Online Dating
Jessica Lott
Of the 19,000 couples married between 2005 and 2012, more than a third
met through an online dating site. (usatoday.com) The whole idea of dating is
changing as a whole. People do not have to rely on meeting at college or
become so desperate that they go on the blind date their mother arranged. In
order to be a responsible Internet user, a person must know the dangers that
come with putting their personal information out there for everyone to see. There
are several common questions associated with online dating. Does it work? Is it
safe? Will others judge me? Awareness is extremely important when considering
online dating. The Internet is full of different kinds of people, and humans
generally like to think that everyone is a kind person. Unfortunately, that is not
always the case, but online dating can work and it can be fairly safe if the
necessary precautions are taken.
The concept of online dating comes from “matrimonial” agencies of the
1700s. (brainz.org) These agencies would help bachelors seek out wives by
placing ads in the local newspaper. People who use online dating used to be
considered by most to be desperate and that is exactly how they were seen in
the past. It was basically a last resort. It took until the late 1990s for personal ads
to become acceptable and when looking at the statistics of online dating users,
the idea of meeting the love of your life across the Internet is becoming
mainstream. Online dating began basically at the same time the Internet started
being used. People would visit chat rooms directed towards those who lived in
their city and would agree to eventually meet in person. Once chat service
websites figured out there was a huge market in this, they even started
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advertising meeting singles as a feature. In 1994 the first major online dating
website was formed, kiss.com, and was proceeded by the still popular
match.com. The online dating industry took off very rapidly and by 1996 there
were 16 different large dating websites. Movies, such as “You’ve Got Mail,” also
made the idea of Internet dating seem like a positive experiencing causing it to
grow even more. Country music star, Brad Paisley, also became interested in the
idea of online dating. His music video, “Online,” which features a man being able
to hide his true identity to attract women over the internet, became the first
country music video to reach number one on iTunes. Online dating industries did
have a scare with the release of social networking sites MySpace, Facebook,
and Friendster. Users could find a potential partner online without going to a site
dedicated solely to that cause and best of all, it was free. Although social
networking has become increasingly popular, Americans spent over $500 million
on online dating in 2007, making it the second highest industry for “paid content”
on the Web, behind pornography. Currently the industry is worth more than $2
billion per year. According to Online Dating Magazine, nearly 20 million people
visit at lease one online dating size every month and 120,000 marriages every
year take place because of online dating. Online dating went from being a last
resort when finding love to accounting for 17% of all marriages and 1 in 5 serious
relationships. More research shows that 74% of the total US population has used
online dating and 16000 new dating site members are joining everyday. With
over 2 billion people using the Internet, it should not be a surprise to anyone that
a person can find a good partner online.
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There are definite pros and cons associated with online dating. When
looking at the positive side the number of marriages previously mentioned that
resulted from online dating is certainly a positive, but there is more to it than that.
One of the biggest reasons to try online dating is that you can meet people who
are not located in your geographical area. For people in rural areas who know
everyone and have tried to start a relationship with what feels like half of their
neighborhood, being able to open their dating pool up to a nearby town is a huge
plus. With these dating or social networking websites, someone can meet
someone that they would not have had the chance to otherwise and that is a
fantastic thing. Online dating websites also do the work of finding the perfect
match for you. On Match.com, which is the leading online dating website as of
right now, users make a profile displaying information about themselves. This
profile also will give details about what they want in a partner. Match.com will
then find matches using both pieces of data for the user and he or she will be
able to look at the profiles of the matches, send them emails, and even say if he
or she is interested or not. The idea sounds perfect. This will hopefully eliminate
some of the awkwardness of a first date because the potential couple already
knows what each other is interested in. The process can be compared to the
hiring process at companies. Profiles are essentially just resumes; and asking
about something on a profile can start conversations, which is the same idea
when employers ask interviewees about items on their resume. Matching based
on preferences also allows for people to really get to choose whom they are
going on a date with. If someone doesn’t want to date another who is less than 5
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feet tall, then they can set that on their profile and Match.com will not even show
profiles containing that trait. Other preferences that can be set are age, hair
color, eye color, race, political views, smoking, if they want to have children or
not, and many more. Another positive is that online dating simply saves time. The
world is fast paced today and it is hard for men and women to find time to look for
their future spouse. People do not have the extra time to go to events and meet
others outside of work or school. Profiles also allow for users to find more
information about a person in a shorter amount of time. Using the example
Match.com again, asking someone on the first date if they want children or how
much money they make is not an acceptable thing to do. However, since this is
information is on a profile, it is no longer classified until an unknown time or a
wedding ring is present. Studies have also shown that the rejection someone
may receive affects them less online than it would in person. This makes sense
and is important to mention because this means that users of online dating are
not as likely to get frustrated or get low self-esteem because they do not appeal
to someone else. Perhaps the biggest pro of all when looking at online dating is
the different characters a person can meet. One week a person could go on a
date with a nurse, the next they could be sitting in a theatre with someone who is
in a motorcycle gang. Everyone has a story and being able to hear those stories
is rewarding in an infinite number of ways.
There are also serious disadvantages and even dangers when using
online dating that causes people to question if this is something that should be
promoted or allowed. Although it does save time in most scenarios, it can
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become very addicting. Some have found that they were turning down outings
with real friends to rush home and check out how many likes they got that day.
The ability to have attention from people who are interested in dating at anytime
can get in the way of work and normal day to day activities. Sadly there is no way
of knowing who is actually behind a profile. From research, this seems to be the
biggest concern of online dating. Someone could not only be lying about if they
are a Democrat or Republican, they could be lying about anything from age to
gender. The goal of online dating is to get that first date and that does require
meeting in person. There have been several cases of online dating gone wrong
reported in the news. In Naples, Florida a woman, who was using the free
website Plenty of Fish, found herself held against her will at a Days Inn. Another
incident involved Gilles Tetreault from Edmonton, Canada. Tetreault thought he
was meeting a pretty blonde named Sheena, but Sheena turned out to be a man
in a mask with a stun gun and a pistol. Tetreault noticed that the pistol was made
of rubber and managed to get away and find help from a couple walking their
dog. Tetreault realizes how fortunate he is when he learns the real identity of his
attacker, Mark Twitchell. Twitchell had a dream of being a famous filmmaker, but
he also had a terrible dark side. When he was brought on trial for attacking
Tetreault, police found a file on his computer titled SKConfessions (Serial Killer
Confessions), which outlined his previous crimes and explained how the popular
TV show Dexter influenced them. Through these findings, Twitchell was also
convicted for the murder of John Altinger. Altinger, Like Gilles Tetreault, met a
woman who he thought was perfect on an online dating website. Altinger and his
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match had plans to go to Costa Rica, but friends started becoming suspicious
when they received odd emails and heard that Altinger had resigned from his job.
When Altinger’s friends broke into his apartment, they found his passport and
dirty dishes, but not a sign that anything had been packed. The document,
SKConfessions, describes a murder where Twitchell dismembers a body and
hides the remains. Twitchell admits that this is describing the killing of Altinger
and that he was the author of the document found. Most of the media promoting
the safe usage of online dating is directed towards women, but when looking at
news stories related to online dating gone wrong there are just as many attacks
on men as women. So, how easy is it to create a fake profile? To find this out, I
actually created a fake profile on Match.com. Using Gmail, I created an email
address under the name Chelsea Heisenberg. Just minutes after the email was
created, I went to Match.com and made a profile with the username,
“ChelseaH540”, and the password, “thisisfake.” I was not asked for my name,
address, or phone number. The only information needed from me was a few
facts about “Chelsea” and what she wanted in a partner. I then used Google
again to find an image to use for the profile picture. On the second page of safe
search results for “photo of a girl,” I found “Chelsea.” Within 24 hours, I received
an email that my photo and my profile had been approved, which honestly was
frightening. Through a simple Google image search, Match.com would have
found that “Chelsea” is not a 21-year-old woman from Murray, KY; she is a
married woman who runs a blog with over 11,000 followers. Within a week, the
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fake profile received 4 photo likes, 3 emails, and over 100 views from men living
in the Murray, KY area.
There are precautions men and women can take that will make using
online dating websites relatively safe. First of all, it is a good idea for a person to
investigate their date. It is abnormal in this time for someone to not have a
Facebook. Even companies ask questions if they cannot find an individuals
profile. Always meet someone in a public place. Never go to the home of a
stranger. Restaurants and movie theatres provide safety in numbers. It is also a
good idea for someone to let a friend know the details about a date. If something
is not going well, a friend can be an easy way out. Users of online dating should
always use their own vehicle. This will keep them in control of where they go.
Always remember, if it is too good to be true, it probably is. Users also need to be
aware of the money an online dating website can make off of their information.
Google developers have made a tool that will allow someone to see all of the
sites that have access to the information on that page. While viewing my fake
Match.com profile, 11 different data brokers (companies that sell the personal
information of others) were tracking my every move. This data can be sold to
companies who are looking for employees. There are laws that do not allow
companies to ask certain questions nor allow them hire a person based on race
or if they have children or not. Data brokers eliminate this problem for companies
by giving this kind of information before a potential employee even goes in for an
interview.
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Online dating websites are taking steps to protect their clients, but they
can always do more. With the implementation of using Google image search,
online dating websites could eliminate so many fraudulent profiles. Fortunately,
Match.com and others have created many documents explaining safe practices
of meeting people online. The creators of these online dating websites also need
to know how to avoid the legal issues that come with a high-risk site. Online
agreements need to be well drafted. It will protect the business and the
employees of that business. Security is also extremely important. Users of online
dating are sharing their most personal information and deserve to have that
information protected. In the end, developers need to understand what
consequences can come from the sites they are developing. The relationships
and marriages resulting from online dating is a wonderful thing, but the pain it
has caused others can also be morally devastating to those who have taken part
in creating these services.
As a past user of online dating websites, I feel that I can give a fair opinion
on the issue. Previously, it was mentioned that someone could go from being on
a date with a nurse to sitting in a theatre with a member of a motorcycle gang.
That experience was one of my own. I was able to go on dates with 7 different
men within a 2-month span. My mother wanted me to date around and with
school and work I figured online dating would be the best way to go about it and
in the end I believe it was. During this time I met a nurse, a soldier, the creator of
the local Willy Country music radio station, a speech pathologist, an engineer, a
technician who was in a metal band, and like I said; an insurance agent who was
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in a motorcycle gang. Luckily all of my matches were polite gentlemen and the
stories they shared were unforgettable. Although my experience was enjoyable, I
do wish that I had researched the potential dangers before I participated. There
are several of the precautions that I did not follow, which put me in an unsafe
situation. In the end, online dating is here to stay and will continue to grow. Many
people are finding that they can have just as personal of a relationship with
someone online as they could with someone in person. It is the responsibility of
those who operate online dating websites and those who know the dangers to
inform the users who could be at risk.
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References:

http://allwomenstalk.com/12-pros-and-cons-of-online-dating/9/

http://brainz.org/history-online-dating/

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-data-brokers-selling-your-personalinformation/

http://www.ctvnews.ca/date-turned-into-fight-for-life-man-tells-murder-trial1.626505

http://www.datingsitesreviews.com/staticpages/index.php?page=Online-DatingIndustry-Facts-Statistics

http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2013/02/21/online-dating-safety-tips-everywoman-should-know/#.U1B7kK1dXD4

http://www.firstamendment.com/site-articles/online-dating-checklist/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/26/dates-from-hell-online-datingserial-killer-video_n_1704550.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-spira/online-dating-vs-offline_b_4037867.html

http://www.match.com/registration/membagr.aspx?lid=4

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-love-doctor/201006/nine-key-tipsdating-online-safely-and-successfully
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http://www.skadate.com/blog/skadate-dating-software-online-dating-industryfacts-and-stats.html

http://www.statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics/

http://www.thecultureist.com/2013/05/09/how-many-people-use-the-internetmore-than-2-billion-infographic/

http://theweek.com/article/index/256506/how-online-dating-became-a-2billion-dollar-industry

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/06/03/online-datingmarriage/2377961/

http://visualeconomics.creditloan.com/a-business-of-love-online-dating-by-thenumbers/

http://www.vogue.com/culture/article/she-said-she-said-the-pros-and-cons-ofonline-dating/#1

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/arts-post/post/online-dating-is-itworth-it-share-your-stories/2012/02/07/gIQAaUKcwQ_blog.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Twitchell
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