and rejection, the essay can be the deciding factor.
AUDIENCE:
College admissions office
Hook, Housekeeping, Homework
• Turn your homework into the basket
• Consider the following questions:
• What are the basic components of any essay?
• How can you make your essay stand out as a unique representation of you as an
individual?
• What is useful feedback?
• Homework: Based on peer editing & feedback, as well as self editing and reflection,
revise your personal statement maximum 2 page personal statement
• Typed = Times New Roman, 12 point, double spaced
• Proper MLA heading = upper left-hand corner of the first page, list your name, your
instructor's name, the course, and the date
• Due Monday
Standards & Objectives
3. Writing and Composition 1. Style, detail, expressive language, and genre create a
well-crafted statement directed at an intended audience and purpose e. Critique own
writing and the writing of others from the perspective of the intended audience to
guide revisions, improve voice and style (word choice, sentence variety, figurative
language) and achieve intended purpose and effect
• You will be able to provide written (and oral) feedback to a peer in order to guide
essay revisions focused on a well-organized statement that achieves an intended
purpose and effect
Break it down
• written feedback = complete peer editing sheet + write on drafts
• well-organized statement = intro/thesis, body, conclusion/theme
• purpose – to expound on achievements, to showcase unique
interests/personality/traits
• effect – emotional and/or intellectual response
Feedback: What would be most helpful?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
Good job!
I like the way you used the same metaphor throughout your essay. The flower comparison pulled me in and allowed me
something to visualize - you as a growing, evolving student.
Good effort.
I’m wondering if “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” is too cliché? What item or idea might represent you more?
It’s kinda confusing; you might want to re-organize it.
I think if you switch these paragraphs, it will make more sense because then I’ll have some background information.
I don’t really see anything wrong.
Could you tell me a bit more about this situation or what you were trying to say here? ….Maybe you could add in what you just
told me because it is hard to understand without that information.
You should check your spelling.
I marked some commas in the text, but you may want to double check with Ms. Durland.
Wow, mine sucks. Yours is much better.
I understood where paragraph 2 was headed because of your topic sentence, but paragraph 3 seems less organized.
Feedback: Which would be most helpful?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
You used the words get/got often, so I highlighted them all, and I tried to suggest a few
more powerful verbs or the correct linking verb where appropriate.
Do you have a theme? I couldn’t figure it out.
I think you were trying to say that you are a person that is always up for a challenge,
but I don’t see that stated. Is there a way you can make that more explicit?
Great story!
I like the story you shared about your car accident; it was very descriptive. I’m trying to
understand, though, what it shows the reader about who you are as a person; in other
words, what is the point of telling that story?
I don’t have much to tell you… looks good.
You started 5 out of 8 sentences in paragraph 2 almost exactly the same way. I noted
how you might re-word one sentence to add variety and make connections.
Wow! You write really well!
I like the imagery and bit of dialogue you used; it makes the essay come alive.
I like it. 
Have you considered adding an anecdote or example here to show a time when your
grandmother modeled love for you? How does she show you love?
I felt happy when I finished reading your essay. I underlined specific lines that really
evoked that mood, that showed your joy for life.
This is what I want to “hear”
• I like the story you shared about your car accident; it was very descriptive. I’m trying to understand, though,
what it shows the reader about who you are as a person; in other words, what is the point of telling that
story?
• I think if you switch these paragraphs, it will make more sense because then I’ll have some background
information.
• Have you considered adding an anecdote or example here to show a time when your grandmother modeled
love for you? How does she show you love?
• I understood where paragraph 2 was headed because of your topic sentence, but paragraph 3 seems less
organized.
• I think you were trying to say that you are a person that is always up for a challenge, but I don’t see that
stated. Is there a way you can make that more explicit?
• I like the way you used the same metaphor throughout your essay. The flower comparison pulled me in and
allowed me something to visualize - you as a growing, evolving student.
• I’m wondering if “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” is too cliché? What item or idea might represent you
more?
• Could you tell me a bit more about this situation or what you were trying to say here? ….Maybe you could
add in what you just told me because it is hard to understand without that information.
• I marked some commas in the text, but you may want to double check with Ms. Durland.
• You used the words get/got often, so I highlighted them all, and I tried to suggest a few more powerful verbs
or the correct linking verb where appropriate.
• You started 5 out of 8 sentences in paragraph 2 almost exactly the same way. I noted how you might re-word
one sentence to add variety and make connections.
• I felt happy when I finished reading your essay. I underlined specific lines that really evoked that mood, that
showed your joy for life.
Develop – WE DO
• Tasks: Swap College app responses, read silently, pose 1-3 questions about an area
you would like to know more about (5 min)
• Talk to partner , questioning, and draw conclusions about interests/personality (5
min each)
• About what should your peer write? Why? Strengths? Needs?
• Outcome: Select one topic/prompt that you believe could best reflect your partner
as an individual (2 min)
Reflection
• How was today’s session helpful?
• What gives the written word its power?
• How can you make your essay stand out as a unique representation of you as an
individual?
• Can you answer these questions?
• What is the purpose of a college application essay?
• Who is your intended audience?
• What are the basic components of any essay?
Reflect - Apply
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What is the most important piece of information you learned to day?
What will you do tonight?
What is theme?
What was the central point of the sample essay?
What will your central point be?
• Write a maximum 2 page personal statement
• Typed = Times New Roman, 12 point, double spaced
• Proper MLA heading = upper left-hand corner of the first page, list your name, your
instructor's name, the course, and the date
• Due tomorrow
You Do – 20 minutes
• Read essay aloud to yourself for first impression
• Re-read silently
• Respond to the questions on the peer editing sheet
• Use the peer editing sheet as a guide to make notations on the draft
• Be prepared to briefly conference with the author
• 1 major strength
• 1 major need
We Do – 10 minutes
• Conference with the author
• Return draft and give peer editing notes to the author
Reflection
• What was the best advice you gave your peer or that you received? Why was it good
advice?
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Homework Application
Revise & Edit a maximum 2 page personal statement
typed (Times New Roman, 12 point, double spaced)
MLA heading (upper left-hand corner of the first page, list your name, your
instructor's name, the course, and the date)
Due Tuesday
Literary devices & Terminology Review
Exercises
• “Metaphors” Poem mid-1900s
• Sylvia Plath, confessional poet, committed suicide
• Metaphor: a trope, a figure of speech that associates two distinct things without
using connective word to link the vehicle and the tenor; a figurative statement
asserting that one thing is something else, which, in a literal sense, it is not. It is a
comparison between to unlike things.
• In a series of metaphors, Plath comments on the manner in which pregnant women
are regarded in society. She slyly criticizes those who euphemistically refer to a
pregnant woman as “with child.” In the first line, she reveals that she will “play” with
this idea, as she mentions the word “nine” a s a metaphor for the nine months of
pregnancy, as well as having nine syllables in each line, and nine lines making up the
pome.