HOPE-FILLED ENGAGEMENT
THROUGH MATTERING
GRAY POEHNELL
Cannexus, January 23, 2012
graypoehnell@mac.com
1
HOPE-FILLED
ENGAGEMENT
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
2
“CAREER STUFF”
CAN SEEM HOPELESS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
3
CAREER
LIFE
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
4
AN ALTERNATIVE
APPROACH
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
5
HOPE
@2012,Ergon
Gray Poehnell
@2011,
Communications
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
6
HOPE-FILLED
ENVIRONMENT
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
7
HOPE
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
8
2
WHAT IS
MATTERING
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
9
beliefs people have,
whether right or wrong,
that they matter to someone else,
that they are the object
of someone else’s attention,
and that others care about them
and appreciate them.
MATTERING, Amundson, Active Engagement
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
10
3
MATTERING
MATTERS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
11
MATTERING
HOPE
WILLINGNESS TO TRY
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
12
“what difference does it make?”
“so what?”
“who cares?”
“that’s just the way it is”
“what’s the use?”
“what’s the point of trying?”
“why bother?”
“I can’t make a difference”
I DON’T MATTER - THERE IS NO HOPE - SO
WHY TRY
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
13
MATTER
substance
tangible
VISIBLITY
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
14
MATTERING
substance
tangible
VISIBLITY &
RECOGNITION
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
15
MATTERING
substance
tangible
VALUE
VISIBLITY &
RECOGNITION
importance
MAKING A
DIFFERENCE
significance
meaning
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
16
INVISIBLE
PEOPLE
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
17
Liu Bolin: the Vanishing Artist
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
18
INVISIBLE
TO THEMSELVES
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
19
LEARNED
HELPLESSNESS
/HOPELESSNESS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
20
the giving-up reaction,
the quitting response
that follows from the belief
that whatever you do doesn’t matter.
LEARNED HELPLESSNESS
Seligman, Learned Optimism
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
21
Life Experiences
Negative
Explanatory Style
Nothing I do
matters
Nothing I do
will ever matter
Why try?
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
22
INVISIBLE
TO OTHERS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
23
CHICAGO
Mr. Cellophane Lyrics sung by Amos
If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm and shook his leg
You'd notice him
If someone in the movie show
Yelled "Fire in the second row
This whole place is a powder keg!”
You'd notice him
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
24
CHICAGO
Mr. Cellophane Lyrics sung by Amos
And even without clucking like a hen Everyone
gets noticed, now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me!
Cellophane Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane 'Cause you can look right
through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there….
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
25
CHICAGO
Mr. Cellophane Lyrics sung by Amos …
A human being's made of more than air
With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there
Unless that human bein' next to you
Is unimpressive, undistinguished
You know who...
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there…
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
26
SOME SYSTEMIC
CHALLENGES
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
27
CAREER
education
work exp
goals
skills, etc
LIFE
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
28
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
29
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
30
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
31
WE SEE
WHAT MOST DON’T
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
32
CAREER
education
work exp
goals
skills, etc
LIFE
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Engage people where
they are engaged in life!!
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
33
CAREER
education
work exp
goals
skills, etc
LIFE
@2011, Ergon Communications
Engage people where
they are engaged in life!!
Hope-Filled Engagement
34
WE HELP PEOPLE TO SEE
WHAT THEY CAN’T SEE
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
35
I HAVE VALUE!
WHAT I DO
MAKES A DIFFERENCE!
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
36
4
INSIGHTFUL
CROSS-TRAINING
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
37
BUTTERFLY EFFECT
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
38
every decision we make
and everything we do
no matter how small
has a profound effect
on the world around us
BUTTERFLY EFFECT
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
39
Sensitive Dependence on Initial Conditions
BUTTERFLY EFFECT
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
40
even small and seemingly
insignificant changes
at the start of a process
can produce significantly different results
BUTTERFLY EFFECT
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
41
@2010, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement
42
SMALL CHANGE
BIG DIFFERENCE
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
43
WHAT SMALL CHANGES
COULD YOU MAKE?
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
44
LEARNED OPTIMISM:
HOW TO CHANGE
YOUR MIND AND YOUR LIFE
Martin E. Seligman
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
45
LEARNED
HELPLESSNESS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
46
the giving-up reaction,
the quitting response
that follows from the belief
that whatever you do doesn’t matter.
LEARNED HELPLESSNESS
Seligman, Learned Optimism
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
47
EXPLANATORY
STYLE
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
48
the manner in which
you habitually explain to yourself
why events happen
EXPLANATORY STYLE
Seligman, Learned Optimism
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
49
Your way of explaining events to yourself
determines how helpless you can become,
or how energized,
when you encounter [life experiences]
I think of your explanatory style
as reflecting “the word in your heart.”
Each of us carries a word in his heart,
a “no” or a “yes.”
EXPLANATORY STYLE
Seligman, Learned Optimism
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
50
explanatory style stems directly
from your view of your place in the world—
whether you think
you are valuable and deserving,
or worthless and hopeless
EXPLANATORY STYLE
Seligman, Learned Optimism
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
51
THREE DIMENSIONS OF
EXPLANATORY STYLE
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
52
pessimistic
optimistic
Permanent
“always happens”
Universal
“whatever I do”
Internal
“It’s my fault”
@2012, Gray Poehnell
PERMANENCE
Temporary
PERVASIVENESS
Specific
PERSONALIZATION
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
“this time”
“this situation”
External
“other factors”
53
LEARNED
OPTIMISM
EXPLANATORY STYLE
LEARNED
HELPLESSNESS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
54
LEARNED
Life Experiences
HELPLESSNES
S
Negative
Explanatory Style
Nothing I do
matters
Nothing I do
will ever matter
Why try?
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
55
Life Experiences
LEARNED
OPTIMISM
Positive
Explanatory Style
I matter.
I can make
a difference.
I’ll try.
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
56
5
SOME PRACTIAL THINGS
I FIND HELPFUL
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
57
look and listen for the signs
of helplessness, hopelessness,
for the signs that people
don’t think they matter
OBSERVANT
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
58
Put myself into the shoes
of those who don’t think they matter
or that anything they do matters.
Explore diversity.
EMPATHY
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
59
What are they seeing and hearing
when meeting me?
What impact am I having on them?
More hopeful or more hopeless?
SELF-AWARE
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
61
Tone
First contact
Connecting
Active Listening
Valuing
Hopeful
Creative
ATMOSPHERE AND ENVIRONMENT
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
62
Create experiences in which
people are surprised
by what they have in their lives
and by what they can do.
SURPRISE EXPERIENCES
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
63
Favourite Things
up to 12 things I like to do?
last time?
cost / free?
alone / others?
PE
O
F
S/P
1 week
games
planned/spontaneous?
mind, body, emotion, spirit?
O
P
$
1 month
movies
@2011, Ergon Communications
Hope-Filled Engagement
64
Enable people to look
at themselves and their lives
from multiple perspectives,
especially the hopeful ones.
MULTIPLE PERSPECTIVES
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
65
What do people need
to know and to be able to do
In order for what I am asking
them to do?
What do I have to equip them with
before they can
do what I ask them to do?
BACKSWING & EQUIPPING
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
66
Learned helplessness can be unlearned.
How can I help people find
more hopeful explanations
for the life experiences that
have taught them that they don’t matter.
ALTERNATIVE EXPLANATIONS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
67
learning a set of skills
about how to talk to yourself
when you suffer a personal defeat.
from a more encouraging viewpoint.
LEARNED OPTIMISM & SELF-TALK
Seligman, Learned Optimism
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
68
What is a “skill?”
SKILL
SKILL
“strength, good at”
“something you do”
NO
SKILL
@2011, Ergon Communications
Hope-Filled Engagement
69
TRADITIONAL VIEW OF
SUCCESS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
70
Ability
+
Motivation
⇓
SUCCESS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
71
EXPANDED VIEW OF
SUCCESS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
72
Ability
+
Motivation
+
Optimism
⇓
SUCCESS
@2012, Gray Poehnell
Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering
73
HOPE-FILLED ENGAGEMENT
THROUGH MATTERING
GRAY POEHNELL
Cannexus, January 23, 2012
graypoehnell@mac.com