“THE ADVENTURES OF BRANDON VHADER”
PILOT
Created by Brandon Frangipani
FADE IN:
A TITLE POPS UP, SAYING “THE ADVENTURES OF BRANDON VHADER”. THE
SCREEN THEN FOCUSES ON THE TOWN OF WEST ANDERBURY, CALIFORNIA.
EXT. WEST ANDERBURY, CALIFORNIA
BRANDON VHADER IS SHOWN ASLEEP IN HIS BED WITH POWER RANGERS:
TIME FORCE SHEETS. AN ALARM BUZZES, WITH BRANDON PROCEEDING TO
SMASH IT.
BRANDON VHADER:
(GROANS)
BRANDON VHADER (V.O):
THAT’S ME. ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF. NAME’S BRANDON. BRANDON
JAMES VHADER, JR., SON OF THE AMAZING BRANDON JAMES VHADER, SR..
BRANDON VHADER THEN GETS OUT OF BED WITH A DEPRESSED LOOK.
BRANDON IS SHOWN TO HAVE FURRY LEGS WITH THREE TOES ON HIS FEET
AND NO PANTS, AND HAS A SLY COOPER-RELATED TAIL. HIS FUR IS AN
ORANGE-YELLOWISH MIX.
BRANDON VHADER (V.O.):
NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. WHY DO I NOT WEAR PANTS? WELL,
ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO, PANTS AND OTHER LEGGING-RELATED OBJECTS
GAVE ME RASHES.
EXT. WEST ANDERBURY HIGH SCHOOL
BRANDON VHADER IS SHOWN WEARING PANTS, AND THEN HE IS SUDDENLY
YELLING DUE TO HIM GETTING RASHES.
BRANDON VHADER:
OH MY GOD! GET THESE DAMN PANTS OFF OF ME! THE PAIN! THE PAIN!
OTHER STUDENTS PROCEED TO LAUGH AT BRANDON IN THE PROCESS, WITH
BRANDON CRYING WHILE SCRATCHING HIMSELF.
EXT. BRANDON VHADER’S ROOM
BRANDON WALKS AROUND HIS ROOM, STILL FEELING SLEEPY.
BRANDON VHADER (V.O.):
WELL, I DON'T WEAR PANTS NOW, BECAUSE ONCE I STOPPED WEARING
THEM, EVERYONE RESPECTED ME. THEY KEPT SAYING THAT “OH, THAT KID
IS SO SEXY!” WELL, I DON’T MEAN TO BRAG, BUT I AM ACTUALLY THAT
GOOD-LOOKING.
BRANDON THEN PROCEEDS TO LOOK THROUGH HIS DRESSER DROORS.
BRANDON VHADER (V.O.):
THE ONLY THING IS, BOTH MY SIBLINGS THINK ME NOT WEARING PANTS
IS EMBARASSING. HELL, MY DAD DIDN’T WEAR ANY GODDAMN PANTS, SO
WHY SHOULD I? I MEAN, HE WAS HALF-ANIMAL TOO, FOR CRYING OUT
LOUD!
BRANDON FINDS A SHIRT AND PUTS IT ON. HE THEN PROCEEDS TO THE
BATHROOM, BUT GETS PUSHED BY SAMANTHA VHADER, HIS TWIN SISTER.
INT. BRANDON VHADER’S HOUSE, SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY
SAMANTHA VHADER:
MOVE IT, ASSWIPE! GOT TO GET READY!
BRANDON VHADER:
YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, SHOWER WITH ZAC EFRON? I BET
HE’LL PAY YOU FIFTY CENTS JUST TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM.
SAAMANTHA VHADER:
YOU’RE SO STUPID! ZAC EFRON HASN’T BEEN CUTE SINCE HIGH SCHOOL
MUSICAL!
BRANDON VHADER:
YEAH FUCKING RIGHT! LIKE HE DIDN’T DO GOOD IN NEIGHBORS, OH
WAIT, HE DID, BECAUSE HE’S THAT GOOD, DAMN IT!
SAMANTHA TURNS THE SHOWER WATER ON, THEN SHE PROCEEDS TO STICK
HER HEAD OUT OF THE BATHROOM.
SAMANTHA VHADER:
IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT ZAC EFRON, I WILL PERSONALLY, GO
UP TO HIM, BITCH-SLAP HIM WITH A WAFLLE, AND THEN LEAVE DYING OF
LAUGHTER!
SAMANTHA THEN GOES BACK INTO THE BATHROOM AND GETS IN THE
SHOWER. BRANDON THEN PROCEEDS TO WAIT FOR THIRTY MINUTES, THEN
GETS ANGRY.
BRANDON VHADER:
SAMANTHA JESSICA VHADER! IF YOU DO NOT COME OUT OF THAT
GODFORSAKEN BATHROOM, I WILL PERSONALLY, COME IN THERE, AND SHOW
YOU HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW! AND TRUST ME, THE WAY I FEEL IS NOT
FUCKING COMPARED TO HOW JASON STATHAM FELT IN THAT SPY MOVIE!
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, SAM! WE ARE ALMOST TWENTY-TWO! GROW THE
HELL UP AND COME OUT OF THAT FUCKING BATHROOM!
SAMANTHA THEN COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM, SHOCKED AT WHAT HER
BROTHER HAS TO SAY.
SAMANTHA VHADER:
YOU’RE RIGHT. I’M SORRY. I DID NOT KNOW HOW YOU FELT RIGHT NOW,
AND I DID NOT MEAN ANYTHING LIKE THAT ABOUT ZAC EFRON.
BRANDON VHADER:
(SIGHS) IT’S FINE. JUST DON’T DO SOMETHING THAT SILLY AGAIN,
OKAY?
SAMANTHA VHADER:
OKAY.
SAMANTHA AND BRANDON HUG EACH OTHER, THEN GET INTERRUPTED BY
DUDLEY VHADER, BRANDON’S TWIN BROTHER.
DUDLEY VHADER:
HEY, FUN-HUGGING BITHCES!
BRANDON VHADER (V.O.):
YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! NOT HIM! HE ALWAYS MAKES FUN
OF ME AND SAM!
DUDLEY SLAPS BRANDON IN THE FACE, THEN HONKS SAMANTHA’S HORN.
DUDLEY VHADER:
YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS?
BRANDON VHADER:
LET ME GUESS. NATIONAL “OH, FUCK ME” DAY?
DUDLEY SLAPS BRANDON AGAIN AND BEGINS TO EXPLAIN.
DUDLEY VHADER:
NO, ASSWIPE! TODAY IS THE DAY I GET TO HAVE MY BIG-ASS LOUD
PARTY, AND THE BOTH OF YOU ARE NOT INVITED!
BRANDON AND SAMANTHA ARE SHOCKED, DROPPING THEIR JAWS. THEY ARE
ABOUT TO ASK WHY THERE WERE NOT ALLOWED TO BE INVITED.
SAMANTHA VHADER:
DUDLEY, WHY ARE WE NOT INVITED?
BRANDON VHADER:
DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, SAM. HE’S JUST ACTING LIKE A FUCKING MORON,
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS A PIECE OF HARD SHIT!
DUDLEY THEN PUNCHES BRANDON IN THE FACE. DUDLEY THEN TALKS BACK.
DUDLEY VHADER:
DO NOT SASS ME, WEIRD AL! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YOU DON’T KNOW
WHY, DON'T YOU?
BRANDON VHADER:
HOW COULD I REMEMBER? ALL YOU DID IS BITCH-SLAP AMANDA CERNY
WITH A WAFFLE. OH WAIT, THE FUNNIEST PART JUST CAME TO MY MIND.
DUDLEY VHADER:
DON’T YOU DARE PUT THAT IMAGE INTO YOUR HEAD.
DUDLEY THEN RAISES HIS FIST, BUT BRANDON