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Mentor Training Manual
Rise Up!
423.610.1242
1500 E. Millard St
Johnson City, TN 37601
RiseUpForKids.com
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“Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house
the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
Then your light shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call,
and the Lord will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger,
and speaking wickedness,
If you extend your soul to the hungry
And satisfy the afflicted soul,
Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,
And your darkness shall be as the noonday.
The Lord will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail.
Those from among you
Shall build the old waste places;
You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach,
The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.”
Isaiah 58:6-14
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Table of Contents
I.
II.
Rise Up! Background
a. Staff Contact List
b. History, Mission, Goal, and Objectives
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Mentoring
a. How To Be An Effective Mentor
b. What About God?
c. How to Pray For Your Mentee
d. How To Be An Ineffective Mentor
e. Getting Started With Your Mentee
f. Mentoring Relationship Life Cycle
g. Mentor, Mentee and Caregiver Contracts
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III.
Things You Should Know
a. Policies
b. Dynamics of children of prisoners
c. Why do they act that way?
d. Developmental Phases of Children & Youth
f. Recognizing Abuse
g. Questions For Mentors To Ask Mentees
h. 95 Ways to Show Kids You Care
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IV.
Resources
a. Websites
b. Books
c. Community Resources List
d. Communication tools
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Appendix
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Rise Up!
Staff Contact Information
Rise Up!
1500 E. Millard St.
Johnson City, TN 37601
e-mail: Mentoring@RiseUpForKids.com
Michael Marion
423.676.5315
Michael@RiseUpForKids.com
Andy Malcolm
423.863.8035
Andy@RiseUpForKids.com
Debbie Crum
423.741.2660
Debbie@RiseUpForKids.com
Kristy Williams
423.737.0222
Kristy@RiseUpForKids.com
Libby Arms
423.610.1242
Libby@RiseUpForKids.com
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Rise Up! Background
History
Rise Up!, originally known as Boys to Men, began in 1995 as a basketball outreach to a
small group of “under-resourced” youth in Johnson City. Today, Rise Up! provides nonprofit youth development programs for boys and girls that emphasize physical, mental,
emotional, social, educational and spiritual well-being through intentional, long-term
relationships. This is accomplished through small groups, one-to-one mentoring and team
interactions.
Another mentoring component of Rise Up! began in 2005 with a federal grant to provide
children ages 4 to 18 who have an incarcerated parent with a year-long mentoring
relationship.
Mission
Match children, some with an incarcerated parent, into a year long mentoring relationship
with caring adults in the community.
Goal
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To build youth into Spiritually vital, Physically well, Educationally motivated,
Character driven, and Socially impacting adults in effort to break the cycle of
incarceration in families through relationships and community support.
Objectives
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Create matches between under-resourced kids and caring adults
Provide the community with opportunities to participate in this mission—volunteer
mentors are the heroes who are influencing children and youth, making our
community a better place!
Engage under-resourced youth in educational and enrichment opportunities
Equip and support mentors in their individual mentoring relationships
WHAT we do and WHY we do it!
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We match youth with caring adults who will holistically love and influence that youth
be all that God meant for them to be.
We mentor because He has called us to be fishers of men, He has chosen us to bear
lasting fruit, and simply because of who He is!
Our purpose is not to change the youth. We leave that to God and choose to love
that youth for our appointed season.
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Mentoring
What is Mentoring?
Mentoring is coming along a youth, being their older friend who encourages them in life.
Effective mentoring is a WIN-WlN situation for EVERYBODY:
*the child
*his/her family
*his/her friends
*his/her community
*and YOU!
Studies show that children who have been effectively mentored are much more successful in
school, social skills, school attendance and have a higher chance of avoiding incarceration.
HOWEVER, for a child whose mentor does NOT follow through with their commitment
there is great possible damage.
Benefits of Mentoring: According to mentoring.org, the benefits of mentoring go both ways.
Adult mentors often report their mentoring experiences improved their lives in tangible
ways. Not only do they feel better about themselves for playing a positive role in a young
person's life, but they also find that mentoring teaches them more about themselves.
Mentoring increases their sense of responsibility and accomplishment, and lays the
foundation for better morale at work and better relationships with family, friends, and coworkers. ln fact, in a national survey of adults who mentored young people, 83% say they
gained something personally from their mentoring experiences. They reported they had
become a better person, developed more patience, developed new friendships and felt more
effective.
"Transformation is relational when trust develops over time between a young
person and an adult. We can and do change for the better."
Dr. Rev. W. Wilson Goodie
A mentor is a...
*friend
*coach
*motivator
*companion
*supporter
*advisor
*advocate
*role model
A mentor is NOT a...
*social worker
*an ATM
*parent
*cool peer
*nag
*probation officer
*baby sitter
*savio
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How To Be An Effective Mentor
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Commitment
Consistency
Flexibility
Being a strong role model
Being willing to listen
Being a friend
Modeling truth
Patience
Try to understand their world to develop empathy
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Hurt
Trying to survive
Disappointment is normal
Inconsistent adults are normal
Truth is optional
Drug/alcohol use is expected
Low or no achievement is subtly encouraged
Positive communication skills
Learn to Listen—we want to be good listeners and teach youth to be good
listeners.
EAR
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E--Make eye contact
A--Attend to cues
R--Restate words
GABS
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G—grab the glory (instead of listening, we talk about ourselves)
A—advice (don’t give advice if they don’t ask for it)
B—belittle (them, their actions/beliefs, their family, their friends)
S—side step (answer questions honestly and appropriately)
Obstacles to listening
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Be aware of personal judgments
Don’t give quick answers
Deal with distractions
Be comfortable with times of silence.
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Acceptance vs. Approval
--Stuff will come out, words will come out, don’t be judgmental….
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Use statements of affirmation and genuine concern for the circumstances of
the child.
2/3 of the brain doesn’t transmit negative statements negative statements—
get rid of the word “don’t”
Remember that kids will repeat what you say and will most likely embellish
what they repeat.
--Questions to redirect conversation and demonstrate acceptance:
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What do you think?
I can’t say I understand that.
Oh really—wow!
I can see how that would bother you.
Let’s not use language like that. Let’s find other words to express our
feelings.
Modeling humility & forgiveness
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ALL—acknowledge
ABOUT—apologize
MY—make amends, make it right
RELATIONSHIPS—recommit
When we mess-up and make mistakes, we are supposed to feel sorry, not guilty.
Sorrow is the ability to say I messed-up. We want our youth to learn how to both
ask for forgiveness and to forgive others.
Have FUN!
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Most kids assume adults are boring and not fun!
Most kids don’t know how to have fun without technology—show them!
Share activities and interests that are fun for you and the child.
Have Expectations!
We need to challenge the kids we mentor. Kids do not rise to low expectations.
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Expect for match to succeed
Expect mutual friendship
Expect problems, all relationship have them!
Expectations should not drive the relationship, but encourage.
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What About God?
In our area, students and families are often exposed regularly to evangelical methods,
without relational context, i.e outreach events, etc. Most have responded emotionally
through hand-raising, card signing, etc and some have done so repeatedly. We seek to
build in-depth, unconditional relationships that may result in a genuine relationship with
God. In the initial phases of the relationship, adequate time should be given for trust to
developed within the match, allowing for discernment of the student’s needs. It can often
take up to 6 months or more for the student to truly establish trust. Conversations prior to
development of trust may only be surface level. This is not to discourage you from
answering any questions about God that a student may ask. We want to first share the love
of Christ with our lives and then our words.
How to pray for your mentee
Specific Areas to PRAY about FOR YOUR MENTEE
AT HOME: Relationship with their parent/caregiver; do they have a relationship with
incarcerated parent?; siblings; other people in home not related; are they in a safe
environment in the home/neighborhood?; are they exposed to bad influences/behavior?
AT SCHOOL: Grades -comprehending/learning or just getting by?; social interactions- do
they have healthy peer relationships?; how do they respond to authority?; have they been
truant/suspended or expelled?; do they have a sense of future goals?
WITH FRIENDS: Are they able to make friends?; are the friends good influences?; are the
peers/older kids they’re around in the neighborhood safe/healthy for them?; are they
interested in/involved with the opposite gender yet?
SPIRITUALLY: Do they have a relationship with God?; do they express interest in God or
spiritual things?; Is anyone on their family/house a believer or good example of a
Christian?; do they have a Bible/age appropriate devotional book? Have you invited them
to attend church or religious holidays with you/your family?
EMOTIONALLY: Do they seem to be emotionally healthy?; do they talk about what’s going
on in their world/their feelings about it?; are they on medication for behavior (add/adhd) or
depression?; do they seem to have good attachments & a sense that they are loved?; do
they express feelings of hopelessness?
PHYSICALLY: Are their physical needs met at home –i.e. proper nutrition, medical care
when ill, good hygiene, adequate sleep?; do they engage in unsafe/unhealthy
activities/behaviors –i.e. smoke, drink, use prescriptions or illicit drugs?; are they active or
sedentary?; are they at an age to be sexually active; are they in a position to be sexually
exploited/abused?
Pray that (names of 5 students) will personally know and daily experience new life in
Christ, and will know God's grace, love, and forgiveness for sins/failures through the
Holy Spirit.
Pray that _____ will have a love for learning, truth, beauty, and goodness. Pray they will
grow through both adversity and prosperity, success and failure.
Pray for at least one adult to love _____ and be there for them. Pray that they will be
blessed with healthy, meaningful, and lasting friendships.
Pray that God will protect ______ from harm and violence. If they are being bullied, pray
for wise intervention by caring adults. Pray against the things that cause them fear.
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Pray for______ futures [education, careers, marriage...]. Pray that they will receive the
encouragement and support needed to face life confidently.
Pray that _____ will be able to resist temptation in the areas of sex, peer pressure, drugs,
cheating, lying; that they will be a positive role model for others.
Pray the events and circumstances in______ lives will lead them closer to the Lord. Pray
they develop a Christlike character.
Pray that _______ will discover and develop the gifts God has given them, that they
remain in school, and strive for excellence.
Pray that_______consciences will not allow them to enjoy sin. Pray that Godly influences
will be brought to bear on any destructive elements in their lives.
Pray that ______ will have spiritual discernment. Pray for spiritual protection from
deception and the dark side.
Pray God will enlarge________ vision to see a world in need, and how they can help. Pray
their lives make a difference.
Pray that _____ will establish wise priorities [time, $, school, relationships...] Pray for
wise counsel from caring adults.
Pray that _____ will see, respect and appreciate all of God's creation, including children
both born and unborn.
Pray for healing and reconciliation in ways _____ have been emotionally hurt. Pray that
they will communicate their thoughts and feelings clearly.
Pray for protection from and/or relief from physical, spiritual, sexual, or emotional abuse;
that it will be stopped and/or be exposed. If _____ are abusing others, pray that it
will also stop.
Pray that _________families will see their need and turn to God, that forgiveness will be
extended to others, and that all chains of wrongdoings be broken.
Pray that_______ teachers will model love and acceptance, and that they will get along
with parents, teachers, and siblings.
Pray that _____ will choose healthy friends and select positive role models. Pray for
healthy self-esteem.
Pray that _______hearts and minds will be open to truth, that they will retain truth, and
discern untruth. Pray that they will speak the truth in love.
Pray that _____ will appreciate and care for the physical body God gave them. Pray for
their physical safety when driving or riding with other teens or adults.
Pray that _____ will have love and sensitivity for others. Pray that they will respectfully
relate to the opposite sex.
Pray that _____ will trust God to meet their daily needs, and will come to know the
constant presence of the Lord.
Pray that _____ will love reading and thinking, especially about things of God. Pray that
they grow in faith.
Pray that _____ will learn from their own mistakes, from the mistakes of others, and will
respond to criticism constructively. Pray that they will deal with hurt and anger
appropriately.
Pray that______ misconceptions about God will be corrected. Pray that they will learn to
listen, both to God and others.
Pray that _____ may know the joy and peace of the Lord. Pray that God's perfect will be
accomplished in their lives.
Pray that _____ will practice self-control [eating, emotions, TV, exercise...], and resist
junk food and junk entertainment.
Pray that _____ will each have the courage to stand alone, if necessary, in order to do
what is right. Pray that they will be free of racial, religious, or economic prejudice.
Pray that _____ will forgive/resolve conflicts with others, and will respond positively to
those they dislike.
Pray that _____ will make wise choices when it comes to dating, friends, career, etc. Pray
that they see healthy marriages and learn from their examples.
Pray that _____ will get involved in a healthy faith community. Pray that they will be youth
of integrity and character, knowing right from wrong.
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Psalm 143:10
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Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
1 Timothy 4:12
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Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the
believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
Ephesians 3:16-19
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I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his
Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I
pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all
the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to
know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the
fullness of God.
1 John 5:3-4
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This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome,
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for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the
world - our faith.
Philippians 1:6
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being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to
completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
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For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not
to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come
and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek
me with all your heart.
Hebrews 13:20-21
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May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back
from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, 21equip you with
everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him,
through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
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Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you
have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore
honor God with your body.
Jude 1:24
To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious
presence without fault and with great joy.
1 Corinthians 10:12-13
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So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! 13No temptation
has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be
tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a
way t out so that you can stand up under it.
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What Makes a Mentor INEFFECTIVE?
1. Has difficulty meeting regularly
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Is inconsistent with visits
Wants the mentee to initiate the contact
Result: frustrates the youth
2. Conflicts with parent's value system
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Confuses culture with truth
Result: frustrates the parents
3. Ignores the advice of the Rise Up! Staff
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Does not follow policies and procedures
Result: frustrates staff
4. Emphasizes change
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Wants the youth to change for the better (which is not a bad thing) but
only the individual can choose to change. We are to influence.
More focused on results than the relationship
Result: frustration for the mentor
5. Takes on a parental, authoritative role
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Result: frustration for everybody!
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Getting Started With Your Mentee
Initial Meeting
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Get to know your mentee
What are their interests?
Ask about school, activities, and goals.
The big question most mentors have is…what am I supposed to do with the child I mentor??
This is mostly up to the child, mentor and their caretaker. Often, activities may include
going to a park, making cookies, going to church, or going to a ballgame. Talk with your
child’s caretaker to decide what activities to do with your mentee.
It is very IMPORTANT for you to understand that you DO NOT have to spend money or do
expensive things! Be creative and resourceful! Don’t try to hit a home-run during your
first few visits!
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Be sure to plan your activity before picking up your mentee.
Meet consistently each week: meet the same day, same time if possible.
Participate in service activities with your mentee.
Work toward goals together.
Communicate with caregiver about expectations
Write notes and send mail to your mentee.
Refer to the Resource list in the back of this handbook for some ideas!
Rise Up! will have activities throughout the year for mentors and mentees to attend
together. Take advantage of these opportunities to engage in fun, active events to
strengthen your bond with your mentee and to meet other mentors and mentees.
A discussion of this initial stage in the mentoring relationship would not be complete without
mentioning an issue you will most certainly encounter: diversity. Differences between you
and your mentee will pop up. Instead of viewing diversity as an obstacle, use it to learn
something from your mentee. Addressing the following differences, plus any others you
notice, will help your mentee become a well-adjusted adult in a multicultural world. Possible
differences include:
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Language
Personality
Race/ethnicity
Age-youth culture
Interests
Religion
Values
Geography-where you and your mentee were born and live now
An illustration:
A second grade school teacher posed a simple enough problem to the class: “There are four
blackbirds sitting in a tree. You take a slingshot and shoot one of them. How many are
left?”
“Three,” answered the seven year old European with certainty. “One subtracted from four
leaves three.”
“Zero,” answered the seven year old African with equal certainty. “If you shoot one bird,
the others will fly away.”
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Mentoring Relationship Life Cycle
Relationships go through a series of stages as they develop, from the first moments
of sharing a common interest to the satisfaction of a fully developed friendship.
Phase 1: Beginning
This is the beginning of a mentor relationship and includes the initial first meeting.
Like any other relationship, the beginning can sometimes be awkward and mentoring is not
the exception. Be patient and faithful. Sometimes it takes kids awhile to get comfortable
enough to open up and it takes time to build trust.
During the first few weeks of the relationship, it is very important to start off on a
good foot. This is when parameters (when you meet, how long, and activities you will be
doing together) are established and when the tone of the relationship is set. If you start off
by calling all the shots, the mentee might be reluctant to open up. So remember a good
friendship is a partnership. Brainstorm during the first few meeting and talk about what you
would like to do together and then decide together.
Be consistent through out the relationship, but especially in the beginning. You will
most likely have to help your mentee keep up with your scheduled times together. Try to
remember to call the night before to remind him or her, or have them right it down so they
don’t forget. Most of the kids in our program have one consistent thing in their life,
inconsistent adults. So if you have to miss a meeting, please call your mentee and let them
know ahead of time if possible.
In the beginning you may feel like your mentee is bored or doesn’t like you. This is
not an uncommon feeling. It takes time to get comfortable. To break the ice, try to find
activities you both like or activities that stimulate conversations (games, collaborative art
projects, etc). Try to frame questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Be patient
as your mentee learns to trust you – your mentee may not have ever had an adult that
wanted to sit and talk or who truly cares about them.
Often mentors expect too much too early in a mentoring relationship. Mentors
volunteer to work with youth because they want to make and impact. This in itself is not a
bad thing; however, research shows that change is more likely to happen when a youth
feels supported by a friend, rather than pushed to change a behavior.
Phase 2: Building
After the first few months, your relationship with you mentee is starting to build
momentum and trust. The awkwardness of the relationship has passed and the friendship is
really starting to develop. At this stage as both of you are stating to open up and you’re
learning what makes your mentee “tick.”
During this phase your mentee may start to become dependent on your support and
caring. You may start to get more phone calls, requests for meetings, and invitations to
different family events. Although its great that your mentee trusts you and seeks your
advice and attention, you need to reinforce your boundaries that were laid out in the
beginning, in order to avoid hurt feelings, resentment or discomfort.
Once your mentee starts to open up to you, you may start to hear more about
problems or issues they are facing. It’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed by their
problems and circumstances. You may feel that you have to try to “fix” your mentee’s life.
As a friend of your mentee, you can do a lot to make your mentee feel better about him or
herself and the situation. If you feel like he or she is unloading problems on you on a
regular basis, talk to the Boys to Men staff.
Also during this phase, as a mentor you may feel underappreciated. Often mentors
feel like they are giving up a lot of their time and energy and never thanked for it. Don’t
expect to be thanked by your mentees. Most mentees don’t have the maturity to thank their
mentors nor do they realize the impact they are making in their lives until years later.
Some youth may be embarrassed to express their feelings or may be too shy to do so
directly. Whether they express it or not, they appreciate you more than either of you know.
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You may also encounter some boundary issues with parents. They may start to ask
you for favors or assistance, such as taking a younger sibling with you on an outing. You
may find it hard to refuse requests, but it is very important to set clear boundaries with
parents just as you do with mentee. If the parents ask for a request such as helping with a
bill and you feel compelled to help, please see the BTM staff.
Phase 3: Testing
Once the mentoring relationship is off the ground, it is normal for your mentee to
start testing boundaries. Though you have spent time affirming your appreciation for you
mentee and enjoying your mentee, they may still want to see how far you commitment
really goes. Because many of the mentees find it hard to trust an adult, they may “act out”
and even try to sabotage the relationship.
This can be confusing for mentors, especially if the testing occurs after a period of
trust building and increasing rapport with the mentee. When your mentee starts missing
appointments, shows resentment, tries to get away with things, or has a hostile attitude, it
is easy to take things personally.
It is natural to feel less interested in continuing the relationship. This is the time
when some matches fail, so it’s important to recognize the testing behavior for what it is: a
signal that your mentee wants you to “prove” that you are committed to the relationship.
Rather than taking this behavior personally, remember that is has nothing to do with
you, but rather is a manifestation of his fear of being rejected one more time by another
adult. Stick through this tough time, continue to reaffirm your commitment to the
relationship, and reinforce boundaries that you have already established.
Lunch Buddies
This program is our entry-level mentoring experience. It is an onsite commitment for you to
have lunch each week with your child in the school cafeteria. Lunch Buddies is a 12 month
promise to your buddy that you will make every effort to be consistent in your meetings. lf
you do have to cancel or reschedule lunch it will
be your responsibility to contact the school or your lunch buddy of the change.
You can also spend time with them in Rise Up!’s after-school programs on campus if they
are involved in that weekly activity. When you are comfortable you may begin to do off site
mentoring of your choice.
We hope that all Lunch Buddies will eventually become a part of your life and be included in
community and family activities. We will offer monthly outings at The Refuge as a group
such as bowling, skating, and parties that you may attend together on a voluntary basis.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Always check in with the school office when you arrive for lunch and when you leave.
Pick up your name tag and sign the Lunch Buddy mentor log.
Please arrive early so that you will not lose any time with your Lunch Buddy.
Sharing lunch on the same day each week is best.
If you must cancel or reschedule your meeting please communicate with the school
or your buddy.
6. If your Lunch Buddy is in Rise Up!’s after school programs, you
are welcome to spend time with them during this time. Check with our staff to see
when these groups meet.
7. Anticipate a great time.
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Rise UP! Mentoring Program
Mentor Contract
Name ____________________________________ Date __________
By choosing to participate in the Rise Up! Mentoring Program, I agree to:
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Follow all rules and guidelines as outlined by Rise Up! staff, mentor training, program
policies, and this contract
Be flexible and provide the necessary support and advice to help my mentee succeed
Make a one-year commitment to being matched with my mentee
Meet four times per month with my mentee
Obtain parent/caregiver permission for all meeting times at least three days in
advance, if possible
Be on time for scheduled meeting or call mentee at least 24 hours beforehand if I am
unable to make a meeting
Submit monthly meeting times and activities to Rise Up! staff as requested
Attend on-going mentor training session or access web-based training resources at
least once per quarter
Inform Rise Up! staff of any difficulties or areas of concern that may arise in the
relationship
Keep any information that mentee tells me confidential except as may cause the
mentee or others harm
Always obey traffic laws when in the presence of my mentee—ALWAYS wear
seatbelts!
Never be in the presence of my mentee when I have or am consuming alcohol or
tobacco
Participate in a closure process when the time comes to end relationship with the
mentee
Notify Rise Up! staff if I have any changes in address, phone number or employment
status
________ (Please initial) I understand that the Rise Up! staff may terminate the mentoring
relationship at anytime and at their discretion with notification and consultation with the
mentor, mentee and the mentee’s caregiver.
________ (Please initial) I understand that upon match closure, future contact with my
mentee is beyond the scope of the Rise Up! Mentoring Program and may happen only by the
mutual consensus of the mentor, mentee and the mentee’s caregiver.
_______________________________________________
(Signature)
____________________
(Date)
17
Rise UP! Mentoring Program
Mentee Contract
Name ____________________________________ Date __________
By choosing to participate in the Rise Up! Mentoring Program, I agree to:









Follow all rules and guidelines of Rise Up!
Have a positive attitude and be respectful of my mentor
Make a one-year commitment to being matched with my mentor
Meet four times per month with my mentor
Obtain parent/caregiver permission for all meeting times at least three days in
advance, if possible
Be on time for scheduled meeting or call mentor at least 24 hours beforehand if I am
unable to make a meeting
Will not use my cell phone or other personal electronics during visits with my mentor
Participate in a closure process when that time comes
Notify Rise Up! staff if I have any changes in address or phone number
________ (Please initial) I understand that upon match closure, future contact with my
mentor is beyond the scope of the Rise Up! Mentoring Program and may happen only by the
mutual consensus of the mentor, the mentee, and the mentee’s caregiver.
_______________________________________________
(Signature)
____________________
(Date)
18
Rise UP! Mentoring Program
Caregiver Contract
Name ____________________________________ Date __________
By allowing my child to participate in the Rise Up! Mentoring Program,
I agree to:








Allow my child to participate in the Rise Up! Mentoring Program and to be
matched with a mentor
Support my child in this match by allowing him/her to meet with the mentor
four times per month and have contact with the mentor for one year
Support my child by being on time for scheduled meetings or have him/her
call the mentor at least 24 hours beforehand if unable to make a meeting
Will not take away meeting time with mentor as a punishment
Regularly and openly communicate with mentor and Rise Up! staff as
requested
Inform Rise Up! staff if I observe any difficulties or have areas of concern that
may arise in the mentoring relationship
Notify the mentor and Rise Up! staff if I have any changes in address or
phone number
I will not make financial/material requests of the mentor. If a need arises I
will contact Rise Up! staff, who will refer me to the appropriate agency.
________ (Please initial) I understand that upon match closure, any future contact
between my child and his/her mentor will be at my discretion and will not be a
responsibility of the Rise Up! Mentoring Program.
_______________________________________________
(Signature)
__________________
(Date)
19
Policies
Confidentiality
All the information you are told about your mentee is confidential so please do not share the
information with others. If your mentee confides in you and asks you not to tell someone,
explain to them that if they tell you something that involves harm or danger to themselves
or others; then you must report it to the proper people.
Discipline
There may be an instance when your mentee’s behavior is less than to be desired and
inappropriate. Remember that the caregiver is responsible for their discipline. Leave
discipline to situations that apply on to the both of you. Don’t forget to inform their
caregiver about the steps you took and why you took them.
 Never use abusive language
 Don’t use ultimatums
 Explain to them why their behavior is unacceptable
 If necessary, return them home early
 Never ever put your hands on a child.
Health and Safety
Please protect your mentee’s health and safety by observing the following:







Don’t drink before or during visit
Don’t use drugs or tobacco
Don’t have firearms or weapons while with your mentee
Always wear your seatbelt. Have child wear seatbelt.
Young children should ride in the backseat.
Have adequate car insurance coverage
Don’t leave your mentee alone or with a stranger
Physical Contact



When greeting mentee give high-fives, dap, handshake, or side-hugs.
Let the child/youth lead.
Only use a handshake with caregivers.
Injury and Care
In case of injury or illness during a visit, Rise Up! will provide mentors with child’s current
medical, allergy and insurance information. It is important that mentors keep this
information with them during visits. If there is an emergency, seek immediate medical
attention. For non-emergencies, contact caregiver and determine level of care needed.
Always notify caregiver of any injury, including scrapes and bruises.
Dress Code
Mentors are simply asked to dress in a way that will exemplify the lifestyles and behaviors
that we are encouraging our mentees to adopt. We ask that you refrain from dressing in
questionable attire, for example, wearing shirts with beer logos, etc.
20
Overnight Visits and Out-of-Town Travel
Overnight visits and out of town travel are permitted after six month participation with a
match. All overnight visits and out of town travel must be agreed upon by both the mentee
and the caregiver. You must report all overnight stays and out of town travel in your
monthly communication with Rise Up! staff.
Cell Phone Use
Please limit use of cell phones while spending time with your mentee. Mentees have agreed
to not use their phones while spending time with their mentor.
Requests from the Family
A situation may occur where the family of the mentee may make a financial request of the
mentor. A request for transportation or some other need may also be made known to the
mentor. In these situations the mentor should always refer the family to a Rise Up! staff
person. Some of these families have multifaceted difficulties and the response of the
mentor and Rise Up! needs to take all the factors into consideration.
Concerns for the Mentee
A situation may arise where the mentor has concerns about the overall safety and well
being of the child. These concerns should be discussed with Rise Up! staff. A mentor may
become aware that the mentee could be the victim of abuse and this would then be
reported to the authorities.
* Record-Keeping and Monthly Communication
The mentor will be contacted each month by match support staff to keep a log of all contact
with the mentee - this includes phone calls, as well as, visits. Staff will ask for a brief
summary of the progress of the relationship, as well as, a total of time spent with the
mentee each month.
* On-Going Training
Mentors are asked to attend recommended quarterly on-going training provided by Rise
Up!. These training sessions will be offered at various times at least once per month.
* Termination
It is the decision of Rise Up! staff to terminate the mentoring relationship if either mentor,
mentee or caregiver violate program policies and/or expectations. If it is determined to
terminate a match, the Rise Up! match closure procedure will be carried out in accordance
with staff, mentor, mentee and caregiver.
* Match Closure
Every match will end at some point. Once the decision is made by mentor, mentee and/or
caregiver to end the mentoring relationship, Rise Up! staff will facilitate match closure with
each party. It is the goal of Rise Up! that every mentoring relationship end with proper
closure for each party including clear communication and how to proceed in the future with
clarification as to whether the mentor and mentee are eligible and desire to be rematched in
another mentoring relationship.
21
Dynamics in Children of Prisoners
“We can choose to build children or we can choose to build prisons.” – Collin
Powell
An estimated 2 million children have a parent in prison.
More than 7 million have a parent under some form of State or Federal correctional
supervision.
Children of Offenders are five times more likely than their peers to end up in prison
themselves.
Repercussions on society
Seventy-five percent of adolescents charged with murder are being raised without their
fathers present.
More money is spent on one person in prison than on a child from birth through the twelfth
grade.
Repercussions in the child’s life
The child must learn to cope with the grief associated with the parent’s absence. In many
cases, behavior at home and at school may reflect the emotional turmoil the child is
experiencing. A child’s reaction to the separation and incarceration of a parent may result
in a number of negative issues:

Damaged Self Image: identification with the incarcerated parent (which can lead
to confusion), awareness of social stigma, low self esteem

Cognitive Difficulties: worries about parent, concerns about uncertain future,
fatalism, flashbacks to traumatic events

Emotional Problems: fear, anxiety, anger, guilt, sadness, loneliness,
abandonment, shame, resentment, emotional withdrawal from family and friends

Mental Health Issues: depression, eating and sleeping disorders, anxiety and
hyper arousal, attention disorders, and developmental regression

Behavioral Problems: physical aggression, acting out inappropriately, and
disruptive behavior

Educational Difficulties: diminished academic performance, classroom behavior
difficulties, truancy

Trauma (posttraumatic stress disorder): reactions to witnessing the parent’s
arrest and incarceration
22
Why Do They Act That Way?
“Our youth love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show
disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when
elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up
their food and tyrannize their teachers.” --Socrates, Fifth Century B.C.
Poverty




Children who grow-up in poverty don’t know how to plan. They live in the unknown,
from moment to moment. They are unable to predict, so they don’t understand
cause and effect, therefore they don’t understand consequences, and are impulsive.
Children in poverty often have a high mobility rate. They move frequently due to
financial instability.
Children in poverty face the daily challenge of financial insecurity, which can lead to
stealing, hoarding of food, etc.
Children in poverty are under continual stress. Studies have shown that when we
endure continual stress, our brains don’t function in the “thinking portion of the
brain” (neo-cortex), but rather in “fight or flight mode” (the brain stem).
The Five C’s of Youth Development
1
Competence. Positive view of one’s actions
in specific areas including social, academic,
cognitive and vocational
2
Confidence. The internal sense of overall
positive self-worth and self-efficacy, identity,
and belief in the future
3
Connection. Positive bonds with people
and institutions – peers, family, school, and
community – in which both parties contribute
to the relationship
4
Character. Respect for societal and cultural
rules, possession of standards for correct
behaviors, a sense of right and wrong
(morality), spirituality, integrity
5
Caring and Compassion. A sense of
sympathy and empathy for others.
(Lerner, Fisher and Weinberg, 2000)
23
Core Values: What Motivates Youth?
Prepared for the Santa Fe / Los Alamos School Districts Media Literacy Tobacco Prevention Training
Based on Research conducted by Ford Hatayama under a CSAP grant
Compiled by Peter DeBenedittis, Ph.D. www.medialiteracy.net
Research shows that values stay consistent over a lifetime, but are expressed differently as
one grows older. The values youth have today will be with them throughout their life, thus
while changing what a student values is next to impossible, replacing behaviors young
people engage in to express their values is relatively simple. The goal for adults teaching
youth prevention is to show them how destructive behaviors do not fit in with the values
they hold.
Barriers to a “values approach” to working with youth
- Paying attention to style, rather than looking deeper to see what’s behind it
- Skewed media coverage of youth
- Unspoken assumptions such as: your culture is inferior
- They’ll out grow out of it.
- I don’t get it.
- I was young once and I . . .
- I’ve raised kids and I know . . .
Core values youth hold
Self Reliance: Entrepreneurship, Independent Thinking, a Do It Yourself approach
to projects
Idealism/Optimism: Though not about adults. Youth will try new things, and
believe they will make lots of money in life though often lacking a concrete plan for
doing so.
Activism: Youth speak out, though they are usually not group oriented. They will
often volunteer.
Morality/Spiritualism: Most youth have Faith though not in formal groups. They
are ethical.
Authenticity: Youth want truth without distortion. They will question everyone.
Identity: Willing to try on new identities. May make radical shifts if shown how and
why.
24
Developmental Stages of Children and Youth
Children may be of similar chronological ages but at different levels of maturity. Eventually,
most children will end up at the same maturation level, but it may take some children
longer than others. What defines each child’s development is both that child’s biological
clock and what has happened to him or her emotionally and environmentally. Most of the
children you encounter as a mentor may have had some disturbance in development, such
as loss through divorce or death. Some children seem to weather these changes while
others are more vulnerable to their effects. It is important to be aware of this and have
realistic expectations for your mentee.
A child’s developmental is an individual and continual process. The following pages outline
typical developmental characteristics of four age groups. But remember that your mentee
may be “behind” or “advanced” in any of these areas.
5 to 7 year olds
General Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
Eager to learn; easily fatigued; short periods or interest.
Learn best when they are active while learning.
Self-assertive, boastful; less cooperative, more competitive.
Physical Characteristics
1. Very active; need frequent breaks from tasks to do things that are energetic and
fun for them.
2. Need rest periods – good quiet activities include reading books together or doing
simple art projects.
3. Large muscles are well developed. Activities involving small muscles (building
with small pieces) are difficult.
Social Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
Enjoy organized games and are very concerned about following rules.
Can be very competitive – this may lead them to cheat at games.
Very imaginative and involved in fantasy-playing.
Self-assertive, aggressive, boastful, want to be first; becoming less cooperative.
Emotional Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
Alert to feelings of others but unaware of how their own actions affect others.
Very sensitive to praise and recognition; feelings are easily hurt.
Inconsistent in level of maturity; regress when tired; often less mature at home
than outsiders.
Mental Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
Very eager to learn.
Like to talk
Can be flexible about their idea of fairness.
Difficulty making decisions.
Suggested Mentor Strategies
25
1. Be patient, encouraging and flexible.
2. Give supervision with a minimum amount of interference.
3. Give praise opportunities for successful competition and suggestions about
acceptable behavior.
8 to 10 years old
General Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Interested in people; aware of differences; willing to give more to others but also
expect more.
Busy, active, full of enthusiasm; may try too much; accident prone; interested in
money and its value.
Sensitive to criticism; recognize failure; have capacity for self-evaluation.
Capable of prolonged interest; may make plans of their own.
Decisive dependable, reasonable, strong sense of right and wrong.
Spend a great deal of time in talk and discussion, often outspoken and critical
of adults, although still dependent on adult approval.
Physical Characteristics
1. Very active and need frequent breaks from tasks to do things that are energetic
and fun for them.
2. Early maturers may be upset about their size – as their adult supporter, you can
help by listening and explaining.
3. May tend to be accident prone.
Social Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Can be very competitive.
Are choosy about their friends.
Acceptance by friends becomes very important.
Team games become popular.
Often idolize heroes, television stars, and sport figures.
Emotional Characteristics
1.
2.
Very sensitive to praise and recognition; feelings are easily hurt.
Because friends become very important, can be conflicts between adults
Rules and friends’ rules – your honesty and consistency can be helpful.
Mental Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Can be flexible about their ideas of fairness.
Eager to answer questions.
Very curious; collectors of everything, but may jump to other objects of
interest after a short time.
Want more independence while knowing they need guidance and support.
Wide discrepancies in reading ability.
Suggested Mentor Strategies
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Recognize alliances to friends and “heroes”.
Remind child of responsibilities in a two-way relationship.
Acknowledge performance.
This is a good age to teach about different cultures.
Provide candid answers to questions about upcoming physiological changes.
26
11 to 13 year olds
General Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
Testing limits; “a know it all attitude”.
Vulnerable, emotionally insecure, fear of rejection, mood swings.
Identification with admired adults.
Bodies going through physical changes that affect personal appearances.
Physical Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
Good coordination of small muscles; interest in art, crafts, models, and music.
Early maturers may be upset about their size – as their adult supporter, you can
help by listening and explaining.
Very concerned with their appearance; very self-conscious about their physical
changes.
May have bad diet and sleep habits and, as a result, low energy levels.
Social Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Acceptance by friends becomes very important.
Cliques start to develop.
Team games become popular.
Often have “crushes” on other people.
Friends set the general rules of behavior.
Feel a strong need to conform; dress and behave like their peers in order to
“belong”.
Very concerned with what others think and say about them.
Have a tendency to try and manipulate others to get what they want.
Interested in earning own money.
Emotional Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Very sensitive to praise and recognition; feelings are easily hurt.
Because friends are very important; can be conflicts between adults’ rules and
friends’ rules.
Caught between being a child and being an adult.
Loud behavior may hide their lack of self-confidence.
Look at the world more objectively; look at adults more subjectively, and are
critical of them.
Mental Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
Tend to be perfectionists; if they try to attempt too much, may feel frustrated.
Want more independence but know they need guidance and support.
May have a lengthy attention span.
Suggested Mentor Strategies
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Offer alternative opinions without being insistent.
Be accepting of different physical states and emotional changes.
Give candid answers to questions.
Suggest positive money making opportunities.
Share aspects of your work, life and rewards of achieving in work.
Do not tease about appearance, clothes, boyfriend/girlfriend, or sexuality;
instead affirm them.
27
14 to 16 year olds
General Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
Testing Limits; a “know it all’ attitude.
Vulnerable, emotionally insecure; fear of rejection; mood swings.
Identification with admired adults.
Bodies going through physical changes that affect personal appearances.
Physical Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
Very concerned with their appearance; very self-conscious about their
Physical changes.
May have bad diet and sleep habits and as a result, low energy levels.
Often a rapid weight gain at beginning of adolescence, enormous appetite.
Social Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Friends set the general rules of behavior
Feel a strong need to conform; dress and behave like their peers in order to
“belong.”
Very concerned with what others think and say about them.
Have a tendency to try to manipulate others to get what they want.
Go to extremes; often appear to be unstable emotionally while having a “know it
all” attitude.
Fear of ridicule and being unpopular.
Strong identification with admired adults.
Emotional Characteristics
1.
2.
3.
4.
Very sensitive to praise and recognition; feelings are easily hurt.
Caught between being a child and being an adult.
Loud behavior may hide their lack of self-confidence.
Look at the world more objectively; look at adults more subjectively, and are
critical of them.
Mental Characteristics
1.
2.
Can better understand moral principles.
May have lengthy attention span.
Suggested Mentor Strategies
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Give choices and don’t be afraid to confront inappropriate behavior.
Use humor to defuse testy situations.
Give positive feedback – and let them know your affection is for them for,
not for their accomplishments.
Be available and be yourself – with your true strengths, weaknesses, and
emotions.
Be honest and disclose appropriate personal information to build trust.
Reprinted with permission from the Search Institute. Copyright 1997. All rights reserved.
This list is an educational tool. It is not intended to be, nor is it appropriate as a scientific
measure of the development assets and individuals.
28
Recognizing Abuse
The following was drawn, in May 2007, from the Department of Health and Human Services’
Child Welfare Information Gateway’s website at:
http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/signs.cfm.
Recognizing Child Abuse
The following signs may signal the presence of child abuse or neglect.
The Child:
Shows sudden changes in behavior or school performance.
Has not received help for physical or medical problems brought to the parents'
attention.
Has learning problems (or difficulty concentrating) that cannot be attributed to
specific physical or psychological causes.
Is always watchful, as though preparing for something bad to happen.
Lacks adult supervision.
Is overly compliant, passive, or withdrawn.
Comes to school or other activities early, stays late, and does not want to go home.
The Parent:
Shows little concern for the child.
Denies the existence of—or blames the child for—the child's problems in school or at
home.
Sees the child as entirely bad, worthless, or burdensome.
Demands a level of physical or academic performance the child cannot achieve.
Looks primarily to the child for care, attention, and satisfaction of emotional needs.
The Parent and Child:
Rarely touch or look at each other.
Consider their relationship entirely negative.
State that they do not like each other.
Types of Abuse
The following are some signs often associated with particular types of child abuse and
neglect: physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. It is important to
note, however, these types of abuse are more typically found in combination than alone. A
physically abused child, for example, is often emotionally abused as well, and a sexually
abused child also may be neglected.
Signs of Physical Abuse
Consider the possibility of physical abuse when the child:
Has unexplained burns, bites, bruises, broken bones, or black eyes.
Has fading bruises or other marks noticeable after an absence from school.
Seems frightened of the parents and protests or cries when it is time to go home.
Shrinks at the approach of adults.
29
Reports injury by a parent or another adult caregiver.
Consider the possibility of physical abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver:
Offers conflicting, unconvincing, or no explanation for the child's injury.
Describes the child as "evil," or in some other very negative way.
Uses harsh physical discipline with the child.
Has a history of abuse as a child.
Signs of Neglect
Consider the possibility of neglect when the child:
Is frequently absent from school.
Begs or steals food or money.
Lacks needed medical or dental care, immunizations, or glasses.
Is consistently dirty and has severe body odor.
Lacks sufficient clothing for the weather.
Abuses alcohol or other drugs.
States that there is no one at home to provide care.
Consider the possibility of neglect when the parent or other adult caregiver:
Appears to be indifferent to the child.
Seems apathetic or depressed.
Behaves irrationally or in a bizarre manner.
Is abusing alcohol or other drugs.
Signs of Sexual Abuse
Experts estimate that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th
birthdays.
30-40% of children are abused by family members.
As many as 60% are abused by people the family trusts—abusers frequently try to form a
trusting relationship with parents.
1 in 5 children are sexually solicited while on the internet.
Most child victims never report abuse.
Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the child:
Has difficulty walking or sitting.
Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities.
Reports nightmares or bed wetting.
Experiences a sudden change in appetite.
Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior.
Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver.
Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver:
30
Is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child's contact with other
children, especially of the opposite sex.
Is secretive and isolated.
Is jealous or controlling with family members.
Signs of Emotional Maltreatment
Consider the possibility of emotional maltreatment when the child:
Shows extremes in behavior, such as overly compliant or demanding behavior,
extreme passivity, or aggression.
Is either inappropriately adult (parenting other children, for example) or
inappropriately infantile (frequently rocking or head-banging, for example).
Is delayed in physical or emotional development.
Has attempted suicide.
Reports a lack of attachment to the parent.
Consider the possibility of emotional maltreatment when the parent or other adult
caregiver:
Constantly blames, belittles, or berates the child.
Is unconcerned about the child and refuses to consider offers of help for the child's
problems.
Overtly rejects the child.
Understanding How Children Communicate
Why children are afraid to tell:
The abuser shames the child, points out that the child let it happen or tells the child
that his or her parents will be angry.
The abuser is often manipulative and may try to confuse the child about what is right
and wrong.
The abuser sometimes threatens the child or a family member.
Children are afraid of disappointing their parents and disrupting the family.
Some children are too young to understand.
Many abusers tell children the abuse is “okay” or a “game”.
When they do tell:
Children who disclose sexual abuse often tell a trusted adult other than a parent.
Children may tell “parts” of what happened or pretend it happened to someone else.
Children will often shut down and refuse to tell more if you respond emotionally or
negatively. It is important for adults to remain calm and not over-react.
31
Reporting Child Abuse
According to Tennessee law, you are required to report any form of abuse reported to you
by any child. Before reporting abuse, always contact your Rise Up! match supervisor for
further instruction in handling the issue.
Reports made anonymously to the Tennessee child abuse hotline # is 1-877-54ABUSE
Child Abuse and Neglect Report
Date: ___________
Person making report to Rise Up!:______________________________________
Relationship to child: ________________________________________________
Reported to: ___________________________________ Date: _______________
(DCS Staff name)
___________________________________________
Name of child: _____________________________________ Age: ____________
Address: __________________________________________________________
City: ___________________________ State: _________ Zip: ________________
Telephone: ________________________________________________________
Parent/ Guardian: ___________________________________________________
Relationship to Child: _________________________________________________
___________________________________________
Name of person suspected of abuse or neglect: ____________________________
Relationship to the child: ______________________________________________
Describe suspected abuse or neglect; include the nature and extent of the current injury,
neglect, or sexual abuse to the child in question:
Describe, if known, the circumstances leading to the suspicion that the child is a victim of
abuse or neglect:
Describe, if known, any previous injuries, sexual abuse, or neglect experienced by this child
or other children in this family situation and any previous action taken, if any.
32
Questions for Mentor to Think about Mentee
The following questions have been drawn from the Angel Tree Mentoring Guide Version 3.1.
Angel Tree is one of our partners in ministry for reaching kids impacted by incarceration.
These questions are intended to serve as a tool for establishing or maintaining your
mentoring relationship through use as prompts for conversation or simply as cues for your
own observation in learning about your mentee. We share them with you in hopes of
empowering you to truly impact your mentee in key areas that will affect them for life.
Friendships










Who are the friends the child plays with in the neighborhood and at school? (and how
many?)
Any special friends? What makes these special?
What do they like to do together?
Does the child know how to be a good friend?
Does the child know how to choose a good friend?
What does the friendship mean to him/her?
Has there been a change in the child’s friends recently? What happened?
Is he/she he overly image conscious with peers, or does he/she appear not to care?
How easy are the relationships? Is there evidence of equal give and take? Is there a
pattern of behaving overly complaint or bossy?
How would you rate the child’s relationship skills, opportunities for developing
relationship skills, communication skills?
Fulfillment in School




What is the child’s experience with teacher and school? How positive or negative are
these experiences and what is the influence on the child?
Does the child feel confident about his/her ability to learn? Is the child anxious over
appearing to be lazy?
To what extent does the child show initiative in setting, seeking, and reaching goals
on a consistent basis?
To what degree is he/she aware that you change throughout life and that you can
learn to expect, nurture, and benefit from such change?
Feelings about Self








How does the child feel about his/her name?
How does the child feel about his/her body? Does he/she have any unusual
physical features to cope with that make this an issue?
To what degree does the child seem to like or dislike himself or herself? List
some of the likes and dislikes.
How aware is he/she about his/her uniqueness as an individual? Is the child
working to become all that he/she can be?
What are his/her gifts and how are they being developed and affirmed?
How aware is the child of the effects of his/her emotions on novel, complex,
and difficult tasks, and how does he/she deal with challenge?
How easily does the child share both negative and positive things about
him/herself?
How much guilt does the child seem to experience with regard to self?
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Faith
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Does the child participate in a church group? How active and involved does the child
seem to be? What does he/she like about going there? Does he/she go willingly?
What does Jesus mean to the child in everyday life?
Who is concerned about and nurtures the child’s relationship with God?
To what extent does the child’s family and social environment promote or demote
Christian worldview, values, and character?
Family
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Who lives in the house with the child?
How stable are the other influential adults in the child’s life?
Does the child have his/her own space?
If the child shares a room, with whom? How is their relationship with that person?
What is the atmosphere like at home?
Does the child respect the rules
How does the family deal with conflicts? How are problems solved?
Does the child seem to be under stress? How much anger and aggression/frustration
and stress does he appear to experience?
Fitness
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How healthy is the child?
What are the child’s physical strengths and weaknesses?
To what extent does he/she enjoy sports and games, as participant, as spectator?
Are sports enjoyed as an area of ability and affirmation or shunned as an area of
incompetence and exclusion?
Who are the child’s sport heroes?
How is the child like/unlike his/her hero?
Fun
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To what extent does the child’s environment encourage and provide opportunities for
fun?
What are the accessible places for fun in the child’s community
How much fun does the child have when involved in activities?
Does he initiate doing fun things? With whom and how often?
Finances
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How responsible is the child in handling his/her money?
How much guidance and support is available for responsible financial management?
Fresh Thinking
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What is the child’s capacity to learn from experience?
How systematically does the child approach tasks? Does he/she think before acting?
How well developed are the concepts of time and space?
How aware is the child of the need to examine the relationship between events and
ideas and make appropriate comparisons?
How well developed is his/her memory?
What is the degree to which the child’s creative strengths are known and developed?
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95 Ways to Show Kids You Care
From 150 Ways to Show Kids You Care, by Jolene L. Roehlkepartain
1. Notice them.
2. Smile a lot.
3. Remember their birthday.
4. Ask them about themselves.
5. Look in their eyes when you talk
to them.
6. Play with them.
7. Read aloud together.
8. Tell them their feelings are
okay.
9. Set boundaries that keep them
safe.
10. Be honest.
11. Be yourself.
12. Listen to their stories.
13. Hug them.
14. Forget your worries sometimes
and concentrate only on them.
15. Notice when they’re acting
differently.
16. Present options when they
seek your counsel.
17. Surprise them.
18. Stay with them when they’re
afraid.
19. Suggest better behaviors
when they act out.
20. Feed them when they’re
hungry.
21. Delight in their discoveries.
22. Share their excitement.
23. Send them a letter or
postcard.
24. Follow them when they lead.
25. Call them to say hello.
26. Hide surprises for them to
find.
27. Give them space when they
need it.
28. Contribute to their
collections.
29. Discuss their dreams and
nightmares.
30. Laugh at their jokes.
31. Be relaxed.
32. Kneel, squat, or sit so you’re at
their eye level.
33. Answer their questions.
34. Tell them how terrific they
are.
35. Create a tradition with them
and keep it.
36. Use your ears more than your
mouth.
37. Make yourself available.
38. Show up at their concerts,
games, and events.
39. Find a common interest.
40. Apologize when you’ve done
something wrong.
41. Listen to their favorite music
with them.
42. Keep the promises you make.
43. Wave and smile when you part.
44. Display their artwork in your
home.
45. Thank them.
46. Point out what you like about
them.
47. Clip magazine pictures or
articles that interest them.
48. Catch them doing something
right.
49. Ask for their opinion.
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50. Be curious with them.
51. Introduce them to your
friends and family.
52. Tell them how much you like
being with them.
53. Let them solve most of their
own problems.
54. Meet their friends.
55. Meet their parents.
56. Be excited when you see them.
57. Let them act their age.
58. Be consistent.
59. Give them a special nickname.
60. Marvel at what they can do.
61. Pamper them.
62. Ask them to help you.
63. Tell them stories in which
they are the hero.
64. Believe in them.
65. Nurture them with good food.
66. Be flexible.
67. Delight in their uniqueness.
68. Notice when they grow.
69. Respect them.
70. Visit their schools.
71. Help them learn something
new.
72. Be understanding when they
have a difficult day.
73. Give them good choices.
74. Be silly together.
75. Inspire their creativity.
76. Accept them as they are.
77. Share a safe secret.
78. Create a safe, open
environment.
79. Become their advocate.
80. Hang out together.
81. Encourage them to help
others.
82. Tackle new tasks together.
83. Do what they like to do.
84. Build something together.
85. Encourage them to think big.
86. Celebrate their firsts and
lasts, such as the first day of
school.
87. Help them learn from
mistakes.
88. Be sincere.
89. Introduce them to people of
excellence.
90. Give them your phone number.
91. Share a meal together.
92. Be spontaneous.
93. Expect their best; don’t
expect perfection.
94. Empower them to help and be
themselves.
95. Love them, no matter what.
39
Resources
Websites
Mentor Support
National Resource Center for Children of the Incarcerated
www.fcnetwork.org
National Mentoring Partnership
www.mentoring.org
Public/Private Ventures
www.ppv.org
Sound advice in youth issues
www.empoweringparents.org
Educational/Creative ideas
Mentoring Tips
http://friendsforyouth.org
If the world were 100 people
http://100people.org
The Official Global GPS Cache Hunt Site
www.geocaching.com
A! Magazine for Arts Calendar of Events:
http://www.artsmagazine.info/calendar.php
ETSU Local “Things to Do” List:
http://www.etsu.edu/regional/fun/
Johnson City Parks and Facilities:
http://cojc1.johnsoncitytn.org/Parks%20%26%20Recreation/Parks%20%26%20Faci
lities/
TN State Parks:
http://www.state.tn.us/environment/parks/findapark/
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Books
The Heart’s Code: Tapping the Wisdom and Power of Our Heart’s Energy by Paul
Pearsall
A Framework for Understanding Poverty by Ruby Payne
It’s Better to Build Boys than Mend Men by S. Truett Cathy
Man Making: Men Helping Boys on their Journey to Manhood by Earl Hipp
White Ghetto: How Middle Class America Reflects Inner City Decay by Star Parker
Educating Esme: Diary of a Teacher’s First Year by Esme Raji Codell
Fields of the Fatherless by C. Thomas Davis
From Pieces to Weight: Once Upon a Time in Southside Queens
by 50 Cent and Kris Ex
The Excellent 11: Qualities Teachers and Parents Use to Motivate, Inspire, and
Educate Children by Ron Clark
Community Resources
Outdoor Attractions
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Winged Deer Park – Bristol Highway; (423) 283 – 5815
Established in 1991, Winged Deer Park is a 200-acre district park. The facility
includes a meeting room, landscape patio area and working offices. Complex
amenities include five lighted softball fields, athletic office, scorer's tower and
restroom, three lighted soccer fields, Batter's Up batting cages, a 9-hole disc
golf course, playground area, soccer concession building with restroom, 1/2
mile lighted and paved fitness trail which winds through the forested section
of the park. The lakefront area features two sand volleyball courts,
horseshoe pits, picnic shelter with restrooms, public access boat ramp, green
space, lighted handicap accessible boardwalk, and a Festival Plaza multi-use
area with restroom.
The park has three historical features: the Robert Young Cabin, the Massengil
Monument, and the James H. Quillen Historical Tree Museum.
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Bays Mountain (http://www.baysmountain.com/)
Park Hours: Park Grounds M – F 8:30 am – 5 pm
Sat
8:30 am – 8 pm
Sun
1 pm – 8 pm
Nature Center M – F 8:30 am – 5 pm
Sat
1 pm – 8 pm
Sun
1 pm – 8 pm
Fees: The Entrance Fee is $3.00 per car.
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Fees for programs (planetarium, nature, and barge) are $1.50 per
person. Tickets for these programs may be purchased at the Gift Shop
in the Nature Center.
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Bristol Caverns – 1157 Bristol Caverns Hwy; (423) 878 – 2011
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Worley’s Cave (Bluff City, TN) http://www.state.tn.us/environment/na/natareas/morril/
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Roan Mountain State Park – 527 Highway 143, Roan Mountain; (423) 772 –
0190. http://www.roanmountain.com/statepark.htm
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Sycamore Shoals Historical Park – 1651 West Elk Ave., Elizabethton; (423)
543 – 5808
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Warriors Path State Park http://state.tn.us/environment/parks/WarriorsPath/
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Laurel Falls - http://www.imagesbuilder.com/gsmnp/laurel-falls.html
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Wetlands Water Park – 1523 Persimmon Ridge Rd., Jonesborough; (423) 753
- 1553
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Elk River Falls - http://www.ncwaterfalls.com/elk1.htm
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Buffalo Mountain Park - 570 Highridge Road; (423) 283 – 5815
Buffalo Mountain Park is a 725-acre natural resource area obtained in a land
swap with the U. S. Forest Service in 1994. The park is location on the north
slope of Buffalo Mountain and consists of steep topography and densely
forested land. The park functions as a nature preserve primarily for hiking,
picnicking, and nature programs.
Parks
- Willow Springs Park - 1201 Huffine Road; (423) 283 – 5815
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Kiwanis Park – 717 W. Market St.; (423) 461 – 8830
Amenities include a band shell with restrooms, lighted baseball field, lighted
basketball courts, picnic tables, playground and recreation center.
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Powell Square Park – 201 W. Poplar St.; (423) 283 – 5815
Established in 1889, this 1.4 acre neighborhood park is the department’s
oldest park. Amenities include multi-use playing field, picnic tables, shelter
with restrooms, and playground area.
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Skate Park – 705 Libery Bell Boulevard; (423) 283 – 5815
The concept of developing a public skate park was initiated by residents, both
youth and adults with an active interest in the sport in 1998. The design
features a variety of elements targeting a range of abilities for beginners as
well as advanced skaters with a good flow between and among various
obstacles and boundary areas.
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Civitan Park – 1000 N. Broadway; (423) 283 – 5815
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This 33-acre community park has under-gone a total renovation for primary
use as a soccer facility in a park setting. The development includes five
lighted soccer fields, concession area with restrooms, volleyball, playground
and a walking trail connecting Lions, Civitan and Rotary parks.
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Rotary Park – 1001 N. Broadway; (423) 283 – 5815
The park is open April through October and is primarily used as a picnic
facility in a natural setting. Amenities include six covered picnic shelters,
restrooms, multi-use picnic tables, multi-use playing field, and playground
area.
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Carver Park and Recreation Center – 322 W. Watauga Ave.; (423) 461 –
8830
Established in 1958, Carver Park is a 6-acre neighborhood park. Amenities
include two basketball courts, fitness trail, multi-use court, pavilion,
playground and recreation center. The recreation center is equipped with a
gymnasium, weight room, library, meeting space, teen room, arts and crafts
area, and kitchen. Use of the rec. center may include fees.
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Carnegie Park – 601 N. Broadway St.; (423) 283 – 5815
Carnegie Park, formerly Jaycee Park, is a 5-acre neighborhood park
established in 1945. The park consists of two girls’ lighted softball fields, a
restroom shelter, basketball court, and playground.
Recreation Centers
- Legion Recreation Center – 111 Legion St.; (423) 461 – 4850
Legion Recreation Center offers year-round activities for the whole family.
This facility includes a gymnasium, meeting and party space, kitchen,
billiards, classes in dance, roller hockey, roller skating arena, a home school
physical education program, an outdoor swimming pool which is open
Memorial Day through Labor Day, and various special programs throughout
the year.
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Johnson City Family Skate Center – State of Franklin; (423) 926 – 2726
Museums
- Hands On! Regional Museum – 315 East Main St.; (423) 434 – 4263
Hours:
Closed on Mondays September - May
Tuesday-Friday 9:00 am - 5:00 pm
Sunday 1:00 pm - 5:00 pm
Saturday 10:00 am - 5:00 pm
Fees:
Adults & Children (age 3+) $8.00
Children (2 & under) FREE
Group Rate $8.00 (for groups of 10 or more, a reservation is
required.)
These admission prices entitle you to one full day of admission. You are welcome to
leave and come back, just get your hand stamped! We also sell guest passes that
can be used at a later date, at the above prices.
Art
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Into the Fire
In old downtown between Main and Market Street)
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308 S. Roan St.; 423-926-CLAY
All ages welcome; feel free to bring snacks or a take-out dinner.
Fees: Price of the piece + hourly studio fee per painter
$6 adult, $5 students/faculty/seniors, $4 kids 11 and under
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Private Art Classes at the Nelson Fine Art Center
Monday/Tuesday/Thursday; 4 – 5 pm or 5 – 6 pm
4 classes per month; cost: $50.00
Instructor: Becky Mallory; 423-341-6672
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Nelson Fine Art Center; 324 East Main St; 423-926-2931
Theatre
- Bud Frank Theatre – the home of ETSU’s Division of Theatre
423-439-7576
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Kingsport Theatre Guild; 423-968-4977
Offers a full slate of comedies and musicals at Kinsport Renaissance Center,
as well as children’s productions through its Young People’s Series.
See www.kingsporttheatre.org
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Theatre Bristol – (423) 968 – 4977
Provides art education, youth programming, and community outreach
projects amid its regular offering of adult and family musicals, comedies, and
dramas throughout the year at its own ARTspace and the Paramount Center
for the Arts, both on State Street.
See www.theatrebristol.org
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Barter Theatre – (276) 628-3991
Located in Abingdon, VA. A variety of broadway level productions. Offer
various children’s productions throughout the year. See
www.bartertheatre.com
Movies
- Carmike Cinemas – 1805 N. Roan St.; (423) 929 – 7151
- Reel to Reel – 130 W. Springbrook Dr.; (423) 282 – 3557