Cognitive-Behavioral Approaches to Balance Facilitated by Robert Bircher 1 How Thinking Creates Your Mood • Your thinking creates your feelings and much of your thinking (about things you get emotional about) is inaccurate, thus creating unnecessary and useless suffering • CBT-Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a highly effective way to change how you feel • It is very simple in theory and much more difficult in practice-basically it involves changing the stories you tell yourself, especially when you are upset or depressed 2 What is Thinking? • Thinking and consciousness are very different things-when you were born and until you learned to talk you were aware of what was going on but at that point you have nothing to think about • You then learned to talk which involves conceptualizing-that rubber thing is a “ball”-that is my toy • “Thinking” then begins usually in the form of silent monologues or dialogues within your mind 3 Changing Your Thinking • Thinking is a part of consciousness, albeit only a small part, but it can easily take over or hijack your consciousness to the point where you begin to believe you are what you think rather than the truth which is that your mind endlessly spins stories about reality some are accurate some are not • The problem begins when we tell ourselves a story and we accept it as fact or believe it is the TRUTH 4 Changing Your Thinking • Our thinking, accurate or not, creates feelings which are very real-e.g.-Thoughts of loss or rejection will create feelings of sadness-Thoughts that things should be different than they are produce thoughts of frustration etc. • Most of our thinking is automatic and is heavily conditioned from the past-if your mom said-”You are tone deaf and will never learn music or to play musical instruments” you may actually believe it and shy away from any opportunities that would question or disagree with that belief 5 Changing your Thinking • “Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so” Shakespeare had it right • We live in a culture that loves to blame others-it is repeatedly reinforced that the problem is “outside ourselves” and has nothing to do with our own behavior or thinking • This is why it is difficult to shift the focus to the idea that we create our own reality 6 Reality and My Story • Because we are so identified with our story about reality we forget it is just a story and is often inaccurate • What happens in our world is just a circumstance and is neutral e.g. I gained 5 pounds over Christmas-is just a fact and if we relate to this alone we can make sensible choices • We can make up a story complete with emotions which amp up the story etc. ”I am a fat, undisciplined, lazy slob who is totally unattractive and will never lose this extra weight” is a story and is full of distortions or lies 7 Relating to my Story • This belief may result in sadness or anger or depression resulting in more eating to soothe the emotional pain we have created • We now have 2 things to deal with: 5 pounds of extra bodyweight (reality) and a painful story about that fact (distortion) • Dealing with reality is always empowering-dealing with a distortion creates a lot of unnecessary suffering and may slow down or impair or block dealing with the situation 8 Cognitive Distortions • These stories that we make up are called cognitive distortions-a list of the most common ones is attached-read this and notice your favorites • Usually the first things you think about after a distressing situation are conditioned from the past and are called automatic thoughts which create predictable feelings • You can learn to change your stories or interpretations of reality to more accurate and less painful thoughts, these are called rational responses 9 Cognitive Distortions • For many people who are depressed or anxious much of their thinking is distorted-it is quite a shock for most people, especially lawyers, to discover that most of their thinking is distorted-it occurs irrespective of education or intelligence • In addition most of the distortions are negative, repetitive and useless, no positive change results-just obsession and worry 10 Distorted Thinking Creates Real Suffering • Even though the thoughts are distorted the consequent pain and suffering are very real • This is how a situation is created where a person who seems to have everything (a movie star) is depressed unhappy or addicted-their internal reality is distorted • Some people can have positive distortions which are less problematic since they feel great about them-I call this the “Forrest Gump” effect-some politicians and CEO’s have this-they may be much less important or useful than they believe themselves to be 11 Mood Log • Mood Log Example-My 1992 Acura car failed the air care test • Emotion-Anger 7/10-Frustration6/10 Disappointment5/10 Fear 4/10 • Automatic Thoughts-What kind of government crap is this? I may need a new engine-my car isn’t worth a new enginethese mechanics will shaft me, replacing all kinds of parts I don’t need, I feel like a loser-I should have a newer car at my agethis always happens to me • Check the sheet and identify the distortions 12 Mood Log • Rational Responses: these are replacement beliefs-they must be acceptable to you and believable • For example-I probably only need a minor repair-my car will run better anyway-the mechanics have never shafted me in the past-it will reduce pollution-it is a minor inconvenience-my car has a problem not me -this reduces my stress considerably 13 Mood Log Exercise • Do a Mood log of your own now, pick an event you are willing to talk about with another • Get into groups of 3 and go over your log • If you do these exercises (in writing) a lot you can gradually get to the point where you can alter your stories quickly-this we do in our Burns Group 14 CBT in ActionProcrastination • Procrastination is a problem for many Lawyers-lets do the procrastination test • Procrastination is more than a bad habit, it goes much deeper than that – it is a symptom of cognitive distortions • Procrastinators believe motivation comes before action, “I’ll do it when I feel like it”. In fact, action comes first you will feel like when you start doing it-the more you do the more you feel like doing 15 Procrastination • Some procrastinators assume things will be easy and when they are not they give up easily-non procrastinators assume there will be failures and rejections along the way and that is the way it isthus they rarely quit • Perfectionism-This is common among lawyers and is a major cause of procrastinating-I need to do it well or not at all-rather than risk failure it gets put off 16 Perfectionism • Perfectionists never “make it”-or they feel they must be “special” or they will be unlovable-or if a goal is not reached they feel like a failure • Achievement needs to be rewarded-procrastinators tell themselves that they didn’t do it well enough to be rewarded • Should statements-”I really should do this”-creates inner resentment and guilt also it can fire off your inner “rebel” 17 Why We Procrastinate • Use “I could chose to do X” or “I chose not to do X” turns “I should have cleaned up my room” to “ I chose not to clean my room” • Unassertive Procrastinators-rather than saying no you say yes-then show up late or “forget” to do it. Rather than deal directly with your feelings you do it by your actions • Passive aggressiveness -you are angry or upset and deal with it through your actions – “ forgetting” to take out the trash because you are annoyed with your wife for nagging you about doing it 18 Why we Procrastinate • Lack of desire or interest -the simple fact that you really, deep down, don’t want to do it-but for some reason you think you “should” do it • Some people actually don’t mind a messy desk or house or yard but think they “should” clean it, or someone else suggests they do itthey then beat themselves up • This is a real problem for perfectionists 19 Prescriptions for Procrastinators • People procrastinate because their are advantages to it-it is not a mystery!! • For example-it’s easy, you can do something more pleasurable, you can avoid tedium, hard work and failure. You can get back at those who are pressuring you. Also there can be status in it-I’m special I don’t have to work hard to be successful • There are many great benefits to procrastination, hence its popularity!!-It is quite rational-some procrastination is beneficial in the sense you may not really want to do it now or ever and you are simply acting in accordance with your authentic self 20 Prescriptions for Procrastinators • Disadvantages are usually more obvious-I feel guilty about it, I lose respect for myself etc. • You may decide the disadvantages outweigh the benefits in which case you can decide not to do it-you are no longer procrastinating-you have made a decision!! • You may decide it is in your best interest to do it but you still “don’t feel like it” this is a common distortion-you never will feel like it-it works better to do it then feel like it-action precedes interest!!! 21 Cost Benefit Analysis • Lets do an analysis of something you have been procrastinating on the worksheet –then form into 3 groups and share • Make it easy-make it small and achievable • Just plan to do 15-20 minutesoften just starting gets you motivated • How you talk yourself into procrastination-Task interfering cognitions-distortions-Task oriented cognitions 22 TIC-TOC Method • TIC-”I’ll never get my storeroom cleaned, the junk has been piling up for years”-distortion-fortune telling-all or nothing thinking • “I’ll do it when I feel like it”emotional reasoning • Looking for a new career is overwhelming-all or nothing thinking • Try the tic-toc method on an area of procrastination 23