Lisa Tomlinson – Children’s Aid Society of Toronto
Greg Babcock – Catholic Family Services of Toronto
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CFST plays an active role in supporting
women survivors, offering services to men
and advocating for social change – ending
Woman Abuse.
Who I am and where I am coming from?
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The role of child welfare and engaging men
who use violence against women and children
Who am I and where I am coming from?
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Why do men use violence
Video – Jackson Katz
What we know about men who use violence
Parenting capacity of men who use violence
Interventions for men
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Generate a list of reasons
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Tough Guise – Jackson Katz
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It is important for me, a male social worker, working
with men who use abuse, to acknowledge and
validate women’s experiences.
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To value a feminist framework.
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Not doing so, closes me (men) off in a “malecentered bubble.”
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Valuing a feminist framework, reduces the risk of
colluding with men who use abuse.
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Inclusion of a feminist framework is a way of being
part of the solution rather than the problem.
By engaging men we:
 Validate a woman and child’s experience
 Give men opportunities to be better fathers
and partners
 Assess risk to women and children
 There is no single psychological profile for
men who use violence
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Characteristics of men who use violence
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Control
Entitlement
Selfishness and self-centeredness
Superiority
Possessiveness
Confusion of love and abuse (and anger)
Manipulativeness
Contradictory statements and behaviour
Externalizing of responsibility
Denial, minimization and victim blaming
Serial battering
Authoritarianism
Undermining of the mother
Ability to perform under observation
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The Demand man
Mr. Right
The Water Torturer
The Drill Sergeant
Mr. Sensitive
The Player
The Victim
The Terrorist
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(see Bancroft, L (2002) Why Does He Do That? Thousand Oaks, CA; Sage)
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Maintain control
Compromise the relationship between
mother and child
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Moderately violent men (50%)
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Violence contained in the home
Does not cause significant injury
Can show empathy
No criminal record
Best prospect for change
Possessive or obsessive men (25%)
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Anxious, dependent, insecure attachment
Monitor, stalk and harass
May or may not have a criminal records
Can pose a risk to women and children
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Anti-Social or hyper-violent abusive men
(25%)
◦ Will have history of criminal assaults against
others
◦ Always need to prove himself
◦ Attempt to dominate partner, community
professionals, authority
◦ intimidating
◦ Less likely to make any change
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Share patterns of behaviours
Project blame
Private and public displays
Attempt to undermine her parenting
Change the rules
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Pending or imminent separation
Prior history of domestic violence
Obsessive behaviour by the perpetrator
Depression in the perpetrator
Escalation of violence in a relationship
Prior history of threats to kill the victim
(Office of the Chief Coroner, 2008)
Three considerations when assessing an
abusive man’s parenting capacity
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The extent to which the abusive man poses
a threat to the children
Parenting style
Psychological functioning and implications
for parenting.
Mederos, 2004
What you may see with children:
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Caretaker
Mother’s confidant
Abuser’s confidant
Abuser’s assistant
Perfect child
Referee
Scapegoat
(Cunningham and Baker 2004)
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More likely to spank, assert power and
control, be more neglectful and under
involved
- (Bancroft and Silverman 2002a)
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However, children maintain an emotional
attachment to fathers, access between father
and children should be done in a manner that
ensures safety
Wanting to be a good dad is often a motivator
for change
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Can men who use violence change?
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We do not present men as victims.
Our focus on engaging men is around reducing
alienation as this only serves to distance men from
needed prevention and treatment services.
We constantly invite men to hold themselves
accountable for choices & changes they want to
make.
Non-engagement = men without intervention
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Thoughts/Feelings?
Movement away from blame toward personal
responsibility is a process that takes time,
commitment, hard work, and a willingness to
self-examine.
Change will not and does not happen overnight.
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Looking outside the Power & Control Box
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Inspired by the work of narrative therapists such as Todd
Augusta-Scott and Alan Jenkins (also influenced by Attachment
Theory);
An invitational approach opens up conversations for men to talk
about their multiple stories regarding their lives, experiences,
identities, and preferred views;
These multiple stories are not restricted to narratives involving
the Power & Control script (the Duluth model);
We find men are more likely to share vulnerabilities when an
invitational approach is taken rather than one of confrontation
and direct challenge.
“…highly confrontational interventions often
preclude empathic and respectful listening and may
reinforce the client’s view that relationships are
inevitably grounded in coercion and control, rather
than in understanding and support” (Augusta-Scott
and Dankwort, p.800).
We also believe that taking a direct, confrontational
approach with men who abuse tends to increase
defensiveness, resistance, and opposition to
engaging in `change work.’
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The trap we can fall into when meeting with male clients is being
too rigid, having a fixed agenda and then bombarding them with
questions to meet our end;
When we do this, we lose the art of making a genuine connection
with the man and alienate him;
By not taking the time to get to know the man and just
bombarding him with a series of well-intentioned questions, we
send a message to the man that `we are better than’ and `they
are less than.’
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Dichotomous thinking can lead us to replicate `power & control’
in our work with men; the very pattern we are trying to change
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(see Augusta-Scott, p. 220)
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Good practice around establishing a therapeutic
relationship/working alliance with clients whether
male or female involves conveying warmth,
empathy, genuineness, and sincere interest in
their well-being and life situation (past, present,
future);
This can go a long way in terms of increasing
client motivation and self-efficacy;
Therefore, from the point of initial contact with
men, we focus on relationship building (getting to
know the man, his perspective, and world view);
We engage men by aligning with their positive
intentions (particularly around fathering);
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This provides an opening (a foot-in-the door);
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To gain entry;
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Into inviting men to explore more emotionally
loaded topics such as their use of abuse toward
their partner and/or child, victim empathy, their
exposure to violence while growing up and so
forth.
We invite men to talk about their positive
intentions, beliefs, attitudes & personal values.
Responsibility
Trust
Reliability
Love & compassion
Credibility
Respect
Equality
Safety
We encourage men to take a look at how their
abusive behaviour gets in the way of their
positive intentions, personal ethics and values,
their preferred view of self and their
relationships with their partner/ex-partner
and/or child.
We invite men to take responsibility for the
effects of their abuse on their partner and/or
child.
Developed by Dr. Katreena Scott, Tim Kelly
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Overcoming resistance to change: The importance of discussing
healthy fathering before challenging abusive fathering.
It is necessary to work collaboratively with other service providers
to ensure that men’s participation in Caring Dads does not have
unintended negative effects on women and children, but instead
has the potential to improve children’s lives
The need for a lead agency with a feminist analysis of abuse and an
appreciation of men’s roles as fathers.
The importance of community.
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Accountability to the safety and well-being
of children.
Accountability to the safety of children’s
mothers.
Responsibility to fathers.
Accountability to the community
Co-ordinated case management
Goal 1. To develop sufficient trust and motivation to engage
men in the process of examining their fathering.
Goal 2. To increase men’s awareness of child-centered
fathering.
Goal 3. To increase men’s awareness of, and responsibility for,
abusive and neglectful fathering.
Goal 4. To consolidate learning, rebuild trust, and plan for the
future.
Questions?
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Screening interviews
Interview and goal setting with child
protection worker
VAW communicating with mother weekly
Mid point meeting with CP worker
Final meeting with CP worker and report
Connecting fathers to ongoing services