College Application time! AKA…
The most dreaded time of the year!


Colleges want learn about applicants on a more
personal level (aside from grades, activities and SAT
scores that are on transcript)!
PERSONALITY!!!!
 They want to know a little about your life
experiences and gain knowledge about students’
CHARACTER!


Would you be a good fit for that university?

They also get an idea of your writing capabilities
and intellect based on the written essay.

Answer the question (topic)

Be original!

Be yourself 

Don’t “thesaurize” your composition

Use imagery and clear, vivid prose (5 senses)

Use transitions

Do something else! Don’t writing what
123928382783947823947823947 others will write!

“Show” emotions, don’t just write them!

Give your draft to others.

End strong!

Revise, revise revise!

Keep the essay to four paragraphs, single-spaced, not
indented, and skip lines between each paragraph only
“SHOWING” versus “Telling”
Very often, students struggle with being
creative in writing which is a big challenge.

A way to enhance one’s writing is through
the use of “showing” feelings, responses,
and actions instead of just “telling” the
audience about such emotions.

“Showing” versus “Telling” example
“Telling”= Mark became angry when the Jets were losing
playoffs. He was even more annoyed by the overall outcome of the
game.
*
“Showing”= Mark kept twitching his leg while watching the
Jets lose the playoffs. He then made the quick decision to turn off
his phone to avoid reading the wise-crack texts from his friends. At
the completion of the game, he threw his remote at the TV and
just went to sleep.
Possible feelings/emotions

anger, jealousy, devotion, loyalty, excitement, love,
kindness, lust, happiness, disapproval, gluttony (overindulgence), greed, pride, upset, sadness, pride,
shock, fear, content, nervousness, etc…
Write a “telling” example and a “showing”
example.
 Consider
the following and write NOTES next
to the “Brainstorming about the College
Application Essay” handout.





What are your major accomplishments?
Can you attribute a certain quality or skill from
someone or from a life experience?
Have any people (family, friends, artist,
celebrity, teacher, author, etc..) influenced your
life in a meaningful way?
Have any books, movies, culture, art, etc..
Influences your life in a special way?
What was the most difficult time in your life and
why?
 Have
you ever struggled for something and
succeeded?
 Have you ever experienced a moment of
epiphany? How has it changed your
perspective?
 What is your strongest personality trait? Why?
 What have you done outside of a school
setting that might be appealing to
universities?
 What are your dreams for the future? Career
path? Influences leading up to choice?
 Narrative
 Cause
(most common)
 Effect
 Comparison

Four paragraphs (single-spaced, not indented)

Introduction (grab reader’s interest)
(most important paragraph of essay)

Body Paragraph 1 (background)

Body Paragraph 2 (continuation of experience…
What was gained? What did you learn? How have
you grown?)

Conclusion (How experience/topic will guide you
in the future/college)
 First



paragraph* (consider essay topic)
Intrigue audience
Open in a creative way
Leave reader wanting to learn more about your
PERSONALITY & experience.

Create ‘mystery’ if possible

When done writing the introduction, make sure the
audience has learned something about your
CHARACTER!

"Free like a bird" sounds like a cliché saying to most, but
to me, it has deep rooted symbolism, all because of my soulsister, my Aunt Ana. Heroic figures in our early stages of life
are fictitious characters with superpowers who later shift to
admirable, courageous, and influential people. As the mind
matures, we realize that superpowers are not only
supernatural, but can be everyday activities people do;
patrolling the streets, fighting crime, saving people in house
fires, helping a student when they need an extra push, or
even teaching another a useful skill. Such an individual is
Ana Varela, my beautiful aunt, who has taught me
unforgettable lessons through her own superpowers: artistic
creativity and independence.

What was learned about the applicant from this introduction?

What characteristics does she/he have?

The focus of this paragraph is heroes in general and Aunt Ana. All we know about the writer of
the essay is that she possibly gained artistic creativity and independence from her aunt.
Remember: the college should be learned about YOUR CHARACTER. Make yourself the focus of
the essay, in each paragraph.

As my yellow brush wisped the canvas for its finishing
touches, that inner glow of self-fulfillment could not help but
shine through. I was smiling at something I never thought I would
do, and on my own nonetheless. Going to school, working parttime at Journeys, and hanging out with friends and family
basically summed up my routine life. That all changed on my
birthday, two weeks prior to this experience. My Aunt Ana, my
funky aunt who was always traveling, taking trapeze lessons,
going to salsa class, or even dining at some cool Moroccan
restaurant in Greenwich Village, had given me a special gift that
had forever changed me. When she had first given me that gift
certificate for us to go to an art class together, my first thought
while putting on a fake smile of excitement was, "Oh goodness.
This is so not my thing." How could I say no to my aunt though?
Well two weeks later, while I was waiting to meet my aunt in
front of the art center, she called me to let me know she was not
coming. In fact, she had never planned on coming. That was the
point. I now understand it too well. That creative independence
she sparked inside me on that day, has not yet left.

What was learned about the applicant from this introduction?

What characteristics does she/he have?
 Do’s

Keep the focus narrow and personal

Be specific. Generalizations aren’t effective
when the audience is looking to learn about the
applicant’s character.

Write from the heart with sentiment, then
augment writing after.

Use vivid details to describe experiences


Five senses
“Showing: actions & emotions
 Example)
 Okay:
I want to help people. I have gotten so much out of life
through the love and guidance of my family, but I know
many individuals are not so fortunate. Therefore, I would
like to expand the lives of others.

Better:
My mom and dad stood on plenty of sidelines ‘til their shoes
filled with water or their fingers turned white or someone’s
golden retriever signed his name on their coats with mud. I
think that kind of commitment is what I would like to bring
while working with children.
 Don’ts

Don’t just tell them what you think they want
to hear

Bring something new to the table

Don’t write a résumé

Don’t write 50 words when 5 will do



Don’t drag on ideas or be repetitive.
Use sentences wisely
Don’t forget to proofread

Spelling and grammar is crucial
 “After I graduate form high school…”
 “From that day one, Daniel was my best fiend.”
While my friends were out doing every activity together because it just
seemed like an impossible task without the group, I was venturing
elsewhere on my own. Two weeks after my first solo art class, I
decided to head into the city and explore. The rush of the people, the
smell of the Halal food trucks, the selling of random merchandise by
vendors on the side streets, or even the powerwalking women in their
heels and business suits on their way to work, just fascinated me. What
a lively and happening place this was. Although I had already been to
NYC with my family to see plays, it was just so different this time. I
felt alive. I walked for hours just discovering Central Park, 34th street,
5th Ave, and other unknown places along the way. As I was looking to
head home, I saw a sign on a building door that read, “Loud laugherscome on in! Bring I.D.” Normally, I would have walked by that sign
paying no mind to it, but this time, I attempted to go on in. To my
surprise, I ended up being in the audience of a live television show that
basically needed people to laugh on cue. It was no big deal, but it was
just different and fun. Exiting one’s comfort zone truly exemplifies the
saying, ‘free as a bird.’ That night on my train ride home, I shot my
Aunt Ana a text that simply said, “Thank you.” I liked this new found
me, and she was here to stay.
 Avoid
“wrapping up ideas” like most closing
paragraphs.
 Show
how character traits and experiences
that were gained over the years will guide
you in college and the future.
 Show
 End
interest in attending that university.
strong! Avoid cliché closings.

Over the past year, I have become a wanderlust.
Although I have not yet decided my career path, I
look forward to entering college with an open mind
for what lies ahead. The independent confidence I
have gained has shown me I will find my true self and
discover my future career in the process, even if it
takes some time. I look forward to taking classes of
interest, meeting new people, and learning from my
surroundings because that is just part of the course
of finding something that I will be passionate about
pursuing. A piece of Aunt Ana will also come along for
the college ride for she has given me life’s most
special gift; endless opportunities.
 Revise
yourself
 Have a peer or family member revise the
essay
 Ask a teacher to revise the essay
 Leave essay alone, then go back a few days
later, and revise once again!