Dr James Wilder and Shepherd’s House
Pasadena, CA
Based on brain research of Allan Schore and
Daniel Siegel
It’s all about JOY
•Joy is the driving power in life
•DELIGHT in being together
•Joy is an experience between people of
the value, regard, and esteem that they
feel and express to the other.
• Joy only occurs in and through relationship
• Joy is not the same as happiness
• Joy can exist even in times of suffering and
pain
Capacity – the
ability to do or
experience
something
•Physical
•Personal
•Interpersonal
•Spiritual
Physical, personal, inter-personal,
and spiritual capacity
Experiences of Joy build CAPACITY
• Emotional and relational capacity, stability and
resiliency
• Joyful personality
• Ability to return to joy
• complete processing of an experience
Joy builds a healthy brain and person
• Healthy bonds build healthy brains
• Healthy bonds are built with JOY
Awareness, focus, and Empathy are key
[Joy comes from God! (God peace)]
What is your JOY capacity??
• How well do you handle stress?
• Can you maintain relationships
when stressed?
• How much stress can you handle
before you fall apart?
• Can you maintain joy even when
suffering?
Joy develops the Control
Center of the brain that…
• Forms and grows
relationships
• Regulates emotions
• Processes and learns
from experiences
• Joy builds capacity!
Three areas top to
bottom:
BRAINSTEM
LIMBIC AREA
CORTEX
Two halves:
LEFT & RIGHT
Need to be integrated
BRAINSTEM:
“reptilian brain”
Receives input from body &
sends signals back
Controls energy level of
body through regulating
heart and lungs; and
influences energy of brain
Arousal states- hunger, sex
BRAINSTEM:
FIGHT-FLIGHT-FREEZE
Survival mode: reactive
Less open & receptive to
others
Active in motivation systemdrives (food shelter
reproduction safety)
LIMBIC AREA (amygdala and
hippocampus, pituitary,
hypothalamus):
“OLD mammalian brain” works
with body and brainstem to
create drives and emotions
Evaluator: is this good or bad?
feelings give meaning
Move toward good and away
from bad
LIMBIC AREA (amygdala and
hippocampus)
Forms relationships and
attachments
hypothalamus: regulates
hormones – stress – stimulates
cortisol release: good for shortterm danger; trauma keeps the
system ON always—interferes
with growth and function of
brain
LIMBIC AREA:
Amygdala: fear especially
Hippocampus: integrates
emotion, perceptions,
facts, language to
become memories (with
help from cortex)
CORTEX: NEW mammalian
brain
Physical & sensory mindsight
maps and skills
Cingulate & prefrontal Cortex:
Abstract thinking; thinking about
thinking; mindsight maps of self
and others (insight & empathy);
time; moral judgments; pause
before acting
Prefrontal cortex:
Abstract thinking; thinking about
thinking; mindsight maps of self
and others (insight & empathy);
time; moral judgments; pause
before acting
INTEGRATOR: on-line –in
control; off-line – reactive;
More reactive if Hungry, tired, &
depends on meaning of event
Right & left sides of the brain
• right is emotional, relational side of the brain as
compared to the logical, verbal left brain
• rt Executive Control System of the brain
• rt Stores information as experiences, not facts
• rt Monitors and responds to forms of interpersonal
communication at the emotional level
• rt Governs and regulates emotions and
relationships
• rt Develops capacity as a response to joy
Capacity to return to Joy from
the “Big Six” negative emotions
Sadness
Fear
Anger
Joy
Disgust
Despair
Shame
Infancy – learn to receive
Childhood - care for self
Adult – mutually satisfying relationships
Parent - care sacrificially for children
Elder - care sacrificially for community
Love- based Bonds –
truth, delight, approach
Fear-based Bonds –
false, shame, avoidance
Most bonds are a mix: how to build more love and
Reduce fear – not from theory, but experience
Love- based Bonds –
truth, delight, approach
Think about your closest friendship
and tell your group how that
friendship illustrates the love-based
bonds characteristics.
External control versus
internal control bases of
relationship:
External is coercive, fearbased;
Internal is freedom-giving
love-based
Through loving respectful
relating, freedom to choose
how to meet our Basic Needs
Love / belonging
power
freedom & fun
“Misbehavior” is trying to
meet Basic Needs in ways
that hurt ourselves &/or
others ;
Teach kids to reflect on
emotions, needs, options
Teach people (kids) to reflect
on emotions, needs, and
options to meet needs.
Hold them responsible to find
a better way to meet basic
needs; give time, coach
Take time to think of three
good ways you meet each
Basic Need:
Love/belonging
Power; freedom; fun
Share with your group
Love/belonging, power,
freedom, fun in each stage?
Infancy – learn to receive
Childhood - care for self
Adult – mutually satisfying relationships
Parent - care sacrificially for children
Elder - care sacrificially for community
Glasser argues that we are
free and that we choose our
“total behaviors—thinking,
feeling, acting, physiological
states”– do you agree? Why
or why not?
The “Big Picture” of Trauma
Recovery
Psychological trauma is caused by a processing failure
Experiences that are too intense for our Control
Center’s capacity disrupt …
• how all or a part of the Control Center functions to
process intense experiences
• how the Control Center returns to JOY
Factors that turn an event into a trauma
• As one is traumatized, the Control Center gets
overstressed and shuts down from top to bottom
• Level 5 - Lose ability to verbalize and “make sense”
• Level 4 - Lose the ability to act like ourselves
• Level 3 - Lose the ability to connect to others
• Level 2 - Lose the ability to regulate fight or flight
• Level 1 - Lose the ability to perceive people and reality
A Trauma:
Absence of Good Things
B Trauma :
Bad things that happen
Symptoms of trauma
• Intrusive thoughts, feelings, memories, flashbacks
• Avoidance behaviors –forced forgetting; avoiding
triggers; addictions and self-medicating
• Hyper-arousal - excessive, inappropriate, or freefloating anxiety
• Personality changes – people not acting like themselves,
e.g., depression, anger, violence
• Disconnecting from people ; becomes non-relational
• Disconnecting from reality
Trauma Recovery means to return to Joy
• Reconnect (and remain connected) to God and
others so that we …
• Return to Joy (experience God peace)
• Recover our internal stability
• Process the experience into feelings and
words
• Correct false ideas of our experiences, selves,
others, and God
Immanuel Process: When we are “stuck” and
cannot return to joy in our own capacity, “High
Joy” people can help us return to joy as long as
their capacity is not overwhelmed
CHOICE THEORY: reach out to stay connected
MINDSIGHT APPROACH: insight meditation;
empathy
External event / person
Internalized
Responses
beliefs
Evaluations /
interpretations
Perceptions
Truth
External event / person
Responses
Internalized
beliefs
Evaluations /
interpretations
Perceptions
Truth
External event / person
Responses
Internalized
beliefs
PRESSURE
Evaluations /
interpretations
Perceptions
Truth
External event / person
Responses
Internalized
beliefs
Evaluations /
interpretations
Perceptions
Truth
External event / person
Internalized
Responses
beliefs
Evaluations /
interpretations
Perceptions
Immanuel Process: When we are “stuck” and
cannot return to joy in our own capacity, “High
Joy” people can help us return to joy as long as
their capacity is not overwhelmed
CHOICE THEORY: reach out to stay connected
MINDSIGHT APPROACH: insight meditation;
empathy