WRITER’S WORKSHOP
Using active vs. passive voice
ACTIVE VOICE
• In an active sentence, the subject is doing the action.
Example:
George kills Lennie.
PASSIVE VOICE
• The target of the action (direct object) gets promoted to subject position.
Noooo!
• George is killed by Lenny.
SO WHAT?
• Doesn’t “George is killed by Lennie” sound better in a formal literature
response?
• Maybe….but the problem is, when you are writing long, complex sentences
and you use passive voice, the result is usually a jumble of ideas that could
be much more clear by using a straightforward sentence structure with active
voice.
• In other words: when you are already expressing complex ideas, simple
structure is better!
WHICH ONE IS BETTER?
• I heard it through the grapevine.
• It was heard by me from the grapevine.
• Sometimes passive voice is awkward and other times it’s vague.
• Also, passive voice is usually wordy, so you can tighten your writing if you
replace passive sentences with active sentence.
WHICH SENTENCE IS BETTER?
• George ended up killing Lennie. Some people think this is unfair but I believe
that George killing Lennie is totally justified.
• George ended up killing Lennie. Some people think this is unfair but I believe
that George was totally justified in killing Lennie.
• At the end, George feels he has no choice except to kill Lennie. Although
some readers may perceive this act as unfair, I believe that George’s final
action was completely justified.
HOW CAN YOU IMPROVE THE FOLLOWING
SENTENCE?
• Lennie being killed was an inevitable conclusion, because no matter what he
would have gotten killed whether by George or Curley.
LET’S WRITE IT IN ACTIVE VOICE:
Before:
• Lennie being killed was an inevitable conclusion, because no matter what he
would have gotten killed whether by George or Curley.
After:
• It was inevitable that Lenny would be killed at the end, because he would
have been killed either by George or by Curly.
BETTER? WHAT ABOUT:
Before:
•
Lennie being killed was an inevitable conclusion, because no matter what he would
have gotten killed whether by George or Curley.
After:
•
It was inevitable that Lenny would be killed at the end, because he would have been
killed either by George or by Curly.
And now:
Curly wanted Lennie dead, and George felt that that killing Lennie was the only
reasonable choice. Therefore, Lennie’s death by his friend’s hand was an inevitable
conclusion.
ONE MORE:
• Lennie is a simple man and loves to pet soft things as evidenced by him
petting mice and puppies throughout the novella.
WHICH ONE IS BETTER?
• Lennie is a simple man and loves to pet soft things as evidenced by him
petting mice and puppies throughout the novella.
• Lennie is a simple man and throughout the novella, it is evident that he loves
to pet soft things such as mice and puppies.