CH. 3 Communication & Self-Concept
▪ Self-concept: a relatively stable set of
perceptions you have about yourself.
▪ Self-esteem: the part of your self-concept involving
evaluations of self-worth. (how you feel about
self-concept’s qualities)
▪ High or low self-esteem has powerful effect on
behavior and communication, but doesn’t
guarantee success. (Baumeister, 2005)
▪ We can change our self-appraisals.
▪ Positive self-esteem is often the starting point for
positive communication.
How Self-Concept Develops
• Self-concept develops mostly from social interaction
(Schmit, 2006) and 2 theories of this are:
– Reflected Appraisal: (shaped by others) Positive &
negative evaluative messages received throughout life
impact your feelings & ideas about yourself
• Significant others = persons whose evaluations are very
influential: family, special teachers, close friends, those at
work, those you respect, romantic partners, etc.
• Their opinions rank high in what you think of yourself.
– Social Comparison: You compare yourself to others
(reference groups) to evaluate your own traits.
• We need realistic standards, not supreme idols, or we’ll be
unhappy. (Eating disorders, etc.)
• For a realistic self-concept, choose realistic comparisons.
Self-Concept (SC): Characteristics
1. Subjective: can be unrealistically favorable (a boss,
young child) or harsh if feeling negative (Sturman &
Mongrain, 2008) We are not good judges of our own
communication skills, and this affects how we approach & respond to
others. WHY?
– Obsolete information: Past failures or successes are out
of date.
– Distorted information: Overly critical or the opposite by
sig. others
– Myth of perfection: Many parents ( or others) expect too
much.
– Social expectations: It isn’t humble to express pride in
doing well. We talk about failures, but not strengths.
Self-Concept Traits-cont.
2. Flexible: We change constantly, & the selfconcept must adapt to stay realistic.
– By 30, SC doesn’t change radically w/o conscious effort.
– In important ways, you still change - physically, emotionally,
intellectually, & spiritually (p.72).
3. Resists Change: We resist revising our SC.
– Cognitive conservatism: We tend to seek information
confirming our existing self-concept.
– This is true if more favorable (can become your own
worst enemy) or less favorable (don’t want to believe )
SC: Self-Fulfilling Prophesy & Communication
• Defined: A self-fulfilling prophesy occurs when an
outcome is more likely when it’s based on previous
expectations of the event.
• YOU are responsible for making predictions come true.
• 4 stages: 1) Having an expectation 2) Behaving as
expected 3) Getting the expected outcome 4) Reinforcing the original expectation (“See? I knew it.”)
• 2 types of self-imposed prophesies:
– When expectations influence your behavior (“No use to study.
I’ll just flunk anyway.”)
– When observer’s communication of expectations influences
an outcome (“smart” students study p.75)
Changing Your Self-Concept
• You can change your self-concept & self-esteem,
resulting in changing your communication, IF YOU
CHOOSE TO DO IT.
• Four things are needed:
– Realistic Expectations: judge in terms of own
growth
– Realistic Perception of Self: strengths & weaknesses
– The Will to Change: to do the needed work
– The Skill to Change: seek advice & observe models
Presenting the Self: Identity Management
Traits of Identity Management
• We construct many identities. (Communication Competency)
• Identity Management is collaborative. (We respond to each
other.)
• It can be Deliberate or Unconscious.
– We act differently when others see & judge, & behavior sends
messages, but we can act unconsciously when “face” is
threatened. (Babies do it unconsciously.)
• We differ in degree of Identity Management.
– High self-monitors=more aware of Id. M. behavior than others.
– Good “people readers” adjust behavior to get desired reaction.
• They may not enjoy/experience events as much due to
always analyzing/monitoring.
• It my be hard to tell how a high self-monitor really feels.
• Even high monitors may not know exactly how they feel.
• Neither extreme ly high nor low monitoring is ideal.
– FLEXIBILITY is key in successful relationships.
Why Manage Impressions?
• To follow social rules in a variety of settings
• To keep a job, present a certain face despite feelings
(act required way or risk being fired)
• To accomplish personal goals, present a face that
helps you get what you want (in court, etc.)
• To achieve relational goals (meeting new person,
first date, etc. )
• We all decide which face to present in each
situation!
How to Manage ID Impressions?
• It will depend partly on the chosen channel.
• Face-to-Face: use manner (words & NV actions), appearance
(personal items you use to shape your image, like clothing) , &
setting (physical items we use to influence how others see us,
like cars) or the way we arrange our physical setting ( home,
office) for enjoyment or a desired effect
• Mediated Communication (other than face-to-face=letters,
phones) Electronic messages lack some richness of V & NV
channels, but can help manage impressions by allowing the
sender to say difficult things and the receiver to ignore them
until calm. <CMC=computer mediated communication>
– Online commun. allows creators to make statements about who they are
or how they want to be regarded.
– Designers of “broadcasting” manage identity by including or excluding
information to create an effect. (Words, images, sounds)
Self-Disclosure in I.D. Management
• SD defined: Personal information, usually not available to
another, you honestly & intentionally share in a context which
gives it an intimate nature.
– Honesty: Telling only part of what is true would not be
genuine disclosure, and neither is lying
– Depth: What is deep and personal to one is not always that
way to another (age, academic record, income, family
problems)
– Availability of information: Other person is not likely to
know it or obtain it from other source.
– Context of sharing: The setting affects how personal the
sharing is. (online, w/in family, etc.)
◘True self-disclosure is rare!
Self-Disclosure Model: Social Penetration
Social Penetration Model: (Taylor & Altman, 1987 87-88)
• Attempts to show breadth & depth of information shared.
– Breadth= The range of subjects shared is large or small.
– Depth = The information revealed is personal (intimate) or not
(casual). At least one area must have high depth to be considered
intimate.
• 4 types of information shared:
– Cliches: ritualized, stock responses to social situations-”How are
you?” “Fine. How are you?”)
– Facts: intentional, significant, and not otherwise known truths”I’m a psyche major .” “ I’m in the police academy.”)
– Opinions: your personal stand on a subject. ( “I hate first dates.”
“I think that’s silly.”)
– Feelings: expressing emotional states (“I’m afraid.” “I’m a bit
suspicious.”)
A Self-Disclosure Model: Johari Window
• The Johari Window is a square, divided into 4 parts: (p.89)
– Open= things you & others know about yourself)
– Blind= what you don’t know about yourself but others
do
– Hidden= what you know but won’t reveal to others
– Unknown= information unknown to both you & others
• If drawing one relationship at a time, the size of each area
can change due to our mood, the topic discussed, & the
relationship with the other person.
Self-Disclosure: Benefits
• Benefits:
– Catharsis
– Self-clarification
– Self-validation
– Reciprocity
– Impression formation
– Relationship maintenance & enhancement
– Moral Obligation
– Social Influence
– Self-Defense
▪Rejection: fear of disapproval (”I love you.” “Well, I don’t feel that
way.”)
▪Negative Impression: not total rejection, but negative evaluation of
you (“I usually cheat to get what I want.” “ I don’t believe in
cheating!”)
▪Decrease in relationship satisfaction: disclosure can affect others’
opinions of you & decrease satisfaction from a relationship (“I’d
rather not see another Western movie.””But, I love those!”)
▪Loss of influence: Once you disclose a weakness, you lose some
control over how the other person sees you. (“I have trouble telling the
truth.” “I won’t trust you again.”)
▪Loss of control: Disclosed, you lose control of the information. (“ I
went to reform school.” “ I can’t wait to tell someone.”)
▪Hurting the other person: If you are completely honest. (“That outfit
makes you look fat.” “Oh, I know I’m just hopeless.”)
• Sometimes SD is not desireable: To avoid hurting another or harming
the relationship, you can try an alternative
– Silence-keeping thoughts & feeling to yourself
– Lying-deliberately hiding or misrepresenting the truth: benevolent
lie (to avoid hurting someone) vs. self-serving lie (to gain unfair
advantage)
• honesty in important matters is usually best to preserve
relationships, not every little thing
– Equivocation-using language w/ 2 or more possible meanings (to
avoid unpleasant truth) –ugly = “unique” painting! It saves speaker
from being caught lying, reduces tension, & saves face.
– Hinting- more direct than equivocating, it seeks to change
another’s behavior. It saves receiver/sender embarrassment.(p100101 )
Evasion in Self-Disclosure
• Is it ethical?
Four considerations:
1) Judge the morality of the motives, not just the
deception. (Buller & Burgoon, 1994)
2) Are the effects worth the cxception? (Tucker,
2005)
3) Is it in the best interests of the receiver & the
only effective way to behave?
4) How would others respond if they knew your
real thoughts and feelings?
Self-Disclosure Guidelines
• Is the other person important to you? Do you want a
closer relationship?
• Is the risk reasonable? Consider
the situation (at work?) and
weigh the benefits & risks).
• Is the self-disclosure appropriate? For the stage of the
relationship, the timing, & the situation
• Is the disclosure relevant to the current situation ?
The setting should match the level of the disclosure: highly personal
or casual?
• Is it reciprocated? Unbalanced disclosure creates an unbalanced
relationship & problems usually result.
• Will effect be constructive? For the listener, your selfesteem, & the relationship