Have you ever
wondered?
How do you take care of it when a girl is annoying
you but you don’t want to be mean?
What if your best friend is being really mean to you
and he won’t admit it?
What if you have a friend who is making you choose
between her and another friend?
What is the point of telling someone you’re mad at
them? They’ll just make more fun of you or get even
madder.
I want to tell an adult this really big problem but I
don’t want them to freak out.
Good Teasing
• You feel liked by
the person.
• You don’t feel that
the person wants
to put you down
• They will stop if
you ask.
Unintentional
Bad Teasing
• The teaser doesn't
know how you feel
because you won’t
tell them.
Or
• They blow you off
with, “I was just
joking.” “You’re so
sensitive!”
Bad Teasing/
Bullying
• You’re teased about
something you’re
insecure about.
• If you defend
yourself, you’re
“uptight” or
threatened with
ending the
friendship.
• Relentless and
public.
Drama Vs. Bullying
Bullying is using power or strength to make
someone feel worthless. Usually defined as
being one way and repeated.
Drama is an exciting, unexpected, emotional
series of events. Always defined as a conflict
where both people are actively involved and not
serious or hurtful. But drama can still be bullying
but just called a different name.
SEAL
STOP: Breathe, listen, and think when and where,
now or later?
EXPLAIN: What happened that you don’t like and
what you want.
AFFIRM: Affirm and acknowledge.
LOCK: In the friendship, take a vacation or lock it
out (as a last resort).
REMEMBER: YOU PRACTICE AND PREPARE AND
YOU KNOW ANY PART OF THIS YOU DO IS A
SUCCESS!
Use SEAL When…
Someone you used to be friends with brags and puts
people down and your group is getting really tired of it.
Your mom or dad jokes with one of their friends about
something you feel sensitive about.
Your friends ignore you.
The person you like is nice in private but obnoxious to
you in public.
Maya: I want to talk to you about you taking my phone.
Jordan: You know I was just kidding!
Maya: Taking my phone without telling me and then sending
those texts to Will really embarrassed me.
Jordan: You’re making such a big deal out of this! If you did it to
me, I wouldn’t care! I would think it was funny!”
Maya: You’re not me so you can’t tell me how I feel.
Jordan: Fine, if you can’t take something so little as this, then we
really don’t need to be friends.
Maya: Friends have to be able to tell each other what they’re
really thinking. Think about it and get back to me.
Did you hear what everyone is saying
about you?
Common responses:
•Disappear until graduation
•Immediately talk to whoever you can, go to FB, and
check what people are saying.
•Plot with your friend about how to get back at the
person who you think started it.
•Say, “Whatever, it’s not worth it.” But really worry
about it a lot.
Copyright 2012 RPW Inc.
Getting Control
STOP: What is the messenger’s motivation? Your answer:
“Thanks for telling me. Please don’t talk about this with
others.”
To the person--Explain: I hear that you’re talking X about me.
I’m not asking to tell me if the gossip is true. I’m asking that if
any part of it’s true that you stop. I know I can’t control what
you do but I’m showing the respect to come to you face to
face to ask what’s going on.
There’s nothing going on. I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Affirm/acknowledge: Ok-then I’d expect the things I’m hearing
to end. But, If I did something that upset you I want to know.
But if you’re mad at me, you have to tell me.
Lock (if appropriate) We used to be good friends. If you ever
Here’s the SEAL
I can’t control what he does. I’m not going to go back at him
because that’s exactly what he wants me to do. (Can’t say, I’m
not going to be so immature, pathetic, stupid etc.) I’ve told him
to stop. It’s up to him. I hope you’ll back me up
by not talking about/forwarding it.
Copyright 2012 RPW Inc.
Mark: Forwarding those pictures of Michael was messed up.
Andy: No it wasn’t! It was amazing!
Mark: You know he was really mad.
Andy: No I don’t! If he was so freaked out why didn’t he say anything?
Mark: Because than you would make fun of him even more.
Andy: I wouldn’t mind if he did it to me. And you laughed just as much as I did.
Mark: I’m not proud of this but I laughed because I was nervous. All I’m asking is you
lay off. And it bothered him and that’s what matters.
Andy: Fine I’ll back off but you do realize how gay you’re being about this whole
thing right?
Mark: Right, I’m gay because I want you to stop making a kid miserable. Whatever.
They go back to the game.
Snitching
Telling to get
someone in trouble.
The goal is to make
the problem bigger
and more public.
Reporting
vs.
Telling because
the problem is
too big to solve
on your own.
The goal is to
right a wrong.
Finding My Ally
Qualities I’m looking for in an ally
include:
1. Opinionated but not
judgmental
2. Honest
3. Reliable
Finding My Ally
My top 3 choices for an ally are:
1.
2.
3.
Stop: Claire thinks about where to confront Gabby. She knows they both usually
get to school a little early.
Explain: “Gabby, we used to sit together all the time. But when the other girls are
there, you say inside jokes and you roll your eyes whenever I say anything. If
I eat with you I don’t want you to make me feel like you don’t want be there.”
“You’re the one who’s sitting with us! It’s not like anyone’s forcing you!”
Affirm/Acknowledge: “I realize I haven’t been giving you enough space and we
don’t have to be friends like we used to. But you can’t keep me guessing
about how you’re going to treat me every day.
Fine! I’m sorry!
Lock (vacation): I don’t want you to apologize if you don’t mean it. So I’m not
going to sit with you for awhile.
My Relationship Rights
List the three rights that are most
important to you in a relationship
or friendship.
1.
2.
3.
My Deal Breakers
List three ways that someone
could treat you where you would
consider ending the
friendship/relationship.
1.
2.
3.
Getting It Right
•
•
•
•
Include others
Stand up for others
Admit mistakes
Treat people with dignity when
they’re angry
• Apologize sincerely