Running head: KNAPP’S MODEL OF INTEGRATING AND BONDING
Knapp’s Relational Development Model:
The Integrating and Bonding Stages
Sonya Parker
University of Kentucky
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Abstract
These readings explore Knapp’s Relational Model and the stages in which it entails. The
readings provide indications of which stages relationships are in and distinguish certain elements
of each stage. This paper will specifically address the integrating and bonding stages of Knapp’s
Relational Model, which are the two last stages in the “Coming Together” half of Knapp’s
Model. The movement from integration to bonding was not really found to be very distinct, as
not all the readings matched up as far as elements. For instance, one reading found that
cohabitation was an element of the integrating stage, while another found that it was a part of the
bonding. However, it is clear that being able to distinguish the level of a relationship and open
communication are two key points in being able to maintain a relationship within the integrating
and bonding stages.
Keywords: Knapp’s Relational Model, integrating, bonding
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Knapp’s Relational Development Model: The Integrating and Bonding Stages
Many times in relationships, we see couples go through stages. Movement from good to
bad and bad to good happens often in relationships, and is seen as perfectly normal. Theorist
Mark Knapp (1984) developed his own idea of how relationships develop using a ten-stage
model. The movement between each stage may or may not be linear—time in each stage is up to
the couple, (Baxter & Braithwaite, 2008). The first half of the stages is what he refers to as the
“Coming Together” stages. In these stages (initiating, experimentation, intensifying, integration
and bonding), the relationship is progressing in a positive manner, in a sense moving up on a
staircase. After the “Coming Together” stages is the “Coming Apart” stages. In these stages
(differentiating, circumscribing, stagnation, avoidance and termination), the relationship is
essentially falling apart, moving downward on a staircase. In this review, the two last stages in
coming together (integration and bonding) will be explored.
Literature Review
There are many different ways to identify which stage in Knapp’s Relational Model in
which a relationship is in. Many studies have been conducted trying to piece together the
elements of a relationship that are indications of the particular stages. Although different studies
find slightly different elements for each stage, overall the integrating stage is the stage in which a
couple makes their relationship more official and publicly known. The bonding stage
encompasses a definite relationship of exclusivity. As far as themes found upon all readings, the
first is that in the integration and bonding stages of Knapp’s Model, couples should make their
relationship known. Making the relationship official and publically known tends to yield a more
successful relationship. The second theme found is that communication is key in relationships,
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more specifically in the integration and bonding stages, as theses are the two stages are when the
relationship is getting very serious.
Although it may seem common sense for people to make their relationship official and
publically known once it reaches that point of seriousness, many people have different views of
commitment, (Honeycutt, Cantrill, Kelly, & Lambkin, 1998). Because of these different views,
we see that communication is vital in relationships. It is important to make sure that both
partners in a relationship are clear on where they see their relationship. Relational uncertainty is
something that all couples want to avoid as it could pose to be an antagonist in relationships. The
way couples communicate can determine whether or not there will be constructive or destructive
outcomes, (Knobloch, 2007, p. 50).
In the integration stage of Knapp’s Model, Avtgis, West, and Anderson (2009) found that
things such as the sharing of intimate feelings, talking about the future, and feeling like one
person together are elements of this particular stage. Alongside, Fox, Warber, and Makstaller
found that making it “Facebook official” and publically known as a couple is also a part of the
integration stage. Lastly, Honeycutt, et al. (1998) found that honest and open communication,
verbal commitment messages, and maybe even cohabitation are all elements of integration.
There are also indications of seriousness through the use of idioms. Relational satisfaction is
positively related to idiomatic expression, which is found to be more positive than negative in the
stages of coming together, (Dunleavy & Booth-Butterfield, 2009). We see that there are many
different indications and elements of the integration stage, however they are all pretty
straightforward and easy to see in a relationship. The movement to the bonding stage is also very
straightforward. In the bonding stage, it is found that making promises, making agreements on
the future, and reciprocal happiness are all a part of this stage, (Avtgis, West, & Anderson,
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2009). To add to these things, Baxter and Braithwaite (2008) found that legal, personal, and
social bonds between partners are an essential part of this bonding stage. In that, we can see that
marriage is a definite part of the bonding stage. Although it can be said that these elements of
each stage can easily be identified, it is solely up to the couple as far as which stage they are in.
The couple should decide together where they are together in their relationship, trying to avoid
that relational uncertainty. The best way to do so? Communication.
In conclusion, communication between partners about the relationship and the “officialness” of a relationship are essential in a successful relationship. A relationship being
official/publically known and having open communication is one that is likely to avoid relational
uncertainty. Partners who do not communicate about their relationship are less likely to become
closer together, or termination of the relationship is possible, (Knobloch, 2007, p. 48). There are
several tips couples could follow in order to ensure that their relationship maintains health
throughout the integrating and bonding stages of Knapp’s Relational Development Model.
Mentioned here are just a few.
Practical Advice
Overall, we see that relationships need to avoid relational uncertainty in order to have a
better chance at a successful relationship. So, how do you make sure your relationship is a
healthy one that can be maintained? There are three rules of advice you should think about when
it comes to your relationship. First, you need to make sure you are clear on where the
relationship is. Are you both publically displaying the fact that you are together? What about on
Facebook? Are you FBO (Facebook Official)? If you are not FBO and/or publically known as a
couple, and you believe you both have an understanding that your relationship is in fact a true
commitment, you should definitely talk to your partner about it. Open communication is also key
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here. You need to talk to one another about where you stand. If you truly are in a committed
relationship, why not make it FBO? This is an indication of a healthy relationship. Just a side
note, other people are less likely to pursue people who are FBO! However, this is something that
you and your partner need to discuss (again, open communication!) and make sure you agree
upon a decision to go FBO. Here are some tips on going FBO!
Another piece of advice is to take your relationship and the promises you make to one
another seriously. In the integrating stage, you have committed to one another and should have
made yourselves publically known as a couple. From here you move into the bonding stage
where when you pledge your love to one another and could even get married! So, when future
plans such as marriage is brought up, you should be able to have a serious conversation with
your partner about the future. This way you both know what it is you expect out of the
relationship, leaving more room for a successful relationship.
A last piece of advice is to simply have fun! Although you should take your relationship
seriously, what fun is it to always be serious? Make sure you can have fun with your partner. Use
pet names and create your own couple language or inside jokes that no one else will understand.
It is completely healthy for couples to have fun. It has been proven that your relational
satisfaction is positively related to the use of idiomatic expressions, such as pet names. Again,
nothing is wrong with having a fun, silly side of your relationship. It can only strengthen the
bond you and your partner have, helping you maintain your position in the bonding stage.
Take it all in and use these tips in your relationship! Have some fun, while taking your
relationship seriously (with your heart), and be sure to have that open communication and clear
understanding of where your relationship is. It is up to you and your partner to make sure your
relationship stays healthy. These three tips right here equal relationship certainty—get to it! You
KNAPP’S MODEL OF INTEGRATING AND BONDING
don’t want to slip into relational uncertainty and fall down the stairs towards termination, do
you?!
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References
Anderson, T. L., Avtgis, T. A., West, D. V. (1998). Relationship stages: An inductive analysis
identifying cognitive, affective, and behavioral dimensions of Knapp’s relational stages
model. Communication Research Reports, 15(3), 280-287.
doi:10.1080/08824099809362124
Booth-Butterfield, M., Dunleavy, K. N. (2009). Idiomatic communication in the stages of
coming together and falling apart. Commuication Quarterly, 57(4), 416-432. doi:
10.1080/01463370903320906
Cantrill, J. G., Honeycutt, J. M., Kelly, P., Lambkin, D. (1998). How do I love thee? Let me
consider my options: Cognition, verbal strategies, and the escalation of intimacy. Human
Communication Research, 25(1), 39-63.
Fox, J., Warber, K. M., & Makstaller, D. (in press).The role of Facebook in romantic
relationship development: An exploration of Knapp’s relational stage model. Journal
of Social & Personal Relationships. doi:10.1177/0265407512468370
Henningsen, M. L. M., Mongeau, P. A. (2008). Stage theories of relationship development:
Charting the course of interpersonal communication. In L. A. Baxter & D. O.
Braithwaite, (Eds.), Engaging theories in interpersonal communication: Multiple
perspectives (pp.363-377). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc.
Knobloach, L. K. (2007). The dark side of relational uncertainty: Obstacle or opportunity? In W.
Cupach & B. Spitzberg, (Eds.), The dark side of interpersonal communication (pp. 3159). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.
Hyperlink One: “Here” linked to http://collegelifestyles.org/tag/facebook-official/
Hyperlink Two: “Inside Jokes” linked to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUwSjJsoC84
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