Sermons by Pastor Tom McLauchlin
Bethlehem Ministries
2233 Hampton Highway
Yorktown, Virginia 23693
(757) 291-8599
Email: tomthmb@cox.net
Table of Contents
1. Introduction
2. The Courtship
3. Beauty (Part I)
4. Beauty (Part II)
5. Compliments
6. Sexual Beings
7. Reclaim the Flame
8. The Rose of Sharon (Self-worth)
9. How to Choose a Mate
I. Introduction
In today’s world, love songs are almost a forgotten genre. I suppose as in any field of
music, the lyrics of our songs reflect the society we live in or the trials and triumphs we
endure. If that is the case, then there is not much love today, at least not the moral,
honest and respectable kind. When we listen to most radio stations today, love songs are
noticeably absent. That is, they are not there or expected to be because love itself; at
least how it is defined by God’s word is noticeably absent in much of our society. What
stands for love songs today are often laced with profanity and are lyrics about infidelity,
adultery, premarital sex and even rape. On a whole, what passes for love songs today are
disrespectful to the purity of both men and women. Even Christian “love songs” are
almost always the love between God and man. Absent are clean and pure songs about
intimacy
between
a
man
and
woman.
This
type
of
talk
is
often
looked on in the church as taboo or too revealing and inappropriate for believers. To
speak of kissing, making love and physical contact is seen by many as something that we
should be silent about. It is sad that the love songs our children learn are from the
world’s perspective, a view without self worth, without spirituality and without holiness.
We don’t have to look deep at lover relationships and promiscuity today to see that the
world’s view has soiled many unions. As we shape our idea of sensuality to the world we
would do well to remember that hidden away by our negligence of it, but in plain view if
we would look, is the most beautiful of love songs. In fact, it is more than a song of love;
it is the song of love. It is titled “Song of Songs”, or “Song of Solomon”. In many cases,
one cannot judge a book by its cover. But here, because it was indeed composed by God,
the title can be taken to represent the entire book. It is the “Song of Songs”. In keeping
with the literally style of scripture, the name implies the best of songs. Just as Christ is
called in Re.19.16, “KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS,” and God is called in
Ps.136.2, “God of gods,” to indicate that in both cases supremacy, so here is Song of
Songs is used to show its supremacy over all other songs. This is the best love song in
the history of the world. To understand it is to understand how God desires the physical
love that a man and woman have for each other to look. You see, Solomon may have
penned this song, but God inspired it. He may have published it, but the Almighty
composed it. This song was inscribed by the wisest of man in history as indicated by
1Ki.3.12, “So God said to him, …"I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that
there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.” This godly wisdom
was evident by his actions. 1Ki.4.31-34, “He was wiser than any other man, …his fame
spread to all the surrounding nations.
He spoke three thousand proverbs and his
songs numbered a thousand and five. He described plant life, ... He also taught about
animals and birds, reptiles and fish. Men of all nations came to listen to Solomon's
wisdom, sent by all the kings of the world, who had heard of his wisdom.” Only Jesus
had more wisdom for the Lord said of Solomon’s wisdom in Lu.11.31, “and now one
greater than Solomon is here.” The wisest man may have written it on earth but the one
who made him that way created it in heaven. Notice from the scripture in 1Ki.4.32 that
Solomon wrote one thousand and five songs. Today, out of all of those only this one
survived thru the ages. Concern for the other writings should not worry us greatly for
they are shadowed when we consider they are inferior to this one. Of all of his no doubt
beautiful songs only this one is scripture. This is the one God chose and rightly named it
the Song of Songs. Here is Solomon at his best. But more importantly, this song is God
quality. Now as wise as he was, Solomon’s reputation was tainted as much as Tiger
Woods is today. Listen to 1Ki.11.1-6, “King Solomon, however, loved many foreign …
the LORD had told the Israelites, "...they will surely turn your hearts after their gods."
Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had seven hundred wives of royal
birth and three hundred concubines …as Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart
after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, …so
Solomon did evil in the eyes of the LORD.” Notice that the older and more promiscuous
he became the more his heart turned from the Lord. We must consider then that the Song
of Songs was penned before his heart turned away from God. He probably penned this
song somewhere during the time when the Queen of Sheba said of him in 1Ki.10.7-9,
“…in wisdom and wealth you have far exceeded the report I heard. How happy your
men must be! How happy your officials, who continually stand before you and hear
your wisdom! Praise be to the LORD your God who has delighted in you.” We do our
best work when our hearts are pure before God. Sin has a way of clouding purity,
weakening love and corrupting wisdom. But before we begin our study we must address
two last points. The first is how to correctly interpret this beautiful song and secondly is
to addressing if such an explicit song belongs in the bible in the first place. Interpretation
is important and understanding Solomon’s character is key. Solomon’s greatest attribute
was wisdom. This he was known for and had in abundance. In keeping with this his
greatest strength we see how wisdom loves. In other words, if wisdom were made flesh it
would love and see the love between a man and woman like this. It would feel the
passion, excitement and delight of sensual love like one smelling a sweet fragrance for
the first time. Its heart would beat thinking of the pleasures of love and being loved.
Today our view of things sensual or sexual is distorted because we have failed to define it
in a holy and godly way. As we discover the Song of Songs, we shall see otherwise.
Whether the song is an actual historical event or purely allegorical, we may never know.
And while I tend to believe it is not an actual historical courtship but a song,
interpretations vary. What matters is that we should take from this love song the lesson
that it is okay to love, sensually, deep and passionate. The second issue is one of
understanding. When God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, they had to at
some point desire each other and passionately love. It has not changed. Still we should
fall in love, desire our spouse and at some point go into secret chambers together. Once
we see how the world has utterly defiled itself with lust, it is easy to see that God’s
instructional book on love is necessary. The Hebrew scholars never doubted the need for
this book and neither should we. It has been in the Hebrew bible since its inception and
was not disputed by the compilers of our canon. It is God’s love song and it belongs in
God’s book.
As we explore the book we will find the lover and the beloved conversing
and complimenting each other.
She will constantly call him lover, delighting in his
kisses and desiring to enter his chambers. Sensuality is described in such passionate
details. She calls herself his garden and longs for her lover to “come into his garden and
taste its choice fruits.” And he responds, “I have come into my garden… I have
eaten… I have drunk.” The lover describes his beloved’s body in such delicate details
as if each part of it was the most important.
In chapter seven the lover says “How
beautiful are your sandaled feet … your graceful legs …your navel …your waist …
your navel …your breast …your neck …your eyes …your nose … your head …your
teeth … your hair”, always comparing her features to something he finds delightful.
We should not let the intimacy of love frighten us or our fear of sensuality prevent us
from enjoying this godly love song. On the other hand if we concentrate too much on the
physical the songs becomes lewd and erotic and we miss the point entirely. Always
remember this is scripture and it should be taken as such. God is trying to tell us
something very important or this song would not be in our bible. Lets explore his
message to us together.
The Courtship
So.1.2 “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.”
This love song begins with
passion and sensuality. It commences with romantic fervor and starts with the desire for
physical love. As we get older and become hardened by life, we sometimes forget the
tenderness of love. We forget how we felt when our lover first noticed us across a
crowed room or the feeling when our eyes met for the first time. But soon came the
tenderness of that first touch, the holding of hands and we felt like we were in heaven.
And then the first kiss came. Remember how we practiced in the mirror, on our hand or
arm to make sure we got it right. When that first kiss came we were nervous and yet
excited beyond limits. This is the tenderness of fresh love that often becomes callous
over time with the harshness of this world and that many couples spend a lifetime trying
to rekindle. This love is sensitive, yet is burning and passionate. It is a romantic love, a
love we all need. I believe this need for romance is why God made Eve. Ge.2.20, “But
for Adam no suitable helper was found.”
When God presented Eve to Adam there a
spiritual, physical and romantic connection. Ge.2.23, “The man said, "This is now bone
of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out
of man.” Can you sense the passion in his statement, the anticipation in his voice? This
is that kind of sensual love that we find in a young Shulammite girl in Solomon’s song.
She has seen the most handsome and noblest of men. The thought of him consumes her
days; contemplation of seeing him chases away gloom and brightens her existence. To
be near him is pleasure to her soul. She is among many maidens brought near to the
palace, perhaps to be chosen by the king. Day by day she is groomed for her first
meeting with his majesty. Oh how passionate has her love grown for the king that
perhaps may choose her out of hundreds or thousands. The anticipation of an audience
fills her mind. She says, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.” This kiss is
one of desire, of anticipation, of hope. She longs to have one such as her beloved bring
her ever so close in an embrace, no one kisses at a distance, and enjoin a passionate kiss.
It is not that she will run to him to kiss him but that he would draw near to her in a
passion kiss out of his own desire for his beloved and thus satisfy her desire also. She
has never kissed him but imagines the delight of it based on what she knows of him. The
Shulammite maiden says in So.1.2, “for your love is more delightful than wine.” While
some may want the sensuality of this love to be more spiritual to make it suitable for
church, the Hebrew word for love as used here is dodim.
It refers to a physical
expression of love between a man and a woman. This young Shulammite desires for her
lover to love her physically. There is nothing wrong with physical love for God ordained
and commanded it. Ge.1.28, “God… said, ‘be fruitful and increase in number; fill the
earth and subdue it.” And when physical love is God based it is always holy and clean.
He.13.4, “Marriage …honored …marriage bed …pure.” So lets not try to clean
something up that is already holy. For scripture says in 2Ti.3.16, “All Scripture is Godbreathed and is useful for …training in righteousness. The Shulammite maiden says in
“So.1.2, “for your love is more delightful than wine.” As one would judge a good wine
she has judged her lover. Since I am not a wine connoisseur, I defer to the experts. I am
told that first the wine is looked at for color and clarity. Pour it in the appropriate glass
and tilt it and then swirl the wine to determine its clearness. If it is cloudy or has
sediment it is not a good wine. Next, smell it to get a sense of the aroma. One must sniff
it to get a good first impression. Is it sweet and pleasant? Now stick your nose down into
the glass and inhale deeply. Swirl the wine and smell again. Judge how the aroma
affects you? Finally, taste the wine. Start with just a sip at first and let the wine roll
around in your mouth. Is it good? Is it pleasant? Next, take a drink to discern the flavor
and type of wine. How is the taste? Does it agree with you? And finally, after you have
drunk, determine what kind of aftertaste is left in your mouth? Is there bitterness or is it
so pleasing that you would want more and more? This symbolizes the type of courtship
here. This young maiden has seen a real man in the king. After a long look all she can
find in him is purity and clarity. Dressed in his royal red and purple attire he is more
beautiful than the best wine poured into crystal goblet. She desires to kiss him because
he is sweet. She inhales deeply and his love fills her being. The taste of the best wine
will eventually fade. But her desire is to taste his aroma through kissing and allow his
taste to linger on her lips forever.
She can only imagine at this point how it would be
because his “love is more delightful than wine.” As if that wasn’t enough, she imagines
how he smells. Few things excite our passions more than the good smell or aroma on the
body of our lover.
She continues in So.1.3, “Pleasing is the fragrance of your
perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out.” Perhaps she has gotten close enough
once to smell him, but more likely she has seen his numerous attendants and observed his
entourage.
She can only imagine how he smells. He is regal and he is royalty. The
imagination is an amazing thing. Sometimes we can smell fragrances not with our noses
but with our minds. Because he is so wonderful to look at, his name so highly regarded
and he is so amazingly beautiful his fragrance fills the entire kingdom. And when she
mentions his name she can taste it on her tongue and can smell his name when others
speak it. “Did someone say Solomon?” The mention of his name and the fragrance of
his perfume of it make her want to kiss him, and not just any kiss, the kisses of his mouth
because she wants to taste him. So.1.3, “No wonder the maidens love you!” She is not
alone in her desire for him for he is every young maiden’s desire. Each of them prays
and hopes they are chosen. All want to fall in love with someone of such grace and
stature. The maidens speak of him as if he belonged to each of them. These maidens
wants this song to be their song, this love story their love story, this romance, passion and
delight to be their own. But they must be denied for he can only belong to one. The
Shulammite maiden says in So.1.4, “Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the
king bring me into his chambers.” Ah, anticipation. When she can no longer stand the
wait and desire begins to overtake her, she cries out to be with her lover. “Take me away
with you. Hurry, my love for I can stand it no longer. I long for your kisses, your love
and fragrance. Take me to your chambers so I can enjoy your love, just you and I.”
What desire! What passion! Of all the maidens he could choose, she cries out, “Desire
me”. Her longing is to be chosen by the one she loves so she can know his intimacy.
Here is a heart that is open, laid bare for all to see. There is no pretense that she does not
want him, no playing hard to get. And where better to enjoy her beloved than in his
secret chambers, the place reserved for privacy. Let there be no doubt that she desires an
intimate physical relationship with her beloved.
While there is no mention of marriage
there is also no actual physical contact either. It is only desire. It is a desire that is so
strong, so overwhelming that those who are maidens themselves also hope she is chosen.
They see her love for him and say so in So.1.4, “We rejoice and delight in you; we will
praise your love more than wine.” How can she not be chosen? See how she loves him.
Sure, they all would like to be chosen but because of her love for the king they would
gladly give way to the Shulammite. Next, the Shulammite saddens us with her story.
Will the king still choose her?
Beauty (Part I)
When the Shulammite saw that so many women adored her beloved, it made her love him
all the more. Many today would become irritated or even incensed if another man or
woman commented their spouse’s beauty, let alone adore her. It is because of our jealous
and skeptical nature that many a kind word has gone unsaid. And due to our wayward
suspicions many gracious comments, polite and considerate remarks are never uttered.
But when the maidens of the land adored the one the Shulammite maiden loved and
longed for she said in So.1.4, “How right they are to adore you!”
If she found him
beautiful then others who had eyes would also. If she reveled in his aroma then others
who had noses would be just as captivated. We put on fragrance and perfumes to go to
work not because our spouses are there but so we can smell good to others. And if her
lover’s charm and magnetism drew a second look from her, then why should the maidens
be any different? So we echo her words again, “How right they are to adore you!” And
as if in contrast to her lover’s flawlessness and his admiration by all, she finds that others
may not see her beauty the same. So she defends her beauty from those who would
criticize it. So.1.5, “Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem.”
Who has not
looked in the mirror and noticed imperfection? And by what standard do we judge our
own flaws? Is it not by those whom society has told us were handsome and beautiful?
As we compare ourselves to their standards, we soon discover that our hair is too short
and coarse, our waist is too large and pudgy, our lips are too thick and wide, our face is
too round and fat and our skin is too ugly and dark. So we use wigs, chemicals, dyes and
cosmetics to hide our blemishes so that we might become more like those of whom we
think are perfect. We cover body parts that we don’t want others to notice and choose
wear to reveal those parts that we think have more appeal, making us beautiful and sexy.
But I say, we have been duped, bamboozled, hoodwinked and scammed into accepting
the world’s definition of beauty. We all must realize that we can never meet the world’s
requirements for good looks, its conditions for perfection or its demands for flawlessness.
The true search for beauty must begin in God’s word. He has set a standard that every
person can achieve regardless of what we see in the mirror. 1Pe.3.3-5, “Your beauty
should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of
gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is
the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves
beautiful.” My paraphrase is this, “Your beauty does not come from how you dress or fix
your hair or the jewelry worn. Instead you are beautiful inside by being gentle and
peaceful. That kind of beauty never grows old or fades. When you act this way, you get
God’s attention. Then everyone will know how lovely you are. Others came before you
and tried it and it really worked. So put your hope in God and you will be beautiful too!”
The Shulammite knew how others might view her because she had dark skin. But she
also knew that she had an inward and everlasting beauty. So she adorned herself with
that peaceful and gentle spirit, that unfading beauty that men respect and honor. It is the
kind of woman that men dream of. For it was Solomon himself who said in Pr.21.9,
“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”
We must come to a place where we realize that our beauty is a not defined Hollywood,
glamour magazines, celebrities or even our friends and relatives. When God sent the
prophet Samuel to pick a new king to replace a rebellious king Saul he said in 1Sa.16.7,
“Do not consider …appearance or …height, …The LORD does not look at the things
man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
As we begin to see ourselves as the Lord sees us we will find that we are more beautiful
than we could have ever imagined.
Solomon had it right in Ps.31.30, “Charm is
deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
What the Shulammite knew and what we must come to realize is that we must see our
own inner beauty and feel comfortable where we are. The Shulammite says of her skin
complexion in So.1.5, “…dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of
Solomon.” Now Kedar was a wandering or nomadic Arabian tribe that raised goats,
mostly black, and lived in tents made from their skins. But we must understand the
greater meaning here. These Arabian goats have two grades of hair. First, its black
outside coat is coarse and rough. Once the goat is skinned its hide is good material for
sturdy tent coverings for protecting one’s home from a harsh environment. When the
Shulammite girl looked at the darkness her skin of it reminded her of the black tents of
Kedar. But then she says, “like the tent curtains of Solomon.” Because of the harsh
conditions these goats are raised in, they develop a soft inner coat to keep them warm.
These fluffy long hair fibers grow on the underbelly of the goat and are extremely
delicate and soft. They are harvested and woven into shawls, capes, sweaters and coats.
It takes one goat four years to develop enough wool for one sweater, making these
products very expensive. Cashmeres are made from this luxurious wool and are known
for feeling soft and silky on the skin. So as she begins to explain why she is so dark, lest
they get the wrong idea of her, others are put on notice that she is still a maiden, soft and
delicate.
The Shulammite maiden clung to her inner strength, sure of whom she was
inside, not allowing others to define her.
So she says, “like the tent curtains of
Solomon.” Ah, the elegance that accompanies surety.
The Shulammite did not look
beyond her skin color, she accepted it and realized that like Solomon’s curtains she had a
dark and flowing beauty. And like those curtains she was dark enough to have privacy
and revealing enough to stir the imagination of those who peered at the silhouette of
those inside. Like those curtains, the Shulammite was dark yet refined, soft and delicate.
She was black yet graceful and desirable. This is the strength of a woman. Where others
might judge her attractiveness, she remained steadfast in knowing her own inner beauty.
So she says in So.1.6, “Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened
by the sun. My mother's sons were angry with me and made me take care of the
vineyards.” Everyone is concerned about how others view us. And truthfully if we are
told long enough that we are beautiful or ugly we begin to believe it. The Shulammite
maiden warns her friends of judging her because of the darkness of her skin without
knowing the reason. This is not about race but about beauty. They must have wondered
how one so graceful and peaceful could come to be so dark. Her beauty was so admired
for these same friends say of her in So.1.8, “(the) most beautiful of women.” Surely
someone with her inner beauty and strength was raised in luxury with wonderful parents.
But it was not so. Coming from a broken home, she had abusive siblings who mistreated
her, as her mother was unwilling or unable to stop them. Like her, many children are
raised with no father (she never mentions her father), half brothers and sisters, terrible
living conditions and often live in crime-infested neighborhoods. Some are often told
they are no good, ugly or stupid. And many, many more are simply abused. And while
many children grow up with behavior problem, believing they are bad, unwanted and
ugly, I have seen a different story. I have seen gracefulness and beauty come from these
same groups. I have seen the most well-behaved and beautiful children come out of
homes where I would think could not produce them. And from many homes where I
think the children would be the pillar of discipline and grace and beauty, I have seen
snobby, disrespectful and full of attitudes. Beauty is far deeper than skin or hair or dress.
Here the young Shulammite girl was poor and mistreated but maintained her beauty.
Remember the scripture we paraphrased earlier. “Your beauty does not come from how
you dress or fix your hair or the jewelry worn. Instead you are beautiful inside by being
gentle and peaceful. That kind of beauty never grows old or fades. When you act this
way, you get God’s attention. Then everyone will know how lovely you are. Others came
before you and tried it and it really worked. So put your hope in God and you will be
beautiful too!” Next week. Beauty (Part II).
Beauty (Part II)
Life has a way of throwing many twists. Some of us are born with the right color eyes,
texture of hair, skin color, height and other features that we feel make us more desirable
to look at by many in society. Then there are those of us who by no help, fault or will or
our own were born, if we accept it, all wrong. Our hair is too nappy, our skin too dark
and our features are just not as beautiful as others we see. So many of us do not like what
we see in the mirror. Even those who seem to have all the right features are subject to
beauty’s mishaps. A car accident paralyzes; a skin disorder peels the flesh; a mastectomy
takes a breast and all of a sudden people see us differently. Yesterday we were beautiful
and today we are not on undesirable but abhorred. Even husbands and wives often see
each other differently when these calamities happen. A blooming love life can turn into a
wasteland by the wrong scar, lost of limb or other defect. Because we are so fragile, it
takes a lot less than a catastrophe for others, even loved ones, to see us in a different
light. Going bald, gaining weight, loss of teeth, graying of hair or wrinkled skin all hews
away at our beauty like a sculptor’s chisel. Here we find that her brothers forced the
Shulammite maiden into manual labor. In her zeal to please them and work hard she
neglected a personal responsibility. So.1.6, “My mother's sons were angry with me and
made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected.” Her vineyard
is her own body. It is so easy to get hurried by life and caught up in its web of trials that
we pay little attention to our own bodies. Husbands have a responsibility to their wives
to be neat, in shape and to always be that groom she adored. And wives likewise have a
responsibility to their husbands to present themselves always as a beautiful bride that
won his eye at the beginning. Now I know that age and circumstance take their toll.
None of us can do anything about age or any other circumstance beyond our control. We
still have a responsibility however, to look the best we can with what we have to work
with for the sake of the one we love. In this case it is not enough just to endure till death
do us part. Paul said in 1Co.3.16-17, “Don't you know that you yourselves are God's
…God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.”
And again he said in 1Co.7.4,
“The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same
way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” We must
maintain our bodies for the Lord and for our spouses as best we can. The Shulammite
maiden knew she had neglected her body and was ready to correct it for her lover. With
confidence she knows her lover would look beyond her physical faults and see the beauty
of the maiden within. This reminds me of Dottie Rambo who at the age of eight started
writing songs. At twelve years old she gave her life to Jesus Christ and immediately
started writing gospel lyrics. Her father told her to give up this Christian music or leave
home. By sixteen she was out of the house and travelling with a revival. Dottie
continued to write. You have heard lots of her lyrics. One song in particular says, “I
shall forever lift my eyes to Calvary, to view the cross where Jesus died for me; how
marvelous the grace that caught my falling soul, he looked beyond my fault and saw my
need.” This is how the Shulammite maiden feels. Her lover would not see the darkness
of her skin as a flaw. He would look beyond that and see it as a part of what makes up
the one he loves. Like him we must look beyond the physical flaws of those we love and
see the beauty that lies within. In the Shulammite maiden’s confidence she says in
So.1.7, “Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your
sheep at midday.” So overwhelmed with his amazing beauty and character she wonders
aloud. “Oh my love, I know you are a shepherd. If I only knew where you graze your
flock, where you set up tent in the heat of the day, I would come to you.”
The
Shulammite maiden desires to come to her lover to kiss him and smell his aroma and
enter his chambers. There is no thought but that he will receive her. If anyone will
recognize her beauty it is he whom she loves. But there are so many tents, so may
shepherds and sheep. How could she ever find the one she loves among so many? If
only he could know and sense her desire he would come to her. The Shulammite maiden
knows that if she searches long enough, and she is willing, that eventually she would find
the one her heart loves. Other shepherds however might get the wrong impression
thinking she is a prostitute going from tent to tent looking for customers. Certainly she
does not want to be confused with one of them. She is devoted to one man; her desire has
one passion and her body reserved for one lover. This is how we should feel about Christ.
Mk.12.30, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with
all your mind and with all your strength.” And as we feel about Christ we should feel
about our spouse. Part of the traditional marriage vows says, “Will you love her/him,
comfort her/him, honor, and keep her/him in sickness and in health, and forsaking all
others, be faithful to her/him as long as you both shall live?” Let there be no doubt, her
body is reserved for her lover alone. The young Shulammite says in So.1.7, “Why
should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?” Translation, “If I
only knew where to find you, my love, then I would not go from tent to tent like a
prostitute.” Like the young Shulammite maiden, so many are looking for love.
Many
are going from lover to lover to lover to lover, trying to find that one that respects them
and sees them as beautiful. They are searching for someone that makes their heart skip
like deer on the open plain. We all want love that is exciting and romantic. It’s called
unconditional love. But too often we loose focus. To often we are in a hurry for love,
too much in a rush to feel our hearts burn and too much in a haste to find fulfillment.
Some have allowed the flesh to rule their senses and have failed to see the beauty in
waiting or enjoying the one they are with. If we could only realize that there is only one
tent, one lover and one shepherd that’s right for us. Overhearing the Shulammite’s desire
for her lover, her friends say to her in So.1.8, “If you do not know, most beautiful of
women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the
shepherds.” When we are chaste and pure others will take notice. She is not the most
beautiful of women because she is physically so, but because she is strong, confident and
sure. She is smart yet innocent, inexperienced yet sophisticated, youthful yet wise. To
know that her lover is in the fields ready to receive her if only she could find him and
make him notice her is too much to bear. Her friends tell her, “follow the tracks of the
sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.” This is wise advice.
The Shulammite maiden is to follow her heart. She has daydreamed and hoped long
enough. The fire that burns in her is too strong to go unquenched. But if she would win
him then she must have an interest in what he desires. I doubt she has much interest in
goats, but her lover does. I do not believe she wants to be on the plains among the tents
of the shepherds but that is what he loves. So she will graze her few goats not really
knowing how. If she wants a shepherd then she must become a shepherdess. If she
wants him to choose her and he find her beautiful then she must take an interest in the
things that interest him. There he will see her work, even if it is haphazardly for here it is
the thought that counts. It is here that he will behold her beauty thru those rugged clothes
and admire her audacity for what it is and find in her a lover. From his tent he see her
from afar. She has tried to get his attention, having pranced and danced for him. Finally
he has noticed, finally she knows that her lover has seen her. Now listen to him speak of
her in So.1.9, “I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of
Pharaoh.” She began with “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth” and he
begins even more romantically.
A mare is an adult female horse. The horses of
Pharaoh’s chariots were stallions, which are male horses. Stallions in the presence of a
mare in heat are almost uncontrollable with desire. When her lover saw her he became
like a stallion. His desire for her was almost more than he could handle. This is the love
that can and should exist between husband and wife. This is the love that exists between
Christ and us. We are his and his desire for us was so strong that he gave his life. The
Song of Songs is bringing us ever closer to each other and our beloved Jesus Christ.
Compliments
When was the last time someone told you how beautiful you are, how great you smelled
or how much he or she liked what you were wearing? Do you remember how good that
made you feel? It was like receiving a fresh bouquet of roses. Has anyone ever told you
that they wanted to be your friend? It just warms the heart, doesn’t it? Now do you
remember if anyone ever told you that you were ugly, smelled badly or you were wearing
an ugly dress? And has anyone told you that they didn’t like you or even hated you for no
reason? Remember how those words felt? They hurt didn’t they? I’ve held some of our
little ones in my arms while they cried because of what others have said to or about them.
It has always been said that children can be cruel and say some mean and terrible things.
And while that is true, children have not cornered the market on meanness. Adults say
many mean and nasty things to and about each other also. Husbands and wives, brothers
and sisters, parents and children, family members and neighbors all say things that are
intended offend the other. These hurtful remarks are aimed to make the other party feel
pain. Many times we regret what was said in anger and wish we could take those meanspirited words back. But once those offensive words are spoken they becomes a cutting
edge piercing the tenderness of the heart. Ja.3.10, “Out of the same mouth come praise
and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.” Too many of us know how to criticize,
to hurt and curse but have not learned how to say kind words. Our focus today is to show
the benefit of a compliment. It is to show how tender words of praise can heal and flatter
even the most hardened soul. And while our focus is mainly the bond between two
lovers, these truths are universal in all relationships. In the Song of Songs we learn to
compliment each other. In fact it is the only place I know in scripture where lovers
continually compliment each other’s beauty. Listen to the beautiful words of love. “I
liken you, my darling …Your cheeks are beautiful ...How beautiful you are, my
darling! Oh, how beautiful!”
I believe the three most romantic words a husband can
say to his wife are “You are beautiful.” These words, like the words of hurt and criticism
also pierce the heart. But instead of causing pain they are a source of pleasure bringing
joy and happiness to the soul. One of the greatest destroyers of intimacy is the lack of
compliments we give each other.
When I was courting my wife, I would use all of the
best lines I could find. Some of the most famous lines of my day and some I even used
were found in our music. For instance, there was a line from the Temptations that went
something like this.
“You've got a smile so bright, you know you could have been a candle
I'm holding you so tight, you know you could have been a handle
The way you swept me off my feet, you know you could have been a broom
The way you smell so sweet, you know you could have been some perfume.”
Who does not want to be told, after they have toiled in front of the mirror and put on their
best clothes and sweetest perfume to look and smell their best, that they look nice? The
Song of Songs gives us guidance on how to compliment our spouses. As Solomon
notices the beauty of the Shulammite maiden he says to her in So.1.10, “Your cheeks are
beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels.” He looks at her and all he
sees is his beloved’s natural beauty. It is one thing to tell your lover she is beautiful after
the cosmetics, hairdo’s and jewelry, but its entirely another to compliment her beauty
beforehand. Out among the tents of the shepherds, feeding her goats on the rugged
terrain, the poor Shulammite girl has adorned herself as best she could. I can imagine
how she fashioned makeshift earrings and perhaps strung together some rugged jewelry
to impress her lover. It is enough. It is not the crude earrings and improvised jewels that
caught his attention and made her beautiful but the idea that she dressed as best she could
with what she had for the one she loves. Here she has gone out of her way to impress her
lover. Where some would have found reasons to criticize, “You smell like goats, or you
are too dark or too prosy.” Solomon in his wisdom sees much more than the outer
appearance and gives his best compliments. We would do well to understand that our
spouses are often looking for approval of the way they look or a confirmation of their
beauty. Compliments are required continually. Our voices speak loudly when we tell
them of their beauty but it can be even more piercing when we don’t. Compliments
should be practiced until they flow from us as easy as a springtime stream and as
effortless as a soft morning breeze. After seeing her efforts to become beautiful for him,
Solomon says in
So.1.11, “We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver.”
What Solomon does for the Shulammite is a typology of what Christ does for us. We do
all that we can to make ourselves ready for him, to be his bride. 1Co.3.16, “Don't you
know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?” And as
his temple we are to keep ourselves clean and pure.
But in all that we do, we are still
flesh and blood, are made up of dirt and water, living in bodies not fit for heaven. Yet
you must as is said in Ro.12.1, “… offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and
pleasing to God.”
And still our bodies are not fit for heaven. So his word says in
1Co.15.50-53, “…flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God …we will all be
changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye …we will be changed …imperishable
…with immortality.” Now notice that Solomon says to his Shulammite maiden, “You
made yourself beautiful with your limited resources but I have an unlimited storehouse.
To adorn your beauty I will replace your temporary earrings with those of gold studded
with silver. You are already perfection with temporary adornment so I will decorate you
with everlasting grace.” And with such wonderful words he sweeps her off her feet. All
she can think of now is being with him. No longer does she feel as if she is in the fields
watching goats. In her mind she is dining with the king. So.1.12, “While the king was
at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance.” Perhaps once she got a glimpse of him
in his royal palace as he sat at his table. Now this is not just any table but it is the king’s
table. It is the table of the richest man living. The queen of Sheba once sat at this table.
1Ki.10.4-8, “When the queen of Sheba saw all the wisdom of Solomon and the palace
he had built, the food on his table, the seating of his officials, the attending servants in
their robes, his cupbearers … she was overwhelmed. She said, “…not even half was
told me; in wisdom and wealth you have far exceeded the report I heard.” The
Shulammite imagines she is at this table with her lover on one end and she the other. Her
perfume is so striking, so sweet and satisfying that it spreads from one end to the other
like the aroma of a royal feast. All her lover can think about is her fragrance and beauty.
The imagery here is one of banqueting. The young Shulammite wants her lover to
consider her his feast, to dine on her love. She is not wearing the perfume for the
attendants and guest but that her lover will desire her the more. There may be many
people at this table, but her lover can distinguish her scent and aroma easily. Husbands
and wives would do well to take notice of each other’s efforts. When we compliment and
praise our spouses we get expected results. First, we make them feel special. Our praise
should go well beyond the standard, “I love you”. This often is the expected thing to say.
Notice that not once has the king or Shulammite said those words.
Instead each has
complimented the other’s beauty and aroma. This takes love to a new and higher level.
In their tributes they have stirred the passions of each other. Like two sticks rubbed
together to start a fire, our words of praise crossed each other to ignite a flame. This is
how we won our lovers and fanned the flames of passion in the beginning.
Complimenting is how we will keep them burning. Secondly, when we compliment our
lover, we not only ignite their passion, we ignite ours. You see your lover really is
beautiful. It is just that many of us have succumbed to the world’s definition of beauty
that we simply cannot see it anymore. When you begin to find ways to compliment her
and appreciate her efforts, you will begin to actually see the obvious. She really is a finelooking woman. Her perfume really is exciting and her dress is really lovely. When we
fail to give a compliment for their efforts it sometimes hurts just as if we had said a cruel
thing. On the other hand, you may never hear them say thank you for the compliment
you shared but it is appreciated more than you may ever know. Pr.16.24, “Pleasant
words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Abraham
Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment.” You should have fresh a bucket of
compliments, handpicked and reserved for your lover everyday. Amen.
Sexual Beings
It is clear from scripture that God made each of us a sexual being. But what that means is
far more than many understand and practice today. Ge.1.27-28, “So God created man in
his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the
earth.” It is hard to multiply and fill the earth without a sexual attraction driving us.
Therefore God made us with certain hormones like testosterone and estrogen that
increase our desire for each other. And while many allow themselves to be controlled by
their desires alone, God never intended it to be so. Throughout scripture we find phrases
in the King James like Ge.4.1, “And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived,” or in
Ru.4.22, “And Obed begat Jesse, and Jesse begat David.” However in the Songs of
Songs we learn that before copulation comes flattery, enticements, wooing, romance,
courting and marriage. As we explore the Song of Songs we will find that being sexual
beings means far more than just physical pleasure or a satisfying of body alone. Having
never consummated their marriage the king and the Shulammite maiden have expressed
an intimacy that many of us would do well to discern. Remember that the Song of Songs
is God’s instruction book on intimacy and we should allow it to guide us to the highest
form of intimate love. One day soon our young women and men will be flattered and
enticed by the opposite sex. Soon their hormones will ignite and boys and girls will be
seen a little differently. It is important to learn that the passion that will burn in you must
be controlled. It is also important to know that God put that passion in you and gave you
the will to control it that it might ignite at the right time. It is never a good excuse to say
that you cannot control yourself. Take a lesson from the Shulammite maiden who has
found one who makes feel as if she cannot contain her fire. Listen to her as she describes
her desire for her lover, the king. So.1.13, “My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting
between my breasts.” Previously, she said that her fragrance reached him at his table and
now we see her intended result.
She reached out to him with sweet perfume and
imagines that he has responded and has come to rest between her breasts. “My lover is to
me”, meaning, “This is how I see my lover.” She sees him as a sachet of myrrh. Myrrh
is a gum-oil resin taken from the bark of trees growing in Arabia. Myrrh has a unique
scent that when mixed with perfumes is striking. It has many uses, one of which is to
entice men. When Esther was preparing to go before the king she had to endure a beauty
regimen to ensure the king would be attracted to her. Es.2.12, “Before a girl's turn came
to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments
prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and
cosmetics.” And in Es.2.14, “She would not return to the king unless he was pleased
with her and summoned her by name.” This was every girl’s one chance to impress and
myrrh was the perfect enticement. Even the proverbial adulteress woman in her attempt
to lure weak-willed men says in Pr.7.17-19, “I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes
and cinnamon …let's enjoy ourselves with love …my husband is not at home.” The
adulteress woman knew that scents arouse and can “put one in the mood.” But here we
find that it is not the young Shulammite who is enticing her lover, for he does not say she
is like myrrh to attract him but she says her lover “”is to me like a sachet of myrrh.”
What a reversal here. The very thought of him is stirring passions in her she did not
know she had. She imagines that this sachet, or if you will, her lover is resting between
her breasts. Understand the imagery here. She like most young people will one day find
the man or woman of their dreams. They will find someone who stirs all sorts of
passions within them. Just as the young Shulammite imagines intimacy with her lover, so
will our young people.
As she finds him irresistible and alluring but knows she must
contain the fire until the appropriate time, so should you. It is amazing that at just about
the right age when we are able to handle it, boys and girls begin to see each other as
mates. At just about the right time God created us so that something happens in us that
stirs their passions. Paul said that when that time comes it is time for many of us to
marry.
1Co. 7.9, “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is
better to marry than to burn with passion.” The passion will be so overwhelming for
many and the sexual drive so strong that to not sin many must marry to control it. This is
where the young Shulammite maiden is now. This passion is lying between her breasts
and draws her to her lover even more. So she continues in her desire, So.1.14, “My lover
is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi.” Henna blossoms
are aromatic and used in perfumes. But another blossoming flower is not what’s driving
the comparison this time but the location from which they come. Henna blossoms can be
found in many places but these are from En Gedi. You see En Gedi is an oasis in Israel.
It is a place of abundant springs and tropical temperatures that allow for fertile grounds.
En Gedi is mentioned in scripture as a refuge for David as he was chased by Saul and as a
depiction of wisdom in Ecclesiastes. But because of the fertility of the soil it was a
perfect place for growing the best of everything, including henna. The town was renown
for its perfume making. The young Shulammite imagines that her lover is sweet and
fertile. He is not some ordinary henna blossom but special as if he were raised from the
vineyards of En Gedi. She finds him not only irresistible but one who can satisfy the
passions that burn in her. He is sweet and fragrant, but he is also able to satisfy her
desires. The time will come when passions are stirred in all of us. We must make sure
that they do not overtake us. We must make sure that we don’t settle for anything other
than a sachet of myrrh between our breasts and a cluster of henna blossoms. Not just any
henna blossom but only the best that is grown from the best vineyards of En Gedi. I have
seen what uncontrolled passions and settling for less has done. It is not pretty at all.
Understanding the Shulammite’s words brings out a romantic comparison that carries as
much wisdom as it does sensuality. But do not think this is a strange. As we mature and
begin to choose a mate we too will use certain criteria. One of which is their physical
prowess and beauty. You see we can find men anywhere but how many can you find
from En Gedi?
Next week will continue to see how the king responds to his lover’s
desire as he says to her. So.1.15, “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how
beautiful! Your eyes are doves.” Remember the three most powerful words I said a man
could say to his wife are “You are beautiful”. Over and over again her lover calls her
beautiful. So.4.1, “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! So.6.4,
“You are beautiful, my darling.” Over and over again he reinforces the fact that she is
beautiful. But next week her eyes are doves; their house cedar and rafters are firs. And
oh yes, their bed is verdant.
Reclaim the Flame
According to a Barna Research Group study, Christians have a higher divorce rate than
the general public, even much higher than atheist and agnostics. They note that when
Christian marriages experience trials these couples find little support within the church
and depending upon the circumstances even rejection. The study indicates that the way
the church deals with marital issues has contributed to its members high divorce rate.
Additionally, according to the National Sleep Foundation survey, 25 percent of American
couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds. And since the church mirrors the general
population with often more dire numbers, it is clear from these statistics that romance is
waning in many Christian marriages. The effects of this lack of affection are farreaching. Many children rarely see mom and dad kissing or romantically embracing.
They watch as dad goes to one bedroom and mom another. They are affected when the
marriage falls apart just as much and more than the adults are. Too many husbands and
wives have long accepted this lack of romance in their marriage. Many see passion and
excitement in their love life as unchristian, unnecessary, as something crippled, or even
worse misinterpreting scripture that sexual desire died with the old man. Today we will
look at ways to recapture the flame of passion and excitement. We take our first lesson
from the lover in So.1.15, “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!”
While we have covered these words before, so today I want you to understand the feeling
behind these eloquent words. This expression is far more than, “Honey, you look good”.
Greater than that, these are words of ecstasy, elation and pleasure. Notice how many
times he calls her beautiful, each time fanning the flames of desire.
Solomon tells his
beloved in So.1.10, “Your cheeks are beautiful.” And she says of him in So.2.10, “My
lover …said to me, ‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one…” and when he says that she
responds in So.2.13, “Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one.” Then he says of her
in So.4.1, “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!” Can you see the
flames growing? And again he says in So.4.7, “All beautiful you are, my darling; there
is no flaw in you.” And again he calls her beautiful So.6.4, “You are beautiful, my
darling.” And again in So.7.1, “How beautiful your sandaled feet.” By now she is
glowing, craving his love. And lastly, only because there is no room left he says in
So.7.6, “How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!” With
each breathtaking word she becomes more breathless. With each burning phrase she
becomes more brilliant until she is fully ablaze with passion. He builds passion and fire
in her that he himself has set. He says in So.1.15, “How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.” The dove is symbolic of peace, romantic love
and beauty. When he looks into her eyes he sees her softness, her beauty and romance.
She is delicate and smooth, lovely and gentle. She is as beautiful and graceful as a gentle
breeze in an evening sunset. When he gazes at her beautiful eyes he see someone who
loves him unconditionally. One of the interesting things about a dove is that although it
has excellent sight with a binocular field of vision it can only focus on one thing at a
time. Solomon might have had this in mind as he sees someone who is totally devoted to
him and whose eyes alone, with a single glance mesmerizes his soul. The thought of this
beautiful creature totally devoted to him is almost more than he can bear. Consider his
words in So.4.9, “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my
heart with one glance of your eyes.” Oh that we can have love and have passion like
this everyday and show it to our children. This type of love is agape. Most of our
children grow up in homes with arguing and fighting parents. They’ve heard cursing and
yelling and have had many sleepless nights. Many go to bed afraid that one parent would
hurt or kill the other and many have feared for their own life. If they would learn the
proper relationship between man and woman, from whence shall it come? Shall we
expect them to learn how to love their husbands and wives from our own broken homes
or from television?
Where then shall they acquire the knowledge of knowing how to
love their spouse? What they should see is a father saying beautiful things to their
mother and she telling them how handsome and wonderful their father is. The reality in
many homes is otherwise. But if we do nothing they will learn indifference, apathy and
coldness, the very things that plague our relationships. Do you remember husbands the
first time she first looked at you and you noticed how beautiful she is? Her eyes were
just breathtaking. I tell you she has the same eyes. Now consider how the Shulammite
maiden’s eyes captivated her lover. So.6.5, “Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm
me.” Perhaps we became too busy or work too much or distracted by the cares of this
world, but somewhere along the way many lost this sense of passion. Somewhere along
the way her eyes became to familiar and we considered them evergreens instead of roses.
We took her single focus on us as something expected because of a marital vow. Listen
to her lover’s passion as he says to his beloved your eyes …they overwhelm me.” Many
marriages are like the Lord’s rebuke of the Laodiceans in Re.3.15 – 18, “…you are
neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! You say, 'I am rich; I
have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are
wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in
the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your
shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.” If there was no
passion, no fire at all or if the marriage was in serious trouble they would do something
about it. But many marriages are just there. Not hot, not cold, just there. They look and
see no problem and do not consider a lack of sensual romance a real issue. But their
marriages are poor, pitiful and blind but they do not realize it. God wants us to learn
from his word that we can restore passion as refined in the fire so our marriage can
become rich again and open our eyes that we can see how to see her eyes as dove eyes
once more. And the beloved responds to all of our efforts with So.1.16, “How handsome
you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.” When we treat her so
she invites us. She finds us handsome, but more than that she finds us charming and
irresistible. We have said all the right things, treated her all the right ways and she
responds as anyone would who is made to feel beautiful. She is now inviting. Her
response, “Our bed is verdant.” She imagines how it will be when they finally lie
together. The bed will be soft like springtime grass after a gentle rain that has been dried
by the warm sun. It will be fresh and scented like the smell of roses on a warm day. It
will be a bed of passion and romance as only her charming lover can provide. But more
than that, it will be innocent and immature. Verdant also mean inexperienced, and here it
applies to physical love.
Both have cherished the relationship so that neither has
wandered, neither has eyes for another, but like a virgin bride and a virgin husband, they
have only desire for the other. And that love is strong for she continues in So.1.17, “The
beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs.” When we think of Solomon’s
palace and its splendor, it is amazing that this young Shulammite would settle for a house
made of beams of cedar and rafter made from fir trees. But she was seeking passion, not
a palace, romance, not royalty and simplicity and not servants. This young Shulammite
would choose her lover without his riches. Her dream house is one that she and her lover
can enjoy together. It is far better to be happy than to be rich. As we recapture the
passion in our marriage, we must make priorities and decide what’s important. If we
must live in houses of cedar instead of palaces so that we can see the eyes of our beloved
in a new way, then let it be. Amen.
The Rose of Sharon
Self -worth
A couple of days ago my wife and I celebrated thirty-three years of marriage. I would
imagine by today’s standard that is a long time. But before divorces became so common
and morals and values took a steep decline, lengthy marriages were the norm. And while
many may have made the best of an unfortunate situation, many couples were actually
happy. There are some good marriages with happy couples today, but it’s getting harder
to be that way. Many Christians are trapped in unhappy marriages and no romance. The
passion light is gone out. I can say that I actually love my wife and am as happy as I can
be with her. But that is not the case for many. And many more do not feel that they are
worthy enough to be happy and deserve a life of misery because of something they did in
the past. As one of God’s creatures that can’t be further from the truth. As we continue
our study on the Song of Solomon we will reveal God’s plan for love and happiness. We
will see how God wants us to feel about ourselves and see our self worth through his
eyes.
We begin today in the Middle East. In and around the Mediterranean and Black
Sea a flower, a daffodil grows near the coast, just above high tide mark. It is a perennial
bulb with a long neck and linear leaves. The flowers have a pleasurable, exotic and very
delicate lily scent that can only become noticeable in the summer nights when the wind is
still.
This allows it elegant fragrance to become perceptible.
This little flower is
pollinated by a little insect called a hawk-moth that visits it when the wind is very, very
still. It cannot be pollinated any other way, not even if the wind blows the pollen from
one plant to another. It requires the hawk-moth. Once the seeds are planted, it takes
about four years for the Rose of Sharon to flower. This is the picture that the young
Shulammite maiden has in mind when she describes herself to her lover. She has lived
along the northern half of the coastal plain of Israel, called the Sharon plain, and probably
picked the delicate flowers to adorn her hair and decorate her home. She has observed
the little hawk-moths flying from one plant to another as if in the most calmest of
weather. So when its time to describe herself, she thinks of the most frail of flowers. She
is frail not in the sense of weakness but elegant and graceful, polished and refined. This
is how women should see themselves today. It is easy to see imperfections as you look in
the mirror, to notice every scar, bump and wrinkle. Often with each flaw, self-esteem
and one’s sense of worth takes a hit. The more we consider our perceived defects the
more our confidence erodes and soon we begin to lose self-respect. It is here we can
learn the lesson of the Shulammite maiden. Although darkened by the sun, after being
made to work in the vineyards and having neglected even her own flesh, this maiden has
confidence. She does not need anyone to tell her she was beautiful, she knows it. The
Shulammite knows she was special, just because she is God’s creation. That is enough!
Somewhere, somehow many of us have forgotten this. Many of us have made some bad
choices and feel that our days of beauty, our time of worth is over and we are not really
special to anyone, unless a cost is attached. But see how God sees you. 1Jn.3.1,”How
great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of
God! And that is what we are!” (Illustration $20.00 bill) The lesson the Shulammite
maiden reveals is that beauty is not made from the outside but created by God within. It
is already inside you and is revealed with your confidence in knowing whose you are.
1Pe.3.3-4, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment …instead it should
be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of
great worth in God's sight.” Now consider this maiden girl’s response. So.2.1, “I am a
rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.” To her beloved she says, I am delicate and special.
I know that I am fragile and special. I am not just any woman, any girl or maiden, I am
beautiful and special. I am a daughter of Abraham and special. Whether you recognize
me as special or not is up to you, for I am still a rose of Sharon. Notice she does not wait
for her lover to call her a rose or special, she is confident and knows who she is. But
there is another description here. So.2.1, “I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.”
The rose of Sharon grows on the coast, the lily in the valley. The rose of Sharon is
delicate, but the lily of the valley, well that’s another flower indeed. This lily or crocus,
is a perennial flowering plant that is hardy and can grow in a variety of habitats. It can
grow in the woods, in the meadows or on the mountains. It can bloom in the warmth,
cold or even in the snow. It is one tough little flower. One can by looking at it think it is
dead but with one rain or one warm day it springs back to life. That Shulammite maiden
is a rose of Sharon and very delicate is no doubt. That she is elegant and graceful and
fragile is sure. But don’t confuse tenderness with naivety. Don’t confuse charming with
weakness. This Shulammite maiden is tough. She is tough because she recognizes that
she is God’s creation and not to be pushed around, to be used and abused. In the same
breath she declares she is two different flowers, a rose of Sharon and a lily of the valleys.
What a beautiful balance. What harmony and confidence. Like the woman of Proverbs
31.22-31, “…she is clothed in fine linen and purple … with strength and dignity; she
can laugh at the days to come …She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction
…Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." …Charm is deceptive
…beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised …Give her the
reward she has earned.” This is the heart of the Shulammite maiden. The significance
here cannot be overstated. For just a few verses from now she shows wisdom as she
warns the other maidens who tried to rush her into something she was not ready for, to
wait for the consummation of love and do not be in such a hurry. So.2.7, “Do not arouse
or awaken love until it so desires.”
Many of us have heard the lines, “If you love me
you will…” or “I love you so much that we should…” There are dire consequences in
being rushed, for waking love at the wrong time. The Shulammite knows that when she
is wed to her lover, when she is respected as his wife, that only then the time to arouse
love to awaken it will be right. Perhaps she remembers that when the seed of the rose of
Sharon was planted it took a long time to flower, almost four years. There was no need
to rush to completion. Give love time to grow and when the time is right it will blossom.
When you have confidence in yourself, in your beauty and your strengths, others will
take notice. Consider then her lover’s response. So.2.2, “Like a lily among thorns is my
darling among the maidens. Who are the thorns, but those who don’t see their own
inner beauty? It is those same daughters of Jerusalem, those other maidens that fail to
have confidence in God that he created them beautiful and special. They need others to
tell them how special they are and that they are beautiful. These are the thorns. See how
her lover says it, “ My beloved is confident and beautiful, delicate and strong, she
radiates confidence and frailty and is so much better than other women that by
comparison she is as a lily among thorns.” Many consider the Song of Songs about a
relationship between Christ and the church. And in that light they see Christ as the rose
of Sharon and the lily of the valley. In 1881 Charles Fry wrote the now very popular
song that has a refrain that says, “He’s the Lily of the Valley, the Bright and Morning
Star. He’s the fairest of ten thousand to my soul.” But nowhere in scripture is Christ
referred to as either the rose of Sharon or the lily of the valley. From the popularity of
the song perhaps many assumed it was in the bible. That is not to say you are in error if
you consider him your rose of Sharon or lily of the valley, in that he is precious to you,
its just not in the bible that way. The other day my wife and I went up to the Shenandoah
Mountains to see the changing of the leaves. On top of the mountains one gets a different
perspective, one you can never get from the valley. It’s time for many of us to get a
different perspective and begin to see ourselves different. You are God’s rose and special
lily. God has made you that way. All you have to do is to begin to believe in it.
How to Choose a Mate
In the traditional marriage vows that a man and woman say to each other we read these
words, “Will you love, comfort, honor and keep, in sickness and in health, for richer, for
poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow
upon him/her your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto
him/her as long as you both shall live? One of the problems with marriages is that they
don’t last “as long as you both shall live”. Jesus said in Mt.19.5-6, “…a man will leave
his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So
they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not
separate.” It is clear that God intends a man to be married to one woman and the woman
to one man for as long as they both shall live. Paul said in 1Co.7.10-11, “A wife must
not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be
reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” Marriage as
intended by God is a monogamous relationship for life. It is restrictive in nature – one
man to one woman. 1Co.7.39, “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives.”
In all cases where a marriage ends it is clearly against the will of God and is not a part of
the plan he has for your life.
I believe the core of divorce, its foundation, the
underpinning issue of failed marriages is that the wrong choice is made in choosing a
mate. There are many scriptures that tell us how to act once we are married. 1Co.7.3-4,
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her
husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the
same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”
Clearly we belong to each other. And again in Ep.5.33, “…each one of you also must
love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” And there
are quite a few scriptures warning us against marrying the wrong person. 2 Co.6.14-15,
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness
have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is
there between Christ and Belial (Satan)? What does a believer have in common with an
unbeliever?” Christians should never date; go to a movie, prom or become romantically
involved with anyone who is not a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. We should not
attempt to save them through the dating process or try to persuade them at the prom. It
does not matter if they are a good person, clean cut, respectable or come from a good
home, they do not belong to Christ. No matter how you slice the cake, they are still
unbelievers and wicked. They are still in darkness and there can never be any harmony
between you and them. 1Co.7.39, “… free to marry anyone …but he/she must belong
to the Lord.” But in scripture there are very few verses that tell us how to handle the
passions that flood our hearts and burn like fire when we meet someone we are attracted
to. How do we know when to say no to our hearts and desires for another and when to
follow our hearts even in the face of criticism? To answer this difficult question we turn
again to the young Shulammite maiden in the Song of Songs. She says of her lover in
So.2.3, “ Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young
men.” She has lived among men all her young life. Many have perhaps sought her and
tried to gain her attention. But none moved her because they did not connect to her spirit
or appealed to her flesh. Then one day she saw someone that made all other men pale in
comparison. These other men were no less noble, but this one, this apple tree, did
something to her heart. This one made her nervous and passionate at the same time. This
one made her so excitable she was almost embarrassed. All the other men were just trees.
She could find nothing indistinguishable among them.
And this is the meaning of the
verse. The tall oaks, maples and pines could produce no nourishment. They all were just
trees. And just when you would think that all trees are the same, there stands one that
gets your attention. You draw near to it and find that it has fruit and that fruit is sweet.
This is the passion that you should feel when you fall in love. It is also the passion that
should persist in any marriage until the Lord takes one of you home. But passion is no
reason for single saints to ignore the Bible and sin by having sex outside the boundaries
God set. He has established marriage as the only union where sex is allowed. This is
why the word says in 1Co.7.9, “…if they cannot control themselves, they should marry,
for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Passion is a real thing. Now this
passion should be pure. It should be delightful and pleasant. That is, it should not be
mixed with disrespect, arguments or accusations. The Shulammite says in So.2.3, “I
delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” It feels good to be around
him. When he is with me I feel pleasure, happiness and delight. His words make me
shake with anticipation of what he will say next. It’s as if I can taste him, consume him
for he makes me feel special. This is the type of love that so many miss. I have seen
how the world courts. Without any thought of marriage or responsibility, they fight,
abuse each other, argue and then have babies together for someone else to rear. Then
they fight again, abuse each other again, argue again and then have more babies for
someone else to rear again. Not so for the believer who dates a believer. Behold the
difference. So.2.4, “He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is
love.” The courtship is based on love and respect. The young Shulammite may be
imagining that her lover is so tasteful that she can consume him like a most treasured
wine, banquet hall (house) means house of wine, or she actually imagines him taking her
away to a romantic and secluded place in his home and sharing a delightful and evening
is debatable. Either way the young maiden is in ecstasy. When the man is mature
enough to know better and the woman is mature enough to accept it, romance can be so
excitable, so euphoric and so delightful. Her lover unfurls a banner for all to see. A
banner is a flag that is used for decoration and advertising. One night in1814 a young 35
year-old lawyer and poet watched the British bombardment of Fort Henry in Baltimore
Maryland.
After a long and rainy night had past, he noticed that the Fort’s large
American flag waved in the wind. It moved him and inspired him to write these words.
Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
That young man was Francis Scott Key, whose poem would soon become our national
anthem. And that star-spangled banner has moved the hearts of Americans for almost
200 years. Similarly, in his love for the young Shulammite, her lover is so moved by her
beauty and presence that he raises a banner over his house for all to see. It’s as if he cries
out from his window, “Oh, say does my beloved’s banner yet wave, O’er the place in my
heart and the home that I made.” This is love. This is courtship. When you find a
Christian man that loves God and treats you like the lover treats the young Shulammite
and moves you to passion the way she is moved, and it feels right, you can begin to think
“mate”. You can begin to think love and marriage. Then and only then can you say like
the young Shulammite maiden in So.2.5, “Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with
apples, for I am faint with love.”
Faint with Love
As we said before, the bible gives us freedom to marry anyone our hearts desire, as long
as they are Christian. That is, we cannot marry Muslims, Buddhist, Hindus, atheist or
even bad and good men and women who don’t have Jesus Christ as their savior. But
once we have matured to the point that we have chosen someone whose life lines up with
God’s word then we can begin to enjoy love to its fullest. This is where the Shulammite
maiden is in So.2.5, “Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint
with love.” Having completely entrusted herself to her lover she relaxes in his arms. She
understands that as she is bound by the word of God so is he. Neither would dare
disappoint the Lord through fornication or lasciviousness. Yet, the love between them is
strong and as we all know, the flesh is weak. She loves him so much that it seems just
being near her lover makes her weak. The love she has for him is overwhelming her
being, overpowering her senses and threatens her self-control. In her metaphor of raisins
and apples, it is not actually her body that needs strengthening but her will and her ability
to contain herself. Though the flesh would love to succumb to the full pleasure of his
love, she realizes that she cannot. For not only does she honor her own body and her
lover, she honors God. The unbeliever has no such constraint. When love beckons, they
who are lost do not consider the God’s word or the Lord’s commandments. Wantonly
and without restraint, the unbeliever sees nothing wrong with a lascivious lifestyle as
long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. They fail to realize that premarital sex leaves a destructive
trail in its wake. Poverty, sexually transmitted diseases, fatherless children, stressed out
mothers, educational dropouts, behavioral problems and the list is virtually endless. If we
as Christians fail to control our desire to please the flesh, we to may be caught up in
lifestyles that are inappropriate and sinful. Let us not be like the heathen in Ro.1.24,
“Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity
for the degrading of their bodies with one another.” In other words he allowed them to
go as far as their lustful hearts could take them. When love is not restrained by God’s
word and when the flesh is left unchecked both become perverted. Listen to Ro.1.28,
“Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God,
so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.”
When love is kept under control by godly principles, it is pure. There is nothing wrong
with love or sex when operating in the confines of marriage. He.13.4, “Marriage should
be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and
all the sexually immoral.” We would ask then if two Christians who are in love and are
dating allowed any physical contact at all. Can they hold hands? Can they kiss? Can
they embrace each other? How far is too far? What is scripturally allowable? First
consider that the one you are in love with is also your sister or brother in Christ. This is a
fact that even many married couples forget all too quickly. Just as you do not want to sin
against the Lord, you certainly do not want to be the cause of those you love to sin either.
But there is no doubt that couples who are romantically attracted to each other will find
that their bodies also crave each other. This is why Paul said in 1Co.7.9, “But if they
cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with
passion.” But marriage is out of the question for many teenagers and many adults aren’t
ready either. Instead of saying what’s inappropriate, it is easier to say what is. The bible
gives us freedom in our relationships and does not set rigid standards. In all things we
are told to honor our sisters and brothers and to honor God. Ph.2.3-5, “Do nothing out
of selfish ambition …value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests
but …the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same
mindset as Christ Jesus.” These are the principles that should govern our lives even in
courtship. Just because you are dating does not mean you are no longer a Christian.
Consider 1Co.6.12-20, “Everything is permissible for me” – but not everything is
beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me – but I will not be mastered by anything
…The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord …Do you not know
that your bodies are members of Christ himself …Flee sexual immorality …Do you not
know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit …Therefore honor God with your
body.” One cannot put God on hold while a mate is found. Now, consider the courtship
of the Shulammite and her lover in So.2.6, “His left arm is under my head, and his right
arm embraces me.” He embraces her and uses his arm as her pillow. There is no sense
of disrespect against her, no idea of fornication, no thought of breaking God’s law. They
are in love and he courts, comforts and embraces her in his love. When we find our lover
in life, we should use the principles in Ph.4.8, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is
true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever
is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” You
simply cannot place God’s word on hold because your body craves for fulfillment. And
when you and your lover you find it impossible to think on the things of God when you
are together, it is time to end the courtship or be married. Mt.5.29-30, “If your right eye
causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one
part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right
hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one
part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” The young Shulammite girl
will not allow others to urge or dare her to move faster than she knows is proper. She
says to them in So.2.7, “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by
the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Peer pressure
is a terrible thing. If we succumb, it robs of our individuality and takes away our ability
to think independently. Peer pressure makes us one with the crowd, thinking and acting
like the pack. The young Shulammite maiden tells those who would push her into an
untenable situation to stop. Everyone wants to please and do what is expected. In this
way we are accepted, weak-willed, but accepted. It is peer pressure that helps us take
that first smoke, even though we cough and choke. It is peer pressure that gives us the
strength to do it again even though the first time almost killed us. It is peer pressure that
tells us it is okay to have sex outside of marriage even though we know the dangers of
pregnancy, disease and guilt. The draw of the flesh has enough pull. We don’t need to
be pushed by others also. When you find yourself being pushed by the crowd because it
is expected, just remember God’s word in Ps.1.1-3, “Blessed is the man who does not
walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of
mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he mediates day and
night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water.” The young Shulammite charges
those who would coerce her into a bad decision by reminding them of the does and
gazelles they see skirting around the countryside. These animals have many offspring but
no lasting relationships. When a gazelle has a female offspring it joins the mother’s herd.
If the offspring is male then it joins an all male group. Gazelles are quick to reproduce
but falter on relationships. In the same way if we act too quickly then we will not give
love time to grow and while producing offspring, we produce no loving relationships.
Again the young maiden says “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”
If
only we could get the young teenager to understand the dangers of awakening love too
early. If only we could convince the one who feels the peer pressure of immorality to
wait until marriage.