The Myths of Grief
Management
Mary Raymer, L.M.S.W., A.C.S.W.
Copyright 2007
“Nobody knows enough,
but many know too much.”
Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach,
Aphormisms (1893)
Grief is an ongoing process
that is a normal and necessary
response to loss. Individuals
need to be active participants
in order to find their “new
normal”.
Common Myths about Grief
 Time heals
 It takes one year after a loss to
resolve grief
 It is crucial to not make any major
decisions during the first year
Common Myths about Grief
 All losses are the same
 The goal of grief is to forget and “let
go”
 Grief occurs in predictable stages
Common Myths about Grief
 Everyone grieves in the same way
 Expression of feelings is the main
aspect of healing
 Depression is an inevitable aspect of
grief
Common Myths about Grief
 Medication is never or always
indicated for the bereaved
 People require therapy to get
through grief
 Children do not grieve
Common Myths about Grief
 Sudden death and anticipated death
effect people in the same way
 If you truly love someone, you will
grieve more intensely
Crucial Questions of Grief
 What have I lost?
 What is still intact?
 What really matters?
Crucial Questions of Grief
 What have I learned?
 What are the possibilities now?
Crucial Questions of Grief
 What are the obstacles to these
possibilities?
 What do I need to achieve these
possibilities?
Social Work Interventions
 Validation
 People who believe in our abilities
 Connectedness
Social Work Interventions
 Information/education
 Support for healthy changes
Major Depressive Disorder
and Grief Differentiation
 Guilt about things other than actions
taken or not taken by the survivor at
the time of death
Major Depressive Disorder
and Grief Differentiation
 Thoughts of death other than the
survivor feeling that he or she would
be better off dead or should have
died with the deceased person
Major Depressive Disorder
and Grief Differentiation
 Morbid preoccupation with
worthlessness
 Marked psychomotor retardation
Major Depressive Disorder
and Grief Differentiation
 Prolonged and marked functional
impairment
 Hallucinatory experiences other
than thinking that he or she hears
the voice of, or transiently sees the
image of the deceased person
(From -DSM-IV)
Grief

Identifiable loss

Focus is on the loss

Fluctuating ability to feel pleasure
Grief



Variable physical symptoms
Closeness of others is usually
reassuring
Fluctuating emotions
Depression
 Loss may or may not be identifiable
 Focus is on the self
 Inability to feel pleasure
Depression
 Persistent self-destructive response
 Persistent isolation from others and
self
 Fixed emotions or feeling stuck
Social Work Intervention
 Assess and screen for type of
depression
 Identify appropriate course of
treatment plan
 Intervene with appropriate
treatment
Social Work Intervention
 Refer to appropriate additional
resources
 When depression is alleviated,
provide education and support to
grieve
High Risk Factors
 Multiple losses
 Unsafe environment
 History of substance abuse
High Risk Factors
 Pre-existing mental disorder
 Socially negated losses
 Lack of social support
“I am the sum of many
difficult acts of grace.”
May Sarton