SEPTEMBER 26, 2012
SESSION 1 OF AAPLS MEDFORD
APPLICANTS &
ADMINISTRATORS
PREAWARD LUNCHEON SERIES

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To adhere to page limits (e.g., for funding agencies).
To increase clarity through reduced wordiness.
 To engage readers through stronger, more active prose.

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Global Issues: Look at the paper as a whole. What is its purpose? Is it unified and well-developed? Is the organization logical?
Local Issues: Look at the sentence- and paragraphlevel. Are paragraphs structured appropriately? Is the tone appropriate and consistent throughout?
Are there grammatical and/or spelling errors? Are the sentences clearly and concisely written?

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Why are you writing?
Who is your audience?
What are you attempting to accomplish through your writing?

Purpose affects local writing issues as well:
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1 st person vs. 3 rd person
Tone
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Level of detail and what kinds of detail to include
Vocabulary/jargon use
In some cases, organization of ideas

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What is your overarching and guiding idea for your paper?
Your thesis (overall objective, central hypothesis) should provide the framework for the rest of your paper.
Everything that is included in your grant should contribute to explaining, developing, and arguing for your thesis.

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How should you choose what details should go into your grant?
Consider audience (e.g., type of reviewer), thesis, length of grant, and purpose of grant.
Consider yourself: As an author, you will need to establish credibility!
Consider your topic: What is broadly known? How will you extend or change the understanding of the topic?

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Go from old to new information between sentences.
This helps readers make links between ideas.
Lately, most movies I’ve seen have been merely second-rate entertainment, but occasionally there are some worthwhile themes. The rapid disappearance of the Indian culture (new) is the topic of a recent movie
(old) I saw.
vs.
[…] The topic of a recent movie I saw (old) was the rapid disappearance of the Indian culture (new).
From Purdue’s OWL website

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Before you write, understand your goals and be able to state them clearly.
“If any man wish to write in a clear style, let him be first clear in his thoughts…”
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
(1749 - 1832)

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Before you write, understand your goals and be able to state them clearly.
Write so that someone outside your (sub)field can understand your project.
“Say all you have to say in the fewest possible words, or your reader will be sure to skip them; and in the plainest possible words, or he will certainly misunderstand them.”
- John Ruskin
(1819 - 1900)

Development & Organization: Empty Phrases
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One of the easiest strategies to improve clarity while writing concisely is to replace
“empty” phrases with single words.
Please see the handout for additional examples.
Example:
"May," "Might," "Could" =
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 it is possible that there is a chance that
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 it could happen that the possibility exists for
From Purdue’s OWL Resource site http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/

Development & Organization: Empty Phrases
Before
Plant allergens may be allergens due to the fact that they resemble microbial pathogens that the immune system has the ability to recognize.

Development & Organization: Empty Phrases
Before
Plant allergens may be allergens due to the fact that they resemble microbial pathogens that the immune system has the ability to recognize.
After
Plant allergens may be allergens because they resemble microbial pathogens that the immune system can recognize.

Development & Organization: Empty Phrases
 If anyone could have written your sentence, leave it out.
The understanding and appreciation of medical research is considered an essential component of the
School of Nutrition’s curriculum.

Development & Organization: Empty Phrases
Before
We have assembled a multidisciplinary team with the appropriate skills to improve the likelihood of success; these include a bioinformatician, a molecular biologist, a pathologist, and an expert in animal models.
In addition, the environment, in terms of cores and intellectual support, is conducive to successful completion of the project.

Development & Organization: Empty Phrases
Before
We have assembled a multidisciplinary team with the appropriate skills to improve the likelihood of success; these include a bioinformatician, a molecular biologist, a pathologist, and an expert in animal models.
In addition, the environment, in terms of cores and intellectual support, is conducive to successful completion of the project.
After
Our multidisciplinary team has the necessary expertise in bioinformatics, molecular biology, animal models and pathology (see biographical sketches), in the setting of a Cancer Center with excellent core facilities and intellectual interaction (see
Facilities and Resources).

Development & Organization: “Throat-Clearing”
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Empty sentences are particularly common in introductions and at the beginning of paragraphs.
In your opening sentence(s), do not tell your reviewers obvious things.
Cardiovascular disease is a leading cause of death.
Is this a compelling opening?

Development & Organization: “Throat-Clearing”
 Instead, try to take it to a higher level, and give the reviewers an idea of where you’re going and why this is exciting.
Glucose metabolism plays a key role in heart function, both at the myocardial level and through hormonal consequences of “metabolic syndrome.”
(Yes, I just made this up).

C o h e r e n c e
T o n e
P l a i n L a n g u a g e
J a r g o n a n d A c r o n y m s
E m p h a s i s
1 s t P e r s o n v s . 3 r d P e r s o n
A c t i v e V o i c e v s . P a s s i v e V o i c e
S y m m e t r i c a l A m b i g u i t i e s a n d E r r o r s

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Your paper should flow smoothly and clearly.
Paragraph breaks should be there for a reason.
Make certain that transitions between paragraphs are logical.

Tone should vary depending on audience (formal vs. informal; general vs. scientific audience; persuasive vs. informational; etc.)
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Create a particular tone through word choice (use of jargon, acronyms, and “terms of art”) and sentence structure (emphasis of particular ideas; first vs. third person; active vs. passive voice).
Tone should be consistent throughout the paper.

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Type of communication (policy paper, research proposal, grant proposal, journal article, etc.)
Audience (lay audience, government decisionmakers, proposal reviewers, scientific community, others in your subfield, etc.)
Purpose (persuasion, policy changes, funding, information, etc.)
Once you’ve answered these questions, read successful documents that fit your criteria and use those as models.

In October 2010, Barack Obama signed the Plain
Language Act. The NIH suggest the following tips for
“plain language”:
 Use common, everyday words, except for necessary technical terms
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Use personal pronouns
Use active voice
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Use logical organization
Use design features such as bulleted lists and tables

When should you use “plain language”?
 When you are communicating with those outside your particular field.
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When you are writing certain sections of grant proposals (e.g., abstract, relevance to human health).
When you are writing any government document.

Before
These two protocols produce different effects that are important and that need to be taken fully into account when studies of the outcomes following these two particular interventions are conducted.
From “Good Scientific Writing: Advice from the Editors of Chiropractic &
Osteopathy,” Hartman, S., Cameron M., French, SD, et al.

Before
These two protocols produce different effects that are important and that need to be taken fully into account when studies of the outcomes following these two particular interventions are conducted.
After
When comparing efficacies of these interventions, side effects must be considered.
From “Good Scientific Writing: Advice from the Editors of Chiropractic & Osteopathy,” Hartman, S., Cameron M., French, SD, et al.

Avoiding jargon is almost always a good idea:
Remember that your readers may not be in your field or your specific subfield.
We will compare such usage variants as
CCR, /ay/ monophthongization, and nasal stop deletion between varieties of AAVE and the Crusoe Island dialect.

Avoid acronyms when possible, especially those not in common usage or that mean something else more commonly.
Your Wavelength Throughput Frequency measuring device should not be turned into an acronym, nor should your Far Infrared
Astronomical Super-Colossal Observatory.

Within sentences, the your main idea should be in your primary clause.
Catherine has weathered many hardships, although she has rarely been discouraged.

Within sentences, the your main idea should be in your primary clause.
Catherine has weathered many hardships, although she has rarely been discouraged.
vs.
Although Catherine has weathered many hardships, she has rarely been discouraged.

st
rd
1 st Person: Uses personal pronouns “I” or “we.”
 Creates a sense of immediacy and intimacy.
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Use for most grant proposals and for less formal writing.
3 rd Person: Avoids personal pronouns; “they,” “he,” and/or “she” can be used.
Creates distance between writer and audience.
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Use for many journal articles and for more formal writing, as well as for grant abstracts.

Active voice: The subject of the sentence does the acting. (e.g., “Ortiz hit the ball a long way.”)
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Creates more immediacy.
Emphasizes the actor in the sentence.
 Typically preferred for most writing.
Passive voice: The actor in the sentence is not the subject. (e.g., “That ball was hit a long way!”)
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Emphasizes the action rather than the actor.
Can be less engaging if overused.
Can de-identify the actor in a way that may seem intentionally misleading (e.g., “Mistakes were made”).

Reviewer Comment
“A small lack of clarity can amplify into a negative impression of the application.”
Cause
“We will examine the existence of genomic instability in tumors with appropriate technologies.”
Do the tumors have the technologies???

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Subordinate
Clause Placement
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The main clause can stand alone as a complete sentence; subordinate clauses provide additional information.
Be careful about where subordinate clauses are placed to make sure your sentences are clear.
Subordinate clauses should be placed at the beginning or end of the sentence.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Subordinate
Clause Placement
Before
Nepal, a small, landlocked country situated between
India and Tibet, with a human population of approximately 27 million, is typical of many developing countries struggling to control tuberculosis in its population.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Subordinate
Clause Placement
Before
Nepal, a small, landlocked country situated between
India and Tibet, with a human population of approximately 27 million , is typical of many developing countries struggling to control tuberculosis in its population.
After
A small, landlocked country between India and Tibet with a human population of approximately 27 million, Nepal struggles like many other developing countries to control tuberculosis.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Pronoun
Antecedents
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Pronouns should clearly refer to a noun in the same or previous sentence.
Pronouns include this, that, those, these, he, she, it,
they, and we.
When using this, these, and those, it’s a good idea to follow them with a noun (e.g., “We propose experiments that will support our overall goals.
These [experiments/studies/clinical trials] involve
100 subjects.”)

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Pronoun
Antecedents
Before
Nepal struggles to control tuberculosis among its population of approximately 27 million people. This is typical of many developing countries.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Pronoun
Antecedents
Before After
Nepal struggles to control tuberculosis among its population of approximately 27 million people. This is typical of many developing countries.
Nepal struggles to control tuberculosis among its population of approximately 27 million people. This public health challenge is typical of many developing countries.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Nominalization
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Avoid overusing the noun forms of verbs.
Use the FIND feature of your word processing program to locate all cases of words ending in –tion and evaluate each case.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Nominalization
Before
More than 96% of Tufts undergraduates indicate an intention to pursue graduate or professional degrees after college.
or
College should provide an environment in which students become active participants in the generation of new knowledge.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Nominalization
Before
More than 96% of Tufts undergraduates indicate an intention to pursue graduate or professional degrees after college.
or
Universities should provide an environment in which students become active participants in the generation of new knowledge.
After
More than 96% of Tufts undergraduates intend to pursue graduate or professional degrees after college.
or
Universities should provide an environment in which students actively generate new knowledge.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Action Verbs
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Avoiding to be + verbs or nouns will help both decrease the number of words you use and enhance the strength of your prose.
This problem tends to accompany nominalization.
“To be” includes the “helping verbs” is, are, was,
were, will be, etc.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Action Verbs
Before
A key component of this proposal is the development of inquirybased experiments that are integrated into all of our lab offerings.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: Action Verbs
Before
A key component of this proposal is the development of inquirybased experiments that are integrated into all of our lab offerings.
After
As a key component of this proposed project , we will develop inquirybased experiments and integrate them into all lab offerings.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: There and It + to be
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Using There + to be or It + to be at the beginning of sentences takes away the impact of the sentence, in addition to adding unnecessary words.
While not all of these constructions can be avoided, examine those sentences carefully to see if they can be rewritten.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: There and It + to be
Before
It is the norm at Tufts that undergraduates are mentored by a network of faculty members in addition to graduate students and post-docs.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: There and It + to be
Before
It is the norm at Tufts that undergraduates are mentored by a network of faculty members in addition to graduate students and post-docs.
After
At Tufts, a network of faculty members, graduate students and post-docs mentor undergraduates.

Syntactical Ambiguities & Errors: There and It + to be
Before
It is the norm at Tufts that undergraduates are mentored by a network of faculty members in addition to graduate students and post-docs.
After
At Tufts, a network of faculty members, graduate students and post-docs mentor undergraduates.
or
At Tufts, undergraduates are typically mentored by a network of faculty members, graduate students and post-docs.

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Don’t just begin, and don’t just end.
Your introduction should orient your readers and
excite them (remember to avoid throat-clearing!)
Conclusions should leave your readers satisfied.

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Titles should give readers a good idea of what they will be reading.
They should include enough key words to show up in search engine results.
They should be unique (search Google Scholar to be sure), but they should have a modest number of distinctive key words in common with articles on similar topics.

Good titles:
 Beat Osteoporosis: Nourish & Exercise Skeletons
(BONES) Project
 Anticoagulant Rodenticide Exposure in Birds of
Prey in Massachusetts
Bad titles:
 Grant Application
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Osteoporosis Project
 Request for Funding

How to write a title:
1.
Make a list of 7-10 key words from your article.
2.
Arrange these in 4-5 different possible titles.
3.
Show them to trusted colleagues and ask which they prefer.
In nearly all cases, colleagues will converge on one of your potential titles.

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Formatting tricks should be used in moderation and only as a last resort to fit your paper into a page limit.
These tricks include reducing the amount of white space between and around paragraphs, autohyphenation, and reducing font size.
Note: Follow all formatting instructions for manuscript and proposal submission!

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Clear writing, with concrete examples and engaging prose, will lead to greater success.
Examine each sentence to make sure that you’ve conveyed something essential to your goals – if a sentence could be in anyone’s paper, leave it out.

- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)