English 8: Grammar Matters
Writing Fluent Prose
Pascal, the French philosopher and mathematician, once said, “Please excuse me for writing this
long letter; I do not have time for a short one.” Writing clearly and concisely takes time and effort.
With practice, though, identifying and improving problem sentences becomes easier. The strategies
presented below will help you write more smoothly and clearly.
Which paragraph is more fluent? What makes one more fluent than another?
Sample #1
Maycomb was an old town. But it was a tired old town. When I first knew it. In rainy weather the
streets turned to red slop. Grass grew on the sidewalks, the courthouse sagged in the square. Somehow,
it was hotter then and a black dog suffered on a summer's day and bony mules hitched to Hoover carts
flicked flies and the mules were in the sweltering shade of the live oaks and they were on the square.
Sample #2
Maycomb was an old town, but it was a tired old town when I first knew it. In rainy weather the
streets turned to red slop; grass grew on the sidewalks, the courthouse sagged in the square. Somehow,
it was hotter then: a black dog suffered on a summer's day; bony mules hitched to Hoover carts flicked
flies in the sweltering shade of the live oaks on the square.
Sample #3
Maycomb was an old town. It was a tired old town when I first knew it. The streets turned to red
slop in rainy weather. The grass grew on the sidewalks. The courthouse sagged in the square. It was
hotter then somehow. A black dog suffered on a summer's day. There were bony mules. The mules were
hitched to Hoover. The mules flicked flies. They flicked flies in the sweltering shade. They flicked flies
under the live oaks on the square.
So you see, how you arrange your sentences can impact the readers’ experience significantly. Strong
fluency adds a sophistication and complexity to the writing that make it more original and impressionable. Can
you guess which paragraph belongs to Harper Lee, a writer famous for her fluent prose?
In our fluency work this year, we will have three areas of focus:
1. Correcting problem sentences.
2. Sentence combining –a type of sentence structure play.
3. Sentence imitation –imitating the sentences of great writers and
learning new grammatical options for our own writing.
Let’s get started!
Yves Klein’s “Saut dans le vide” or “Leap into the void.”
Correcting Fragments and Run-Ons
Both sentence fragments and run-on sentences confuse the reader. The sentence fragment leaves
something out. The run-on sentence combines ideas that should be separate.
Correcting Fragments
A sentence fragment is a group of words that does not express a complete idea. A sentence
fragment leaves out something important, such as the subject, the verb, or sometimes both. Sometimes
you can correct a fragment by supplying what is missing, so that a complete idea is expressed.
Fragment
Sentence
At the side of the road (What happened?)
At the side of the road lay a wrecked motorcycle.
Sometimes you can add the fragment to a complete sentence.
Sentence
Fragment
Revised
The bus was late.
Because traffic was heavy
The bus was late because traffic was heavy.
Important note: writers occasionally use fragments for emphasis. Fragments might also be included in
dialogue when the writing mimics a person’s speech. In these cases, fragments are used intentionally;
one should avoid overusing them or including them by accident.
Practice
Revise each sentence fragment by completing the thought.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
The stories of baseball heroes
The crowd at the stadium
A feeling of joy and relief
Can still buy hot dogs and popcorn.
Holds the record for the most home runs
Correcting Run-Ons
A run-on sentence occurs when two or more sentences are incorrectly written as one.
Sometimes, the writer simply forgets to separate the sentences. At other times, a comma is incorrectly
used. When a comma is incorrectly used, this is referred to as a comma splice.
Run-on
Correct
The outfielder ran back the ball sailed over his head.
The outfielder ran back. The ball sailed over his head.
Run-on
Correct
The bus skidded to a halt, we raced out the door.
The bus skidded to a halt. We raced out the door.
Three quick ways to repair a run-on:
1. Divide the sentence.
2. Add a semi-colon between independent clauses (use in moderation).
3. Add a comma and a coordinating conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so).
Practice
Correct each of the following run-on sentences. Try using all three repair styles.
1. The pet shop is a popular spot, many teenagers visit it.
2. A girl stood at the window she was looking at the kittens.
3. A young boy wanted a rawhide bone for his dog, he rummaged through the bins.
4. I studied a tank of exotic fish, their colors were eye-catching.
5. Didn’t you hear me don’t tap on the fish tank.
6. One of the helpers fed the puppies, they barked excitedly.
Correcting Stringy Sentences
A stringy sentence contains too many ideas connected loosely by the word and. Stringy
sentences are difficult to follow. The reader must sort out the ideas and their relationships. While a
stringy sentence is not as flagrant an error as a fragment, it is unappealing and it impedes readers’
understanding.
Stringy
Melissa needed money for a new bike, and she started baby-sitting, and after three
months, she had saved enough money, and the bike was hers.
To repair a stringy sentence, divide the ideas or reorder or reword the ideas to sharpen the
meaning. Add transitional wording as necessary. Transitional words may include because, after, as,
before, later, next, soon, and meanwhile.
Revised
Melissa started baby-sitting because she needed money for a new bike. After three
months, she had saved enough money. The bike was hers.
Practice
Divide or rearrange these sentences, making the relationships between the ideas clear.
1. The car had a flat tire, and the driver pulled over to the side of the road, and the driver changed
the tire.
2. The dam broke, and the water flooded through the break, and a work crew brought sand bags,
and the town was saved.
3. Isabel had a collection of dolls, and she donated it to a children’s hospital, and the children there
were thrilled.
4. I approached the door, and my heart was in my throat, and I started to knock, and then the door
opened.
5. The bell rang, and the entire girls’ team raced to the gym, and the other team was already
practicing shots.
Correcting Empty Sentences
Empty sentences are weak because they don’t provide enough useful details. There are two
types of empty sentences. One type simply repeats an idea. The other type makes a claim that is not
supported with a fact, reason, or example.
Stating Ideas Clearly
When revising a draft, check to see if you have said the same thing twice. If you have, deleted the
repeated idea or look for ways to combine sentences.
1. Portable speakers are inexpensive and don’t cost much.
Problem
Revised
Don’t cost much means the same as inexpensive.
Portable speakers are inexpensive.
2. The crowd cheered when the team appeared. The fans were happy. The band played loudly.
Problem
Revised
These sentences can be combined to state one idea.
The crowd cheered and the band played loudly when the team appeared.
Adding Supporting Details
Do not leave your reader asking, “Why?” Statements that are not supported by facts or examples
produce empty writing.
Unsupported
I like Wonder skates because they are the best.
The writer needs to fill out the sentence by explaining why Wonder skates are special. Giving a
reason, a fact or an example will improve this sentence.
Revised
I like Wonder skates because the wheels have more ball bearings than do other skates.
Practice
Cross out or combine repeated ideas or add details to unsupported statements.
1. A newspaper route doesn’t pay well, and the carriers don’t make much money.
2. Milk is a healthier food than soft drinks.
3. The doctors in the emergency rooms treat everything from broken bones to severe hemorrhages.
They treat all sorts of cases at a moment’s notice.
4. I like dogs more than cats because they make better pets.
5. Our social studies class is going on a field trip to the county courthouse. The whole class will go
on the trip to see the county courthouse.
Correcting Padded Sentences
A padded sentence contains words or phrases that do not contribute to its meaning. The padding
is like the extra stuffing in a clown suit: it slows the sentence down and makes it seem lumpy and a little
silly. Some padding consists of extra words or phrases that repeat ideas. Other padding consists of
word groups that can be reduced to smaller phrases without changing the meaning of the sentence.
Taking Out Extra Words
Padded sentences clutter your writing and keep your reader from fully understanding you what
are trying to say. Sentences are smoother when you take the padding out.
Padded
Revised
The coach was upset on account of the fact that her two star swimmers broke training.
The coach was upset because her two star swimmers broke training.
Padded
Revised
What I want to say is that training rules for athletes make sense.
Training rules for athletes make sense.
The chart below lists some phrases that contain extra words.
Padded
because of the fact that
on account of the fact that
in spite of the fact that
call your attention to the fact that
what I want is
what I want to say is
what I mean is
Shortened
because, since
because, since
although
remind you
I want
(Just say it!)
(Just say it!)
Simplify Word Groups
Often, you can simplify word groups that begin with who is or which is by eliminating those words.
Wordy
Revised
The video store, which is around the corner, rents only science-fiction movies.
The video store around the corner rents only science-fiction movies.
Wordy
Revised
Nan Perez, who is the owner, is a sci-fi fan.
Nan Perez, the owner, is a sci-fi fan.
Practice Your Skills
Shortened the following padded sentences wherever you can.
1. What the U.S. Constitution says is that all of the people must be counted every ten years.
2. The reason why a census is needed is that representatives to Congress are elected on the basis of
population.
3. It was the United States that was the first action in history to make a census part of its
constitution.
4. It is a fact that the first census was taken in 1790 and has been taken every ten years since then.
5. The Census Bureau, which is the agency that does the counting, must hire thousands of workers
to count the people.
6. I want to point out that it is very important to fill out the census form when it arrives at your
home.
Reference
The Writer’s Craft by McDougal and Littell & Company. Evanston, Illinois, 1195.