“Bad spellers of the world, untie!” – Graffito
1. Show, don’t tell.
Example:
- The store was empty during summer.
- The store’s people and goods evaporated with the
summer heat.
2. Trim it down. If you can’t tell someone why a particular word
is in your poem, it shouldn’t be there. Like ants, poems can
carry six times their weight.
3. Be precise. Do the words in your poem say exactly what you
want them to? Is there a better word for what you want to say?
Do you think your heart is an ocean or a hermit crab?
4. Clarity. ---- Does it make sense?
- Will your friend feel like you think she looks nice
when you tell her she looks like the moon crashed into
her head?
- Did the moose gargle really Sputnik your sense of
inflation… past Pikachu’s tail hooked to the hopscotch
parade ice cream cake allegory for our oil crisis?
5. Development. Are the characters in your poem fully
developed? Is the poem long enough to adequately explore the
subject matter? (keep the Trim principle in mind also, don’t
make it too long).
 Now that you’ve got the principles, how do you edit your poem?
 When you read it out loud, are there awkward parts to say?
Places where you run out of breath? Places you stumble over?
 Those sections for you will be that much more difficult for your
readers/audience.
 Remember, your audience gets one listen to connect with your
poem.
 These are places to look at as you edit.
 Put it down for a couple days.
 When you’re editing, pretend someone else wrote it. This will
help you read more objectively.
 In general, line breaks go where beats go. (beat: intentional
pause for effect)
 There are two types of line breaks:
 Enjambed: where the line flows smoothly into the next with little
pause. Use when you are building momentum.
 End-stopped: where the reader takes a longer pause. Use when you
want to slow down or emphasize an idea or image.
 Example: Tony Hoagland – Romantic Moment
 www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSDh01zwed0
 Enjambed Line Break:
I want to be strong even when I flee
like elephants
shaking the ground
End-stopped Line Break
It was the year of the butterfly.
I waited for you to hatch.
Your cocoon was so silent.
 On your copy of “Romantic Moment”:
 Note enjambed and end-stopped line breaks. What is their affect?
Are the lines still cohesive, stand-alone thoughts?
 Circle any clichés that you see
 Write a response to these questions
 How does his use of animal actions paint a picture for the reader? What
are the affects of those images?
 How does he keep the poem focused on their human relationship?
 Avoid awkward/forced rhymes
 Also avoid predictable lines.
 DON’T: “I found my cat / She was wearing a hat” – Steven
Wilbur
 DO: “Our present condition needs serious recognition
Where there is no repentance can be no admission
And that sentence more serious then Vietnam
The atom bomb and Sadam administer Farrakhan” – Lauryn Hill
 Lines that people have heard before are not as apt to catch
their ear. You are original. There is only one of you! Say
things how only you can say them.
“There is a house in the valley of the husband of my
grandmother where the rain leaks often through the roof over a
rug.”
Becomes
“My grandmother’s valley house leaks at the sight of rain.”
 Alliteration – repetition of sounds, usually toward the beginning
of words.
 Assonance – vowel repetition
 Example: After Andrea tap danced aptly Adam acted magnanimously.
 Consonance – consonant repetition, usually the end of a word
 Example: Peter
piper practiced percussion, trapped a
hoppin’ set o’ slap, put him on a map dipped in rap and
puppies.
 Sally sold sea shells by the sea shore
 Is it original?
 Most importantly: Does it add meaning to your poem? The title
is like a freebie poem within your poem. Even the connection
between the title and the poem is a kind of poem! Take
advantage of it!
 Shakespeare didn’t write your poem. Neither did Blake,
Wordsworth, or Thoreau, or even your favorite poet. The poem
should sound like you.
 Edit one of your poems for fifteen minutes and bring your work
to class on Thursday.