Interpersonal Communication Dr. Martha Reavley Odette School of Business Introduction Key to interpersonal and organizational effectiveness Topics of Discussion Models of effective communication: basic model and the pyramid of mutuality Communication styles Native tongue exercise The Basic Model of Communication Sender message – channel – noise receiver Pyramid of Mutuality Mutual Respect Mutual Meaning Mutual Purpose Silence Withdrawing Hiding Politicking Monologuing Violence Labeling Attacking Mutuality A win-win situation that is built on a foundation of trust Sharing things in common Seeking for things in common: interests goals values Mutual Purpose Common goals or objectives that are built on a foundation of trust Something we want Mutual Meaning Observations, assumptions, conclusions, and feelings that both parties acknowledge as valid Available Meaning: When ideas, observations, and values are acknowledged and understood, they become part of the available pool of common meaning Hidden Meaning: Through sharing meaning we become more aware of inconsistencies in our own thinking Mutual Respect Critical for maintaining dialogue Both parties choose to treat each other with dignity, decency, and consideration, based on the assumption that others are reasonable, and decent Silence - to - Violence continuum Dialogue Violence Silence Withdrawing hiding politicking monologuing labeling attacking Silence Strategies Politicking: selectively hiding and showing meaning. We hide our motives or withhold assumptions Hiding: talking without revealing anything. Manipulative conversations Withdrawing: Pulling out of communication completely. The most severe form of silence. Silence Strategies exs. At work In school At home With friends Violence Strategies Monologuing: Talking with the sole purpose of getting what you want. Communication is unidirectional. Labeling: Turing people into categories or things in order to get what you want. Makes it easier to do or say anything. Attacking: Communicating for the sole purpose of pushing or hurting. It includes harsh accusation, yelling and raw invective. Violence strategies exs. At work At school At home With friends Strategies Test 1. Let me see if I understand. 2. Oh yeah, you bozo. 3. If you say so. 4. Well, guarantee means a lot of things. So , I guess I could say I guarantee. 5. I can see you’re angry. Is it because we missed the deadline? 6. There’s no time for discussion. Just do it! 7. No, I have nothing to add. I never have anything to add. 8. You bean counters always think that way. 9. I know I missed the meeting, but you guys are doing a terrific job. Answers 1. Let me see if I understand. -dialogue. Trying to understand 2. Oh yeah, you bozo. - labeling. Name calling 3. If you say so. - Hiding. Decreased meaning 4. Well, guarantee means a lot of things. So , I guess I could say I guarantee. Politicking. Wanting to allow for different definition 5. I can see you’re angry. Is it because we missed the deadline? - dialogue. Trying to understand 6. There’s no time for discussion. Just do it! Monologuing 7. No, I have nothing to add. I never have anything to add. labeling 8. You bean counters always think that way. labeling 9. I know I missed the meeting, but you guys are doing a terrific job. politicking Effective Communication: A change of heart, not just a change in behaviour Underlying Values Silence Dialogue Violence Value Control Shared outcomes meaning, Be right learning Control outcomes Be right Purpose Keep it hidden Share openly Demand your own Meaning Disclose little Share openly Force your own Respect Indirect Conscious strategies effort Intentional strategy 3 Practice Scripts Native Tongue Exercise What This Means For Change Make specific, personal ground rules: I will use a calm voice when speaking to… Critique your performance: How did you violate the rule? What went wrong? Manage expectations: begin an interaction with some explanations - “in the past this has ended in shouting match…. Apologize appropriately to allow dialogue to continue Next Steps Commit to effective communication Understand the problems within your group Document your progress in you diary