Unit 3 Seminar: Writing Strategies
SUSAN HARRELL
KAPLAN UNIVERSITY
Question 1
 On p. 28 of the first chapter in this week’s reading,
O’Rourke (the author of these chapters) says that
common problems with business writing today
include the following: poor organization, passive voice,
unparallel structure, and jargon and obscure
terminology. What do each of these mean?
Rules for clarity and conciseness
 Aim for 18-25 words per sentence. Use shorter
sentences for clarity when describing complex ideas.
 Limit sentence content—usually one idea per
sentence!
Rules for clarity and conciseness
 Use familiar words.
 Use short words if possible.
 Use technical terms with caution and provide
definitions if needed.
 Use “strong” words (nouns and verbs are strongest).
 Use concrete language—be specific! (avoid words like
“major” or indefinite pronouns like “this” with no clear
reference).
Jargon and “legalese”
 Use technical words with caution, and define for
audience if needed.
 Use acronyms with caution as well.
 Avoid “legalese” terms such as “thereto,” “herewith,”
and “notwithstanding.”
Passive voice
 Use active voice instead of passive voice. Passive: The
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results were reported in our July 9 letter. Active: We
reported the results in our July 9 letter.
Exceptions:
1. If you want to avoid accusing the reader of an action: The
damage was caused by exposure to sunlight.
2. The performer is unknown: Anonymous complaints have
been received.
3. If the writer does not want to name the performer: Two
complaints have been filed against you.
Camouflaged verbs
 Don’t overuse camouflaged verbs (verbs changed into
nouns) or prepositional phrases: The press release gave
an explanation for the behavior of the demonstrators.
Revision: The press release explained the
demonstrators’ behavior.
Cluttering phrases, parallelism
 Avoid cluttering phrases, unnecessary words, and
needless repetition. An example of a “cluttering
phrase” would be using “at the present time” instead of
saying “now.”
 Avoid illogical and unparallel constructions. Not
parallel: Her true pleasure is playing the piano rather
than in the library. Revision: Her true pleasure is
playing the piano, not reading in the library.
Expletives and redundancy
 Avoid expletives at the start of sentences: There were
over 4,000 runners in the marathon.
 Revision: Over 4,000 runners competed in the
marathon.
 Eliminate redundant phrasing: She did the daily
paperwork every day.
 Revision: She completed the paperwork every day.
Avoid misplaced modifiers
 Modifiers are words or phrases that describe nouns
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(adjectives) or verbs (adverbs).
Mary is a pretty girl. “Pretty” describes Mary/girl.
A misplaced modifier occurs when the placement of a
modifying word or phrase makes the sentence unclear.
Original: We chose that song for Mary, the prettiest one in
the songbook, to sing.
Mary is not the “prettiest one in the songbook”—the song
is.
Revision: We chose that song, the prettiest one in the
songbook, for Mary to sing.
The Paramedic Method
 Richard Lanham created this method, described in his
textbook Revising Prose
 Targets wordiness
 Helps to make writing more clear and concise
Steps for the Paramedic method
 Circle the prepositions and replace with active verbs.
 Circle the "is" and “have” verb forms and replace with
active verbs.
 Ask, "Where's the action?" and put this action in a
simple active verb. Make the doer of the action the
subject.
 Start fast--no slow windups. Avoid starting sentences
with phrases like “I believe that. . .” or “There is/are.”
 Eliminate redundant phrasing.
As you edit. . .
 Keep in mind that a sentence does not have to be
brief to be effective; long sentences can be
worthwhile, too. Just make sure longer sentences
are punctuated properly!
 In fact, an essay’s sentence length and structure
should vary.
 Some sentences should be brief and others should
be longer.
 Punctuation and the “sound” of sentences should
vary.
 However, every word should be necessary.
Original sentence
 The point I wish to make is that the
employees working at this company are
in need of a much better manager of
their money.
Possible revision
 This company’s employees need a better money
manager.
Original sentence
 It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs
have become active participants in the Search and
Rescue operations in most years.
Possible revision
 Sandia Labs engineers actively participate in most
Search and Rescue operations.
More examples of revision
 After reviewing the results of your previous research,
and in light of the relevant information found within
the context of the study, there is ample evidence for
making important, significant changes to our
operating procedures.
Possible revision
 Your research results and our recent studies suggest
the need to make changes to our operating procedures.
15 tips for effective business
writing
 Be concise
 Use short sentences and
 Have a plan
 Edit carefully
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 Respond to reader’s needs
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 Be clear and specific
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 Try to use present tense
 Make writing “vigorous
and direct”
See p. 30 of the textbook
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paragraphs
Use personal pronouns
Avoid clichés and jargon
Separate facts from
opinion
Use numbers with restraint
Write the way you talk
Revise
Make it perfect!!
Question 2
 On p. 30 of the first chapter in this week’s reading,
O’Rourke suggests that effective business
communication is written like we speak. To what
extent does that apply? When has someone gone over
the line with being too conversational? How do you
write like you speak and yet maintain professionalism?
You may want to consider the discussion on pp. 36-40.
Unit 3 project
 Case 2-2 Farberware Products of America
 Dispute resolution—customer complaint about
product
 Write communication strategy memo to president
of Farberware describing how you plan to handle
the case.
 Write a letter to the customer explaining what you
have chosen to do.
 Write a paragraph explaining your strategies in
both messages, with references from the reading.
Writing an informative memo
 Focus on one subject
 Start with big picture, then move to details
 Provide only as much information as reader needs
 Group similar information together
 Provide a point of contact for readers
 Avoid overusing first person singular
 Stick to facts
How to make memos inviting and attractive
 Grab attention up front
 Vary sentence and paragraph length, but keep short
 Use headings
 Use bullets and numbers for grouped ideas.
 Use parallel structure for lists
 Underline or use bold type to focus on key words,
phrases, and topic sentences.
 Leave appropriate margins—white space helps reader
Writing a bad news letter
 Begin and end on a positive note
 Present the negative information clearly
 Maintain as much goodwill as possible by making the
reader feel as if his/her position has been taken
seriously
 Reduce or eliminate the need for future
correspondence
Negative messages
 Buffers (do not use unless the situation is unique—
don’t want to mislead reader)
 Reasons (only use watertight reasons)
 Refusals
 Alternatives
 Ending—create goodwill!
Case 2-1 Cypress Semiconductor
Corporation
 Do you find Doris Gormley’s form letter effective?
Why or why not?
 In what ways does the response by T.J. Rogers fulfill or
ignore the rules for effective business writing outlined
in chapter 2?
More resources on the Paramedic
method
 http://www.english.uga.edu/cdesmet/revisingprose.ht
m
 http://writing2.richmond.edu/WRITING/wweb/conci
se.html
 http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/635/01/