The Moral Bucket List
Skagit UU Fellowship
May 24, 2015
Rev. Barbara Davenport
Where do I come up with titles? This one, ‘The Moral Bucket List’ was the title of
a New York Times article by David Brooks. David Brooks is a columnist for the
New York Times—and has just written a book entitled “The Road to Character”
which I haven’t read because I’m number 55 on the waiting list to borrow it
from the library.
Seemed like a great catchy title, but then, how to fashion a sermon around it
seemed more challenging. I don’t want to chastise us for our failures or sins.
Garrison Keillor, did a show in Seattle one year and he was extoling it’s virtues
and quipped, Seattle is a wonderful place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to move
here because I might become a better person than I really want to be.
And perhaps we are already better people than we want to be.
I presume David Brooks dubbed his article “The Moral Bucket List” after the
movie “The Bucket List” in which two terminally ill men escape from a cancer
ward and head off on a road trip with a wish list of to-dos before they die.
In the process, they become unlikely friends, heal each other, and ultimately
find joy in life.
So I began thinking about the difference between a material bucket list and a
spiritual one—the difference between doing and being.
In this over crazed busy world, busyness has become the drug of choice and a
badge of how important I am. My mantra all too often becomes “I do, therefore I
am”
Developing a moral bucket list require some quiet time, ALONE without
electronics, ear buds, —cell phones, etc. Spiritual development requires a
mental retreat into our inner being-- alone with the “Who AM I question” and
who would I like to be?
Spiritual growth focuses less on doing and more on being.
David Brooks frames it well when he says:_ “It’s not about the resume virtues
but the eulogy virtues”. Spiritual health is not about the self aggrandizing
virtues we extol on Facebook but those internal qualities we want people to say
about us at our funeral.
And to answer the question what eulogy virtues are important to me requires
quiet contemplation.
Where might we seek guidance in thinking about a Moral Bucket List?
Many sources such as: definitions of Morality, religion, the Bible, our 7 principles,
moral mentors and favorite quotes. Helpful as these resources might be,
ultimately the moral bucket list is uniquely ours, just like Jack Nicholson’s and
Morgan Freeman’s Bucket list was unique to them.
SO the first step is to address the busyness syndrome and allow time for quiet
contemplation.
Years ago here at SUUF we conducted Simplicity Circles started by UU Cecile
Andrews. She told us about leaving her high powered executive job at a
Community College to focus on simplifying her life. I remember well when she
said, “Have you noticed how many people, when asked ‘How are you’, reply
“Busy”. So I think is a major barrier to considering our moral bucket list is our
busyness syndrome. I used to be more like that, but I’ve made a conscious effort
to shift both my thinking and my behavior—and drop by old mantra “I do
therefore I am” .
What is it about “busy” that allures us? Does it make us seem more important—
is it the sin of pride?
So we check our emails and leave our cell phones on 24 7 but is any one of us
really that important?
Or is it the pull of novelty, something different is happening that I need to
know about.
Or perhaps the dread or fear of examining our own conscience? Or perhaps
creating a moral bucket list feels like an odious task—one more think to put on
my “should” list.
When I presented this topic- The Moral Bucket List to my cousin at dinner one
night he said of that title makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel like “I
should do more”. I should get more involved in Social justice causes, or other
community activities, or be more available to others”. Needless to say he’s a
school counselor and a fabulous one at that, hard working, generous
emotionally and materially to a fault. His immediate reaction to the title was
guilt. Guilt for many of us produces anxiety—but wait there’s a pill for that and it
seems plenty of us are taking it.
So what is YOUR reaction to creating A Moral Bucket List”
There are so many aspects of morality. As I mentioned we can draw on
definitions, Christian sins, moral mentors, quotes, our UU principles.
As far as a definition, generally we think of morality as discerning right from
wrong. But that’s complex. Right and wrong is nuanced.
Killing is wrong, unless it’s justified—right? WWII perhaps.
On this our Memorial Day Week end, when we honor the dead who fought our
battles for us. And no, we don’t all support the wars that have been, that
continue to be waged, but the loss of life because of them, is no less poignant
and deeply felt.
Breaking the law is wrong unless it’s for a good cause. I sat at lunch counters
in l964 in Raleigh, North Carolina, where I lived, with black people and took them
to the public swimming pool—both acts of civil disobedience. Or say the song
goes, “Have you been to jail for justice”.
I am fascinating with the ethical medical question of “Who Shall Live” so
much so that after finishing Divinity School I thought about getting a PhD in
Medical Ethics. The who shall live question is thorny, complex and individual.
For example who should get the lung transplant and how do you decide? Many
options exist, for example, the lottery, the person who makes the most
contribution to society, the youngest, the “neediest—by what ever measure we
use to determine “needy”.
As we know, the morality of Death with Dignity Act” or so called assisted
suicide, although legal in Oregon and Washington is contentious. life, and
suffering can have redemptive value.
Sometimes, however, the public and private moral stance are at odds.
The official Catholic church teaching is that only God can give and take away life,
and suffering has redemptive valuable. Yet the priest of Mary Ann, second wife
of my former husband ( aka husband emeritus) when she was dying of ALS and
who was very Catholic, asked her priest if it was Ok if she stopped eating and
drinking and he compassionately affirmed her decision.
One of the things I love most about Unitarians—theirs is little or no schism
between our personal and public morality. We walk our talk and yes we show
up for moral, social and environmental causes in far greater numbers than our
meager proportion of the religious pie would indicate.
So yes, although morality is both relative and individual, there are times and
circumstances when we draw that immovable line.
Where DO you draw the line? Where do any of us draw the line? The Native
Tribes have drawn the line regarding the Coal Terminal —by saying absolutely
no. They have refused the big money offered as payoff to get them to support
a Coal Terminal in Bellingham. Their moral principle is preservation of the
environment, a green landscape rather than green-inked paper . UUs as a
faith group are in the forefront of standing in solidarity with Lummi Nation.
At times we stand on a moral precipice and ponder what is the right thing to
do. We acknowledge the challenge —when personal needs or gains intersect
with community or public needs. Lummi Nation has drawn their line and chosen
the well-being of the planet and it’s future over quick and easy money.
Notions of morality are doubtlessly as old as human society.
The origin of the adage “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”
or so called the Golden Rule , predate the Bible and shows up in most all
religions and cultures. One should treat others as one would like others to treat
oneself implies a reciprocal or two way relationship; a willingness to empathize
with another, to value all beings and treat them with respect and dignity.
And although it’s true aspiring to this Golden Rule is probably a really good idea,
it’s rigid application does have a down side, if pushed to the extreme. Complete
selflessness is not healthy. For if we do more for others than we do for
ourselves we dishonor ourselves.
There’s a limit to self-less giving.
You know I’m fond of saying “ Everyone’s asset if pushed to far becomes a
liability.” And that is probably true for most moral virtues.
For example the rigid liberal, that humorless. driven individual who shows up at
every rain-drenched bone-chilling protest, with distain written on their face, for
the laggard like me who is lounging around at home cozy and warm. As
someone once quipped: "Gosh, if Liberals had been in charge we'd all be
speaking German."
We are most familiar with morality based on the 7 Deadly sins. So when I
went on line to find out the origin, one blogger had this to say:
“Our famous seven deadly ones were written down by Pope Gregory I around
1600 as a teaching tool for the slovenly masses. They do not appear in list form
in the Bible, but they are biblical concepts. Are they redundant sins? Not really,
but I do notice that all but one of them (sloth) seem to have become modern
virtues and the theme for most ‘reality’ TV shows: pride, envy, gluttony, lust,
greed, and anger.”
Years ago I did a humorous sermon on these 7 deadly sins raising each sin
to a virtuous pinnacle. Take envy. I used the example of my 8th grade summer
when my best girl friend and I were staying at a cabin with my grandparents on
Lake Erie.
All the boys were hanging around curvaceous, svelt, Mary. I, chubby and
jealous lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks, by eating only 2 Lorna Doone cookies daily.
As a result, remaining the same willful 110 pounds for the past 60 years.
So envy has it’s upside.
So my plea for all of us, is not to be too rigid in our moral bucket list.
But if you were to contemplate a moral bucket list where might you search for
ideas? A number of years ago, William Bennett once, Reagan’s Sec. of
Education compiled “The Book of Virtues: A Treasury of Great Moral
Stories” (1993) to further the moral education of children.
He included stories and fables geared for children to illustrate his 10
virtues which are:
1.Self-discipline
2. Compassion
3. Responsibility
4, Friendship
5. Work
6, Courage
7.Perseverance
8. Honesty
9. Loyalty
10 Faith
I don’t know whether that would be your list or not.
Another source to draw upon for a moral bucket list, might be your favorite
quotes.
Three of my favorites.
1. From Henry David Thoreau a transcendentalist, whom UU like to claim as
one of us, also American author, philosopher, abolitionist, naturalist, and tax
resister . He cautions”
“Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much of life s. Aim above
morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.”
2.
“Moral goodness is what gives each of us the sense that we are worthy human
beings.”
Steven Pinker and evolutionary psychologist and Harvard Professor
3. Immanuel Kant sometimes considered the father of modern philosophy
has this to say: “Morality is not the doctrine of how we may make
ourselves happy, but how we may make ourselves worthy of happiness.”
You might also notice which bumper stickers and tee shirt slogans you like.
I once had a tee shirt I wore until it fell apart. It simply said: “Personal
Integrity--a world where everyone wins.” So your favorite sayings and
slogans may function as a moral compass.
We might also look for direction from moral mentors.
Who would you pick as your moral mentors?
Perhaps someone living or dead has guided you spiritually.
And on this Memorial Day week end, we might remember our deceased moral
mentors. My Mom who died in l985 was that for me. Her moral principles and
life long message to me, more often lived than spoken—take risks, examine your
conscience and help those less fortunate. For me, these three moral principles
are worth living.
David Brooks- the guy I cribbed this title The Moral Bucket list from
says in his article: “It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the
résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the skills you bring
to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your
funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of
deep love?”
We all know that the eulogy virtues are more important than the résumé ones.
But our culture and our educational systems spend more time teaching the skills
and strategies you need for career success than the qualities you need to radiate
that sort of inner light. Many of us are clearer on how to build an external career
than on how to build inner character.”He goes on to say, External success is
achieved through competition with others. But character is build during the
confrontation with our own weakness.”
That I think that is something very worthy of our consideration:
“Character is built during the confrontation with our own weakness.”
Brooks concludes that wonderful people are made, not born. He says, “people I
admire have achieved an unfakeable inner virtue, built slowly from specific moral
and spiritual endeavors.”
He talks about moral mentors as: “ People who radiate an inner light—and seem
infused with gratitude.”
Pope Francis comes to mind for me.
Timothy Egan wrote an article for the New York Times entitled: Pope Francis
and the Art of Joy. Egans says, Pope Francis, who not only took the name of a
nature loving pauper, but mingles with the people, cleans their feet, and invites
the homeless into his home. Egan noted the Pope’s advice for Happiness: “Slow
Down, Take time off, Don’t proselytize, work for PEACE, Don’t hold onto
negative feelings, Move calmly through life. Enjoy art, books, and playfulness”.
So rather than “work on a moral bucket list, perhaps we’d do well to follow the
Pope’s advice, thereby filling our hearts with interior freedom and peace.
And finally to heed the words of Kant:
“Morality is not the doctrine of how we may make ourselves happy, but how we
may make ourselves worthy of happiness.”